Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent
Tris POV
After Chemistry, Christina, Four, and I walk into the lunchroom. They lead me over to a table near the middle of the room, where people are already sitting. I recognize Marlene and Shauna, but the rest are strangers to me.
"Hello everyone, this is Tris," Christina introduces me. Going around the table, people say their names. Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Lynn, Marlene, and Will.
They all seem friendly, which relieves me immensely.
I grab an apple from the lunch line, and make my way back to the table. I sit down at the only empty seat, on the end next to Christina, and across from Four. "So Tris," Zeke says, "You're new here?" I nod, and Zeke looks at Four. That's odd.
They all start talking about classes and their summer, but I'm mostly just listening while eating my apple. I've never been one to heavily contribute to such conversations.
I mostly just sit there, thinking. I can't get my mind off of Four for some reason, when our hands touched. It's a shame.
I am snapped back to reality when Uriah says, "Tris."
"Yes?" I say.
"Tell us about yourself," Uriah says. He's just trying to be friendly, I can tell. They probably don't really care.
I simply shrug, and say, "There's not much to tell."
"I don't believe that," Four says, suddenly interested for some reason. He hadn't participated in the conversation earlier either, although he doesn't strike me as particularly shy. Just mysterious.
"I-I…" I start. What do they want to know? I honestly have no clue.
"What's your favorite color?" Four asks me. He must pick up that I am at a loss for what to say.
I smile, and say, "Black." I'm not goth, but I do like the color black. It's calming.
"Me too," Four says, smiling.
The exchange doesn't go further than that, and everyone begins talking as they were before. I start to feel comfortable around these people, I could see myself calling them friends.
That is until I get up and throw away the core of my apple. When I sit back down, Christina asks me, "Is that all you're eating, Tris?"
The question automatically makes me uncomfortable. I didn't notice until now that everyone else had a full meal, even cake.
"Yes," I mutter, and then look down, hopefully Christina can tell that I don't want to continue the conversation. I'm not particularly embarrassed or ashamed by the simple question, but it's not something I want to talk about.
"Are you sure you don't want some cake?" Christina asks. She obviously couldn't tell that I didn't want to talk about it. I shake my head, and then get up and leave the cafeteria.
I can't do it. I told myself to be strong, that the past doesn't matter, but it does. And I'm trying, I really am trying, but it's only the first day and I already feel uncomfortable around my "friends."
I don't know where to go, but I can't stay here. Not in the cafeteria, not in the school, I have to get out. I can't go home, my parents will notice I'm home early. I can't really drive anywhere, they'll be able to tell I went somewhere because of the gas. I have to stay on campus, then, so I go to the stadium.
The stadium at this school has a football field with a track around it, then a large set of bleachers. I sit down on the first row, and bury my face in my hands. I can't cry, but I really want to, but I can't, so I just sit there with my thoughts.
They can't know, I just met them and I don't want them to think differently of me. I want to be normal, but I know I'm not. And I hate it. I hate what happened, I hate my past, but no matter where I go I can't escape it. I thought going to a new school would help, but it's the first day and they're already asking questions. What will they think of me when they find out?
I suddenly hear a voice. "Hey," it says.
I look up and see Four, and am surprised. I hadn't even known he was following me, I don't know how long he had been standing there.
He sits down beside me, and just looks at me. His eyes, his deep blue beautiful eyes are looking at me for an answer. But I just met him, I can't tell him, I had already decided. But something in my mind is telling me that he is different, that he deserves to know.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say," I say, not knowing how else to respond to his presence.
"You don't have to say anything," Four says, "You don't have to explain anything to me if you're not comfortable with it."
"You deserve an explanation, though," I say. But I don't want to tell him.
"Christina says that she's sorry, she didn't mean to make you upset," he says.
"It's not her fault, it's mine. I'm the one who's messed up," I say. I bury my face into his shoulder, and he wraps his arm around me. I don't think much of the gesture, he's just trying to comfort me.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Tris," Four says. For a second, I believe him.
"You don't even realize how amazing you are," he continues. The comment takes me aback; what is he trying to say? Christina can't be right, he can't like me.
"We probably should get to class," I say, changing the subject.
"Lunch is already over, 7th period has already started," Four says, "So we could either be really late, or skip."
"I'm liking the latter option," I say.
So we do. We stay there, my head on my shoulder, his arm around me, and I start to think that things could maybe be normal here.
Four POV
Chemistry ends, and Christina, Tris, and I walk to the lunchroom. We go to our usual table near the middle of the room. We are the last ones to arrive, everyone else in our group is already there.
"Hello everyone, this is Tris," Christina says. Everyone introduces himself or herself, and then Tris goes to the lunch line. I packed a lunch today, so I just sit down at the end of the table as usual. What isn't usual is that everyone is staring at me.
"What?" I say.
"Is that her?" Zeke asks me.
"She's the new girl," I say, trying not to make it sound like a big deal.
