Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent
Tris POV
He looks into my eyes for a moment before he begins to sing.
Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
I immediately recognize the song as Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute, and start to sway along to the music.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we've ever known.
I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, grey blue eyes.
I smirk at the lyric change, and know that he means this song for me.
I can breathe you in.
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more than I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.
Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.
To my disappointment, he only sings part of the song. Truthfully, Tobias is a really great singer, and the song is great as well.
He hops off the stage, and I make my way through the crowd over to him. He sees me, and smiles. I greet him with a hug, which he immediately returns.
"You did great," I say through his shirt.
He chuckles, and says jokingly, "Is a hug all I get?"
I pull back and look at his face, at his lips. I'm looking at his lips for a while, and I can't stop thinking about how they used to be the only lips I've ever kissed, and now I can't help but feel guilty about what happened with Eric. Even though it wasn't my fault in the slightest, I kissed him back for a second, and that seems like its own sort of betrayal.
I cough uncomfortably, and say, "Can-can I talk to you outside?" He nods in response nervously, and I lead him out of the crowded room.
We make our way over to the less populated area of the yard, and sit side by side on a little bench by a beautiful flower garden. I stare at the flowers for a second; they look so perfect in the moonlight. I stare at the perfection of the flowers and start to think about how imperfect Iam.
"I was looking for you earlier, maybe an hour ago," I start.
"I was looking for you too, but I couldn't find you," Tobias says.
"I looked into the kitchen, and there was no one there," I say, "I turned around to get out and someone slammed me into the wall."
"Who?" Tobias says through gritted teeth, "I swear I'll kick their ass, they have no right to touch you."
I put my hand up to stop him from going on further. I say the next part really quickly. "It was Eric and he kissed me roughly while groping me and I kissed him back for a second so I could knee him and knock him unconscious."
I look down quickly, not wanting to see his reaction. After a few seconds, I look up slowly out of curiosity, and see Tobias fuming. His entire face is red, fists clenched and teeth gritting. He is literally about to explode.
A/N: Strong language ahead
"That fucking BITCH!" he screams, "I'm going to kill that bastard, that fucking bastard." He starts to get up, but I grab his arm stopping him.
"No! Tobias, calm down. I already knocked out his tooth, I already taught him a lesson," I say, trying to help him control his anger.
I see him taking deep breaths, and slowly his fists open and he looks less infuriated. "I can't believe he touched you, that asshole," he says, "I should've been there to protect you, this wouldn't have happened if I found you earlier."
"No! Don't blame yourself, please don't," I say pleading, "I only told you because I feel guilty."
"Why do you feel guilty? This is all his fault," he says to me, confusion clear on his face.
"I- I feel guilty because you were the only guy that I had ever kissed. You were the only one, and that was special, and that was important to me. And now, now Eric ruined that but I kissed him back and- and I feel like some sort of impure person now. I feel like I broke a promise," I say.
I see Tobias look down, and I can feel my heart breaking.
"I didn't want to kiss him but I had to in order to fight back and I hate myself for that, I hate it. I hate that you're not the only one who's ever kissed me, and I hate the feeling of other people's lips against mine. I want to kiss you, and only you, but you sang me that song and you- I'm still the last person that you've kissed and it's not the other way around and I feel really really bad about it," I finish.
I look up, awaiting his reaction. He is staring at his lap, eyes closed and thinking hard. I am now taking deep breaths to calm myself from thinking of the worst.
He looks up, and pained eyes meet mine. We sit in silence for a minute or so. "Please tell me what you're thinking," I say softly, finally speaking.
"I didn't want to tell you this, but now I feel like I have to," he says.
I put my hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with sharing," I say.
"No, no you deserve to know this," he says, "You're not the last person I've kissed."
I look away, tears threatening to come. Of course I'm not. I'm not pretty, I'm not desirable, I'm broken. Of course he kissed other girls, I'm not good enough for him.
I come to terms myself, and dismiss the water in my eyes. I turn back, and see Tobias starting to tear up. "No, no please don't- let me explain, please," he says, and I nod for him to continue.
"As I said, I was looking for you earlier. I had looked all through the house, and I came into the yard. I didn't see you, and I was about to go back inside when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and she kissed me before I saw who it was. I thought it was you, so I kissed back," he says.
"It was only a few seconds until she shoved her tongue into my mouth, and I knew you would never do that so I pulled back. I told her off, and then kept looking for you. It meant nothing," he says.
I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. But there is one thing I do want to know. "Who was it?" I ask him, almost whispering.
"It meant nothing," he pleads.
"If it meant nothing, then it shouldn't be a big deal to tell me who it was," I argue.
He sighs, and says, "It was Lauren."
Of course it was Lauren.
Of course.
She's hated me from the beginning, and when she found out Tobias and I are dating, she's only hated me more. The one girl that told me off, pushed me into lockers; of course it was her.
I want to be mad. I really want to be mad but I know that Tobias is telling the truth. From day one I could tell that he hates Lauren as much as I do, and I know that he would never go to her.
"Please Tris," he pleads, tears now streaming freely, "Please, please forgive me."
In a way, it almost makes me feel better about the whole Eric thing, knowing that I'm not the only one that's made a mistake. We've both messed up, we've both done things wrong and I'm okay with that because that's just the way things are.
I look him right in the eye, and give him a small smile. Then I lean in, and kiss him slowly.
Tobias POV
I start to sing, and keep eye contact with Tris the entire time. I think back to the first time I serenaded her during karaoke, and she didn't even know I was singing to her. I'm fairly sure that she knows this song is for her now.
I see her making her way through the mass of people after I finish the song, and I can't help but smile. I've been looking for her all night, and what a way to find her. She embraces me as soon as she is close enough. "You did great," Tris says, her voice muffled by my shirt.
