Deadpool: Ouch! That has hurt. Is it me or is she hot when she is mad?
Scott: Well…now that you mention it…
Deadpool: Oooh! I want the 106. Please! Pretty Please with Norman Osborn's head on top.
Scott: The 106? How the hell…? Never mind, I won't ask. You're likely just strong enough. Yes, you can have it.
Deadpool: YAY! You are the best boss EVER!
Scott: You don't have to suck up, just give the disclaimer.
Deadpool: Scott the Wanderer does not own Spider-man, Marvel Comics or any associated characters or intellectual property. If he did I'd have cooler toys to play with.
"What Ah don't get is how I can remember all that shit." Rogue sighed as she drained her second mug of Bailey in coffee, this one being more Baileys than coffee. Everything had been explained to her in detail, including the why Wanda was confident that Peter could be just what she needed.
"That might be my fault. I wasn't around for everything and I wanted to make sure we avoid the worst events: Schism, Civil War, and so on." Wanda sighed as she looked into her half empty mug. "And I needed someone around that could kill me if needed."
"So I was nominated." Rogue said after a moment. "Got news for you Sugah, with you under Spider-man's protection unless I kill ya now, it ain't gonna happen."
"So, shall we prepare the scene make look like a tragic accident." Wanda nodded.
"Nope, Ah'm not gonna kill ya, Sugah. You brought the Professor back, for that alone Ah'm thankful." Rogue conceded after a long moment. "Ya undid the events that made me hate you. Killing ya now would be like killing the part of me that's happy to have all this back. Just…I don't know…keep yer yap shut when you're really pissed."
"Probably the best advice I have heard yet."
"So now that we got the maudlin stuff out the way we can engage in the ancient art of girl talk." Rogue waggled her eyebrows. "How is Spider-man in bed? Or did ya do it on the ceiling?"
Carol woke with a slight headache. ~Did I get drunk last night?~ Pausing for a moment she tried to recall the night, but found she had not had a single drop of alcohol. Nope, she had been on a rampage after hearing about Wanda trying to steal her Peter. She remembered she was nearly stomping down the street with Jessica in tow. She'd been plotting and planning on a tag team seduction of their favorite man at the same time as ripping the hair out of Wanda's head. She had been plotting it all out loud to the point people were avoiding them. Except for a little old lady they had been passing who insisted they take a pan of brownies. Without thinking she had taken them and started eating one. One turned to two turned to half the pan, with Jessica eating the other half. After that everything got fuzzy, she remembered going with Jessica to her place. How she got into bed she had no clue, nor why she was naked. She just knew that her face was resting against the best pillows in existence. They were firm but still soft, warm, and felt so amazing. ~Wait! Those aren't pillows.~
"Whaaaa…" Carol lifted her head from the rather lovely bosom of her very best friend only to see said woman sleeping peacefully with a wide grin on her face. ~I slept with Jess! What the hell?~
"Mmmmm, come back to Mama, Baby." Jessica murmured in her sleep pulling the surprised and unresisting Carol back so her face was resting in her cleavage.
~What the hell were in those Brownies?~
"Taking the form of the old woman was tedious, but the results were magnificent." Aphrodite, the goddess of lust and love, smiled as she watched the events in Jessica's apartment. "I will have to thank Soma for brewing that potion. Perhaps invite him to the next Bacchanal in Nova Roma. He does love partying with Dionysus."
"Why do I have to share him with anyone else?" Jean snapped a bit bitterly. "He was quite powerful with just me and you. If you are more powerful, he will be too and this time…"
"Please, what you faced in your reality was a mere minion." MJ cut her off exerting a bit to provide just a pinch of intimidation. "There are four of them and their Master who is MUCH more powerful. Peter needs all the help he can get. Before you came here I was seriously considering something insane, but if you help them…well you could spend the rest of eternity being loved again."
"Please tell me we aren't going to be dealing with Felicia Hardy…"
"Nope, much as I get along with her, that isn't happening. Besides she recently found someone she fits with a little better. Though, he did almost get her killed." MJ shrugged.
"Well, glad she is not dead, but still want her nowhere near Peter. All the girls he is with have got to love both sides to him, not just his Spider-man side." Jean was firm in tone. It was something that had really hurt her Peter, and when their link formed it had hurt her as well. "So who are we dealing with?"
"Well, aside from Wanda…Amora has officially declared her intent to be one of his wives." MJ smirked.
"SHE WHAT?!"
