Later that night Raven and Cyborg were down in the garage cleaning up the T-car after its long trip over the weekend. They had been working silently for some time before he brought up the taboo subject.
"So Rae, how long?"
He felt her stiffen next to him. "How long what?"
"How long have you been in love with Rob?"
Her voice went flat and unemotional. A sure sign he struck a note. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Sure you do." Cyborg sat back and waited for his friend to talk to him. Raven was working on being more emotionally open with her friends, but it was something still very difficult for her. He turned away from her and went back to working under the hood. "Hey, Rae, will you pass me the…" Before he could finish the sentence the tool he wanted floated before him. He chuckled. "You are getting really good. Soon you might be as good as me."
Raven looked bored. "Not a great challenge."
"Ouch, you wound me." Cyborg tried to put on a hurt face, but was failing. Raven was rolling her eyes with a small smile on her face. It was still odd to see Raven show even this amount of emotion.
"So, how was your trip?" She went back to helping him with the car, as serious as ever. Cyborg shook his head at her.
"Sorry Rae, you aren't getting out of this that easy. I asked you a question and I expect an answer."
Raven shrugged. "Nothing to tell. I am not in love with Robin."
Cyborg set the tools down and turned to fully face her. Raven was concentrating on the engine with such force that he was amazed something was not blowing up. "Look Rae, I thought we were making strides. I thought you would know I would catch on sooner or later. I saw you this morning with him and I knew."
She gave a sigh and turned to face him. "You want the truth?"
"Yes." He stood with arms crossed waiting patiently.
"I am not in love with Robin." At his snort she tried to explain. "It's not love. I really can't say its love, but I do like him. It's more of a crush really." Even as she said it she wrinkled her nose in dislike. The word crush was not something you would associate Raven with at all. It was much too feminine for the sarcastic girl.
"Ok, then let me rephrase my question. When did you start to notice your crush?" He put emphasis on the word just to watch her eyes narrow a bit. "And did you actually think I wouldn't notice?"
"Well, I thought I was doing so well hiding it that I could get away with it for awhile." She frowned at him "Am I really that obvious?"
"Only to the ones that know you."
She sighed and leaned back. "I was afraid of that." She looked up with something like fear in her eyes. That confused him. "Do you think he knows?"
Cyborg now understood. "I don't think he knows."
She gave a sigh of relief. "Well, thank goodness for little miracles."
Cyborg placed a brotherly arm around her shoulders. "What would be so bad about him knowing?"
Raven gave a dark chuckle. "And what good would that do?" She turned from him and began to work again hoping that was the end of the conversation. Cyborg was not finished however. He didn't like the defeated slump of her shoulders. It was not like the Raven he knew and had grown to love.
"Well, he may say that he returns the feelings. Ever thought about that?"
Her voice was soft. "I don't need to wonder. I know."
"You mean you have talked to him?" Raven looked up and gave him a look. It was usually a look she reserved for Beast Boy. It was a look that told him he was a complete moron.
"Empath, remember?"
Cyborg rubbed at the back of his neck in a sheepish way. "Sorry, I keep forgetting." Raven rolled her eyes and turned away again. "So that's the only reason you haven't said anything?"
Raven sighed. "You aren't going to let this go are you?"
"Nope." He grinned at her good naturedly. Raven shook her head and began to clean off her hands.
"Fine, but not here. I don't trust Beast Boy and this is not something I want overheard." She climbed in the T-car. Cy walked over to the drivers side. Raven turned to him. "And you have to buy the pizza."
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Soon they were sitting at an open table eating pizza. It was a quiet evening with few people out. The weather was warm and the sun was slowly sinking. Raven nibbled lightly on her slice while Cy proceeded to consume the rest of the pizza. When they had finally finished, the friends sat back and watched the sun set. Cy finally leaned over.
"Ok, time to get back to the story you were starting."
Raven gave a brief nod and refused to look at him. It was difficult for her to open up this much with anyone, even someone she had grown close to. She knew that if she looked at him she would not be able to finish this highly embarrassing conversation.
"To answer your earlier question; I don't know. I don't know when my feelings began to change from friendship to something…more. A part of me always knew that I cared about him. When Slade came back on my birthday, well I knew that Robin was the one that could help me. I knew I wanted to share something with him, some piece of me. I guess that was when I started to notice it. He was the one I was trusting with my darkest secret. For me, that is a really big deal." Raven paused to take a breath. Cyborg waited, not daring to move a muscle. He knew what this was taking for her to admit things like this. He did not want to spook her. Raven continued.
