Hello and welcome to the very long awaited chapter 4 of "Ed Space". Why is it long awaited you ask? Because I procrastinate... but I have finally got some inspiration for this story and ready to deliver the chapter I promised you long ago. Now that that's out of the way, let's discuss chapter 3. As you no doubt don't recall, when we left our heroes Ed had stocked up on weapons and had even donned a fancy new Intermediate Engineer RIG and was ready to set out in search of science equipment to dissect the slicer he had earlier caught while Double D and Eddy would offer... moral support... anyway enough of what you have already read and onto some new material, namely the chapter known as
Chapter 3
Scientific Testing
"Walk through corridor, walk through corridor, walk through corridor" Ed muttered mindlessly to himself as he did what he described "Guys?"
"Yes, Ed?" Double-D, who was using the school's security system to monitor Ed and the school's PA system to talk to Ed, asked
"I forget what we're doing" Ed laughed
"Really, lumpy?" Eddy asked impatiently "You're going to get some science stuff from that jerk class room so that Sockhead can figure out just what exactly it is, got it?"
"Oh... nope, my brain stopped" Ed replied
"Like it ever started" Eddy muttered angrily
"Ed, it's the room where you tried to use Plank as a diving board to jump into the sink" Double D explained patiently
"Oh yeah, that was fun" Ed laughed "I'll go there then"
So Ed made his way towards science room 3A, but of course, it wasn't going to be that easy
"Cool, it's a Jumper" Ed exclaimed as the Necromorph
The Necromorph to which Ed referred crawled along the floor like a snake, it had a relatively normal upper half, once you got past the rotten flesh, claw like hands and exposed spine, but it's lower half was a completely different story, the legs, which had been completely stripped of their flesh, had fused to form a strange tail like appendage, a rather sharp appendage, a rather sharp appendage that was currently heading towards Ed's head
"It's like the human scorpion from "My friend's cousin's friend's hairdresser's chauffeur was a human scorpion" the miniseries" Ed laughed as he grabbed the creature's tail and picked it up "Aw, it's drooling?"
"Ed don't just stand there, kill it" Eddy shouted
"You mean like how they did in "My friend's cousin's haidre-" Ed began to ask
"I don't know, just kill it" Eddy interrupted
"Okey dokey smokey pokey...mon" Ed replied as he stepped on the Jumper's arm and pulled on its tail, removing the tail and severely damaging the Jumper's torso "Should I bring the Jumper back for Double-D?" Ed asked as he held up the even more disgusting than usual Jumper to a nearby CCTV camera
"I... I think I'm going to be sick" Double-D gasped
"Not over me you're not" Eddy argued "Just leave the thing there Ed, the first one you brought smelt worse than that hunk of cheese Sheldon, we don't need another one"
"Nobody smells worse than Sheldon" Ed argued "Cause I fermented him in a pickled fish"
"Whatever, bring the thing, don't bring the thing, I don't care" Eddy snapped
"Okay" Ed replied as he put the pieces of the Jumper in to the thingamajig and continued making his way to the science room
"What if this isn't actually real and we're really just some kind of fan created piece of fiction based upon a Canadian children's TV show?" Ed asked to no one in particular as he finally reached the science room
"Ed, we've been over this, we are a piece of fan created fiction based upon a Canadian children's TV show" Double-D replied
"Canadian's are weird" Ed laughed as he opened the door and entered the room, unaware that what he was about to see was even weirder than even the most weird of Canadian's
Whole sections of the science room were covered in a strange flesh like material, it was blood red and smelled like vomit, its texture was slippery and squishy, the most peculiar thing about the substance though was that it seemed to pulsate, slowly but surely, as if it were breathing, as if it were alive. On the teacher's desk, which was partly covered in the strange material sat several beakers, some scalpels, a Bunsen burner, a few bottles of various acids and bases, some Petri dishes, a microscope and, strangely, a tape recorder
"Ed, are you in there?" Double-D asked
"Yeah, can't you see me Double-D?" Ed asked
"No Ed, the camera seems to be covered by some strange red biomass" Double D replied "Unfortunately this means we have no visual in this room"
"That's probably because of the Infection, it grows wherever Necromorph lives" Ed explained "It's like the red weed from War of the worlds, except the infection didn't star in a movie featuring Tom Cruise"
"I see, could you possibly collect a sample of it for me?" Double-D asked