Spider-man woke to a rather unusual feeling. He wasn't in one bit of pain. ~Wait, does this mean I am dead?~ He couldn't but have a little panic, considering he remembered being clocked very squarely by the Sandman and crashing through a very think oak door. ~Nah, I didn't see any tunnel, light or gate, so I am probably alive.~ Clearing his head of lingering drowsiness he notice he was lying in a bed, a rather nice bed. As he tried to move his arm he noticed that he couldn't. Someone very female had her arms wrapped around it, as well as having his bicep resting between her breasts. On the other side he felt a smaller more athletic girl curled into his side almost the way one would expect a child to do. ~Well, I am glad I can still feel my costume is on, and they are still dressed.~
~Well, now or never.~ Opening his eye, Spidey looked to the right and saw a mass of blonde hair and a gorgeous face he swore was familiar. It took him a few moments but it clicked. He was looking into the face of Amora the Enchantress as she dozed with a serene smile on her face. ~So that wasn't Mysterio just playing a trick.~ Looking to the other side he saw a young teenager who would likely break hearts in a few years, curled up to him like she expected him to protect him from her nightmares. ~I've seen that face before…~ "Wolvie is going to kill me."
"He better not even make the attempt, Husband. I know he is your friend, but I will not allow the father of my future children to come to harm for comforting my sister." Amora barely kept from yawning as she came fully awake. Smiling up at Peter she continued to hold his arm. "I would wager you have many questions. I will answer one straight off. After dealing with those cretins I left them for the Police to deal with and brought you here to heal and recover. It is now just one in the afternoon."
"Well, there are two off the top of my head. Of course, the more pressing one to me is: Why do you keep calling me husband?" Peter asked trying his best not to raise his voice and disturb the girl who could shred him in a moment. "Did I go to Vegas and completely black out? And no offence, but weren't you Thor's stalker for a while?"
"You may not have uttered the vows to me, but I have made mine towards you. Thor would not have let me escape his plan if I had not." Amora blushed just the slightest bit admitting that her escape of Asgard was due solely to a very binding vow. "There was no Vegas wedding, at least not to me." Amora chuckled slightly. "You may wish to call your friend She-Hulk tomorrow and congratulate her though." Settling her features to answer the last question she sighed. "Regretfully, I was enamored with the idea of being Thor's wife. I did many cruel and childish things to gain his attention, never thinking beyond being Princess of Asgard. I can only promise that they will not happen again."
Peter had to lay his head back down and digest this. He got what she saying. He paid enough attention to the Asgardians when he was near them. Amora had bound herself to him, something she hadn't even attempted to do with Thor. He could break the binding but she could not. "And her?"
"I found her as I was investigating a…what do you call them again?...pimp. She was shivering in the street alone, dying yet again of hypothermia." Amora's expression immediately saddened as she thought of how her new sister had suffered. "I could not leave her there. It's not who I am trying to become. I brought her here, adopted her as my little sister, fed her, clothed her, and have tried to comfort her. She suffers such horrible nightmares. This is the first I have seen her sleeping peacefully. I think she see you as you are, a protector."
"So she's not expecting me to marry her?"
"No, not yet. Laura is too young, and much too damaged to think of that yet." Amora chuckled softly. "I believe you are her security blanket. She will likely only need you a few nights of the month when the dreams are at their worst."
"Logan still might kill me for that. Laura huh? Much better name than what those bastards called her." Peter smiled warmly. "And you, do you expect me to just utter the vows?"
"Oh, I wish you would, Husband." Amora smiled as she thought of the vows being completed, but then her smile faltered as she realized she was still so very far from her redemption. "I am not a fool, however. I know I must earn your trust before you can make those vows. Does not stop us from enjoying the carnal pleasures, especially with your other bonded."
"Yes, trust would be good. You've done a lot of things that…wait…did you say other bonded?"
"Anna Marie!" Wanda managed to barely maintain her composure long enough to take on a mock affronted tone. Then she started giggling for a minute. "Actually, we haven't yet. Like I said, he has no clue. I can tell you one thing though…I peaked while he was in the shower…Jennifer was not kidding…in fact I think she understated."
"Lucky Bitch!" Rogue muttered with absolutely no heat whatsoever.
"So how is your love life going?" Wanda asked with actual curiosity. "Has the Cajun grown a brain and begged forgiveness?"
"Much better than Ah thought it would after catching Remy in bed with the Skank." Rogue shuddered as she remembered the dear in headlight look of her former boyfriend when she walked in on him and that blonde. She still wasn't sure who the woman riding Remy was. "Finally found where Ah belong and we're head to Vegas tonight for some fun. So don't worry about meh."
