I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites!

Chapter 35

'Is there another box left?' Kensi asked while she walked out of the bedroom. She and Deeks had been busy all day packing up all of their stuff. First task had been her own apartment, which had been quite a challenge, and now Deeks' apartment. And as they packed more and more, making the place emptier, it stated to become real. They really were packing up her and his life up and starting on their life. Deeks walked towards her and handed her another box.

'Only a few more left,' he said. 'Do you think it's going to fit? Or should I get more?' Kensi noticed a pained look on his face and she dragged him towards the couch.

'You should get some rest,' she told him. 'I will continue packing. After I get you something to drink and maybe some painkillers...' Deeks wanted to protest but Kensi stopped him. 'I can see that your ribs are hurting you, Deeks. Don't try to pretend that everything is alright when it's not. I can handle packing some boxes on my own.'

'Okay,' Deeks said. 'But could you leave the upper self in my closet?' Kensi nodded, understanding that he needed some stuff to pack on his own. She had done the same for her own place. Also neither of them had touched Narah's stuff. Somethings you needed to pack yourself to close that chapter. Kensi leaned towards him to give him a kiss.

'You could think about Christmas,' she told him. 'It's already in two days.' Deeks looked up at her. Christmas was in two days already? He had seen the Christmas trees and the Chrismas decoration everywhere but it was in two days already? He had forgotten about Christmas being so soon already, with all this planning to move into the new house; with all that had been going on. Kensi gave him a reassuring smile and Deeks nodded.

'Narah, I would like to talk about your parents, if that is okay with you,' Jordana said calmly but her tone alarmed Narah. Nervously she nodded, waiting for the questions that were coming and she did not want to answer. 'We have been seeing each other about two times in a week, for almost three weeks now and I noticed that you were always avoiding everything about your past. A past you clearly hated.' Narah looked down at her hands and took a deep breath.

'I remember a day we went to the park,' she started to tell and she noticed a shift in Jordana's posture. She actually seemed very interested. So Narah took another deep breath before she continued. 'All I can remember about that day is the laughter...it's my memory of being a family. We spent the entire day at the park, playing the games I wanted. My mother and father were still in love...I remember him stealing a kiss from my mother every once and a while. I remember a nice man taking our picture, a picture of a happy little family. I remember being thrown up high in the sky and not being afraid because my father would catch me...' Narah swallowed away the lump that was forming in her throat. She had pushed those memories away. Not allowing herself to think about the happy times or to miss her parents.

'Thank you for telling me about that memory,' Jordana said with a genuine smile. 'I think it's important for you to remember that there weren't only bad times with your parents. That there were also good moments, like the day in the park.'

'The bad times are easier to remember,' Narah noted. 'It makes it all hurt less. If it's just the bad times, it is okay...'

'Is it truly okay?' Jordana asked carefully. 'You end up with hate...no longer remembering that you were loved. That you loved...Your parents will always play a big part of your life, as they are part of you. Remembering only the hate and the awful will make you feel like you should be hated as well. Because you know they are a part of you. Don't you think?'

'I think remembering the good times makes their betrayal hurt more.'

Narah walked into Julia's house, followed by Agent Gomez of course, but the house was empty. She walked into the kitchen to get herself something to drink and she sat down, her chin resting on her head.

'Deeks and Kensi are packing up some of the stuff in Deeks' apartment,' Agent Gomez said and Narah nodded. She remembered Deeks telling her that they would do so. The agent sat down on a chair as well and they looked at each other.

'Are you going to join us with Christmas?' Narah asked and Agent Gomez looked surprised by her question. 'Or will you be with your own family?'

'I have a job to do,' Agent Gomez said. 'So I will be with you for Christmas.'

'Don't you want to be with your own family?' Narah asked and she was ready to be shut down by Agent Gomez but to her surprise the agent smiled at her.

'Right now I do not have a family to be with,' she said. 'So I will spend Christmas right here.' Narah nodded.

'I think I will go work on my homework now,' she said and she walked upstairs to her room. Luckily Agent Gomez started to understand that she didn't need to be less than six feet away from all the time so Narah had a little bit more privacy. She grabbed the notebook Jordana had given her out of her backpack and sighed. Jordana had asked to write down the happy memories about her parents. So she would remember them. But what if she didn't want to remember them? Why did Jordana push to remember why she loved her parents? Why wasn't it just okay to hate them?

