I drove into the office with the most ridiculous smile on my face. In the last twenty-four hours my life had taken such a dramatic turn. It was only yesterday that I told Angela that things were in the early stages with a man and now? It was hard not to be swept up in the emotion of this new thing. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was, but I felt happy for the first time in a damn long time.
I had fallen into the same pattern I always did with men, but today I didn't feel guilty over my decisions, and I didn't feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today felt different. Edward was different.
I had been myself around him. I had told him the truth about me and my fucked up life, and he wanted to see me again regardless.
I shivered in response to thinking of him. Last night had been something otherworldly and wonderful. I don't know how I navigated the roads because my mind was a lustful haze of remembered touches, kisses, and whispered words.
I parked my car and glanced around the parking lot at the precinct. There were very few cars here today. In years past, I had volunteered to work the morning after the Policeman's Ball to spare those with hangovers from coming into work. The small number of cars also told me that it was a slower day—despite the earlier drama. I looked at the clock before I turned off the car—12:17p.m., less than seven hours until I saw Edward again.
I entered the building and caught the odd glances from my co-workers to let me know my name was mud today, and I had been talked about. I was stupid enough to make a rookie mistake and turn off my phone and probably caused unnecessary worry and made other officers come in to cover my ass. They needed to get over it though, I'd done the same for them many times before.
I ducked into my cubicle, but unfortunately there was no file on my desk. No termination notice either. Always a good sign. Disappointed about the lack of information, I proceeded through the maze of desks and dividers to the Chief's office.
The door was open, and he stood at the window looking down at the street below. His hair looked more salt than pepper these days, and the lines and wrinkles on his face seemed to multiply overnight.
I knocked on the open door as I walked in. "Hey, Chief." I tried to make my voice sound contrite, but I had no idea if it worked.
He didn't turn around. "Did you ever want to just run away, Swan? Like, pick up whatever was most dear, whatever you could fit in one car, and leave the rest behind?"
I slumped in the chair and felt a pang in my chest. I'd done it twice. I knew what it was like to pack precious mementos in boxes because it was all you had left and drive and cry until you couldn't see anymore. But I didn't share that. "Yeah," I admitted.
He pushed away from the window and came to sit on the edge of his desk. "Glad to know you're okay. I'll admit, I was worried for a bit."
I fidgeted with my hands. "Sorry, I turned my phone off before the ball, and I forgot to turn it back on. Mike stopped by this morning and chewed my ass out."
I didn't look up at him. I vaguely wondered if this was what it was like to disappoint a parent.
He sighed. "I'd probably write up a lesser officer, but you've put more of yourself into this investigation than anyone, and I'm giving you a break."
I wasn't dumb enough to point out he'd given me a break not long ago when I took my vacation to Forks. I swallowed uncomfortably. "Anything turn up yet?" I asked, digging the toe of one shoe into the plush carpet.
"Nah. Tech Unit is still pouring over photos, but we won't find anything." I looked up as he tapped his stomach with a clenched fist. "I feel it in my gut."
We were silent for a few moments before he sighed again. "Go home, Swan. Honestly, there's nothing to do but sit and wait."
Sit and wait for what? Evidence to surface? Another murder?
He walked around behind his desk and lowered himself into the chair, turning his attention to his computer. I got the hint that he wanted to be alone.
"Hang in there, Chief," I offered, rising to leave.
He said nothing, and I excused myself.
I didn't make eye contact with anyone as I left and returned to my car. I sat there for several minutes, watching squad cars leave with flashing lights and sirens wailing. It never failed to take me back to the day at the boat launch.
I shook off the thought and started the car, driving toward home on the same route I always took, passing a sign for the park where I often jogged. I had lots of time before Edward returned, and if I was home alone I would just sit and think and worry he wouldn't come back. I knew I had a gym bag in the back seat, so I made a split second decision to go for a run. I knew I would think about Edward no matter what, but at least if I kept active, time would seem to pass more quickly.
I turned down the lonely road, away from the highway and the suburbs, toward the park near the river. At the bend in the road was the small, gravel parking lot for the park. There were few cars in the lot today, and I parked at the far end near the fence, furthest from the rest of the vehicles. A quick glance at the thermometer told me it was 61 degrees and mostly cloudy. Not a bad day for a run.
I grabbed my bag from the back seat and hurriedly changed into my shorts and Wonder Woman T-shirt, fully aware that I could be busted for indecent exposure if I wasn't careful. I left my phone and keys under the floor mat and secured my gun in the trunk per protocol.
I did some simple stretches to loosen up before securing an armband above my elbow and selecting the jogging playlist on my mp3 player. I popped my earbuds in and set off on the wide, paved trail.
It must have rained overnight. The trees had lost most of their pretty foliage, causing a mess of leaves with once-bold colors to bleed into brown, matted against the path.
My feet pounded on the track as I sang along with the lyrics, setting a comfortable pace. Once in a while I thought the sun would peak through the thin, grey clouds, and with every attempt the sky got a little lighter, and my anticipation only grew.
