(play dialogue follows, I hope it is clear WHOM is speaking)
He lifts me high above his head and twirls me around slow. As he lowers me, my hair tumbles forward to graze his shoulders, creating a curtain hiding us from everyone.
It's just us anyway. It's been this way all night; if we're sharing the stage, the crowd disappears, and he and I own it. Neither one of us stutters or chokes on our lines. Our words are sharp and on cue, his eyes can lead me, direct me, and they do every time.
I don't even feel like myself.
I can't stop smiling at him, especially now while we're dancing. I've never been so happy in my life.
The music slows and the volume quiets so the crowd can hear the dialogue over our dancing.
Unnamed Court Attendee #1: [referring to the Queen and Dudley as they dance] "All men need something greater than themselves to look up to and worship."
"Your smile is beautiful. I haven't seen it leave your lips all night." Edward whispers in my ear as the play continues around us.
Unnamed Court Attendee #2: "And thy Queen is great. Make no mistake, mark him doomed. For being loved by the Queen will cripple the soul of any man."
He leads me in an open twirl, then a swirl back toward him so I can fold into him with my back to his chest. His arms are around my waist and we're still dancing with slow side steps.
I want to tell him a thousand things. I seriously don't know where to start, but as soon as I turn my head to the side to try to say anything, he whirls me back around to face him.
And just like that our dance is over, but it was magnificent perfection.
"Thank you," I mouth as I pinch each side of my dress and curtsy.
He wraps one arm around his waist and bows low to me before he takes a few steps backward.
I stand motionless as I watch him walk away.
It's part of the stage directions, as we are to mingle with the others at the royal ball, but I'd rather Edward not be so far away.
Soon enough we're standing on opposites ends of the stage as the ball continues. I'm waiting anxiously because I know our part is coming.
Edward approaches me from the right and grabs my elbow.
Lord Robert Dudley: "May I see you in private?"
I act like I'm aggravated as we move to a part of the stage that is supposed to be away from everyone else. I jerk my arm away.
Queen Elizabeth: "In private?" I laugh."Have you forgotten Lord? I am the Queen now, I know not of private any longer."
Edward and I are standing face to face, we are so close our toes are touching and the hem of my dress is covering his feet
Lord Robert Dudley: "Why would the Queen not take mine hand in marriage? Is my love not worthy of a Queen?"
I swear of it, I don't know what changes, what's going on in Edward's mind, but his expression is so serious and sad. His eyes seem lost and distant. It reflects back on me. I hurt from it.
Queen Elizabeth: "Stop it! I will not have you speak to me as so. Love is not the issue. Thine wife however, is."
He takes my hand, and not like every other time when we've rehearsed this when our hands were merely cupped together. No, he has my fingers so they fill the space between his, and he holds my hand securely―like he wants to make sure he has a hold of me.
If he only knew.
Edward licks his lips and looks down at the floor, seemingly stalling before he looks back up at me, and I see it as plain as day―that sadness lurking deep in his eyes.
Lord Robert Dudley: "My Queen, my wife is sick, she is dying from malady of the breast and afterward, I shall not be married. In the eyes of the Church and the eyes of my God, I will be free to marry my one and only true love. I will be finally free to marry thee."
His voice is shakier than normal.
I squeeze his hand.
Queen Elizabeth: "Ahh, wouldn't one think it smart to marry their true love first?"
I keep in character and pull my hand away from his. Our arms stretch to meet the other until the distance is too much and our hands fall away from the other. I walk away from him and speak toward the crowd.
"Thou speakest as though marriage is so simple and easy. I am the Queen of England, I can not marry for love alone, for I am already married to England and thou hast to understand―for me nothing is simple, nor easy."
I am not standing alone in the center of the stage for long. Edward follows me and links our hands again. When he does, I feel an urgency, like the adrenaline that courses through your veins when you take shelter from an impending storm. I can see the storm front moving in. I can feel the rumble of thunder deep in my bones, but I don't yet know how close it's going to come.
He gently falls down on one knee. His eyes are closed and he presses his cheek against the back of my hand. Slowly his face turns toward my closed hand, his nose brushing against my skin until his lips find purchase there. His lips linger on my hand and his kiss brands my skin. I feel his touch in my heart.
My breath gets caught in my throat; I've never felt such a flood of emotion all at once before.
Lord Robert Dudley: "Thou may find a greater prince, but thou shall never find a more loving prince. I swear of it."
