I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites!

I'm becoming just like NCIS:LA on TV. I'm sorry to tell you but this week is another exam week and then I'm going to Malta for two weeks. I might be able to update, but can't promise anything. So we will have to wait and see...

Chapter 41

Narah could feel Jordana's eyes on her, waiting for her to start speaking, but Narah didn't know where to start. So they sat there, after exchanging their normal greeting and chit chat. Jordana was watching her and Narah was doing her best to avoid her shrink's' gaze

'You do realize you have to talk to solve your problem that is weighting down on you?' Jordana then said and Narah glanced up. Jordana watched her with calm eyes. Eyes Narah had come to know very well after all the time spent with her. Jordana was always kind and patiently waited till Narah was ready to talk. She knew she could tell Jordana everything, but this time it felt different. It felt strange and not right, on this particular day. It was not something Jordana - or anyone - could fix by saying some words. It was something that confused Narah, this time around. And for that she blamed Jordana and her talk of needing to remember. Not remembering was clearly better. But Narah sighed, giving in, and she spoke

'I don't know what to call Deeks and Kensi anymore,' she admitted ashamed to Jordana. 'They are not my parents, because I already have those, and they are no longer my foster parents, because they adopted me. So...I..I...I don't know what to call them.' Jordana slowly nodded and wrote something down in her notebook, that was resting on her lap like always. Narah tried to focus on the writing, trying to decipher what she was writing down.

'What you're feeling is relatively normal for children who get adopted,' Jordana told her. 'And yes, they are not your parents. You already have a father and a mother...but I was once told the difference between a father and a dad; the difference between a mother and a mom. Have you ever heard about it?' Narah shook her head. 'Well, every child has a father and a mother. They give the genes and make the child. A child is bound to their mother and father by blood. But there is also a bound by love. That bound is what makes their father their dad and their mother their mom. The person who told me this said she was born because of her father and mother but adopted by her dad and mom.' A bound by love...and a bound by blood. Narah had to take a moment to take it in. To see if she understood it all. Would that mean Deeks and Kensi are her dad and mom?

'But if Deeks and Kensi are my dad and mom...does that mean...' she glanced down at her hands, uncomfortable with the words she was about to speak. Without understanding the cause of discomfort. '...does that mean I do not love my parents?'

'Do you love your parents?' Jordana asked instead of giving an answer. After a moment of consideration, Narah nodded. 'And do you love Deeks and Kensi?' Again Narah nodded, with less hesitation this time. Jordana smiled. 'You just answered your own question. You can love more parents in a lifetime than just the one you received at your birth. And I don't think your biological parents will feel bad if you started to love your adoptive parents. I think they would be relieved to see you happy, don't you think?' Narah felt that her lip began to tremble and she felt the familiar sting in her eyes.

'But why couldn't they be happy with just me?' she asked and mid-sentence her voice broke.

Deeks wiped the sweat and dust from his forehead. They had managed to find Mike Roofer but they only got to disarm one of the bombs. For the other bomb all they could do was evacuate the building. In that they had succeeded. It was only the building that had gotten blown up. They had manage to evacuate everyone in time. No deaths and no injuries.

'Gentlemen, congratulations are in order I believe,' Hetty said when he, Callen and Sam walked back into the bullpen. 'You stopped a dangerous man and kept the people safe. Well done. Go home.'

'No paperwork?' Deeks asked surprised and after the words left his mouth, he got irritated looks from Callen and Sam. He felt like the kid who had reminded the teacher they had homework.

'The paperwork can wait till tomorrow,' Hetty told them with a smile.

'Sounds good to me,' Callen said. 'Anyone up for a beer?'

'Sorry, Michelle is expecting me for dinner,' Sam said while he was gathering his stuff. 'Something about needing to spend time as a family.' Callen glanced at Deeks, who shook his head.

'Sorry, tough day for Narah, so I'm needed at home,' he said. 'Plus Kensi probably wants to know what happened with the case.' Callen sighed.

'That's what you get, G,' Sam smiled. 'When you don't have a girlfriend. I shall ask Michelle if she might know someone...or you come with me. The kids would probably love to see uncle G again.'

'Thanks but no thanks,' Callen answered. 'I just want to get a beer and not become a princess.' Deeks and Sam both laughed.

'You were a very pretty princess,' Sam admitted.