"Not worried, Anna. I just figure you are due some happiness is all."
"This is newsbreak: Spider-man or Spider-pimp? Just hours after the Daily Bugle Website released of photos of New Yorks' own Spider-man patrolling with long time Avenger the Scarlet Witch, it seems as if the Webslinging Hero is already married to The Enchantress. Security video from the First National Bank shows long time Villainess helped Spider-man and an unknown claw wielding woman, defend the innocent patrons from the Shocker, Hobgoblin, Elektro, Rhino, Sandman and Mysterio who were intent on robbing the bank. More shockingly when Spider-man was injured the Enchantress went into what can only be called a Mystical Frenzy hospitalizing all six supervillains in short order. Several witnesses on scene claim she was screaming about them striking her husband in a cowardly sneak attack. This along with rumors that Spider-man is exceptionally close to Avengers Ms. Marvel and Spider-Woman as well as Fantastic Four's Susan Richards has many in New Work wondering just what do such powerful women see in the Arachnid based Vigilante.
"Did I just see what I thought I saw?" Johnny Storm turned to his new girlfriend wondering if perhaps she had literally screwed his brains out last night. "Amora the Enchantress claiming Spider-man is her husband?"
"Yeah, Hot Buns you did. Girl has it bad. Can't blame her, he is awfully cute." Wanda Wilson was never so thankful for running into a cape. Intrigued by the fact that her healthy cells and her cancerous cells both had healing factors, Reed Richards had spent three days cultivating only healthy cells and then destroyed her diseased body. Somehow she grew completely whole and cancer-free form just a culture. ~I wonder if he grew me on some Spam, like I asked.~ Shaking her head she grinned at the first boy outside of her counterpart to be able to hold his lunch around her. ~That deserved a reward which turned out to be a reward for me too. Who knew Johnny could be so kinky? Oh, that's right. Me.~ "Still you're stuck with me. Though, I would not pass up that Inhuman girl you used to date. Bring that home to Mama any time you want."
Johnny Storm just chuckled and shook his head. His Wanda was nuttier than squirrel droppings, but honestly he liked it. She could take care of herself, ate the same junkfood he did, and she was kinky as all hell. "Well, considering her marriage to Pietro is on the rocks that might just be possible. Gotta say, you're something else. Never had a girlfriend actually encourage that kind of thing before."
"Well, we both know that I am just eight loads short of a brick, so that might explain it. Now shush, Golden Girls is on."
Susan Richards was shocked by what she saw and heard. Not so much her brother and Wanda Wilson, she'd long ago reconciled the fact that her brother had no standards at all aside from the kink factor. No, she'd been watching the footage of Amora the Enchantress laying into the Sinister Six for daring to hurt Spider-man. Strangely she felt she could identify with the actions of the enraged Asgardian. Once upon a time she would have done similar if someone hurt Reed, but the more he isolated himself the less she felt that way. Yet seeing Amora tear into Sandman she had actually for a minute wanted to join in. She'd always liked Peter, seeing him as a good example for Johnny and later for Franklin. More than that he was someone who challenged her mentally without making her feel stupid. She actually liked his off the wall sense of humor and admired his dedication to the city. ~Still, being linked to him in a possible romance is beyond the pale…right?~
"Nope, not really." Wanda replied to her mental thought. "Oh, sorry was looking where I shouldn't. While you're reexamining your life could you get us more Doritos, Sue?"
Doreen Green wrung out the sponge before putting on the young man's forehead. She'd been practicing her Kata when suddenly he just fell out of the sky. He was wounded, most notably the already healing bullet wound in his side. He'd been covered in blood, so she hadn't noticed until she cleaned him off that he was naked. Suddenly, her crush on SpeedBall was completely gone, to be replaced by one for this young man. And he was young, she would say he was her age, eighteen. Which is why the collection of scars gave her pause, he was too young to have so many wounds.
"Chitter-chit-chit-chitter"
"Yes, he's cute. More than cute." Doreen answered her new sidekick, Tippy Toe with a huff.
"Chitter-chitter-chit-chit-chitter-chit."
"No, I won't mate with him before he wakes up! What kind of pervert do you think I am?"
"Chik-chit-chik-chitter."
"Fine, once I am sure he can be moved I will call the Avengers. They'll want to know anyways."
"Chik-chit-chit-chikker."
"Yes, I will be sticking right by him. He did appear right in front of me. Maybe he was looking for me."
