CHAPTER 27

"Doubt is not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one."

Voltaire

CATHERINE POV

"Alright, one step down," I gently state, guiding Sara carefully to my car parked along the hospital entrance.

Getting her situated, I move around to the driver side.

Sara's been quiet since her release from the hospital, not saying much as she signed the necessary paperwork. Seeing me waiting for her at the desk, she barely made eye contact, her gaze avoiding my own.

Now, seeing that we're passing by her neighborhood, Sara for the first time speaks up.

"Catherine…"

"Your mom isn't home," I tell her. "She had to go to one of the court's random welfare checks. They contacted her this morning telling her she needed to show up for a drug screening and evaluation, be sure she's being compliant with the terms of her release."

Sara watches me.

"She wanted to be here, Sara, but since she couldn't, she asked if I would look after you until she got back."

Sara's expression is tight.

"Like I said before," she says quietly. "I don't need a babysitter."

"Sara," I tell her bluntly. "You scared the shit out of me yesterday. Not to mention the fact you elected to drink alcohol while on seizure medication." I turn to face her briefly as we stop at a red light. "So forgive me if I happen to agree with your mother on this one."

Sara turns away to face out the window.

"You seem to be agreeing with my mother about a lot lately," she mutters.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sara shakes her head.

"Nothing."

"Sara."

"No," the brunette takes in a deep breath. "Forget it."

Rubbing her temples, she closes her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she offers quietly. "I'm just…"

"Experiencing the world's worst hangover?" I offer. "Alcohol, two seizures, IV drugs used to stop said seizures…"

Sara meets my eyes briefly before turning away with a ghost of a smile.

"Something like that."

Seeing the street I'm turning onto, the smile drops from Sara's face.

"She's not home," I tell her, making my way down the street to my drive.

Looking over at me, Sara seems to debate within herself whether to believe me.

Ultimately, she stays quiet, but looks anything but relaxed.

Stopping the car, I move around to take Sara's arm as she unsteadily gets out of the vehicle.

"I'm okay," Sara tells me.

I don't quite believe her, but I honor her wishes and let go of her, standing closely behind her as she walks somewhat shakily to the front door.

Holding onto the door frame for support, she waits quietly for me to unlock it and head inside.

Hesitating in the threshold after we enter, Sara watches me as I place my keys on the counter.

"Alright, young lady," I call. "You're going to use my bed to get some decent rest."

I can already see the protests in Sara's eyes before her mouth even opens.

"I have to get to work," Sara shakes her head. "Shift starts in just over an hour."

I look at her with raised brows.

"I'm not even going to touch the fact that you somehow think you're capable of going to work right now, one look in the mirror will clear that issue right up for you."

Sara's expression darkens.

"You look like hell, Sara," I breathe out a sigh. "I'm sorry, but you can barely even keep yourself standing right now."

Moving slightly closer, I keep my gaze firm.

"And, I already called DB this morning, let him know you wouldn't be able to come in.

Sara's eyes widen.

"Catherine…"

"I'm sorry," I offer. "I know you asked me to keep the last seizure from him, but I couldn't this time."

I fix her gaze in mine.

"He needed to know, Sara."

She swallows tightly.

"I didn't tell him anything about the drinking," I offer as a compromise. "Just the seizures."

Sara's jaw is tight, but she knows damn well that she doesn't have much room to argue here. In fact, she's more than aware of how lucky she is I elected not to disclose her drinking. Her drinking on CSI's property, no less.

"Come on," I usher her.

Reluctantly, Sara pushes away from the wall, making her way towards my bedroom.

"I don't want to take up your bed," she says quietly.

"Oh," I nod, "You'd rather take my mother's, then?"

Sara immediately shakes her head.

"Yours is fine."

Laughing, I escort her into my room, pulling down the covers on the bed. I'd offer her something to wear for pajamas, but the scrub pants and undershirt Hannah managed to find for her are probably more comfortable than anything I have here.

Laying herself down, Sara's expression looks a mix between exhausted, worried, and frustrated.

Reaching forward, I gently move some of the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

She flinches at my touch, causing me to swallow tightly against the emotions her reaction brings up within me.

"I'll, uh, be in the other room if you need me," I state quietly.

"Catherine," Sara's voice stops me near the door.

"I'm sorry," she offers.

I'm not sure what exactly it is she's sorry for, but I nod solemnly.

