Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.
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Sounds of Screaming
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Sometimes there are days when they are fighting. Not the titans. It is a different kind of battle, one in which they are sitting alone in bed and a dark shadow cast by the moon envelops them. It is the sound of screaming that never ceases. These men and women of the Survey Corps carry it with them on the excursions beyond the walls and when they retire and when they die. No one ever really gets used to it. Some nightmares are worse than others. Most people are afraid of being eaten, but truly living like this is what ultimately kills them. And for every soldier there is a screaming in their minds that is not an unfamiliar one.
Auruo once confessed that he is closest to his younger sister. She was born sickly frail and he has been her protector for as long as she could remember. Being separated from her; unable to communicate except through the slowest transactions of letters, it is all nerve-wrecking. Even the highest number of titan kills would be of no condolence if anything were to happen to their village. He admits he doesn't care what becomes of the whole lot of the military as long as his sister is safe.
They have never said anything of it, but Gunter and Erd probably have their own 'one person' that keeps their adrenaline racing in the middle of the night and robs them of their sleep. Gunter merely endures it with quiet dignity, though his eyes continue to carry a haunted look about them well into the daytime hours. Erd smiles, especially when he does not want to. Aside from the captain, he is the most experienced on their team. Perhaps he learned a better way to cope. There is a rumor that Erd fell in love with a soldier from another squad and now she is living in the walls, most likely with child. The notion itself might be romantic, though no one can exactly say if that makes his life any easier.
For Petra, no amount of self-indulgence ever makes the screaming stop. There really is not any comfort in being close enough to touch Levi.
"You nearly died," she whispers. Each word drips in undisguised disdain. She means to hurt him and he acts as if he does not care. "You could have beencrushed." Her hands clench themselves into tight fists.
"Unfortunately that's not the case, is it?" He blinks with an air of cool, insufferable laziness, putting his back to her, a psychological barrier that rivals the walls in durability. It is the most painful punishment he can bestow.
Of course he had almost been killed. They all had. Every time they are in the field. Only fools delude themselves into believing that there is a sense of security. Petra is one such fool, but he humors her anyway because lying in bed with her arms and legs entwined with his does not feel unpleasant. If Levi were at all emotionally inclined he might have said more to halt her heedless worrying. One day she would realize how silly she acts without him ever needing to say so.
Maybe it is wrong for them to give in to each other. Petra should be with a man who intends to marry her or says 'I love you'. She is strong enough, though, being denied the future most women are promised. She would have stayed inside the walls if that was the life that she wanted.
Levi can feel her hazel eyes piercing like daggers into his bare back, trembling a bit at the gentle tingle of warmth as she exhales deeply. He stubbornly refuses to turn, does not wish to fight with her right now. He knows that if he does he will see all the pain on her face and it will undo him because when it comes to Petra he cannot resist giving in. She always wins their arguments, as annoying as that is. It starts with the heated words, raising voices but she hushes Levi with such sweet kisses that his mind goes numbingly blank. It is an unfair advantage, certainly.
At some point during the night he will come back to her side of the bed, wake her up. Petra complains about it and he listens with silent resolve since they both know that she does not really mind.
Hearing her voice is a relief from the dead silence that resounds around his skull, a disease of a sort, so profound in its nothingness he feels he might lose himself to it, to the point of even longing for screams of anguish.