"After that I found myself searching out his company. I didn't really know why, but he made me feel safe and wanted. He was the first Titan to really make me feel accepted. After the whole Malchior thing, well he went out of his way to prove to me that I was wanted. I have always been an early riser but Robin was never that far behind me. Well, he started to get up earlier and earlier. Sometimes he would even beat me up and I would walk in to see my tea ready and waiting for me. He would notice little things, like if I was having a good day or not or if I had made an effort with Starfire or Beast Boy. He would smile at me for no reason or throw an arm over my shoulders and I noticed that I was enjoying being held. During our mornings we just talk. Not about anything in particular. Sometimes about a fight or a problem or just about what we were reading in the newspaper. He makes me feel comfortable and safe. I have known for some time, but there isn't really a day when it hit me. It was gradual. Does that help you understand?"
It was the first time Raven had looked at him and Cyborg saw emotions run very close to the surface. He knew that she would have to change the topic soon in order to regain control of her emotions. He nodded. He knew he could push just a little more and that would be it.
"So you said you have reached out to see what his feelings are, but how can you be sure? I mean some guys don't know what they have until it smacks them across the face."
Raven looked down at the iced tea in her hands. She studied the condensation drops on the side of the glass. They slipped slowly, meeting one another as they ran down the side of her glass. She began to breathe in and out. She could feel her emotions rise to the surface and she calmed her mind and body. When she spoke again, she was back in control and her voice was once again unemotional and steady.
"Even if I thought I had a chance, I wouldn't do anything. He is taken after all."
Cyborg gave her a look. "Taken? Rob isn't dating anyone. He isn't taken."
"He doesn't have to be dating someone to be taken."
"Huh?"
"Starfire."
Cyborg looked up at her. He shook his head. "Rae, those two have had years to hook up. I know they flirt and there might be something there, but don't you think that if they were going to hook up they would have done so?"
Again the dark chuckle came out. "Again I will remind you I am an empath. There is interest there."
"You went searching their emotions?"
Raven shook her head. "No. I explained this to Robin earlier. The closer I am to people, the easier it is to sense them. It is also easier for me to pick up their emotions. I don't go looking for them all the time. Sometimes I just know without trying. Also, if the emotion is strong enough, I can't ignore it. There are times I can feel that emotion rooms away. I know when you are upset at the car, or when Beast Boy is trying to be sneaky about a joke. I just know without searching. Trust me, any time they walk into the room with each other you can feel it."
"Love?"
Again she shook her head. "No. They don't really know. It is attraction but I do not know about love. I think they are confused about what they feel."
"Then they may not love each other. Who is to say you aren't the one for Robin. I still say you should tell him. I have seen you two together. You seem so comfortable and at ease with him. I really thought that you were the best of friends. You both seem to know what the other is thinking. I mean I just started to realize that you were jumpy around him. After our little questioning session I put two and two together."
"Did you now?" It was a comment meant to lighten the mood and to lead away from the subject, but Cyborg was like a dog with a bone. He was not letting this go.
"No changing the subject Rae. I have seen you two. You make a great team. Why not give him the chance to be happy with you?"
"You mean besides the fact that he only feels deep friendship for me?"
"Hey, I maintain some guys need to be beaten over the head with it before they realize when they have something good. So why not?"
"I thought I answered this. Starfire."
"And again I say that if something was going to happen, it would have happened already. They have had years, Rae. Nothing has happened and I think there is a reason for that. Time for a new choice. Maybe he just doesn't think you could return the feelings."
Raven sighed. "That doesn't matter. I have felt their feelings. They care about each other and I care about them. Starfire is my friend. Robin is my friend. Because of that I won't make him choose."
"They are my friends too Raven."
Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. "Damn you are stubborn. Fine, let's assume for one second that I go with your idea. I tell Robin that I like him. Now what?"
"Well, you see where it goes."
Raven gave him a sad look. "Exactly. I see where it goes. You think I haven't contemplated this? I know how it will go. Say that Robin now has a choice between us. Say that he picks me. Now what about Starfire? It is no secret that she cares for Robin and that they are trying to figure out their feelings. Now things would be awkward for Star and I and between Robin and Star. With this scenario I hurt Starfire and the team suffers. Now look at the other option. Robin still chooses Starfire and now it is awkward between Robin and I as well as between Star and I. I hurt both Star and Robin and the tension hurts the team. Either way someone is hurt that I care about and the team suffers. Besides it is like choosing fire and ice. I don't know a guy that would give up the sunshine queen for the ice queen."
Cyborg was ready to interrupt. "No. I learned a long time ago that you don't always get what you want. I do not need love. You can live without love. I have his friendship and that is enough." One look at her face and Cyborg knew he needed to back off. She was sitting low in her seat obviously emotionally exhausted. Without a word, he stood up and held out a hand. He pulled her into a tight hug. A small tear squeezed from her eye before she could control it. Cyborg whispered into her ear.
