Chapter 3 – Initiation

I.

You do this for Edea only?

The sorceress Ultimecia stood in the doorway of the unlit Presidential lounge, contemplating whether to enter. She cut out a majestic silhouette against the light that flooded in from the hallway. Urgent matters bid her to announce herself quickly, but a lingering desire commanded her to watch in secret that which he would not allow her to see freely. He was reading a book, gingerly turning the pages like they might fade from him. He was always reading when he wasn't on a mission, always searching for that damned creature.

It was a part of him she had never understood, a part he never allowed her to understand.

Squall didn't know she was here, watching him in the darkness. He wouldn't have remained in the lounge if he did, there was no bearing her presence these days. She repulsed him, forced him to flee from what once bound him to her.

Unaware of the silent intruder, he made his way through the pages of an ancient leather-bound book. Books and scrolls and reports surrounded him in a mess of arcane knowledge. His metallic blue eyes scanned the pages detailing the legend of a force that was beyond defeat.

Griever

Picture renderings of a lion-like beast were scattered everywhere. A small candle saved him from the darkness that was always ready to swallow him whole, as he poured over one priceless document after another.

"I have told you before Squall," a voice sounded from those parts of the room the light did not touch, "you waste your time chasing myths while reality is catching up with you."

"What do you want?" he asked without looking up from his reading.

Ultimecia rose soundlessly out of the shadows, seeming to materialize out of air. But her clever trick was wasted upon her one-man audience.

"I want to know if you are ready," she said in an empty voice, drained of human emotion.

Her voice was accentless, emotionless, perfect in its intonations. Pleasant sounding vocal chords that rung out of habit than any real need. If she wanted to, she could launch her thoughts into his mind. When he was younger, words were rarely necessary. She treasured those moments when he allowed her into his mind. But these days, she dared not attempt it. The last time she had touched his thoughts, the boy had not spoken to her for six months.

Squall Leonheart finally gave up and delivered his attention to her, ransomed and claimed with her intrusion.

As always she struck him as strangely beautiful, in ways Edea could never be, even if the face was the same. Squall never told her this of course and there was no reason why he would. Why tell her he was probably the only one who saw more in her than quiet unnerving horror. She repulsed most people. Something about her face made people sick with fear. Her expressions were numb, haunted. She carried her face like a corpse, flawlessly beautiful of course, but those feline sculpted features of hers seemed to shelter something invisible, something old and long rotten.

"I'm ready, wait for me in the car Ultimecia," he replied impatiently as he once more immersed himself in the ancient text.

Ultimecia said nothing as she turned and left the room as silently as she had entered. When he was sure that she was gone, Squall snapped the book shut. His concentration ruined.

The lights of Deling City glittered outside his window like scattered gold, illuminating the city of twilight. The one place on earth it was never truly dark and never quite light. Methodically he began to collect the delicate papers and parchments spread across his desk and returned them to his small old fireproof safe. As he entered the security codes he thought about a woman who had brought him to this city.

A woman called Edea.

The memory ignited a sudden gold flash in his blue eyes. He tried to remember Edea, as she used to be, as the woman who had raised him. Tonight he was going to enter the last chapter in a story that started more than a decade ago. Sometimes Squall imagined that Edea could see him through the eyes of the witch that took her body. That somewhere behind Ultimecia stood Edea, tall, graceful and with that unspoken broken feeling she always had in her eyes. He wondered what she thought of him sometimes.

It's your husband I'm going to kill tonight, he thought, the one you hated so much. What would you say to that?

But the truth was, Squall Leonheart didn't really want to know the thoughts of a woman he had so readily given up. When Ultimecia appeared five years ago, Squall had barely complained. He had not threatened to destroy her if she didn't return to him the one person who had ever loved him. The death of Edea was quickly forgiven; she was easily accepted as no more than a memory.

The hideous, most traitorous truth was that he found himself better suited to Ultimecia, a woman who held convictions strong enough for the both of them. Squall never admitted it, not even in the safe confines of his mind, that as a child he felt burdened by Edea's guilt. Each day with Edea was a demonstration of how much she had given up for him and it was harrowing to know that her kindness amounted to a debt he could never repay. For years Squall had looked into her eyes and had seen regret, a smoldering desire for the past. If only she hadn't come back to the orphanage that day, she would never had cause to save him, to leave her husband, her life and go into hiding with a child that wasn't hers.