He says the words so slow and loud. It's like he's not even being Lord Dudley any longer. His words seem to have a deeper meaning than that.
He slowly turns his head again so that my knuckles graze against his cheek one last time. Then he looks up at me and I watch as he clenches his jaws and his lips pucker as he blows out a breath. He shakes his head left to right one time before he speaks.
"On my life."
The curtain closes and I don't have time to dwell on any meaning or innuendos. As it always has been said 'the show must go on.'
Everyone begins to scramble around for the next act, including me, but I don't forget the way what just transpired between us.
/ / /
The whole cast has taken the stage after the last act. We're all standing in a row bowing and waving. I feel so accomplished! We did it and with very few errors too.
The crowd is on their feet clapping and cheering.
I also am so relieved.
Edward pulls me out of line and leads me to the center of the stage alone. He turns to face me and lifts his hand. I bow again and cover my mouth with my hand. I don't need these acknowledgments, but I wave and blow a kiss.
He steps forward and hugs me. It's a casual and friendly embrace, but it makes me feel complete.
"Congratulations, Bella," he says with his head turned toward my ear, right before he releases me and steps away.
I almost reach out for him, but everyone crowds around me instead.
/ / /
All the cast mates, still dressed in costumes, move to the foyer to meet with their families afterward. My mother and father quickly find me and lavish me with hugs, as does Jacob.
"Bella, that was the most wonderful thing," my mother says through her tears as she dabs her cheeks with a Kleenex.
Dad, Jake, and I all roll our eyes.
"Is it time to leave yet?" Jacob mumbles to dad.
"Hush! This is your sister's day!" Dad gives him the 'be-quiet' eyes.
"Dad, it's over. You guys can leave when you are ready," I say as I hug my dad again.
"Yes!" Jacob hisses.
"I must congratulate the star."
I spin around the see Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and Edward approaching us.
Edward is staring at the floor. I wonder if it's because the last time I saw his mother was when I was delivering his drunk ass.
Mr. Cullen reaches me first and shakes my hand. "Bella, I am amazed at what you have accomplished here. I thought I was watching professionals. And the faith you extended to Edward... Thank you so much."
"Thank you for allowing him to help me." I turn at look at Edward. "I needed him."
Then Mrs. Cullen steps forward and hugs me. She is the same height as me and her hold is gentle. "Thank you Bella, for everything." She pats my back and steps away.
My parents begin to talk to Edward's parents and soon we are weeded out of the conversation.
I take small steps around the circle our parents have created and reach out for Edward's hand.
I pull him to stand beside me at the wall right behind where our parents are. "We did it."
"Yeah, we did." He leans up against the wall, his hand still cupped in mine.
I lean down and look up to his face. "What's wrong with you?"
His head snaps up from looking down at the floor. "What are you talking about?"
"Edward, we just finished something really great and you look like your puppy just got run over. What gives?"
"It's nothing." He shakes his head.
I yank on his arm. "Come on, Edward. Talk to me."
He looks around us and shakes his head again. I notice that our parents are saying their goodbyes.
"Not now, not here." He sighs.
"Then come to my dressing room before you leave. I'll be here late. Okay?" I let go of his hand.
He nods and takes a step away from me.
"Bella dear, I think we're leaving. I can't wait until tomorrow night." Edward's mother reaches out and touches my arm.
"Goodnight, Mrs. Cullen. I'll see you tomorrow."
My parents also tell me they're leaving. "Will you be home anytime soon, hon?"
"I don't know Mom. I think Jessica is having a little get together at her house to celebrate. We're excused from school tomorrow so I may go. Don't wait up."
"Just be careful and get plenty of rest. You don't want bags under your eyes with those bright lights in your face." She hugs me and leaves.
I look around for Edward, but I don't see him. So I go back to the dressing room and begin to hang some of the costumes that are lying around.
Everyone is soon leaving and backstage is clearing out. As they go, they hug me and tell me how much fun it was and how good it went and how they can't wait to do it all over again.
As the night gets later and later, Edward is all I can focus on.
When it seems that I need to give up waiting on him and go home, there's a knock on my dressing room door.
Then, he says my name and I can't get the door swung open fast enough.
I practically leap into his arms and instantly, he sweeps me away. I'm in his hold, my arms wound around him so tight.
He lifts me up and carries me inside and slams the door shut.
I don't even realize it, but I'm crying into the skin of his neck. He's shushing me and rubbing my back.
I don't know which way is up or down, or what is right and wrong. I just know I don't want him to let me go.
"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain." ~Unknown