AN: So sorry for the delay in updates. Work stuff plus holiday stuff plus life stuff – been a bit hectic. But, writing every free moment I get. Hope everyone is doing well!

Take care and enjoy.

CHAPTER 32

"Rage cannot be hidden, it can only be dissembled. This dissembling deludes the thoughtless, and strengthens rage and adds, to rage, contempt."

James Baldwin

CATHERINE POV

"What do you want me to say?!"

"Nothing, Sara, just say nothing, okay? Just like you always do…"

"Don't even…"

"Don't what? Don't speak my mind to you?"

"Is that what this is? Huh? Your unsolicited opinion about something you have no right to be talking to me about?"

"I may not have a right, but I have a responsibility."

Groaning, I rub my eyes, gaze adjusting slowly to the light filtering through the window.

Sara's window.

Sara's house.

"Just drop it. I mean it…"

Sara's angry voice.

Swinging my legs over the side of the couch, I glance at the clock as I gather the blanket up and place it back on the armrest.

Standing, I stretch briefly before following the sounds of the heated argument coming from the porch.

Opening the door and stepping outside, I take in both Sara's and her mother's expressions. Both tense, angry, each staring the other down with fiery gazes.

"Hey…" I tentatively call. "Everything okay?"

Sara swallows, the only indication she heard me, while her mother doesn't move an inch.

Stepping back, Sara clears her throat before moving her gaze to mine.

"Hey," she says, voice quiet. "Sorry if we woke you."

"No," I lie. "I was already up."

Sara watches me, likely seeing right through my fraudulent answer.

"We, uh, we should head out anyway," Sara glances down at her watch. "Shift starts soon."

"Sara?" I question, wondering just how tired the brunette must be. "It's Saturday, hon."

Sara shakes her head. "DB called while you were sleeping. Huge scene out at the mines. All hands on deck tonight."

"Oh," I raise a brow, straightening out my hair. "Guess you're right, we better head in. I have a change of clothes at the lab."

Sara nods, moving to step inside.

Hand reaching out, Sara's mom takes hold of her daughter's arm.

Immediately, Sara jerks violently away, her actions causing me to jump.

The tension already between the two of them just about triples.

"Sara…" Lara whispers out.

"Don't," Sara swallows tightly, voice strained.

Eyes lifting briefly, Sara pulls the door open and disappears inside the house.

Left alone in silence, Laura and I awkwardly stand there with one another.

"You okay?" I eventually broach gently.

Laura shakes her head.

"I don't think so."

Sending me a sad smile, she squeezes my shoulder.

"But don't worry about me," she says. "You guys have enough on your minds. Be safe tonight."

I nod, watching as she turns to head back inside.

What the hell did I just walk in on?

"Okay guys, here's the deal," DB gathers his papers together. "Mine collapse outside of Rockford. At least a dozen dead, half a dozen others injured. We go in, do our thing, then get out of the way."

"Suspected foul play?" Morgan questions.

"That's for us to determine."

Clasping his hands, DB pushes his glasses up his nose.

"Alright, Catherine, Morgan, and Nick, you three are paired together tonight. Sara, you're with Finn and I."

My head shoots up, DB sending me a deliberate look.

Sara looks between Russell and I, the brunette clearing her throat.

"I'll see you guys at the car."

Everyone else notices the tension in the room, quietly excusing themselves as well.

As soon as they're gone, I shake my head at Russell.

"Really?"

"She's been cleared to be in the field, and that includes out in the field with people other than you. Both Brass and Finn have also met with Hannah and been taught how to help Sara if she has a seizure at a scene."

"But…"

"Catherine," DB sighs. "I know you're worried, but I need her with us on this. While you guys are interviewing and collecting evidence, I need her with me and Finn calculating blood trajectory and the aspects of the explosions."

Reaching out, DB squeezes my shoulders.

"We'll take care of her, Catherine. You need to trust us."

Turns out, I didn't need to worry about Sara.

Six hours into our scene, she's still picking her way through the mines, documenting one piece of debris after another.

I, on the other hand, feel like I'm seconds away from crawling into a ball and going to sleep.