"So…" Zeke says.
"So…?" I'm confused where he's going with this.
"You've been staring at her this whole time," Zeke says.
"She's an interesting person," I say, defending myself.
"You were staring at her for all of first period, and you couldn't stop smiling when you were sitting next to her in Chemistry," Christina says.
"I told you Four, it's so obvious," Shauna says. I shrug in response.
"You should talk to her, get to know her," Zeke says.
"Thanks for the advice," I mutter. Of course I want to talk to her, to get to know her.
"Do you want to switch seats? So you can sit next to Tris?" Christina asks me.
"That's alright," I say. I do want to sit next to her, but I don't want Christina to move. Tris should be able to sit next to her friend.
Tris comes back, and sits down with an apple. "So Tris," Zeke says, "You're new here?" Why would he ask that? He already knew. She nods, and Zeke looks at me. It's like he's trying to give me some sort of signal.
People begin taking as normal, the latest happenings around school as well as telling of summer vacations and such. I've always avoided participation in these conversations, for the sole reason that they just don't interest me. Tris doesn't say anything either. I try not to stare at her for all of lunch.
I am aware, though, of Zeke and Uriah. They spend the entire time trying to tell me something, but I don't know what it is. I know it is most likely about Tris, but what do they want me to do?
"Tris," Uriah speaks up, "Tell us about yourself." Oh, they wanted me to talk to her here. I wanted to talk to her alone.
She shrugs, and says, "There's not much to tell." She really does like to remain mysterious. Kind of like me.
Uriah looks at me, and I know that I need to say something. "I don't believe that," I say.
"I-I…" she says, not knowing what to talk about.
"What's your favorite color?" I ask. A simple question, I know, but you can tell a lot about a person from their answer.
"Black," she says, smiling. I love her smile.
"Me too," I say, returning the smile. We aren't really that different.
I want to say something else to her, ask her more about herself, but now just isn't the time. I give Zeke a look, and he nods. Normal conversation resumes.
Tris gets up to throw away her apple core, and when she sits back down, Christina asks her, "Is that all you're eating, Tris?" I don't think much of it, she must be nervous and not have an appetite. I know we have gym together after lunch, maybe she doesn't want to get sick.
I'm not really that surprised when she says, "Yes."
But Christina persists, "Are you sure that you don't want some cake?" The cake here is good, but I wish Christina would leave her alone. If she wanted more food, she would've gotten it from the lunch line.
I just expected her to politely say no, not shake her head and leave the cafeteria. "What did I do?" Christina asks, shocked.
"I don't know," Uriah says, just as clueless.
I need to talk to her, I need to be with her. She is upset for some reason, I know I need to be there for her.
I get up to follow her, and Christina says, "Tell her I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make her upset." I'm mad at Christina for making her leave like this, but I nod, and then leave the cafeteria.
Tris is the only other person in the hallway, so she isn't hard to spot. I am a good distance behind her, though, she probably doesn't know I'm here.
She turns through hallways until she gets to a door. Where is she going? I can't let her go home, she can't skip the rest of the day.
But she doesn't try to. I see Tris walk to the stadium, and sit down on the bleachers as I walk through the entrance.
"Hey," I say as I walk up to her. Tris removes her head from her hands and looks up at me. She doesn't respond.
I'm not sure what else to say. I've never really been the type of person that is good at making people feel better. So I simply sit down next to her, and look at her. I try to speak with my eyes. Are you okay? What happened back there?
"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say," Tris says. I realize she doesn't want to tell me what's bothering her. A part of me is hurt, but I understand. I only met her this morning.
"You don't have to say anything," I say, "You don't have to explain anything to me if you're not comfortable with it."
"You deserve an explanation, though," she says. I didn't come here for an explanation, though, I came her to be with her.
"Christina says that she's sorry, she didn't mean to make you upset," I say.
"It's not her fault, it's mine. I'm the one who's messed up," Tris says. Messed up? There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She is perfect in every single way, her eyes, her hair, her smile.
She lays her head on my shoulder, and the touch makes me feel bubbly inside. I decide to be brave and wrap my arm around her. "There's nothing wrong with you, Tris," I say, "You don't even realize how amazing you are."
I don't know why I decided to give her that piece of myself; the piece that can love and can admire. I don't know why I decided to tell her, but in a way I'm glad that I did.
"We should probably get to class," Tris says. She didn't even acknowledge the sentiment, what does that mean? A part of me is crushed, completely crushed by her reaction, but it does give me a reality check of sorts. I didn't expect her to confess her feelings to me, but I didn't expect her to ignore the gesture.
"Lunch is already over, 7th period has already started," I say, "So we could either be really late, or skip."
"I'm liking the latter option," she says.
So we do, we stay here as we are. Her head is still on my shoulder, and my arm still wrapped around her. I spend the time sitting on the bleachers realizing slowly that I am completely falling for her.