"Goodnight, Sar."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

I hear my mother's voice before I see her, instantly jumping up from the couch, knocking over the book that was in my lap.

I don't know how this happened, how or when I fell asleep…

Glancing quickly the clock, I note it's barely been an hour since we got home.

"What are you doing here?!" I question, trying to keep my voice down.

"This is my home!" my mother responds, not trying to censor her own volume levels in any way.

"Please, mother," I plead. "Lower your voice!"

"Why?" she questions darkly, volume as high as ever. "So that girl in there can continue to sleep in my home, in my daughter's bed?!"

"That girl," a hoarse voice calls from behind us. "Was just leaving."

"Sara…" I call, noting how she looks even paler than when she laid down. In fact, she looks absolutely terrible.

"It's fine," Sara offers, sending me a quick supportive look before she glances around.

"It's not fine," I counter, watching her as she tries to find where I put her keys and phone.

"If the girl wants to leave," my mother bites. "Let her leave, Cathy. Why argue with her?"

"Because 'the girl' just got out of the hospital this morning," I answer sternly, seeing the slight surprise pass through my mother's expression.

"Well," my mother quickly recovers. "She's a grown woman, I'm sure she doesn't need you coddling her."

I almost laugh, as this is probably the only thing my mother has ever said that she and Sara would agree upon.

"It's fine, Catherine," Sara offers again. "I just need to find my keys…"

"Perfect, let me help you," my mother quickly jumps in, expression anything but kind.

Noticing them where I set them on the couch, my mother eagerly grabs Sara's belongings.

"Here you…"

My mother's voice trails off, silence following.

Furrowing my brows, I lift my defeated expression to look at my mom.

Seeing her eyes slightly wide, my mother is all but frozen in place.

"Sara…"

My mom's use of Sara's name has my eyes darting quickly to the brunette.

My mother almost never calls Sara by her name, always 'Miss Sidle' or, as evidence today, 'that girl.'

Taking in the scene before me, I myself am frozen for a second before I quickly jump into action.

"Mother, grab a towel!"

This time, my shocked mother only hesitates briefly before doing as I ask.

Reaching Sara's side, I hold the back of her head firmly, tilting it upward the same time I place my hand over hers.

"Lean back," I instruct her, feeling the blood from her nose already starting to reach my fingers.

Sara works to keep her head back, trying to breathe through the blood.

Feeling my mother step up beside me, I remove my hand from Sara's face quickly to grab the towel in my mother's grip.

"Let go," I instruct Sara, her own bloody hand still clutched over her nose.

Hesitating, Sara's eyes meet mine.

"I don't care about the blood Sara, you're worth more to me than this fucking towel."

Sara hesitates a moment further, eventually pulling her hand away. Quickly, I replace her hand with the dish towel.

"Keep your head back," I instruct her again, using my hand gripping the back of her head to pull back gently on her dark hair.

"Breathe slowly through your mouth," I offer softly, feeling her start to struggle against the blood.

"What can I do?" my mom asks quietly near my side.

"Help me get her seated in the kitchen," I state. "She's too tall to keep my grip firm at this angle."

Wordlessly, my mother makes her way to the kitchen, pulling out a chair before returning to place her hand at Sara's hip, moving the brunette in the direction of the chair.

Sara's body stiffens at my mother's contact, but she allows herself to be led, not really having much choice at this point.

Lowering her down into the chair, I stand over her, better able at this angle to keep her head back.

"Breathe slowly," I instruct gently, feeling her start to cough.

Trying to comply, Sara takes in shallow, raspy breaths.

"Mother, get another towel," I state quickly, feeling Sara losing the battle and knowing instinctively what's coming next.

Sure enough, Sara starts to cough against the blood now trailing down her throat.

"I'm going to reverse our positions," I tell my mom. "I'm going to need you to keep that towel under her and help me keep her head down."

My mother nods, her wide eyes briefly meeting mine before returning to Sara.

Quickly, I move Sara's head from up towards the ceiling to down, lowering her head down until she's leaning forward, head close to her knees.

The brunette coughing violently, my mother sees Sara's struggle and moves in to hold the towel by Sara's mouth as she starts to cough up the blood from her throat.

Using her other hand, my mom helps me keep Sara's head down, moving her hand to the back of the brunette's neck.

"You're okay," I tell Sara gently. "Keep taking slow breaths, sweetheart."

Holding Sara tightly, my mother and I both wait until we feel her breathing even out.