Taking out my bottle of water, I lean against the Tahoe, running an exhausted hand through my hair.

"Hey."

Whirling around, I'm met with Sara's slightly amused expression.

"You alright?" she asks me, brows raised.

"Yeah," I smile at her. "Thought you were still in the mines."

"I was," she answers. "But saw you out here and wanted to be sure you were alright."

Feeling my heart rate slowing back down to normal, I'm appreciative of Sara's caring nature. The brunette, in many ways, has been watching over me just as much as I've been watching over her.

Running her thumbs over my cheeks, Sara laughs lightly.

"You have so much coal dust all over you."

"Looked in a mirror lately, Sidle?"

Sara pauses for a moment, glancing down at her own body.

"Hmm," she hums, leaning in to place her mouth near my ear. "I know a certain shower in the locker room that can help."

"Yeah?" I whisper, suddenly unable to find my voice.

"Yeah," Sara whispers back, placing a gentle kiss along my neck. "And I hear the shower's big enough for two."

Grabbing hold of her hips, I angle my head so my lips can meet with hers.

"Ahem."

Jerking apart, Sara and I both try to subtly step away from one another.

"We're ready to do the final perimeter sweep if you two…"

Finn tries to keep the smile from her face.

"If you two are done…discussing the case…"

"Uh, yeah…" I nod, trying to look normal. "I think we're done…"

Without warning, Sara leans over, capturing my lips with hers in a heated kiss.

When she pulls back, I can barely breathe, eyes wide.

"Now I think we're done," Sara states.

With one last glance between us, Sara smiles and walks away.

"Dear God," Finn breathes out. "How I wish she had brothers."

"You sure about this?"

Sara swallows tightly, steadying herself.

"Yes."

"We don't have to…"

"I don't intend to go…there…and you've already seen me…so…"

"This is different, Sar."

Reaching out, Sara places a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"I want to."

I study her.

"Okay," I give in, breathing out, trying to keep the smile from my face.

Holding out my hand, Sara takes it, both of us moving silently to the back of the locker room.

Entering the furthest shower in the row, we turn to face one another.

Leaning in, Sara gently runs her hands along my sides before meeting me in a kiss.

Pulling back, she takes hold of my shirt in her fingers.

"Can I…?"

Her quiet question is hesitant, sensitive.

"Please," I breathe out, not sure how much longer I can stand the anticipation.

Gently, almost reverently, Sara pulls my shirt up and over my head.

Eyes staying on mine, she gently moves her gaze downward, tracing my body softly with her fingers.

Taking her hands in mine, I bring them down to my jeans.

Understanding my request, Sara complies, carefully opening the button and sliding them down my hips.

Absently, I kick my clothes out of the shower behind me.

Sara watches me, eyes and body in silent repose.

"Please," I request in a whisper.

Moving forward, Sara gently removes my bra and underwear.

"Catherine…"

She shakes her head, voice heavy with emotion.

"God, you're beautiful."

Leaning in, I capture her lips with my own, body shivering as her hands move up to place themselves along the bare skin of my back.

Taking hold of her clothing, I slowly remove hers, tossing the dirt streaked items along with mine behind us.

Standing there together, we both seem almost lost in a trance, our gazes and our hands slowly exploring and mapping out the beautiful person standing exposed before us.

Hands placing themselves gently along Sara's hips, I find myself trying to swallow.

"You're so gorgeous…" I tell her, trailing off as words fail to express what I'm feeling towards her.

Leaning in, I gently work my hands up her sides as I kiss her neck softly.

"I love you so much, Sara."

Sara places a soft kiss into my hair, pulling me into a gentle embrace.

Gasping at the feeling of our joined bodies, I try to breathe.

"I think…"

Clearing my throat, I try again.

"I think we need to get to the shower part," I warn her. "Before I lose all control…"

Sara moves slightly away, the brunette looking like she's struggling with the same problem.

Turning on the water, the warm spray encircles us both.

We each take some shampoo and soap, taking turns helping the other wash off all the soot and grime from our exhausting scene.