I laugh, and say jokingly, "Is a hug all I get?"
I expect Tris to perhaps go along with the joke, maybe kiss me as the song suggested. I don't expect her to freeze.
She looks up at me in silence for a good minute, and I stand there in silence. Her face shows a certain contemplation, it's as if she's trying to decide something in her mind before speaking. What she is deciding, that is beyond me.
She finally coughs, then says, "Can-can I talk to you outside?" I nod in response, not trusting myself to speak. The way she said talk, that couldn't be good. Did I do something wrong? No, I sang her a song, there's no harm in that. Was there a lyric? No, Tris wouldn't get worked up over something like that. I follow her out in confusion.
We sit down on a bench by a garden, and I watch Tris looking at the flowers.
"I was looking for you earlier, maybe an hour ago," she finally speaks. I internally relax a little; was that all this is about?
"I was looking for you too, but I couldn't find you," I say.
"I looked into the kitchen, and there was no one there. I turned around to get out and someone slammed me into the wall," she says. I automatically get on guard and protective at this.
"Who?" I say, trying to control the anger boiling inside of me, "I swear I'll kick their ass, they have no right to touch you."
"It was Eric and he kissed me roughly while groping me and I kissed him back for a second so I could knee him and knock him unconscious," she says quickly, then looks down.
He. Kissed. Her.
HE KISSED HER!
God, when I saw him on the floor of the kitchen I should've known that Tris had done it. It only could've been a girl, and Tris is the only girl strong enough. God, I should've kicked him, I should've done something more.
"That fucking BITCH!" I scream, not bothering to control myself anymore, "I'm going to kill that bastard, that fucking bastard." I start to stand up, maybe Eric is still lying in the kitchen. Maybe I can get to him- but Tris stops me.
"No! Tobias, calm down. I already knocked out his tooth, I already taught him a lesson," she says calmly, and I know that she wants me to calm too.
I sit back down, and start to take deep breaths.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
"I can't believe he touched you, that asshole," I say, slightly calmer now, "I should've been there to protect you, this wouldn't have happened if I found you earlier."
"No! Don't blame yourself, please don't," she says, "I only told you because I feel guilty."
"Why do you feel guilty? This is all his fault," I say. Tris has no reason to blame herself, and I don't know why she is doing so.
"I- I feel guilty because you were the only guy that I had ever kissed. You were the only one, and that was special, and that was important to me. And now, now Eric ruined that but I kissed him back and- and I feel like some sort of impure person now. I feel like I broke a promise," she says.
I look down, not wanting to meet her eyes. I can see the pain that fills them, and I know how much of a toll this has taken on her. I want to tell her that it's okay, that it'll be alright, but a part of me is upset that she kissed him for a second, even if she had to in self-defense.
"I didn't want to kiss him but I had to in order to fight back and I hate myself for that, I hate it. I hate that you're not the only one who's ever kissed me, and I hate the feeling of other people's lips against mine. I want to kiss you, and only you, but you sang me that song and you- I'm still the last person that you've kissed and it's not the other way around and I feel really really bad about it," she says.
I'm still the last person that you've kissed.
The words swirl repeatedly in my head.
I can't be mad at Tris, I can't and have no reason to. She was basically assaulted and fought her way through yet again; she fought her way with her fear staring her in the eye. And me? God, I kissed Lauren without even knowing it and it's all I can think about now.
I kissed Lauren.
And I hate myself for it.
I look up at Tris again, who is looking at me broken. She must think that I'm upset with her, but I know that the roles will be switched in a minute and I'm dreading it.
"Please tell me what you're thinking," Tris says softly.
"I didn't want to tell you this, but now I feel like I have to," I say. I can't keep this from her.
"You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with sharing," she says, but I know that she is just trying to console me. This is something that I have to do.
"No, no you deserve to know this," I say, "You're not the last person I've kissed."
I can see the pain and water that come to her eyes before she looks away. God, I'm such an idiot, and I hate myself for ever making her feel this way. She must feel like she's not good enough, she must feel insufficient; but in reality, I'm just the stupidest person alive.
She turns back a few seconds later, and don't see tears streaming, but a hard, masked expression. I know that she must really be trying to hide her feelings, but I can still see the hurt in her eyes. "No, no please don't- let me explain, please," I say, and she nods.
"As I said, I was looking for you earlier. I had looked all through the house, and I came into the yard. I didn't see you, and I was about to go back inside when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and she kissed me before I saw who it was. I thought it was you, so I kissed back," I explain.
"It was only a few seconds until she shoved her tongue into my mouth, and I knew you would never do that so I pulled back. I told her off, and then kept looking for you. It meant nothing," I assure her.
"Who was it?" she asks. The one question I had hoped she wouldn't ask, of course. I know she'll be even more upset if she knows that it was Lauren.
"It meant nothing," I say..
"If it meant nothing, then it shouldn't be a big deal to tell me who it was," she says, and I know that I lost this argument.
I sigh, and say, "It was Lauren."
I can see her thinking, and I can't tell what it is behind the walls that she has put back up.
"Please Tris," I plead, not bothering to stop the tears that are coming from my eyes involuntarily, "Please, please forgive me."
Please.
Please.
Please.
She gives me a shy smile, and then leans in. Our lips meet, and I know that I am forgiven. I melt into the kiss.
A/N: Here it is! A review suggested that Tris shouldn't take the Lauren/Four kiss the wrong way, so it was all okay in the end :) you guys and your reviews really do help me plan out the storyline, and I need your help with what is next…
I have an idea, any guesses?
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed and leave a review because it makes my day ;)