'Please tell me that you have pictures,' Deeks said to Sam, who shook his head still laughing. 'Okay, I have to go. See you guys tomorrow.'

'She is still upstairs?' Deeks asked when he walked through the door and saw Kensi sitting alone on the couch. Kensi nodded. 'Did she come down at one point.'

'Ehm, when it was time to go to therapy,' she answered. 'And when we got home she went back upstairs, even faster than in the afternoon. Something might have happened during the session, but Narah isn't talking about it.'

'Well, maybe we should try and talk to her...' Deeks suggested while he sat down. Monty came walking towards him and Deeks patted him. 'Hello boy, aren't you supposed to be with your new best friend? Cheer her up a little bit?'

'She took the house phone upstairs,' Kensi said. 'So she probably is talking to Ivan...which might be the best thing for now. I..ahh..wouldn't know how to talk to her now.' Deeks calmly watched her while stroking Monty's fur.

'The day is similar,' Deeks told her and Kensi averted her eyes. He squeezed her hand with his free hand and gave her a kiss.

'Maybe I should go upstairs and talk to her,' she mumbled and he nodded. He gave her another kiss and she walked towards the stairs. The door to Narah's room was closed and she knocked on it. Silence. She knocked again and entered. Narah was lying on the bed, with her back to the door.

'I would like to have moment alone,' Narah mumbled and Kensi could hear that the girl was trying to hold her tears back. She took a deep breath. This might be hard for her, but right now, it was even hard for Narah. So she walked to bed and laid down.

'And I just want to lie here for a moment,' she said softly. She carefully placed a hand on Narah's shoulder, but Narah shrugged it off. Kensi turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling, waiting till Narah was ready to say something. She heard the soft sobs coming from the teenager but this time she left it alone. She was already next to her. Narah would tell her when she needed the comfort. After a while Kensi heard Narah mumble something and she turned to her side to face her.

'What did you say?' she asked softly and Narah turned to her side as well, with tears rolling over her cheeks.

'Why does everyone always leave?' she whispered and Kensi's heart sank.

'Oh, sweetie,' she said and she wiped away some of the tears. 'Sometimes people leave, even though they don't want to. And sometimes...sometimes it's for the best to leave, even if you can't see it right that moment.' Narah stared at her with watery eyes.

'It's the anniversary of my father's death,' Narah whispered and Kensi stroked her hair.

'I know,' she whispered and Narah broke out into new tears. She pulled the girl in a tight hug and placed a kiss on top of her head. 'I know, sweetie.'

Deeks wasn't happy with himself for sending Kensi up, instead of going himself. But what did he know about fathers? He only had the crappy one and he couldn't really say he was sad about never being able to see his father. He was glad to be rid of the guy. For Narah it seemed different. It seemed like she was having a more difficult time with her father's death. So that was more something Kensi could handle. But he was Narah's father now. He should be able to go in and console his daughter. He should shove his own feelings about fathers away and listen to her feelings. Dry her tears. Tell her it's okay. Tell her she is not alone in this. Instead he was standing in the kitchen, attempting to make dinner, while listening for sounds from upstairs. But it stayed very quiet. He turned to Monty, who was lying on the kitchen floor.

'Should I go to them, boy?' he asked the dog. Monty lifted his head right away. 'Should we check up on Kensi and Narah?' Monty got up and walked to stairs, waiting patiently for his master to follow. Deeks nodded. That was good enough for an answered. He turned the stove off and walked upstairs, followed by the dog. At Narah's door he waited and listened for any sounds. But it was quiet. He opened the door a little and looked in the room. Narah was lying in Kensi's arms and both of them were asleep.

'Seems like we missed some heart to heart, Monty,' he whispered when he saw the dried tears on both of their faces. Monty climbed on the bed and laid down at Narah's feet. He watched his family for awhile and then kissed both of his girls, before returning downstairs again. He might not be the best feeling-guy, but he could cook for them and feed them once they woke up. Divide and conquer is what they call it, right?

Deeks had not slept well that night so around 6 a.m. he had given up on sleep and walked downstairs. He positioned himself on the couch with the early morning news on the background. He hoped that at least Kensi and Narah had a better night. They hadn't come back down for dinner, so Deeks had eaten it alone and he had put the leftovers in the fridge. Leftover Carbonara didn't even sound so bad right now. Was it something you could eat for breakfast? Dinner for breakfast was a thing right?