Switching between three places all the time was exhausted, Deeks discovered as he sat down on his own couch. He took a moment to look at his rather empty apartment. His stuff had been replaced by boxes and more boxes, from Kensi's place, had been added to their boxes collection. They could pack everything without thinking because they were living at Julia's. So no need to leave out some plates and cutlery or chairs. No, everything could be packed. During packing they had the time to discuss the colors for the new house. They could think about the furniture they would need. A lot of their time consisted of thinking about their new house. It was a good thing he had this forced time off. But still Deeks felt that there was something off with Narah. She had not started packing or seemed as enthusiastic about moving as she had before.

It had been strange for himself as well. He was used to living in this apartment. Close to the beach and the park. He had lived here several years and it had become his place. Of course he was excited to be moving into a house with Kensi and Narah, their very own house, but still sometimes he thought about the time he had spent here.

Kensi stepped into Narah's bedroom, finding the girl sitting against her bed. When she stepped closer she saw her holding her book in her hands and tears were staining her face. Kensi sat down beside her and put her arm around her. She followed Narah's gaze and noticed the writing in the book. Her father's words for his daughter.

'Did you ever hate your father?' Narah whispered softly and Kensi sighed.

'Yes, I did,' she answered honestly and the teenager looked up at her. 'As much as I loved him, there were times I hated him. Like when the day he told me I could not go to the cinema with my friends. I hated him a lot in that moment because I didn't think it was fair I wasn't allowed to go and my friends could go.' Kensi had to fight her own tears now.

'But the hate didn't last?' Narah asked, sounding confused, and Kensi shook her head.

'I simply ignored him and snuck out of the house,' she said and Narah smiled a little. 'And I knew that I would only hate him that evening. The next morning he would tell me he loved me and I knew I loved him too. Sometimes it's okay to hate your parents.'

'Did he tell you he loved you the next morning?' Narah asked carefully and Kensi fell silent, looking at Narah, who was looking at her waiting for the answer. She began to stroke the girl's hair.

'He died that night,' she told her. Narah looked shocked at her and Kensi smiled weakly at her, telling her that it was okay.

'I'm sorry,' Narah mumbled and Kensi pulled her into a hug.

'It's okay, sweetie,' she assured her. 'You shouldn't feel sorry about asking...but why did you ask if I ever hated my father?'

'I know you had a good relationship with him...And I was just wondered if you also hated your father...'

'Did you discuss this during one of your sessions with doctor Beckman? Like in today's session?'

'She asked me why I held on to the bad memories of my parents and not the few good ones we had...' When Kensi looked questioningly, Narah continued. 'It's easier to remember the bad so that I understand why they left me...why they hated me...' The teenager began to cry again and Kensi held her tight.

'They didn't hate you,' she whispered in her ear. 'They just didn't know how to deal with you. But they didn't hate you.' After Narah cried for several minutes in Kensi's arms, she looked up again.

'Do you still have Alice's phone number?' she asked softly and Kensi nodded.

'Deeks, Narah is going to speak with Alice again,' Kensi told Deeks when he walked into the living room. He looked confused so Kensi continued as he sat down. 'She asked me for her phone number...should we be there during that moment...or should we give her space...why would she want to speak with her, now?'

'Umm...I think we should give her some space concerning this,' Deeks told her, 'seeing how our involvement went last time she saw her mother.'

'Well not the second time she saw her mother...when you were undercover,' Kensi said. 'She made it pretty clear that she didn't want any contact anymore. She was upset after leaving, but not about her decision to never to see her mother...so why would she want to see her? Would...would she have doubts?' Deeks pulled her towards her and kissed her.

'She will not have doubts,' he assured her. 'But not wanting to see your mother one moment, might not go for the rest of your life. Narah has been in therapy...maybe it made her want to see her mother again. Or doctor Beckman suggested it. We can always ask her why she wants to see her mother.' Kensi nodded.

'She did say that doctor Beckman asked why she only held onto the bad memories,' Kensi asked and she took a deep breath. 'Having a teenager brings a lot of worries along.' Deeks chuckled and he stroked her cheek.

'It sure does,' he replied. 'But Narah is a good girl, not a lot to worry about.'

'Beside those few times she went to see a drugs dealer or broke into a gym,' Kensi noted. 'Or besides the fact that a gang is hunting for her because she tried to do what's right...besides that there is not much to worry about.'

'It will be okay,' Deeks told her. 'And she had a relatable reason to visit that drugs dealer...and broke into a gym?' Kensi couldn't help to smile a little.

'She and her friends went to the old gym to play some basketball,' she told him. 'And in her words it was alright because they didn't destroy anything. They were just playing basketball and hanging out...she looked really happy that evening.'

'See, also a relatable reason,' Deeks told her. 'And she won't do it again. She is a changed girl from when we first met her.' Kensi nodded in agreement.

TBC.