Squall was feeling uncharacteristically hesitant to perform tonight's mission. Ultimecia could pretend otherwise, but the man he was after was more than an enemy. He was the past, exploding into an uncertain present. Good luck capturing that tonight.

Still his hand rested the small iron safe, heavy and unwilling to release the few scattered clues to a long forgotten weapon, a weapon to be used in a long forgotten war. Whenever the world around him grew more complicated than he knew to solve, it was always this safe he returned to and this private quest of his. Strange fairy tales about a mystical beast were a lot easier to understand than many of the things that happened in the world.

Ultimecia was waiting for him. Soldiers and helicopters were set to fly at his command, but still the young Lord Sorcerer found himself unable to break this spell of uncertainty. His thoughts drifted across time and back. Walking the time-line that ended with the present and as always wondering the same thing.

Why am I here?

For Ultimecia this question was easy. Her world revolved around dogmas and creeds, axioms dearly held against any price. She had brought him up with views, with clear-cut rights and wrongs. He was her knight and she his Sorceress.

All that we do is survive those who don't want us to, she used to tell him.

Edea used to say something similar, when they were still on the run from Estharian soldiers.

Squall had become quite adept at surviving at the cost of others. Years of unrelenting training under Ultimecia's guidance made sure that when it came to a battle, it wouldn't be his body the carrions would feast upon. Those few who knew of the Sorceress's knight feared him, some even more than they did her. The sorceress still possessed some inhibitions, even if it was when things conflicted with her interests.

Squall Leonheart had none.

He heard the sound of Ultimecia's shoes clicking across the brick courtyard. It was time to go. Squall sheathed his gunblade, the mystical weapon of the stories he had grown up on. When he was younger, the stories were about fair princes who boldly served Hyne with unsurpassed courage, who never failed the damsel in distress.

As he got older, the bold princes turned out to be tyrant kings who committed genocide left and right. In the stories Ultimecia used to tell him at night, it was they who caused the distress. It was they who burnt the damsel on a flaming pyre.

As he closed the door behind, it came to him that after tonight nothing would be the same. Years of planning, scheming and preparations would suddenly be actions. Hypotheses would become facts. The endless possibilities would vanish and the rest of the story would be one consequence after another.

At long last he left the presidential lounge and followed Ultimecia out to the courtyard.

"Why won't you let one of our men handle this Squall?" Ultimecia asked him, when he sat beside her in the black presidential car. She would accompany him to the outskirts of Deling City region where Squall would continue on his on own to Balamb Garden with a helicopter.

Squall sighed, a little irritated. They had discussed this endlessly; Ultimecia was not very keen on releasing her most prized companion into the heart of her enemy.

"Why do this when we have people for this?" Edea asked.

"Because he's your husband."

"No, not my husband," she said softly.

He swallowed. She never allowed him to forget. Even though she called herself Edea in public, she never allowed him to pretend that she was the woman he used to know.

A few years ago, Edea had disappeared. Instead another woman had appeared, so very like Edea and yet so completely lacking in the humanity which he had seen in Edea's eyes. Her familiar face would forever remain expressionless. The very sight of her inhuman beauty disgusted him, and yet Squall knew that he would not leave her side.

"I know," he said quietly, "He is Edea's husband."

He owed Edea that much at least, to give the man she loved that much respect by facing him in person. Edea had also hated Cid, hated him so much, it frightened him sometimes as a child when he still felt anything as significant as fear. It was horrifying to realize that so much hate could only result from just as much love.

In Deling City, Cid Kramer was known as a terrorist. A tyrant king sitting on his hill of children. But he was more than that and Squall wanted to know how much more.

The yellow in Ultimecia's eyes intensified, a sign that she was tapping into her power. "Yes, it does make things a bit complicated."

He nodded absently but remained silent. When the car came to a halt near the private airport Edea placed her hand gently on his forearm as he was about to get off.

"You do this for Edea only?" she asked. "Or are you on a quest of your own?"

"I have no quests Ultimecia," he said wearily, "none but the one we already have started. Now if you don't m-,"

"Then why go?" she interrupted. "We could have him killed, while we continue our other plans from the safe confines of the Presidential residence."

He sighed, exhausted by a discussion that had raged for weeks. "You told me yourself Ultimecia, I'm a sorcerer, I'm never safe."

She smiled sadly, knowing that to him her smile would seem indifferent.

"Know this before you go," she said as she released him from her grip, "when all else is gone, it is me who will be waiting for you. Goodbye Squall."