'Deeks?' Narah's voice softly sounded and he was pulled out of his thoughts. He got up and walked to the kitchen where he saw Narah coming down the stairs. He smiled at her and when she was downstairs he gave a hug.

'Are you okay?' he asked and Narah nodded against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. 'Is Kensi still sleeping?'

'She kind of took over the bed,' Narah answered and both started to smile.

'Of course she did,' Deeks said. 'She is like a sea star; covering all of the bed. What about my dog? Is he kicked out yet?' Narah shrugged. 'Okay, do you want breakfast...or shall we just sit on the couch for a while?'

'I know something else we could do,' Narah smiled and Deeks started to laugh. He turned the TV off and put on the radio. Narah handed him his phone and he contacted it to the radio.

'Only...where did we put the headsets?' he asked and they glanced around. 'They should be somewhere here...I know I placed them in the living room.' Narah pulled the headsets out of an abandoned moving box with a big smile. 'Yeah, we meant to unpack that one...' She threw him one of the headsets and put the other one on.

'You can press play,' she told him and Deeks press play. The first keys of I will rock you sounded through the headset and soon both Deeks and Narah were dancing and singing along.

'Had been a while since we done that,' Deeks panted when he and Narah were lying on the couch, resting from their intense dance workout. Narah simply nodded, but Deeks could see the smile on her face. He liked seeing her smile. 'We should do this every day...or at least in the weekends.'

'Kensi should do this with us,' she said.

'Then we need to tell her first,' he said and Narah shook her head.

'When you were undercover...Kensi walked in on me dancing and jumping on the couch,' she told him. 'Probably because I didn't bother to get the headset so the music was on loud and I was singing along.'

'How pissed was she?' Deeks asked smiling, imagining Kensi waking up to that.

'Not pissed at all,' she answered. 'She even went along with it. Could have been because it wasn't six a.m. but twelve o'clock.'

'Oh that is nice,' Deeks smiled. 'We should get Kensi involved as well. So that means we got a family date for this Saturday around twelve.' Narah sighed contently and she closed her eyes. They enjoyed their company in silence. Deeks watched Narah as she kept her eyes closed and he wondered if she had fallen back asleep. Just when he wanted to check, she opened her eyes.

'Deeks...could you call Jordana...doctor Beckman?' she asked him, not looking directly at him. Deeks raised his eyebrows.

'Sure I can,' he answered. 'Something on your mind?' Narah shrugged.

'There is something I want to show her,' she answered. 'Do you think she will come with me if I want to go to a place?' Deeks sat up straight and looked at Narah.

'If you talk too secretive, I get worried,' he warned her. 'Where do you want to take doctor Beckman?' Narah started to play with her hands and mumbled something Deeks couldn't hear. 'Could you look at me and repeat that?' Narah took a deep breath and looked up. 'I want to go to...umm...my parents' apartment,' she repeated. 'We...umm...talked a little about it...since yesterday was...umm...you know...and I think I'm ready to talk a little bit more about it...with Jordana...' Deeks nodded understanding, though he felt disappointed that she wanted to talk about it with her shrink, and not with him or Kensi. He was disappointed in himself because that could mean she didn't trust them enough to tell her story.

'I will call her as soon as her practice opens,' he said. 'But you can't expect her to come right away. It might take some time for her to be able to come.' Narah nodded. Deeks nodded as well and he took her hand. 'I'm proud of you that you're willing to do this.' She began to smile while her under lip began to tremble. Deeks pulled her in a hug. He knew where the emotions were coming from. A kid like Narah wasn't told often that someone was proud of her.

Jordana actually had time at the end of her work day. She was happy that Narah was willing to talk so she was going to make all the time Narah needed. They had agreed to meet at the practice. So Narah was nervously waiting for her shrink to arrive. Deeks and Kensi were standing close to her. One part of her wanted them to be there as well but another part wanted them to stay far away. And to this moment she hadn't decided yet which side was winning. Last time they been to the old apartment, they had heard a little bit of her story there. They had heard the end. But Narah was now ready to tell the start of the end.

'Sorry I'm late,' Jordana said when she walked out of the building. She quickly shook everyone's hand. 'I still had some paperwork to do...but I'm ready now.'

