Wow, I can't believe that I've made it to chapter 50 already!
"How did you know?" Calleigh asked him, shocked by his statement.
Spacing the photos out on the table he explained, "This is in the only picture he's in," he pointed to a photo of a group of five people. "It's hard to explain but I just got a feeling of such sadness when I saw his face, how did he die?"
She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, caught in two minds as to whether she should tell him or keep him in the dark about the violent end to Tim Speedle's life. He was already carrying around so much guilt that she hated to burden him with more, she knew if she told him that he would blame himself even though there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.
His quiet voice made her jump slightly as he spoke, "I was there, wasn't I?"
Memories from that fateful day came rushing back at her, Horatio's expression of pure despair as he told his colleagues about the shooting in the jewellery store and how Speed had died in his arms. Throughout it all he had remained strong for the whole team, keeping his own grief to himself as he supported his colleagues. She would never forget the way he had wrapped her in his arms whilst she cried and grieved for her fallen friend.
She wiped away the tears brimming in her eyes, "You and Tim were at a crime scene at a jewellery store, uniforms were meant to have searched the place before you began processing it. A perp came out of nowhere and started shooting at both of you, Tim's gun jammed and before he could reload he'd been shot. There was nothing you could have done differently; it was just one of those things."
He let his head hang, "Why did the gun jam?"
"Tim was never a fan of firearms and he hated cleaning his service weapon, this time he got caught out and it cost him his life." She was prepared for the words that were about to come out of his mouth before he'd had a chance to speak them, "It wasn't your fault, Tim was responsible for taking care of his own gun, there was no way you could have known that he hadn't."
Trying to change the subject Calleigh pointed at one of the older pictures, "Who is that?"
He followed her finger with his eyes and allowed himself a small smile; it was the picture of him and Lori. "She was my wife; we were happy together for a time."
Calleigh felt a small pang of jealousy go through her at the thought of another woman having a place in the redhead's heart. "What happened between you?"
"We were madly in love, the day I met her I knew I would marry her. Things were great for a while but then Lori started to resent my job, first she didn't like the hours I was working and then she didn't like me being out on the streets all day. I tried to make her see that I loved my job and that all I wanted to do was keep people safe, she couldn't see why I was doing it. We started to argue about the job, she told me that I was stifling her and being too protective but I'd seen first hand what kinds of monsters were out on the streets in New York." He took a breath to collect his thoughts, "In the end she told me that it was either her or the job, I guess I loved the job more," he finished sadly.
"But you loved her; I can see it in the way you looked at her in that picture."
"I still loved her even after we got divorced; she was such a big part of my life. I still miss her now."
She had to remind herself that in Horatio's mind he was still John Kelly from New York and not the man that she had grown to care for so deeply. It still didn't change the fact that his words stung, the pair of them had been dancing around the idea of progressing their relationship into something more than just work colleagues but Horatio's memory had been ripped away from him before they'd the chance to explore their feelings for each other.
His gaze focused on another picture, he picked it up with a shaky hand and closed his eyes as he brought it closer to him. "This is Robin," he whispered, "I'd had a few relationships after Lori but Robin was the first woman I'd had strong feelings for since the divorce. I'd known her for years and after her husband died we grew closer, we were only together for a few months before everything happened." She knew what he meant, the undercover operation that turned his world on its head. "God, she must hate me for what I put her through."
Calleigh placed a hand on his knee again and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "I'm sure if she found out the truth that she'd understand."
The pained look he gave her almost broke her heart. "I made such a mess of things; I pushed them all away and made them hate me. I've got no right to expect them to welcome me back in their lives, maybe it's better they think I'm dead."
"I know Andy doesn't say it but he's so glad that you're still alive, I think he's just angry that you didn't trust him enough to let him know what was going on."
"I couldn't, I couldn't trust anyone. I had to be on my own to keep them all safe." His voice trailed off as he spoke, "I'm so sorry."
She pulled him closer as she heard his breath hitch and held him as he sobbed quietly for the life that he had lost so many years ago. It unnerved her that Horatio was in such a vulnerable state but the doctor had warned them that head injuries could make people unpredictable at times. She had always seen Horatio as a man that kept his feelings to himself and to see him so distraught pained her deeply. She held him as the tears slowly dried up but refused to let go of him, she would never let him be alone again.
Slowly the feelings of sorrow and despair were replaced with a feeling of absolute peace and contentment as he lay in Calleigh's arms. It felt so good, so right to be close to her as he convinced himself that they were more than just friends and work colleagues. Pulling himself out of her embrace he leaned over and kissed her. He realised it was a huge mistake when she pulled away from him quickly, shooting off of the couch he staggered slightly as another wave of dizziness hit him. Shrugging off her offer of help he made his way upstairs on shaky legs and locked himself in the bathroom.
Eric rolled his neck and shoulders as stiffness began to set in, he'd been staring at the computer for the last three hours trying to find any trace of the Malucci's presence in Miami in the hopes of narrowing down their search for them. So far he had come up empty, the pitiful amount of information that Agent Collins had handed to Calleigh was little to go on. Most of the information was regarding their operations in New York and they were without one single lead as to the whereabouts of Gianni or Danny. "They might not even be here, maybe they sent their hired help to try and finish H off." He shook his head and disregarded that idea, the vendetta against his brother-in-law was personal and he knew they would come to finish the job themselves.
He couldn't fault the rest of the team's effort in trying to come up with new leads but it was time to face facts, the Malucci's knew how to cover their tracks and had been careful not to leave much in the way of clues. The box of photos that had been sent to the lab while creepy yielded nothing in the way of fingerprints or DNA; even if it had they currently had nothing to compare it to. Eric had asked Dave to give up on trying to trace the original source of the emails and texts as Collins had as good as already admitted that he'd sent them. There was nothing much any of them could do but sit back and hope that the organisation after Horatio would slip up and leave them at least something to go on. "Follow the evidence," he heard Horatio say in his mind as he started another search of the computer's database. Moments later a deafening boom resounded through the air as the Miami Dade Crime Lab shook in its foundations.