Starting Over Chapter 15, a divergent trilogy fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent

Tris POV

I wake up early the next morning to head off to the gym. Today is Saturday, the day that I tell Four. I am nervous, I know that he won't like me afterwards and I'm really not looking forward to it.

I work out as normal, glad that I don't see Four there. It's just awkward to run into someone you plan to see later.

I spend most of the day getting homework done, I work on my drawing for Tori's class for a while. It calms me, focusing on the drawing instead of everything else going on in my life.

I debate whether or not to call Christina and ask her to help me get ready. I eventually decide against it, she would get me way too dolled up and insist that it is a date. It's not a date, is it? I'm not sure. Do I want it to be? Yes, I do, but I know that Four likes me but I know that the feeling won't last. I try and ignore it, but it is getting harder.

I put on a dark grey sweater. It is only September, it is cold today and the sweater is pretty thin. It has a black stitching design on the front, I like it. I throw on some dark wash skinny jeans and black combat boots.

My hair? I don't know about my hair. The waves had disappeared after I took a shower, and I really don't trust myself to try and use the tools that Christina had me buy. She taught me how to use them, but I don't really feel like having a crisis before this dinner. I end up just brushing it out, simple.

I do the same makeup that I did for the party last night, light and simple. It enhances my features, but it doesn't look like too much, like I'm trying too hard. Gosh, when did I become so obsessive over such little things? I swear I'm turning into Christina the more I spend time with her.

I don't put on any jewelry, for the reason that I don't feel the need too. Four didn't say anything about it being overly fancy; he actually didn't say anything at all. I don't even know where we're going.

"Where are you going?" my mom asks me as I walk down the stairs to wait.

"To dinner, with a friend," I say.

"Is this friend a boy?" my mom asks, winking.

"Yes, it's a boy," I admit, "But it's not like that."

"Sure," my mom says, and walks away. Great, now my mom's suspicious of me. We're friends, that's all. I mean I like him, why wouldn't I like him, Four is great. Amazing actually… no, I can't think like that. He won't like me when he finds out, I hope that we can still be friends after this is over.

I see Four pull into my driveway, so I walk out and hop in. "Hey," I say, greeting him.

"Hi," he says. He seems nervous for some reason. He pulls out, and starts driving.

"Are you okay?" I ask with concern, I don't want him to be uncomfortable or anything.

"Great," he says, smiling now.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

"You'll have to wait and see," Four says.

I shake my head, and say, "Do you know what I hate even more than one word answers? Surprises."

"Don't worry, it's a good type of surprise," he assures me. I sigh in defeat, and he laughs. The rest of the car ride, we jam to the radio and have a good time together.

"We're here," Four says as he slows down the car and parks.

I get out of the car, and gasp. We're in a park, again, but this definitely isn't like the one by my house. It is mostly a forest of weeping willows, with a small path through the middle leading to a few picnic tables. It really is a sight, it's beautiful.

"This place is amazing," I say.

"I thought I would show you a little piece of my past," Four says as he gets a picnic basket out of the trunk, "Now c'mon."

We set up our little picnic at one of the tables under a tree, and I can't help but think that things couldn't be more perfect. I'm glad that we aren't around a ton of other people, like in a restaurant. I'm glad that I can tell him when we are alone.

We start eating and talking to fill the air. I don't feel nervous at all, unlike earlier. When I'm with him, everything feels right. I decide to stop trying to push away my feelings for Four, they keep on coming back.

Four is… there aren't words to describe how much I enjoy being around him. He is so incredibly caring, he is always there for me. He doesn't act cocky, even though he is the quarterback and easily the most attractive guy in school. Whenever we are together, well, I wouldn't want to be doing anything else.

I decide to start, "After the incident with Peter and Al, they hated me, and Katie hated me even more. I don't know what they told her. Peter and Al started to beat on me physically, every day a nightmare. I did all I could to fight back, but sometimes I wasn't so lucky."

"After that, the insults started to get to me. Ugly, bitch, fat, slut… I started to break down. I couldn't handle it. I started to get depressed, I felt hopeless and unmotivated to do anything. It was hard." I didn't cry, though. I cried last time, but I decided that I've wasted enough of my tears on this.

"I never told anyone, my mom, Caleb, anyone. My mom only noticed when I stopped eating." I wait for his reaction, it mostly bears concern.

"They were calling me fat, I stopped eating. It was so stupid. I nearly starved myself by the end of sophomore year. My mom helped me through it, I'm still not all the way through. She thought it would be best for me to just transfer, that's why I came to Chicago High," I finish.

I look at Four, and he doesn't say anything. He just pulls me close, and engulfs me in a hug. At his touch, energy and excitement is coursing through me. All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

"Please say something," I say, now becoming a bit nervous. I pull back a bit, but he still has his arm around me.

"You are amazing, you know that? You are so brave, so strong to make it through all of that," he says.