Then, we wait awhile longer.

"I'm going to pull the towel away and check to see if your nose is still bleeding," I warn Sara. "Do you think you can sit up straight?"

Sara nods against my hand.

"Alright," I state. "On three."

Moving Sara upright so she's sitting up straight, I watch the wave of pain pass through her eyes at the movement, Sara's hands already clenching at her side.

I don't dare ask my mother to try to keep Sara's hands away from her side, knowing the brunette well enough to know she'd fight my mother's restraint to the point of disaster.

Gently moving the towel away, I see the blood now slowly trickling down Sara's face.

Replacing the towel, I let out a nervous breath.

"I think it's slowed," I state. "A couple more minutes and it should stop."

Sara nods, eyes hesitantly meeting mine.

"Don't," I caution her. "Don't you dare apologize for this, Sara."

I feel Sara swallow, her eyes leaving mine to place themselves somewhere near the floor.

"I mean it, Sidle."

Waiting a few more moments, I pull the towel from Sara's face.

Seeing no fresh blood making its way from Sara's nose, I pull back.

"I think we're good," I inform her.

Nodding, Sara moves to stand.

"Woah, there," my mom steps in. "Where do you think you're going, young lady?"

Sara turns her hesitant gaze to my mom's.

"If you think you're leaving here looking like that," my mom gestures to the brunette's blood spattered body. "You've got another thing coming."

Sara looks away.

"Cathy, help Sara to my shower."

When I hesitate, my mom claps her hands.

"Come on now, Cathy," she shakes her head with wide eyes. "You just going to leave her sitting there covered in her own blood?"

Hesitating only a moment more at my mother's rare tolerance of Sara, I help Sara stand.

"Slow," I warn her, feeling her body start to shake.

"I'll be in with some clothes for her to wear," my mother says behind us as we move slowly through the house.

"Don't make me manhandle you."

Sara's brows rise, sending me a look.

"Come on, Sara," I cross my arms over my chest. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"You've seen woman parts before," Sara agrees in a hoarse voice. "But not these woman parts."

I snort. "Something special about your woman parts, Sara?"

Sara blushes slightly before turning away.

"Come on, Sar," I call out softly, taking a chance as I reach out to gently turn her face back to mine. "I can't just sit here watching you struggle to even keep yourself standing, let alone undress and shower yourself."

I take a gentle breath.

"I promise to look as little as possible."

Sara swallows, expression looking like she wishes the bathroom floor would consume her.

Finally, she sighs. "I really don't have a choice, do I?"

"Sure you do," I tell her. "Me or my mother."

Sara stiffens, eyes wide.

Hesitating a moment more, she eventually pulls her hands away from her side, moving to take hold of the hem of her shirt and pull upwards.

Taking that as my cue, I help her out of her t-shirt.

Then, helping her stay upright, I gently lower the scrub pants from her hips, moving them down to her ankles and helping her step out of them.

Turning around, Sara puts her back to me as she moves to remove her undergarments.

I keep true to my word, trying to look as little as possible, but it's damn trying on my self-restraint. But, this is a moment of necessity, not choice, on the brunette's part, and I need to be respectful of that.

Placing my hands gently on her shoulders, I feel her flinch.

"Sorry," I whisper. "Just wanted to help you into the shower."

She takes a steadying breath, nodding.

"I'm sorry," she offers to me.

Reaching around her to turn on the water, I wait until the temperature is comfortable before returning my hands to her to help guide her into the shower.

"There's a hand rail to your right," I state, noting how unsteady she is.

"Thanks," her quiet voice reaches me.

Helping Sara reach the soap, I let her do most of the work, keeping myself stationed behind her in case she needs me.

As she starts to shampoo her hair, I can't help but study the tattoos on Sara's back. The one near the base of her neck is what I recognize as an infinity symbol, with an alpha and omega symbol depicted in each of the open spaces in the infinity symbol.

Down lower, the one located along the lower side of her back, is a bit larger. It's what looks like a crescent moon, with text written across it in the shape of an 'h' with a cross on the top. I feel like I've seen that symbol before, but I just can't place it.

"Catherine…"

My mother's voice causes both me and Sara to jerk in surprise. Instantly, I stop staring at Sara's tattoos while Sara moves to quickly cover herself despite her back already being to the room.

"My God…"

"Mother," I quickly interject, seeing my mom's wide eyes, her shocked expression at the sight of Sara's back.