A couple of other joggers passed me going the opposite direction, but otherwise I was alone with my thoughts and they were quite jumbled.
I couldn't help but think of Edward.
Maybe I needed to get a grip. Maybe he wouldn't even show up tonight. Maybe I had been too honest, too hopeful. Were the only relationships I was destined to have one night stands? Did I know any emotion past lust? I couldn't acknowledge the little niggling voice in the back of my head telling me that I might be falling in love with Edward.
The wind picked up a little, rustling the few remaining leaves on the trees and causing the hair that escaped my elastic to whip around my face. I had an odd feeling I was being watched. I turned and looked over my right shoulder and swore I saw something in the trees.
The shape was vague, blurred because it was moving too, but the form was unmistakably human. I came to a fork in the path and I took a right. The trail was a mile longer than the left one and went deeper into the park, but it would take me past the strange apparition.
I started to think I was crazy because I couldn't see what I thought I'd seen anymore. What did I see anyway? A person leaping through the tree limbs three stories off the ground? My mind rapidly tried to fill in the blanks and make what I thought I'd seen make sense.
Tree trimmers?
Some kind of stunt?
The sun playing tricks on my mind? That was most likely, was there anything else remotely logical? This whole thing was crazy and nonsensical. It was just as likely that I was overtired or dehydrated.
I continued to run, pacing myself, but I didn't notice the music anymore. My eyes were trained on the trees in the distance. Watching. Waiting.
I ran another fifty yards before the hair rose on the back of my neck, and I had the feeling I wasn't alone anymore. I looked over each shoulder and saw no one on the path behind me, but when I turned back around, there was a man standing on the lowest limb of the oak tree directly in front of me, looming over the path.
Skidding to a halt, I almost slipped on the wet leaves and wood chips beneath my running shoes.
Oddly, I thought of my gun and cell phone locked away in my trunk. I wished I had them now.
Taking a deep breath, I sized up the man above me.
He took a non-threatening posture with his arm outstretched, leaning against the trunk of the tree, but his smirk told me something else. Otherwise, he looked very ordinary; nothing special. He was of average height, but looked to be in good shape underneath his jeans and flannel shirt. I started to bring forth my self-defense techniques.
My mind was running one hundred miles an hour, struggling to process the scene in front of me. Who was this man? How did he get up there? And furthermore, what did he want?
"Detective Swan? My, my, my, how you've changed. Then again, it has been a while." I squinted, trying to place the man. He had a strong, square jaw, and he was handsome in his own way. His eyes were small and sunk into his face like dark stones at the bottom of a pool, and his dishwater blonde hair was in a loose ponytail at the nape of his neck.
Did I know this person? He seemed to know me. I tried to determine if I recognized the face that stared down at me from the tree, but I was looking toward the thinly veiled sun and couldn't see his face well. I said nothing in response, but I took a step backward and assumed a protective posture.
He stepped off the branch as though he was just stepping off the curb and dropped the thirty feet to the forest floor. He landed like a cat, his knees bent to absorb the impact in almost a crouch. The fall should have broken his legs.
I kept our distance by taking another step back. "H-how do I know you?" I asked, watching as he straightened up and began moving in a wide circle around me, forcing me to move too, to maintain the space between us.
"You don't remember me?" He mocked incredulously, laughing afterward. The breeze picked up, rustling the leaves and the hair brushing against the collar of his denim jacket. "You wound me, Detective. I thought if you'd remember any day of your past, it would be that one. My name is James, and we've met just once before."
A chill raced up my spine, and my hands began to shake. My throat was dry and tight. There was only one day in my life I knew I'd never be able to forget. The clouds shifted and the sunlight filtered down through the thin canopy. The faint brightness engulfed the man, the light fractured like a prism the minute it hit his skin, casting a shimmering glow over his face and hands like diamond dust. An unbidden memory flashed through my consciousness.
The rocking boat as someone jumped down from the tree on the bend of the river
My dad struggling.
A cold, shimmering hand reaching out for me as I squinted up at the face of death in the sunlight.
My father's lifeless body with his neck split wide open.
I opened my mouth to scream, but the mysterious man closed the distance between us too fast, standing before me with his finger pressed to my lips.
"Shh, you don't want to do that, Isabella."
I couldn't move. I just stood trembling. The way he said my name, the way his skin sparkled, the way he jumped out of the tree above me—I wasn't sure what was the present and what was the past anymore. My throat would surely be ripped out by this… blood drinker, savage, murderer. There would be no second date with Edward, and I wouldn't solve the—
The murders. It was as if the missing piece of a puzzle was finally uncovered. We never found footprints on the ground because there weren't any to find there. I'd always thought it was as if the bodies fell right out of the sky—and what if they did? After watching this man jump from the tree, it was no longer far-fetched.
He withdrew his finger from my trembling lips. "Y-you," I stammered as hot tears ran down my cheeks.
He smiled wide, baring his teeth. "I've been waiting a long time for this, little Isabella. There were a lot of casualties along the way."
The guilt rose up in me. Were all these deaths my fault? Had dozens of innocents died in place of me?