"I'm not amazing, I'm weak, anorexic, and depressed, Four. That's not amazing," I say.

"You're not depressed anymore, you made it through. You survived, and are stronger because of it," he says.

"Do you hate me? Think differently of me?" I ask.

"No, Tris," he says.

"Can I tell you something?" Four asks.

"Anything," I say.

"My real name is Tobias," he says.

"Tobias," I say, testing it out. I like it.

"When I was eight, my mom died giving birth to my little sister. My sister only survived for two days after," he says.

"I'm so sorry," I say. No one died in my story, and I can only imagine the pain of that sort of loss.

"My dad reacted the worst to it, he became really angry all of the time. He would take that anger out on me. Beat me, whip me with his belt."

"He's in jail now, I lived with my aunt until I turned eighteen and moved into a different house, on my own."

"Thank you, for telling me I mean," I say. I didn't realize that he went through such tough times as well.

"You're the first person I've told," Four admits. I'm shocked that he would trust me with such a big secret.

"I have a theory that we are all a bit broken in our own ways, some more than others. But we have to put behind what's already happened, and move ahead. The past it really just a story, but we tell ourselves," he says. That's amazing, what he said. I never thought of it that way before, and I decide that I need to stop letting the past control my future.

I nod, and say, "It's getting better, the new school has helped. All of our friends, and you…" I look up at him, and he is looking right back at me. I look into his eyes, and get lost in space.

He leans in closer, and for a second, I think he's going to kiss me. Instead, he whispers into my ear, "I like you, Tris."

I am absolute disbelief, I never thought those words were capable of being spoken to me. "Are you sure?" I ask.

He laughs, and says, "Yes, I'm sure. I'm absolutely positive."

I decide that I can't take it anymore, this distance between us. I look up at his eyes, and bring my hand to his cheek, and then pull him closer until his lips meet mine. The kiss is gentle, his lips are soft and electricity fills me and explodes at the touch. I bring my hand to his neck, and run my fingers through his hair. His hands fly to my waist, keeping me close.

I pull away before it can go any deeper, and rest my forehead on his. We stare at each other for a while, time stops. "I like you, too," I say.

Four POV

I wake up the next morning, and don't know what to do. Today is Saturday, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Today is my date with Tris, if that's what it is.

I spend of most of my day doing homework and wasting time. I don't really want to see anyone today, not even Zeke. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Tris is going to tell me today, I'm going to find out. I don't know what happened, I don't know what to expect. Christina said that she was in a fragile state afterwards, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows.

The whole day, I debate whether or not to tell her about me, about my past. I still don't have an answer.

I did decide something, though. I decided that I have to tell her, I have to tell Tris that I like her. I can't keep it all inside anymore, other people know but I have a feeling that she still doesn't. I need her to feel the same way.

I pull into her driveway right at six, just as she is walking out of her house. She hops into my car, and says, "Hey."

With her sudden presence, I feel increasingly more nervous. When did I become this way around her? "Hi," I say, I hope it didn't sound too uptight.

"Are you okay?" she asks. Darn, it must be noticeable. I have no reason to be nervous, I really don't. It's just Tris.

I relax, and say, "Great." Then I smile, realizing that was a one word answer.

She doesn't seem to notice. "Where are we going?" Tris asks.

"You'll have to wait and see," I say. I finally decided to let her in a little, so I am taking her to a place from my childhood.

She shakes her head, and says, "Do you know what I hate even more than one word answers? Surprises."

I don't really want to explain it all now, it will make more sense once we arrive. "Don't worry, it's a good type of surprise," I assure her, and she sighs. I smile, gosh, I smile a lot around her. I've definitely changed since I met her, I used to be unreachable.

The rest of the ride, we chat and listen to music together. It was nice, I love how we don't have to sit awkwardly in silence, we always find something to say. "We're here," I say as I pull into the lot.

Tris gets out of the car, and gasps at the scenery. That's how I felt the first time I was here, it really is beautiful.

"This place is amazing," Tris says.

"I thought I would show you a little piece of my past," I say, "Now c'mon." I get the picnic basket out of the trunk and lead her over to the picnic tables. We set up and eat, I packed little sandwiches and fruit. It's a nice day out, we're lucky it didn't rain.

We talk for a while about little random things, and have a good time together. I don't want to bring up her past, I know she'll tell me when she's ready and I don't want to push her. Instead, I focus on Tris.

She is so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful. Others may find her plain, but to me, she is so special. Her eyes are so unique and intriguing, her hair so blonde and bright. Looking at her is like waking up.

I love how she smiles and laughs, I love how sarcastic and funny she can be. But I also like her shy side, I like how she doesn't flaunt herself. She is the perfect mix of everything I could ever want.

She then decides to start the story, "After the incident with Peter and Al, they hated me, and Katie hated me even more. I don't know what they told her. Peter and Al started to beat on me physically, every day a nightmare. I did all I could to fight back, but sometimes I wasn't so lucky." I suddenly get angry, I wish I could've been there to defend her.