He looked up at the goodbye and saw the weight of that word in her eyes. The gold of them being among the many things that belied her status as a sorceress and Squall knew why he would never stand down from her side. It was gold in her, that last beautiful part of her.

To leave her was to be truly and utterly alone. No soul in this world knew what it felt like to be on the dark side of society. To wield a power that could render you helplessly alone in your golden cage.

She his Sorceress. He her Knight.

Without speaking another word he stepped out of the limousine.

II.

~ Garden's pride and finest ~

Headmaster Kramer stepped to the four freshly recruited SeeDs who had survived the day's exhausting SeeD exam. Today he was to give another spirited speech like he had done so many times. He would speak of honour, loyalty and courage. He would smile upon their bright and cocky faces, while secretly wondering if the pride would still be there as they lay lifeless on the battlefield. And afterwards he would wearily prepare himself for another batch of SeeD candidates.

Yet there was this little nagging feeling, so close to the surface of his confidence, that these SeeDs could be the very last of Garden.

He walked up to a blonde boy who was desperately trying to wipe the ear-to-ear grin off his face. He was tall and muscled and an obtrusive tattoo snaked across the side of his face. Many in Garden would have found that intimidating, if his baby-blue eyes didn't belie his odd peristent charm. No wonder he was so popular.

"Zell," Cid said approvingly. "Well done, but try to keep your energy in control.

"Yess sir," Zell said as he made a show of saluting the headmaster.

Cid walked up to the next student, a petite young girl with bright eyes and short bouncing chestnut hair. She had an air of optimism that many in Garden had found unsettling when she arrived. Though she may be out of place, Cid believed that a healthy dose of optimism wouldn't go wrong when there was despair all around.

"Once again, welcome to Balamb Garden, Selphie," he said to her, "I do not doubt that you will fit quite nicely in SeeD."

His pleasant comment was returned with a flashing smile.

And finally, the last SeeD that would be ceremoniously recruited in Garden. Cid tensed as he approached the last student. This SeeD would prove to be the most indispensable for the future of their world.

"Rinoa Heartilly," Cid said with a nod, "welcome to SeeD."

The dark-haired girl nodded, but did not smile as the other SeeDs. "Thank you."

He studied her dark eyes and the raven hair that framed her pale face and fell just over her shoulder to merge with the darkness of her SeeD uniform. As she stood here next to Zell and Selphie, he noticed the stark contrast of her and the two other SeeDs. Whereas they radiated light and energy, she spread an unmistakenable sort of indifference. As if she had just passed a simple driving exam.

Maybe it was she who was out of place.

In his mind, Cid located the familiar guilt, right where it always emerged in the darkest of his memories. He found it and crushed it with the weight of his logic and hope. Part of him thought the world of Rinoa and part of him was glad he didn't have to look at her face for much longer and see those of countless dead people staring back at him.

She was the only uncertainty in his carefully designed prospects. But she was also the only trump he held back, the one which provided the foundation for his hopes, like floating rocks trying to balance on the surface of water.

She had been in Garden for almost a year now and already about to become a SeeD. Nobody knew why Cid had made an exception by allowing Rinoa to enter Garden so late, and with every secret came the price of suspicion. Cid pretended not to hear the whispers of the Garden Board whenever he championed Rinoa Heartilly as his best student, he pretended not to see their prying eyes, he pretended not to feel guilt whenever he told them another lie.

Guilt for destroying so many lives. But many more lives would be destroyed if guilt blocked him from clear focus. Sacrifices had to be made.

And how.

Long ago, he had lost his wife. By some fatal mistake on the part of destiny, where Edea should have stood beside him now, Rinoa was. And yet, she was Cid's only hope. Where he had lost so much, she would make up. And maybe, if fate willed it so, in the end she would be worth the loss.

In the wasteland that was his memory, he heard a call from the past. She will never be one of us. Cid bent a little closer to her, because what he had to say was for her ears only.

"Rinoa, whatever happens, whomever you meet, be cautious always. There are some things within yourself that will reveal themselves in due time, when they do, remember then that everything and everyone matters."

Rinoa frowned. "I don't underst-,"

Cid interrupted her with a smile. "Don't worry, you will in time."

He then turned to the entire group of SeeDs.

"SeeDs, I welcome you as Garden's pride and finest. From this moment forth, you are to act, think, speak and feel like a SeeD, to have no greater purpose than that in which we are all joined, loyalty and courage. So, spend your first night in celebration and be prepared at the first light of dawn for your first official mission.

You are dismissed."