'We know all about paperwork,' Deeks answered. Narah looked at Deeks and Kensi, who were a little uncomfortable with Jordana. She knew they both didn't like shrinks. Thought it would probably be a good thing for both of them to talk with one. She knew both of them had issues.

'Are you still ready to go?' Jordana asked and Narah nodded. 'I want you to know that we can stop at any moment. Even if that moment is when we have arrived at the apartment. If you say stop, we will stop and turn around. We're doing this at your pace.' Narah nodded again.

'Do you want us to come, or...?' Kensi asked.

'Umm...' Narah hesitated.

'Maybe they can come to the apartment but they don't go inside,' Jordana suggested. Narah looked at Deeks and Kensi, who were waiting for her answer.

'Are you okay with just coming along till the apartment?' she asked them.

'Of course, Narah,' Kensi told her. 'We're going with you till you say we can't go any further. But we would prefer to go till the door...you know, just in case.' Narah nodded.

To their luck, the apartment had been empty and the landlord was willing to give the key to the apartment, with some convincing of Deeks' badge. Narah felt her hands shake when she stood in front of her old front door. When she closed her eyes, she was back at being seven years old. Deeks gave her shoulder a squeeze and Kensi stroked her hair.

'Are you ready, Narah?' Jordana asked gently and she handed Narah the key. Narah took a deep breath and opened the door. She glanced over her shoulder at Deeks and Kensi, who gave her an encouraging nod. With their encouragement in her mind, Narah stepped inside. It was more empty than when she lived her, but it was still as crappy as she remembered. When she saw the couch against the wall, she had to take a deep breath.

'Daddy, I have to go to school!' The little girl shook the arm of her daddy, who was lying on the couch. 'Come daddy! Mommy told me you had to bring me!' She shook the arm again but still nothing was happening. She ran as fast as her legs could to the kitchen and held a dish towel under the tab like she had seen her mommy do. He had to wake up. She had to be on time for school. They were going to paint. Running back, the little girl dropped the towel on her daddy's face. Again nothing happened. It always worked with mommy.

'Daddy!' the little girl screamed and this time she yanked his arm. She hit his chest. Then she saw the big scary needle in his arm.

'Daddy?' she whispered and tears were falling from her eyes. She tried to remember what her mommy always did but she couldn't remember. She glanced at the door, wanting to go to the nice lady living at number 11. The nice lady would know how to wake up her daddy. But her mommy had told her many times not to leave the apartment without a big person...and there was no big person. So the girl sat down on the floor, in front of the couch, waiting for her mommy to come home from work.

'I waited eight hours,' Narah finished sobbing. 'My mother came home after her day of work, finding me there, still on the floor, with my father dead on the couch. She had lifted me up and had held me tightly. It's the only time I remember her hugging me at that age. Half an hour later the paramedics had taken my father away and it was just me and my mother.' Jordana slowly nodded and looked around in the apartment.

'That must have been really scary and hard to deal with,' she said. 'Finding your father like that and having to wait for so long.'

'I had seen him high before,' Narah replied. 'The only difference this time was that he had been too eager and took too much...enough to die. The scariest thing was having my mother coming in. I was sure she would yell at me for not remembering what to do.'

'You were only seven,' Jordana said. 'It is reasonable for a seven-year-old not to know what to do when her father has taken an overdose and she is home alone...'

'She wasn't mad,' Narah told her, actually feeling the need to defend Alice. 'She took me in her arms and told me I had done nothing wrong. She actually told me she loved me...but not enough to stay around because six months later I was once again waiting for my mother to return home. Only this time she didn't come home and I kept waiting.' Jordana placed her hand on Narah's shoulder.

'You know, Deeks and Kensi won't leave you waiting,' she said carefully and Narah slowly nodded. She knew that. Deeks and Kensi weren't like her parents. They had chosen Narah. Her parents had no choice. She had just been a stupid mistake of two teenagers.

'I have an idea which could help,' Jordana said and Narah looked up. 'You might be uncomfortable with it but I think it might help you in the end..'

'What is it?'

'It might be good to talk to Alice again,' she said and Narah looked shocked at her. 'During one of the sessions, in a controlled environment; controlled by you. We have had quite a few sessions now and questions have come up. Questions that make me think it could be good to meet her again. Plus I think it would be good for you to have something good beside the bad memories...but only if you want to.' Narah took a moment to think about it and then she nodded.

TBC.