I sobbed out the only word I could think of. I wanted answers, and I thought I deserved to know. "Why?"
With a simple shrug he answered my question the way many murderers I'd interviewed had answered similar questions. "Why not? You smelled so good. Daddy was just collateral damage. It was you I wanted."
I crumpled to the ground, unable to stand anymore. My fault, my fault, all my fault. Why hadn't he just taken me from the start and spared my dad? Had this ghost been haunting me my whole life? Could I have stopped it and spared so many others' hurt?
A word lingered at the back of my mind, a word I'd pushed aside since the day on the river in Forks—vampire. Was life as I knew it a farce? Was there a whole other world that existed beyond my perception?
He stepped back and rolled up the sleeves of his jacket faster than humanly possible, and I knew I was dealing with something cold-blooded. I didn't want to give up, didn't want to quit, but it was easier to be the little girl cold and alone in the hull of a boat, totally adrift and better off not knowing what was coming.
The man smiled down at me. "I hope you taste half as good as you smell. Let's find out."
Before I could close my eyes and wait for my impending death, rapid movement caught my attention. From the depth of the woods, Edward appeared and barreled into my would-be attacker. The sound of their collision sounded like thunder. As I scrabbled back behind the nearest tree trunk, I heard growling and snarling as the two of them faced off. They both dropped into a crouch like two wrestlers, but I didn't think the outcome would be as simple as a pin to the mat.
I couldn't watch anymore. I didn't want to watch anymore. I had watched someone I cared about be ripped to shreds, and I was sure no giant wolf was there to save us this time from this… vampire. Curling into the fetal position around the trunk of the tree, I cried, waiting for God knows what to happen. My eyes were open, but I couldn't see through the flood of tears.
The growling got louder, and there were more sounds like rolling thunder before the noise stopped and only exaggerated panting filled the silence. I closed my eyes then, concentrating on the faraway sound of music from my earbuds tangled in the dead leaves beneath me. A rush of cold air swept through the trees with a whistling sound.
I was shocked to hear a female voice next.
"Edward, let him go."
"What? Alice, I've got to go after him."
"You won't find him. Trust me. She needs you now. She's more important. Look at her."
The sound of crunching leaves grew louder, but I didn't open my eyes.
"Is she hurt? I don't smell blood. I swore I got here in time."
"I think she's in shock. Her mind probably couldn't process what she's seen and shut down. We've got to get her to Carlisle."
I felt myself being lifted off the ground, and the next sensation made me feel like I was flying. My once-hot tears now felt frozen to my cheeks. Even with my eyes closed, I knew we were moving quickly. I could feel the wind whipping past us and feel my hair lashing my cheek. I could perceive Edward all around me, but I didn't know how we were moving so fast.
Edward and Alice spoke little while we… flew? Their words were quiet, too hurried for me to understand.
Sometimes he'd press his lips against my temple and breathe whisper-soft words against my temple—endearments, apologies, a soft melody.
I felt the tears continue to leak from my eyes and the hair come loose from my ponytail before the rapid movement stopped abruptly and outside noises gave way to domestic sounds: a door opening, the soft smell of home, sounds muffled by carpets and stairs.
I clung tighter to my dark knight, unsure of where I was or what was happening. I was placed on something soft, and I felt a cool hand smoothing over my forehead.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. Help is on the way. I swear no one will hurt you."
I concentrated on breathing in and out, on surviving another breath, another heartbeat. I felt Edward's hand in mine, promising me he wouldn't leave, while he and his sister talked.
"Edward, it's clear this wasn't a random meeting. How did he know Bella?"
I felt Edward's thumb brush across the back of my hand. "I don't know."
I wanted to tell them we were all in danger, that I had been stalked for years—hunted—but I couldn't bring my mouth to speak. There was too much for my mind to consider, and the earlier fear and disappointment I'd felt were too real. I just wanted to stay here in my mind and think, to figure out what I was going to do next—to figure out… everything.
I heard a commotion, a door opened, and a new voice joined the discussion.
"Has she said anything?"
"Nothing."
I felt Edward move away slightly before I felt a cool hand on my wrist first and then my eyelids. I wanted to shy away from the flood of light into my cornea, but I couldn't convince my brain to send the rest of my body the right message.
The new voice spoke again. "Alice, get me some warm clothes, Edward, peel back the covers and get me another blanket."
Once again, my body was lifted by strong arms, but they weren't Edward's.
It was several moments before the voice spoke again. "Alice, leave the clothes on the chair. I want the two of you to give us some space, please. Bella is experiencing shock or trauma and needs an IV, and I'd like to talk to her."
I heard a loud snarl and my heart pounded fearfully.
"Edward, please remain calm. You're upsetting her."
The sound stopped abruptly. "Carlisle, please don't send me away."
I heard a sigh above me. "Edward, I'm sorry. I will be careful—I can see what she means to you, but she is my patient now, and if her body is upset, it will make the recovery process slower. Trust me?"