Our hands explore skin exposed to us for the first time, our bodies and our souls completely exposed to each other like they've never been before.

It's a step forward in our relationship. A step forward in our continued journey towards trust and intimacy.

It's scary, it's exciting, it's nerve-wracking.

It's beautiful.

"You okay?" Sara questions softly, running her thumb across my knuckles as she holds my hand tightly in hers.

I send her a smile, nodding.

"Yeah," I tell her honestly. "Just thinking."

"Good thoughts?"

"Mostly, yes."

Ever since we finished our shower, I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between Sara and I. The progress we've made. The distance yet to go.

And, I think the one thing that's standing out in my mind as a topic putting distance between us is Laura.

I'm so lucky and blessed to have Sara in my life. I thank God every day that she was willing to put her hesitations aside and give our relationship a shot.

And, not just a casual shot. The brunette has been putting a lot of effort into making things work between us.

But, there's still areas of her life she refuses to let me in.

My mind keeps flashing back to the heated argument I interrupted between Sara and her mother just this morning.

"Cath?"

Sara's eyes are on mine, the brunette turning to face me completely as best she can in the small space of the Tahoe.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Sara furrows her brows in concern.

"Of course."

"Does it bother you that I get along with your mother?"

Sara's eyes widen at the unexpected topic.

"What?"

My younger companion shakes her head. "Catherine, why would you think that?"

"That's not an answer."

Sara raises a brow, swallowing as she turns to look out the windshield towards her house.

"No," she eventually states. "It doesn't bother me."

"You sure?" I push her.

"Catherine, where is this coming from?"

I hesitate. Things between us right now are good. Really good. Do I really want to go down this road with her right now?

But, if we are going to be together, we can't have these divides between us. And, the topic of Sara's mother has certainly been a point of contention for us for a while. I don't want it to be a topic that bites us later for not addressing when we had the chance.

"Just a feeling I get."

"I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way," Sara states honestly. "You can have whatever relationship you want with my mother, Cath."

"But what about you?" I question, holding her hand tightly.

"What about me?"

"What kind of relationship do you want with your mother?"

"Catherine…"

"Sara," I gently call. "This is important to me, honey."

"Why?"

I breathe out.

"Because I may not always be able to read you, Sara. But, I can figure you out enough to know when you aren't sleeping. When you're bothered and preoccupied by something."

I watch her gaze leave mine.

"And, unless I'm worse at being a CSI then I thought, I'd bet good money that one of the major things bothering you is named Laura Sidle."

A long silence fills the car, Sara watching the evening sky while I watch her.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she confesses softly.

"I just want you to be honest, Sar. I want you to let me in."

Sara looks down, expression almost a grimace before she forces herself to make eye contact.

"I…," she shakes her head, swallowing. "I honestly don't know what I want my relationship to be with my mom."

She squeezes my hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"What happened between you two?" I question sadly, my own voice now a whisper.

Sara laughs, the dark tone harsh. "You mean besides her murdering my father?"

"Sara…" I trail off. "I didn't mean…"

"No," Sara cuts me off, a deep tension now emanating from her. "I know. I'm sorry."

Rubbing her temples, Sara takes a deep breath.

"I'm trying to figure things out with my mother," Sara confesses to me quietly. "I'm working hard to get to a good place with her…I just…"

Sara shakes her head.

"I'm just not there yet, Catherine."

Reaching over, I squeeze her shoulder lightly.

"Okay," I tell her quietly. "Just know that I'm here, alright? If you need to talk, or vent, or whatever…"

I let out a breath.

"Just know I'm here, Sara."

Sara nods, sending me a strained but genuine smile.

"I know, Catherine," she says gently. "And it means the world to me."

I nod, wishing she would open up to me, but knowing this process takes time. That Sara's past is much darker than most, and that Sara as a person is much more private than most.

To expect her to open up to me about all of this at this point in our relationship, it's simply unrealistic.

For right now, all I can do is be here for the brunette, and hope that whatever is going on between Sara and her mother works itself out.

And, works itself out sooner rather than later.

For both their sakes.

AN: Thanks for reading.