"Sure can" Ed replied as he picked up run of the Petri dishes and a scalpel from the table and used it to scrape some of the Infection into the Petri dish, he then put the Petri dish containing the Infection, the scalpel and the other pieces of equipment from the table, except the tape recorder, into the thingamajig
"Ed I-I th-think taking that sa-sample may have al-alerted the Necromorphs to your pr-presence" Double-D stuttered nervously
"Why?" Ed asked
"Because about twelve of them are on their way to you" Eddy shouted frantically "Run monobrow run"
"I'm not in my happy place guys" Ed shouted as he picked up the tape recorder and ran out of the room, only to be greeted by the twelve Necromorphs Eddy had warned him about "This is even worse than when Sarah tells mom that I spilled gravy on the rug and then mom tells dad and then dad says "not now, I'm trying to watch the civil war re-enactment on TV" and then I get grounded and then my parents take the stairs away because I'm grounded"
"Ed, use my brother's Armenian secret hot sauce" Eddy shouted
"Oh yeah" Ed replied as he pulled one of the Canadian squirt guns and filled them with the sulphuric acid like sauce "Prepare to taste taco topping undead horde of the abyss"
Fortunately for Ed, the Necromorphs rotting flesh left them highly vulnerable to the sizzling sauce, so vulnerable that it actually melted their flesh, it was also fortunate that the Necromorphs were grouped close together as this allowed Ed to kill them all using only one of his five hot sauce shots, it was unfortunate however that one Necromorph had snuck up behind him
"Ed, behind you" Double-D shouted
"Yip kiyru" Ed shouted as he reached into the thingamajig, pulled out the tail of the Jumper he had killed previously and used it to cut off the head of the Necromorph that was about to attack him "Don't worry Double-D I got him... now what?"
"Now you can come back to the principal's office" Double-D replied
"Oh okay" Ed laughed as he ran back to the principal's office with the science supplies and necrotic flesh in tow
"Just give me a couple of minutes and I should be able to discern what exactly produced these malodorous monsters" Double-D explained as he set up the various pieces of science equipment on the principal's table, next to the principal's table was another table on which sat the slicer Ed had killed, what was left of the Jumper Ed had killed and the Infection sample Ed had collected "Now just add a base to the hydrogen and add a sample of the Infection... now just use some universal indicator and..." Double-D trailed off
"You did pretty well out there Ed" Eddy praised
"It was just like that scene from 'My friends are now mutant milkmen" in which the hero Zane destroys the milkmen using their one weakness... milk" Ed laughed
"Sure it was" Eddy laughed unsurely
"Oh yeah, on 's desk I found these" Ed exclaimed as he pulled out a handful of quarters
"Quarters!" Eddy shouted happily "With all these quarters we can buy a mountain of jawbreakers"
"Far be it from me to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid your acquisition of delectable treats will have to wait" Double-D sighed "It seems the results are inconclusive... perhaps if I had some of the equipment from Professor Mercer's room I'd be able to carry out a more in-depth study"
"I'll go get the stuff then" Ed declared as he handed the quarters to Eddy
"No Ed, you've already done your part, allow me to do this... somehow" Double-D argued
"No can do buckaroo, I have a RIG so I'm safe, you don't so you'll be destroyed by the Necromorphs, so I should go" Ed countered
"If you insist" Double-D sighed "I must be able to help in some way though"
"You did help using the CCTVWXYZ camera" Ed pointed out
"I supposed" Double-D half-heartedly agreed "But if you can find another RIG, bring it here so either Eddy or myself can use it"
"I'm not going out there" Eddy shouted "I want to survive, that way I can buy jawbreakers"
"Eddy" Double-D complained "Anyway, Professor Mercer's room is down one floor and five rooms to the right"
"Okey dokey, I'll go there" Ed laughed "And I'll also go the Sci-Fi club room"
"Why?" Eddy asked as he clutched his precious quarters
"Because they have a RIG there as well" Ed replied "I know because I spilt a drink on it then they... then they... then they kicked me out of the Sci-Fi club... they are so cruel"
"It's okay Ed" Double-D consoled "But you should definitely get that RIG so that we can help you"
"Off I go then" Ed shouted as he walked out of the principal's office and made his way downstairs, unaware of what awaited him
And there you have the most recent chapter of 'Ed Space' and as I promised it was in fact longer than the last chapter. Well, see you in about three years... but seriously, I hope to have the new chapter up by the end of this week, so see you then. Ciao, Sayonara, goodbye and don't forget to review.