There was no response, simply the sound of a door opening and closing, and then there was silence for a long stretch. I missed Edward's cool palm pressed to mine and the whispered words against my ear, giving me chills. More than anything I wanted to find the strength to call out to him.
But who was Edward really? I had seen him move the same way my would-be attacker had. I heard him growl like a feral animal. And I couldn't ignore his touch as cool and hard as a tombstone.
I felt the panic threaten to take over.
"Bella? Can you hear me? It's Dr. Cullen."
Oh thank God. A doctor.
"Bella, I'm going to give you some Klonopin, alright? You'll just feel a little sting."
I felt his hand, cool like Edward's but more technical, purposeful, at my elbow before I felt the prick of my skin.
Wait. Could I trust this doctor?
As though he could read my mind, the doctor spoke up. I felt cold suddenly from the inside out, and the urge to drift into unconsciousness was overwhelming.
"Bella, I know you've seen things to make you doubt yourself and the world you live in. I know you've seen darkness, evil, but there is good too. Edward is good. We all try to be good, and no harm will come to you in our home. You are safe."
My mind repeated the words over and over in my subconscious like a mantra. You are safe. You are safe.
The silence returned for an uncertain amount of time. I daydreamed or was in a state of delusion. I saw Keith Blackbird dancing and shaking his turtle shell, and I saw my victims' bodies with their throats torn out and nail marks down their backs like they were trying to run away from their attacker. I saw the man in the forest who told me I smelled good—the same man who brutally murdered my father. And I saw Edward, the way he looked at me that day in the café—dangerous, intimidating. But my mind quickly forced that image out of my head, and I saw the Edward who hovered over me last night.
My name appeared out of the darkness, and I heard Doctor Cullen's voice again.
"… I'm sticking my neck out quite a bit here, but since you've seen too much already, I'm hoping I'm not truly violating law. If I am, I'd rather it be me than Edward, and I'd rather you hear the truth from me than go on suspecting heaven knows what."
It was so strange. He was purposefully being vague, and yet I felt like he trusted me with something very personal.
"Remember, I said that you are one hundred percent safe in this house. I will let no harm come to you. You've been in our presence several times and you've always been safe. Bella, you have seen things today that others assume to be pretend—things that are part of legends and lore. There are good and evil of every kind of creature—human, animal, and…"
Vampire.
My mind supplied the word before he could utter it. I had known it since I was a child, but the Cullens thought I was exposed to that reality today. I wasn't as shocked at the actual announcement as I thought I'd be.
So, the Cullens were… Edward was a…
"My family is different than the man you saw today. He wished you harm, but I can assure you that my family isn't like that. Our strength, our compassion, our decency comes from hunting animals—just as mankind does. Life has dealt us an interesting hand, but it doesn't mean that we can't make the most of our situation and do so with respect and honor. We choose to be good and rise above our nature. We choose to have normal lives and live among humans."
So not every vampire hunted humans? It felt strange to even acknowledge the word and to actually consider this predicament. Perhaps it was to lure humans into a sense of false security? It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my ribcage at the doctor's words. My chest felt tight, and I was sure I was beginning to hyper ventilate. Surely Dr. Cullen was a good man, right? If his patients went missing, surely someone would notice? He took the Hippocratic Oath to protect lives, didn't he?
"Be calm, Bella. No harm will come to you. If you would prefer I call an ambulance to take you to a hospital right now, I will do so, but you need care, and I'm sure Edward would be beside himself if you left here. He's sitting outside the door even now."
Edward.
It always seemed to come back to Edward.
I felt some of the tension leave my body. I had been alone with Edward so many times. He could have hurt me at any time, but he didn't. We spent at amazing night together, and I could feel the connection between us. I didn't want to give him up, but could this work?
The only vampire I'd ever known killed my father and was on the lookout for me. I drifted back into unconsciousness with Carlisle's soothing voice relaying the positive attributes of vampires.
~oOo~
I awoke an indeterminate time later in a bedroom that was dimly lit by a lamp on the desk on the far side of the room. I was alone, and I wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. A part of me had hoped that I would awaken to find out everything was a dream and that I was home in bed with Edward. Gazing around the room to ensure I was really on my own, I took note of the details in case I had to describe the room to Newton or the Chief. That was, if I survived my capture.
The room itself was immaculate and beautiful. I was situated beneath several layers of blankets on a large bed with a pale gold comforter. The walls were butter yellow, and the desk across from me was part of a wall-sized bookshelf unit. Upon it were antique knickknacks: old black and white photos, a baseball, a pocket watch and chain beneath a little bell jar, and a silhouette of a woman, among other things. There were also more recent pictures of the Cullens.
The far wall had French doors that led to a large deck that was illuminated by lamps on the posts. The curtains weren't drawn, and I could see that it was dark outside.
An IV pole stood behind me with a heart monitor attached. It was then that I noticed the clip over my index finger registering my pulse and saw the small tube taped to my arm. My eyes traced the path taken by the transparent tubing attached to the needle and followed it to the large bag of clear liquid attached to the IV pole. I shuddered, the liquid in the IV bag was misleading; any number of drugs could have been administered through the line and into my bloodstream. I felt… fine, I guess. Tired maybe, but my mind felt clear.