"As for Katie and her crew, the insults began again, and were getting worse and worse. I wouldn't let it get to me though, I knew that it would be worse to give them the reaction they wanted. I decided to ignore it all." I already hated Katie, I hate what she did to Tris. Now the feeling is more intense, I want to find her and make her regret what she said.

"They started saying that the bruises I had from Robert and Al beating on me were from my parents, and that they abused me. It wasn't true, none of it was true, but right after that my dad left. I can't think of any other reason why." I stiffen at this, I know what it feels like to be abused. I'm glad it was a rumor, but it hurts me that Tris's dad left. I feel her pain in a way.

"After that, the insults started to get to me. Ugly, bitch, fat, slut… I started to break down. I couldn't handle it. I started to get depressed, I felt hopeless and unmotivated to do anything. It was hard." I feel bad, I feel so bad, but I don't want to show her pity. Tris doesn't need it, she is so brave. She hasn't cried, showed any emotion thus far. She is so strong to be able to move on like this.

"I never told anyone, my mom, Caleb, anyone. My mom only noticed when I stopped eating." I look at her in concern, suddenly it all makes sense. I get why she reacted the way she did in the cafeteria on the first day, she is ashamed. But truthfully, she has no reason to be. I hate that she did that to herself, but it's in the past.

She looks at me, and I can't find the words to say anything. I don't hate her, how could I? Everything she told me just makes her look stronger in my eyes. I suddenly can't handle the distance between us, I pull her into a hug. I know she is trying to be brave, but she is hurting on the inside, and I want her to know that it is okay.

"Please say something," Tris says. She seems worried, but she has no reason to be. I am speechless in a good way, absolutely astounded that she made it through all of that.

"You are amazing, you know that? You are so brave, so strong to make it through all of that," I say.

"I'm not amazing, I'm weak, anorexic, and depressed, Four. That's not amazing," she says. I wish she could see herself through my eyes, little does she know how great she really is.

"You're not depressed anymore, you made it through. You survived, and are stronger because of it," I say.

"Do you hate me? Think differently of me?" she asks.

"No, Tris," I say.

I then realize that she has told me everything, her deepest secrets under all the barriers that she has put up have been exposed to me. I feel special that she trusts me like this, and I feel like I need to be brave too. I decide in the moment to tell her everything about me.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask.

"Anything," she says.

"My real name is Tobias," I tell her.

"Tobias," Tris says. I like the way it sounds when she says it, it sounds sweet and comforting. It doesn't sound evil and manipulative like when my father said it, the reason why I abandoned it.

"When I was eight, my mom died giving birth to my little sister. My sister only survived for two days after," I say.

"I'm so sorry," she says. I resist the urge to smile, she can be so compassionate even after everything she's been through.

"My dad reacted the worst to it, he became really angry all of the time. He would take that anger out on me. Beat me, whip me with his belt." Don't show emotion, I tell myself. I can't let her know how much it actually affected me, I can't break down her. I have to be strong just like her.

"Last year, there was one time that it was really bad. I couldn't go to the hospital because they would ask what happened, so I went to my aunt. She took care of me, and turned Marcus into the police." That was the best day, I finally had escaped. Little did I know that the things he did would still haunt me.

"He's in jail now, I lived with my aunt until I turned eighteen and moved into a different house, on my own."

"Thank you, for telling me I mean," she says.

"You're the first person I've told," I say. It's true, I had never trusted anyone so much before to tell them this part of my life.

"I have a theory that we are all a bit broken in our own ways, some more than others. But we have to put behind what's already happened, and move ahead. The past it really just a story, but we tell ourselves," I say. I had finally realized that I couldn't let my father and his actions define who I am, and that I had to keep going on in life. Tris needs to learn that too.

"It's getting better, the new school has helped. All of our friends, and you…" she says. In that moment, I know that she feels the same way, she has too. When our hands met in Chemistry on the first day of school, that electricity couldn't have been one sided. I decide that now is the time to tell her.

I lean in and whisper into her ear, "I like you, Tris."

"Are you sure?" she asks. She seems nervous, but I don't know why. I should probably feel nervous, but I don't feel that way in the slightest right now. I know that this is right, I've never been so sure of anything.

I laugh, and say, "Yes, I'm sure. I'm absolutely positive."

That's when she does the unthinkable. Tris puts her hand on my face, and I automatically heat up. Then, she pulls me in closer until our lips touch. Fireworks, absolute fireworks when we meet. I've never felt so alive, I'm kissing Tris. She runs her fingers through my hair, I love the way it feels. I put my hands on her waist, not wanting to break away.

She pulls back before it can get more intense. It wasn't heated or overly passionate. It was sweet and gentle, slow yet loving. This day couldn't be more perfect.

"I like you, too," she says. I was wrong, it just got even better.