"I think you are making a mistake. But I will let it drop for now." He pulled out of the hug. "Let's go home." Raven nodded and took his arm. It had been a very long evening.
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The next morning Raven awoke feeling refreshed. It had been difficult to reveal that much to Cyborg, but this morning she was feeling light and happy. It had been a relief to share her feelings with someone else rather than keeping them closed in. She stretched and headed into the main room.
She entered to see the pale sun just creeping up, bathing the water before the tower in a beautiful light. She passed the kitchen to stand by the windows. She reached out with her power and turned on the radio and was pleasantly surprised to hear a soft jazz tune. Raven liked a very eclectic mix of music. She liked dark music and poetry, things that were loud and sad by nature. Few knew that she enjoyed jazz though. There was something that moved her. Music was a way to express emotions she could not otherwise express. The mellow notes seemed to just go with the morning sun rising and with her happy mood.
She closed her eyes and smiled softly at the notes. The piano played softly in the background with a deep bass beat keeping it company. A sax began to play a soft melody, slow and yet happy and content. She hugged herself and raised her face to the coming sun.
She was so in tune with the music that almost didn't feel him. Almost. She opened her eyes to come face to face with the one causing her so much emotional upheaval. He smiled at her and she wondered for the millionth time what his eyes really looked like. What emotions would show there. Not that she needed to see his eyes, but she always wondered. He held out a cup to her. It was steaming softly and she cradled it in her hands. She knew she should say something, but to talk would ruin this mood, this perfect moment in time. Robin seemed to understand because he just nodded to her. They stood side by side, not saying a word. They watched the sun come up, two friends.
The jazz tune ended and the mood was broken. They walked over to the kitchen. Raven sat at a stool while Robin began to cook his breakfast. Still no words seemed to form. This was their typical morning routine. They were simply enjoying each others company and they didn't need words. It was her favorite time of day.
She felt his emotions shift slightly. He wanted to talk and he didn't know what to say. She raised a brow at him. It was not like Robin to beat around the bush. She huffed into her tea. "What?"
Robin jumped slightly. "Huh?"
"You wanted to ask me something. What?"
Robin had been living with Raven long enough that the fact that she knew he wanted to talk to her did not surprise him. In fact, he should have expected it. He laughed slowly. "It's nothing really. I just noticed that you and Cy weren't at dinner last night." He paused, expecting a reply, an explanation. He didn't know why, not really. The team didn't always eat together. In fact they often did their own things. But he had seen them come home and go straight to their rooms and he had felt a…tickle. That was the only way he could think to describe it. He had felt a tickle in the bond he and Raven shared.
"No we weren't." Raven agreed, but said no more. She sipped slowly on her tea some more. She loved the feel of the hot liquid as it ran down her throat.
"So…what did you two do?"
"We went to pizza. We talked. He has been gone for two weeks."
Robin felt a slight irritation. That was the only explanation for his comment. "I thought he was dating Bumblebee."
Raven frowned at him. She gave him a confused look. Her eyes a darker color in that confusion. He noticed that the happier she was feeling, the lighter her eyes became. When she had opened her eyes at him earlier, he had to stop himself from gasping. Her eyes had been a pale lavender that glowed softly in the sun. He had never seen such a color and he could not seem to shake the image of her standing there in the sun. He had been hesitant to disturb her. She almost had a glow about her that morning.
Robin snapped back from his wanderings at Raven's reply.
"He is. Quite happily if I am not mistaken. Why do you ask?"
He shrugged, not knowing how to answer. "You just seem to be spending a lot of time together."
"We're friends." Before the conversation could finish the doors to the room opened. In floated Starfire.
"Friends, is it not a glorious morning?" Her arms were wide and her smile was infectious. Raven felt Robin's eyes slide to the alien girl. A small piece of her tugged sadly. She slowly stood up with her cup.
"Yes it is. I think I will take advantage and meditate on the roof this morning." Raven headed towards the stairs.
"Friend Raven, would you like company?"
Raven smiled at her friend. "That would be nice. Why don't you grab some breakfast first and meet me up there."
"Then perhaps we could venture to the park this afternoon."
Raven nodded. She looked back at her two friends. Star floated, smiling. She filled every room with light whenever she entered. Star made such an effort that Raven could rarely say no to the alien any more. She reminded herself that she needed to get out more. She had promised to try. "That would be great Star."
Raven walked again towards the roof…alone, leaving the two in the main room in the sunshine.
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Ok, I know this has had nothing to do with the summery…yet. Next chapter will have the start of that…I promise.