On the bedside table was my phone.
My heart thudded. I'd left it in my car when I'd gone for my run. Snatching the phone up, I clutched it to my chest. Should I call for help? I tapped the screen bringing it to life. Who would I call? Mike? Ugh, no. He'd probably call in the Swat Team or the FBI. The Chief? 911? And what would I tell them? "Help! I've been abducted by vampires! They provided me with medical assistance and didn't eat me!"
Jesus. I'd be committed if they didn't hang up and bill me for a crank call.
And what kind of vampire kidnapper provides someone with the means to rat them out anyway? Maybe what Dr. Cullen had said was true? There were good vampires in the world?
The icon for messages was highlighted on my phone, and I quickly accessed the messages.
Feel better soon, Bella!
Bella, you've been working too hard. Get well!
Rest up, Bella!
Was this it? Is this how my sudden disappearance would be explained after I was ripped apart by bloodthirsty animals? Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I considered my fate and the world I thought I knew.
There was one last text, but I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to read it. I let out a breath and clicked the message.
Bella, I'm so sorry for what I am. I'm here if you want me.
Setting the phone down on the table, I curled up on my side, drawing my knees up in a fetal position, and watched my heartbeat on the monitor.
68
66
67
64
Edward.
77
79
82
I saw the spikes and dips on the graph not sure what all the wavy lines meant, but there was no denying what my body thought of Edward.
Bella, I'm so sorry for what I am. I'm here if you want me.
Edward's text played over and over in my head, making me truly consider the words. Should anyone have to apologize for who they were? Did it matter what he was if he strived to be decent, good, and thrive despite the hand he'd been dealt. Was that so awful? Could I get up and walk away from here and move on, forgetting that anything had ever happened between us?
My chest clenched painfully.
So it seems the answer was no.
I wanted him.
I sat up on the edge of the bed, getting my bearings for a few moments. The room pitched and rolled, and I clung tighter to the sheets for support. Looking down, I noticed I was not in my own clothes anymore. I was dressed in a white T-shirt, a track jacket, and a pair of pale grey matching velour track pants—something I never would have bought on my own. I yanked off the pulse oximeter and watched as my heartbeat 'flatlined' on the monitor.
Standing up on shaky legs like a newborn fawn, I took hesitant steps toward the bedroom door. My arms were outstretched like a tightrope walker's, desperate for balance. As I neared the door, the IV in my arm twinged and the tape pulled at the delicate skin at the inside of my elbow. The line was stretched tight between my arm and the bag attached to the pole by the bed. I wiped a hot tear away and swallowed before I grabbed the tube where the small catheter and needle had punctured my arm and yanked. The sting was instantaneous and a thin line of blood trickled down my arm. I felt nauseated as I pressed my right hand over the burning wound and cursed myself for my blatant stupidity. I wanted to make it to the door, but my tumbledown legs refused to hold me another second.
Sinking slowly to the floor, I crawled over to the door and leaned up against it. I breathed loudly, cursing myself for leaving my phone over on the nightstand. I didn't even know what I was doing or where I was going. It's obvious I wasn't going to get far. Grabbing the hem of the shirt, I pressed it to the inside of my elbow, blotting up the blood. An angry bruise was already forming and there was a large red 'X' where the tape had formerly been stuck to my skin. I couldn't have been more stupid if I tried, I literally had an 'X' marks the spot over a leaking vein in a house full of vampires. Was I wrong to want him in this minute? I thumped my head against the door and let Edward's name slip from my lips with a sigh.
It was only a couple of seconds later that movement caught my eye, and I saw Edward vault over the deck. I clapped a hand to my mouth to stifle the gasp aching to get out.
He stood outside the French doors, the lamplight illuminating his wild eyes. We simply stared at each other through the glass before his hand reached out too quickly for the doorknob. I wanted to pinch myself to see if this was real. I wanted time to process what I'd learned because I didn't know how to deal with the news that the world as I knew it wasn't what it seemed.
Edward crossed the threshold cautiously, edging into the bedroom. He never broke eye contact.
"Stop!" I demanded after he closed the door behind him, letting in a rush of cool night air. He froze, not wavering, not blinking, not breathing.
"Bella, I—"
"No," I said, cowering further into the door. "Don't. There is so much in my head—sometimes I want you to talk, sometimes I just want you to listen."
He nodded. "Okay," he acquiesced. "But will you just answer one thing for me? Are you alright, physically, I mean."
He looked concerned, like a real person would and glanced cautiously toward my arm. His eyebrows were raised in expectation, his eyes were intense but sympathetic, and his lips were pressed together in a worried frown.
Was I alright? Would I ever be alright again? My world had tilted on its axis. "I don't know. Am I? I feel okay. Tired, I guess." I knew I was so vulnerable, and I was showing some of my fear by keeping him at a distance, and I could hear the tremor in my voice.
