Just A Fool (Christina Aguilera feat. Blake Shelton)
I had my head down on the table, trying hard to remember how I had gotten here.
My heart ached and I was just feeling like shit.
He made her smile.
She looked at him the way that she only used to look at me.
He loved her and she was falling for him.
They were getting serious.
And it was all my fault!
Whatever...fuck them!
Oh right...I had!
Fuck my life!
"San?"
I lifted my head up and saw two Quinn's standing above me.
"Huhey?!" I slurred.
"I left you alone for one afternoon and you're already drunk?"
It wasn't an accusation...she looked genuinely sad.
I nodded and sipped at the whiskey in my glass.
"So! Havbem some?"
"Oh San...I'm so sorry that I brought you here and then left you alone...you saw her, didn't you?"
I nodded and then felt those stupid tears come back to my eyes.
"Sheese soooo happy, Q!" I blubbered and was immediately wrapped in her arms.
"I'm sorry." She said as she squeezed me tightly.
"I knew...leeeeeving was da bess thin I did..right? Right?"
"Come on let's get you back. This was a bad idea."
She was crying.
Oh God...why did I call her to pick me up?
She wanted us to be something and here I was, drunk and crying over my ex.
I felt like such a fool.
When I woke up the next morning, my whole body felt stiff and gross.
I felt like I had been hit by a train.
The sun burned my eyes and my stomach was trying to crawl up my throat.
"Oh God!"
I leapt from the bed and stumbled around until I found the toilet.
I was gagging over the bowl with nothing coming up.
I had been drinking on an empty stomach and now I was paying for it.
I heard the door creak open and there stood Quinn, looking just as miserable as I felt.
She didn't speak.
In fact, she barely looked at me.
And then it all came flooding back.
Visiting my parents...trying to kill time until Quinn met me for dinner...stopping by McKinley...seeing Britt making out with him.
After that I had gone to a bar...
I had ordered Whiskey and just kept them coming.
Who knew that I was still holding onto my first love?
Britt sure didn't.
After she helped me back into the room, Quinn pulled me back into bed with her.
Her arms came around me and she rested her chin on my shoulder.
"You need to stop trying to be so strong all the fucking time."
I tried to pry myself from her arms but I was too weak.
"Fuck you."
My words had no heat behind them.
But she remained quiet for a while as I rested back against her.
"It was Sam's."
"Huh?"
My mind was too hungover to understand.
"The baby...when I came back for Thanksgiving. I don't know how it happened actually. That was the last time that I had sex with a guy."
My veins suddenly felt like ice.
"At the wedding...you said...after we saw them..."
"They were together, of course you wouldn't have realized that while you were watching her, I was watching him...and they were just so...right there and I had just a feeling but I wasn't sure that I was pregnant."
"You got drunk that night."
"I know."
"That's a pretty fucked up situation."
"I know."
"Do you have feelings for him or something?"
"Oh God...no...no!"
"Did you get an abor-"
Her hand covered my mouth quickly and she kissed my shoulder again.
"I lost it...just after the sonogram. When I went back to my dorm room, I had pain and suddenly there was blood everywhere. So, I slapped on a pad and went back to the hospital and the baby..."
She sniffed and then buried her face in my hair.
She was trembling behind me.
I had to do something.
I turned around in her arms and rested my forehead against hers.
Her eyes were squeezed shut, as tears dripped from her eyelashes.
"I'm sorry, Q."
I kissed the tip of her nose and she sobbed harder.
There were no words to fix this.
We were both hurting.
So, I did the best thing that I knew how to do.
I moved forward and sucked her lip between my teeth.
She gave into the kiss immediately.
Her hands crept towards my face and she held me there.
We kissed for an eternity, doing everything to comfort each other.
The sex was slow and loving.
And it reaffirmed what my heart already knew.
I loved her.
So what was next?
"Why did you bring us here, Q?"
She smiled softly at me and then hugged me tight.
We had spent all morning fucking away the hurt and were finally standing in the shower together.
Finally acknowledging the world outside of sex.
"I dropped out of school...I had nowhere else to go, so I came here to figure it out."
"No Q, seriously..why would you drop out?"
"Who was I kidding...I didn't belong there...just like you don't belong in New York."
I was angry.
"Speak for yourself, Q...if the alternative is being back in Lima...God...I can't even imagine being back here!"
This time it was me itching to smack her...but I couldn't.
Because I fucking loved her now and that's not how I love.
"You know me better than that...we are just passing through. I needed my car and you needed to see that she moved on."
"What?" I croaked.
She smiled at me and I melted.
"I went to see Sue yesterday while you were out getting drunk. She gave me the keys to her house in L.A. and you're coming with me."
My anger vanished.
"You and me? In Cali? Together? You're serious?"
"Yes."
"Wow...that's pretty big."
"Tell me that you'll go...be with me in California, San?"
"You don't even have to ask! I'm in!"
Suddenly, the pain didn't seem so bad.
I had gone to New York and yea, it was cool but really, the idea of starting off in L.A. with Quinn...the idea sounded like a beginning.
New York was Rachel and Kurt's dream but mine was just to sing and I could sing anywhere and L.A. sounded just my speed.
Britt and I weren't headed for a reunion but that was okay.
I was going to get myself a real girlfriend, someone who knew me and still wanted me...and she was right in front of me, offering me the keys to paradise.
And I would be a fool to turn it down.