"Well…I am not sure I should tell you. You've had a rough day and…" Amora started, but stopped when she saw the glare. She knew she should not be intimidated by a mortal, but Peter was doing a very, very good job. It was more unnerving because he did not crack a joke. A serious Spider-man was a scary Spider-man, even without the mask. "Okay, fine, I will tell you. No getting upset with the messenger though."
"Fine, I promise I will not get angry with you over this. I doubt it is your fault." Peter said after it was clear she wanted a promise to behave.
"I can't tell you who. That's pretty well hidden from me, Peter." Amora said softly, hating to admit she did not have the answers he wanted. "You're the Center of the Web of Life. In lay men's terms the Web is weave of bonds that run through all of sentient life. Now, for most people it does nothing. For those connected to the Spider Totem they gain a few benefits. You didn't notice that with your webbing formula you created something the brightest minds were unable to reverse engineer? How your Spider-Sense warns you of any kind of danger from physical attacks to things you just should not be able to detect? How you connect so easily with people with similar morals? All these are blessing of your connection to the Web." Amora smiled as she saw the light dawning in Peter's eyes. "Now, Spider Totems are empowered by Empathic Energy and Tantric Energy. You're great desire to protect others has at time allowed you to perform feats more fitting Thor himself. The more you care about protecting the innocent the more energy you draw. It is why you can hold up a building to save a few children one day, but fail to pick up a car on a bet the next. As for the Tantric energy, the more of that you gather to more powerful you will be. As such the Center of the Web, is often bonded with several mates and has a great capacity for love. The last Spider-man, Anansi, had thirteen wives and innumerable children. So, monogamy is just not in your future, not that I mind. My enmity with Sif was more for the fact I had offered myself to her as well, for all the good it did."
"Alright, let me get this straight. Despite the fact I was bitten by a radioactive spider, I am a Spider Totem?" Peter asked wondering how the hell that connected.
"There is not much difference between Magic and Science, Peter. It uses many of the same thought processes, do such and such and this occurs. Spells are created through lengthy experimentations, research, and trial runs." Amora shrugged. "It shouldn't be too hard to believe as you know quite a few Sorcerers."
"Okay, setting aside the whole Magic versus Science debate, you're telling me that I draw energy from how much I care for others and from sex." Peter took a moment to wrap his head around that one. Seeing Amora nod in the affirmative, Peter just had to chuckle. "This would explain why I find life easier when I have a relationship." Pausing for a moment as he processed this. "And you're telling me, that even after you claim me as husband, you want me to marry other women?"
"Want and accept are two different things, Husband." Amora frowned a bit. "I would love to be your sole wife, but as I know that other love you and you love them, even if you are not aware, I am willing to accept them. Unless of course one of them is Psylocke then I whole heartedly want." Seeing the incredulous look on Peter's face she shrugs. "I have a thing for hot warrior women, sue me."
"Why are you fine with this?" Carol asked as she paced the floor, now fully dressed again. Meanwhile her best friend was lounging around in a large t-shirt. "We slept together under the influence of something."
"Well, I would have done it anyway, Carol." Jessica admitted as she spread cream cheese on her bagel. "I mean I understand we were drugged, but I can't say I haven't had fantasies that went a lot like last night. Though, most of them end with Peter walking in on us." Shrugging as if it was an everyday event, she took a bite of her bagel.
Carol had to stop herself from shivering at the mental images Jessica's words elicited. It almost derailed her completely. "Well, it's not so much what happened last night, but the fact we were drugged…or something. Neither of us just hops into bed with people."
"That's true, I am a very firm believer in the third date rule. Of course that being said we are already on the forty second date as far as relationships go." Jessica thought for a moment. "Well, we know most drugs that affect you still don't affect me, I think we are looking at magic. There are a few people we can ask, but do you really want to tell Stephen about what we did?"
"No, no, we are not telling any man what we did…ever." Carol stopped pacing. "I'm not ashamed, I just know outside of Logan, Peter and possibly Steve there will be a lot of innuendo."
"Yeah, Tony would snark just once maybe twice, but Clint cannot let anything go, and much as I respect Stephen he likes to play the dry wit game too much." Jessica sighed. "For female experts on magic we have Illyana Rasputin who creeps me out, Shaman who we barely know, Agatha Harkness who we can't find, Amora who would delight in spreading it around and Wanda…"
"Wanda? Our best choice is the woman trying to steal our man?" Carol pinched the bridge of her nose. "We haven't even been with him yet and his bad luck is already affecting us."