"We weren't sure at first. I thought maybe you were going into shock, but my d—Carlisle said he thought you were experiencing some PTSD, and your brain just had to shut down for a while to protect itself."
"Yeah, I've seen some real fucked up shit lately." I covered my eyes with my bloodied hands and let out a broken sigh. To be honest, I was a little disappointed with myself. I had reverted to a school age child. I'd seen all kinds of trauma on the job in recent years, and I'd been so strong. Why did I have to wuss out now?
Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Bella, I'm so sorry—"
I didn't want pity; that was the one thing I couldn't handle. "So how long have I been out of it?" I intruded, uncovering my eyes. "Overnight?" The last thing time I remembered was a little after noon on Sunday.
Edward hesitated for a moment as though he was unsure what to say. "Um, a little longer actually. It's 5:17a.m. on Wednesday."
Wednesday? "Wednesday? Jesus!" I struggled to try and get up, but I failed miserably, my wobbly legs giving out almost immediately. Edward instantly reached out for me, catching me before I fell.
His hands were wrapped around my ribcage, thumbs pressing against the underside of my breasts, and drew me into the support and protection of his arms. I stared up into his gold eyes and felt an entirely different kind of weak in knees. Memories of the weekend flashed through my mind—the tender way Edward touched me, telling me he wanted to spend more time with me, asking me to trust him.
I cringed a little, extracting myself from his arms by pushing him away. I had gone out on a limb and trusted him, and look where it got me.
The look on his face betrayed his hurt once again, but he gently released me, and I returned to the alcove of the door once again.
"Go sit over there," I ordered, pointing toward the bed.
He retreated so slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
"Christ," I muttered. "Do I still have a job? Does anyone know where I am right now? Where's my badge, my gun?" It was a sickening feeling to have no idea where I was or where my weapon was. There was never a moment in the day when I couldn't account for the whereabouts of either.
"Carlisle called your precinct and told them your appendix ruptured. Your Chief of Police was very concerned, and Carlisle advised him to give you a week or two off to heal. No one specifically knows you are here, but the precinct knows you're in Carlisle's care. As for your gun and your badge, we left them secured in your car, which is in our garage."
I shook my head, mumbling under my breath. "This is so fucked up. I want answers, Edward, and I want them now."
Edward looked down at me crouched near the door and nodded. "Okay. I'll tell you anything you want to know."
He no longer seemed like the smooth, confident man I'd come to know in the last few weeks. He looked gutted and kind of like I felt when I realized how real loss was.
I felt guilty, but I pressed on. "I don't even know where to start. My mind is one big clusterfuck right now."
H nodded. "It's okay. Ask whatever comes to mind."
Things were quiet for a moment while I steeled myself to ask the toughest question first. "Is what Dr. C—Carlisle said true? Are you a— Oh my God, I can't even say it! It seems too preposterous!"
Was it though? Hadn't some part of me known there were monsters out there for a very long time? Hadn't I seen and accepted it?
"It's okay," he urged. "Say it out loud."
My throat was dry and tight. I had to whisper the word. "Vampire."
He closed his eyes and his head drooped, dipping between his shoulders. "Yes, to my eternal disappointment."
Inhaling sharply, I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "Oh, God," I lamented, tucking myself into a little ball. I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I struggled to blink them away.
"Bella, I would never hurt you. Please believe that."
I heard him slide off the bed and onto the floor. Raising my head quickly, I fed the fear and extended my hand. "Please stop. I need the distance."
Edward held up his hands in deference, leaning against the foot of the bed. "Bella, please believe me. Everything I said to you Saturday was the truth. That night meant something to me. I never lied about my feelings for you. I think you're amazing and beautiful. I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't into casual relationships and that I wanted to see a lot more of you. We've been alone a dozen times, and I could have hurt you at any point, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you."
"So you hunt animals?" I spoke over him, ignoring his last reply. I couldn't think about that now or I'd lose my focus. I desperately wanted to dwell on the way his hands brushed my hair away from my face, or the way his fingertips caressed my skin. I wanted to remember him say he'd never hurt me as we huddled up in my little bed-tent Sunday morning, but I still had too many questions.
He didn't look up, merely stared at the beige carpet. Was he ashamed? Did he ever intend to tell me? "Yes."
Though he couldn't see me, I nodded to myself. At least he was confirming what the doctor told me. "And did you ever, you know, hunt… people?"
Did I really want to know the answer to that question? No, but I needed to know.
There was no reply from him for a very long moment, and I knew I had my answer.
"A while ago," came his reply.
I couldn't speak. I trembled so hard. I didn't know where the tremors started. Butterflies beat their wings and crashed into the walls of my stomach with such force that I wasn't sure how I didn't become violently ill. My hands trembled, my legs shook, and my lips quivered. I swallowed until I could find my voice and force my body to calm itself little by little.
"I'm going to ask this one time, and I want the truth. Were you or anyone in this house aware of the murders before this case I'm investigating went live? Does anyone in this house know that man who attacked me in the woods? Were any of you involved in any way?"
Edward slowly raised his head and met my eyes. "No." His voice sounded so clear and sure.