I know for a fact it's not the tattoos that have her attention.

"Thanks," I call, taking the offered clothing in her hands. "Come on, let's let Sara finish up."

Guiding her out of the room, I pray that Sara can keep herself upright and out of harm until I reenter.

"Cathy…" my mom whispers in disbelief when we're alone. "Her back…"

"I know," I tell her quietly.

"She…"

My mom shakes her head.

"She was abused, Cathy!"

I swallow.

"I know."

My mom's eyes study my own, her expression a mixture of thoughts that I cannot quite separate from one another.

"She…who…"

I lower my head, taking a deep breath to keep my own emotions at bay.

"Sara was in foster care as a kid."

My mother stiffens, catching the meaning behind my words.

"Cathy…this is…this is too much…"

I shake my head.

"This is Sara, mom."

My quiet words reach my mother, her expression studying my own.

"This is Sara." I swallow tightly, holding firm. "This is the woman that I love."

"Your mom's been really quiet," Sara states hesitantly, nervously eying the front door as she takes another sip of tea out on my porch.

"I think she's a bit overloaded from the events of the day," I answer honestly.

My mom got very, very quiet after I confessed my feelings about Sara to her. She stared at me in shock for a bit before saying something too quietly for me to hear and walking away.

I haven't really seen her since. She disappeared somewhere into the back part of the house.

"I know you don't want me to apologize," Sara says quietly. "But I'm really sorry about all this."

Sara swallows tightly, tugging anxiously on the shirt sleeves that are much too short for her arms. I try not to smile at the sight of Sara's long limbs trying to fit into my clothing.

"You'd do the same for me."

My words cause Sara to look over at me, clearly not expecting that response.

Eventually, she nods, looking back out into the yard beyond my porch.

"Yes I would."

I smile, reaching out to take Sara's hand.

When she pulls away at the contact, I remember why Sara and I are sitting here in the first place.

Ben. My former fiancé that I hid from her. The drinking. The seizures.

I remember all of the reasons Sara and I aren't exactly on the best of terms right now.

The damage to our relationship that's been done in just the past twenty four hours.

"Sara…"

"You don't have to wait with me," Sara offers, voice quiet. "My mom will be here any minute."

"Sara…"

Standing stiffly, Sara gets her balance before moving slightly away from me to stand near the porch rail.

"Don't do this, Catherine."

"Do what?" I question with a shake of my head. "Care about you?"

"Waste time on me," the brunette counters, eyes flashing to mine.

"I told you Sara, I chose you."

Sara swallows.

"And what if I don't, Catherine?"

Her words are barely a whisper.

"What if I don't choose you back?"

"Then it's going to be one hell of a lonely life for me."

Sara's eyes furrow, dark expression puzzled.

"You don't get to try to force me to go back to Ben," I tell her clearly. "It doesn't work that way."

I stand.

"Whether you decide to let me in or not, Sara, I'm not going to go back to Ben. It's not fair to him for me to be with him simply because the person I truly love won't let me love her."

I shake my head firmly.

"He's a good person who deserves better than to be treated as a consolation prize."

I fix my gaze on hers, moving to turn her jaw firmly back towards me when she tries to look away.

"He deserves a woman in his life who loves him as much as I love you."

Long, tense moments stretch between us, neither one of us moving, neither one of us backing down.

It could be seconds, minutes, hours that pass, Sara's intense hazel gaze focused into my own.

A soft, deliberate cough has us both startling, heads jerking towards the noise.

Laura is standing there atop the porch steps, her brows slightly raised.

Pulling my hand back, I take a step away from her daughter.

No one speaks, Laura eventually breaking the moment by looking Sara up and down.

"Hey," she offers softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Sara's voice is so quiet I can barely hear her over the morning noises coming from my neighborhood.

Clearing her throat, Sara steps away from both of us.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to wait in the car."

Not pausing for a response, Sara descends the porch, walking purposefully towards the drive, disappearing a moment later.

Raising both her brows fully, Laura looks between me and the car.

"I uh, I guess I should follow the broody brunette," she says, reaching out to squeeze my arm in quiet support. "Thanks for keeping an eye on her."

Nodding numbly, I follow Laura's disappearing form, wondering how and when everything got so complex.

When you decided to fall in love with the most complex person on the face of the planet, my mind supplies for me.

Sighing, I groan into the morning air.

AN: Thanks for reading.