I looked away and furiously wiped the tears that leaked from my eyes. I hated crying, it was a human condition that betrayed your strength, emotion, and control.
"You'll forgive me if I can't believe you with the utmost certainty. It seems I've been told a real whopper of a lie recently," I sniffled.
I looked through my lashes, heavy and thick with moisture and simply watched for his reaction. His shoulders had slumped once again and he cradled his face in his hands. "I don't know how to earn back your trust, Bella, but I'll do anything that you tell me to do."
He removed his hands from his face while I continued to smear the tears with the back of my own hand. He stood then and crossed the room to the bureau on the far side of the bed and pulled open a drawer. I watched curiously and with some semblance of fear. Edward retrieved a white handkerchief before closing the drawer and returning to my side of the room. He approached with extreme caution, taking slow, purposeful steps.
"Here," he said gently, extending a hand. I tried not to shy away from him, but my shoulders slid to the left, further into the little alcove behind the door, and my hands came up and crossed over my chest. My fingers tangled together awkwardly, and nervously, I bit my knuckle.
"I won't hurt you, Bella. I couldn't."
Tentatively, I reached out and took the proffered white square. His index finger trailed down the length of mine in the brief exchange. His touch was just as soft and gentle as it was the night we'd had sex. I shuddered, but I didn't think it was from the chill of his skin. I withdrew my hand and brought the fine linen to my nose. I inhaled shallowly, breathing in the unmistakable scent of Edward. My mind was flooded with a rush of memories: the way my pillows smelled after he left my apartment, the way he said "Good morning," and twirled my hair around his finger, the amazing way I felt about myself as I basked in the afterglow of our surrender to passion. "Thank you," I whispered.
He sat down on the floor again but sat a little closer this time. "Bella, would you believe me if I said that I've considered how I was going to tell you about me from almost the first moment we met?"
I didn't say anything. What could I say? I didn't know the answer myself.
"I'll probably butcher this story if I start anywhere but the beginning. Will you let me start sharing my part of the story?"
I nodded and curled up on the floor on my side. I folded one arm under my head and pressed the handkerchief to my nose again.
"Alright," Edward began, pausing to fist his hair. "Well, I went to the café that first day to catch up on the news and grab a paper. We'd seen your interview on the 11:00 news the night before, and we suspected the killer was a rogue vampire—one that hunts… normal prey and deliberately targets people and is sloppy, leaving behind too many clues. Secrecy is of the utmost importance, but that's another conversation."
Even as I remembered the impromptu interview that night, the strange conversation that was taking place was exhilarating. Like reading a new book, I just wanted him to talk faster, to know all the answers to the questions bouncing around inside my head.
"We began taking interest in the case because though we didn't agree with his dietary choices, we didn't want to attract unnecessary attention either. And, I started taking interest in you too. I saw you on TV and in the papers, and I could see your amazing passion and strength. So when I saw you at the café that day, to say I was delighted was an understatement. Not only could I stare at your beautiful face, but I got to see for myself what a delight you were when you spilled your coffee."
I felt my face flame as I remembered hopping around the patio to avoid the hot liquid and being so embarrassed that the cute guy inside the café was watching me.
"I had been debating coming over to introduce myself when you came into the cafe, and my world changed forever. Not only could I smell the delicious pheromones your body was producing, your… scent called to me like no one else's."
I gasped and felt the return of fear to my body. My heart soared and my muscles tensed, preparing for a flight or fight.
"But even then hurting you was out of the question, so I left, thereby raising your suspicions. I knew what I was, and what I was beginning to feel for you. It wasn't as if I could just out myself and tell you what I am, but I wanted you to know me, and I wanted to know you. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and a good friend finally told me that if I wanted you badly enough I'd have to let you in and show you the real me. So that was my plan, to reveal little pieces of me until somehow I could tell you the biggest secret of all. Everything, Bella, has been in effort to move you toward the truth. I hated keeping that, but I swear that everything else I told you was the truth."
A little part of me wondered if fate had intervened in my life the day I met Edward. I couldn't deny the way he made me feel, even if he was a vampire. Maybe the universe introduced us the best way it knew how.
"So who is Edward Cullen?" I whispered, drawing my knees up into the fetal position. "I mean, from what I know," I paused and licked my lips steeling myself to say the word, "vampires are made, not born."
So slowly, he stretched out to mimic my position on the floor, but maintained his distance. "I was born Edward Anthony Masen in Chicago in 1901. I had a normal life until my family became ill during the Spanish Flu outbreak in 1918. I had been hoping to join the army and go off to France to find glory in the World War, but I never recovered. My parents died, and Carlisle found me in the hospital near death and decided to change me. He'd never changed anyone before, and it wasn't an easy decision for him—or an easy reality for me. But I accepted his philosophies and his moral compass and I hunted animals too."
I listened with rapt attention to the story of his life.
"Carlisle met Esme shortly after me, and they've been together since. Carlisle saved Rose and Emmett in the ' 30s. He hoped Rosalie and I would pair up, but that was never meant to be. We're too alike and dissimilar in all the right and wrong ways. She and Emmett were a done deal as soon as they saw one another. Alice and Jasper had their own history, and they found us in the 1950s."
He spoke so casually, as though anyone could understand this kind of history, time scale. I couldn't imagine living more than a hundred years, and yet to him, it must seem like the blink of an eye. Did vampires age, did they ever die? If they never died then they could never leave anyone they loved behind.
Edward took a breath and paused, looking at me with imploring eyes. "Shortly after they joined us, I left. Everyone was a matched set except for me, and I couldn't take it anymore. I traveled around and hunted humans during that time. I resented Carlisle for limiting me and denying me a vampire's true prey. I engaged in all kinds of debauchery."
He looked away, guilty. I could tell he was ashamed and worried about my reactions, but at the same time, I could understand, in a way. Everyone felt sorry for the gazelle when a lioness took it down, but when she dragged its carcass back to mewling and hungry cubs, it didn't seem so bad. Everything has to eat, right? I wanted to urge Edward on, but I didn't know how.
"So, I hunted humans, but I justified my slayings by hunting down murderers, rapists, child molesters, and other scum from humankind's gutters. After a decade, I felt empty, dark. I felt all that negative energy I'd consumed trapped inside my body, so I returned to Carlisle and his way of life. It hasn't been easy to be alone, but I feel better."
My heart stuttered, and I felt immense pity for the man in front of me. Maybe he was a lost kid just like I was. And in our own way, we sort of shared a common interest—ridding the world of evil-doers.
"How did you know they were bad?" I found myself asking. "How did you track them down?"
He sighed again. "Well, that brings me to my other big reveal—far less scary than the first. When a human becomes a vampire they often bring in their most predominant trait—compassion, beauty, or in my case the ability to read people. That translated into the ability to read minds." He smiled for the first time and through that one gesture the whole conversation seemed to lighten. "Well, most anyway."
Wait. What? "H-how?" I wondered, not sure I wanted him to know what I had been thinking in his presence.
He shrugged. "No idea. Vampirism just seems to heighten many abilities. I woke up from my change and began to hear the thoughts of those around me. I thought I was going crazy at first, but Carlisle and I figured it out quite quickly. There is a snag, however."
I raised my eyebrows, urging him to continue and I tried not to think of anything, but that only made me wonder what I shouldn't be thinking of, and my mind quickly descended into the gutter.
"You," he answered simply. "I can read everyone's mind but yours. I have no idea why, but I've tried to no avail. I figured it out the first day, and I've wished a million times that I could know what you were thinking." His smile was soft, almost sad.
Was I relieved? Maybe. I certainly wasn't anything special, so did that mean something was wrong with me? Why couldn't Edward read my mind? Did it mean he didn't feel the same connection between us that I did? "Why?" I demanded, perhaps a little too strongly.
He held my gaze for a long moment and studied me, his brows furrowing ever so slightly. "I don't know. You must be special."
He paused thoughtfully, and his voice was softer when he began again. "You've been alone a long time, Bella. Maybe you have to let someone in. I'd really like for it to be me."
I sniffled. He was right. I shut myself away since my parents and my gran died. The few friendships I made through college, I let expire. My only real friend now was Angela, and I often kept her at arm's length. I hadn't had a relationship with a man since… well… maybe ever. Any hopes I had in a relationship always turned into a one night stand after I inevitably divulged information about who I was or the importance of my job. No one wanted to stick around. But Edward wanted in. He said so on Saturday, and was reiterating it now. I wanted to say yes, but it went against every human instinct I had. I had seen a vampire rip into my father and steal his life in one savage bite. How could I trust Edward?
"How do I trust you? You're a vampire! What does that mean for us? What does that mean for me?" My voice broke as I whispered aloud my next question. "Do I have to become one too?"
Fat tears rolled down my cheeks. I wasn't entirely sure why I was crying—was I in fear for my life? Was I afraid this would become my fate against my will? Or was I afraid to take that step and trust Edward with my heart?
"Oh, Bella," Edward began softly, looking me in the eye. "You don't have to do anything. I told you Saturday, I was weird too and unfamiliar with relationships. Let's not worry about labels. You be Bella, and I'll be Edward. I wouldn't ever hurt you. I'll be your vampire, and you can be my human."
He extended a hand and laid it down, palm up, on the expanse of carpet between us. "Trust me," he implored with a whisper.
My lips trembled, and I tasted salty tears as my unsteady fingers shook while I reached out very slowly to place my hand in his.
Author's Note: Epic thanks to my beta, duskwatcher2153. And thanks to ravenclawamber and her friend Lissy for the support and medical advice. 3
Happy Halloween! A nice scary chapter for you today. ;-) I hope everyone has a frightfully fun night. What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
Song Rec for this chapter has to be "The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance.
November is NaNoWriMo, and I'm using that 'deadline' to finish this fic. If you want to 'friend' me, check progress, cheer me on, whatever, your support is super appreciated. Look me up under i_was_broken, or I'll post the link on my profile. Thanks, all. 3