When Leo got upstairs he found Jed already in the sitting room. The incriminating pillow and blanket, the tell of Jed's unstable personal reality, had been moved to the chair in the corner and he was sitting on the couch hunched over what appeared to be the daily memo regarding the appropriations negotiations. Leo sighed heavily; he was not looking forward to the final budget process, especially now that he had to bench Josh.
Jed heard the sigh and looked up at Leo and as if reading his mind he asked, "Are we going to be screwed without Josh in the room on this?" Not wanting to get lost in a discussion on the negotiations Leo shrugged, "Angela is a quick study. We'll be fine."
Seeming to accept his comment at face value Jed nodded and closed the memo, moving it back into the bag at his feet. "C'mon, take a seat. It's not prosciutto but we have some triscuts and cheddar to munch on. We can order up something for dinner later; unless you're hungry now?"
Leo shook his head as he moved into the room and took his place on the other end of the couch. "I'm not, but I'm surprised you're not. You eat on the plane?"
Jed shook his head, "Nah. Just not hungry."
He stood and moved to the television, searching for the remote. Leo took the opportunity to watch him and reflect on more details he might have missed. A day ago he would not have even registered the not being hungry comment but now he tried to think back and remember if Jed had been eating well. He didn't remember the last time he saw him eat more than a cookie or cracker that was out on one of the trays around the office but that didn't mean he wasn't. The two of them hadn't taken any meeting over meals recently and there was really no other reason to watch the man eat.
Leo watched as his friend moved around the room; he was visibly tired and the stress could be seen in the lines around his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. He didn't appear gaunt but then again Jed had always had a broad frame, Leo doubted a hunger strike would make the man look gaunt.
Finally Leo decided to hell with it and went for the direct approach, "Have you been taking care of yourself?"
Jed froze and turned from where had been looking in the drawers. "What?"
Leo sighed, "I just mean...aw hell Jed, you know what I mean."
Jed's eyebrows rose at the unusual sound of his own name. "I assure you, I do not." His voice was even but his eyes were dark and piercing.
Leo rolled his eyes at the deflection, "You think I can't tell what's going on? I already know you haven't been sleeping for the past five months I'm just asking if you've been neglecting yourself in other ways as I know you tend to do from time to time when no one reminds you that you're, you know, human."
Jed gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes and shoved his hands in his jean pockets, the hunt for the remote forgotten. "Yes, well thanks for that. I had forgotten that it's been a little quiet around here while my wife is 500 miles away with my traumatized daughter but I'm glad you brought that up."
Leo held up his hands, "I'm just asking."
"I would think you'd be happy, with the girls in New Hampshire the White House can be clear of this distracted father and husband nonsense and all of my time can be 100% focused on the job!" Jed snapped heatedly.
"Well that's been a roaring success lately hasn't it?!" Leo matched Jed's biting sneer with angry sarcasm. He immediately felt bad but the notion that he'd be happy about the Bartlett's splintering home life in favor of the job was a painful barb.
Jed harumphed and rolled his eyes again in response. His hands grasped the back of the chair in front of him and he seemed to deflate as he leaned heavily upon it, eyes focused on some random spot on the wall.
"You too? What a day." He murmured almost to himself.
Leo breathed slowly and forced himself to calm down and reply quietly, "Yeah. CJ mentioned you fought."
At his words Jed straightened and looked squarely at Leo, anger and consternation again flashing across his face.
"That's what this is about?" He demanded, "The chess match, needing to distract your brain, a couple of guys just hanging out? Some brilliant plan to what exactly? Tell me CJ is right? That I've been a sucky leader and president for the past 5 months? Buck me up and make me fight back at congress? Tell me I haven't been focused on the job? Some tough love to knock everything back into alignment before the damn budget negotiations?! Was that what this was? Because I'm sorry if I've let details of my personal life and my family's welfare distract me a little bit and if that's been difficult for you to handle. You may have talked me into becoming a killer Leo but I haven't learned to be completely cold hearted yet. Don't worry though; I'm sure I'll get it right by the end of the term!"
Jed's eyes were on fire, his hands clenched and unclenched. He regretted the last bit about the Sharif incident but he didn't let it show. He was hurting and wanted Leo to hurt too.
Leo understood this. Too many times he had seen Jed strike out at others when he was struggling himself and he knew Jed was just trying to bait him. It almost worked. It had hit too close to the truth; the truth that Leo carried not just the guilt of orchestrating someone's death but at drawing the best person he knew down into the…what had Jed once called it? The spiral of darkness. That guilt, pushing Jed to give the order, weighed on him heavily.
But he put that aside tonight. Forced himself to stand and look his best friend in the eye and respond with an easy, measured tone, "You're almost right. I didn't come here tonight for some tough love. Just regular old love."
Jed didn't say anything but his hands unclenched and went back in his pockets. He face remained impassive and his stance defensive but Leo took his silence as indication to continue.
Leo looked around the room and shifted his weight. "I've been a sucky friend to you and I'm sorry. I had assumed the best way I could help these few months is to stay focused on the job and make that part of your life as manageable as possible. Of course that was never going to work but in the meantime I forgot to be a friend and I think it's time I got my head out of my ass and remembered. I know this has been tough for you. I know as long as you live that fear for Zoey will stay with you and I know for as long as things are...whatever they are with you and Abbey that your heart is going to be broken in two. I don't expect that to end and I don't expect that to go away even when you're in the Oval Office. What I do know is that you are good man who loves people and you don't do well alone and yet that's what I've done, left you alone for 5 months. Oh I knew you were struggling and I let it go because you are a strong man and can deal with it all as long as I kept things on track at work. But no one is super human and you can't do it all on your own forever. When you wouldn't come back from Oklahoma it was because you were running away, something I didn't think Josiah Bartlet was capable of...ever. And when I realized that, I realized my own folly. So I'm here saying let me be a friend because you need one and I'm sorry it's taken me this long."
Jed's gaze had dropped from Leo's as he had spoke. His eyes stayed near his feet as he pursed his lips and breathed even and slow breaths.
He nodded his head once, "Okay."
Leo looked at him questioningly, "What?"
Jed met his gaze again, all aggression gone, replaced with a forlorn expression, "Okay." He again stated simply. "Thanks. I appreciate that. Not tonight though. I have reading to catch up on and I'm beat, didn't really sleep at all last night. I'll see you tomorrow."
Leo's heart broke, despite Jed's words he knew his offer was being dismissed. He would allow that for now, but not before letting Jed know how serious he was, "Okay, I'll go but I want you to know I've called Stanley Keyworth."
Jed's head shot up and he practically growled, "What?"
Leo resolved to stand his ground, "He's in Bethesda through the end of the year on contract with Walter Reed working with returning soldiers. You need to talk to someone. I'm happy to be that person but I think you and I know that you're not going to come to me. So I called him. Stanley's going to be around tomorrow evening."
Jed's eyes narrowed and he was so still that Leo feared he had forgotten to breathe. "I think it's best if you leave now."
Leo nodded, he never assumed this would be easy and he wasn't going to try and stay and possibly make things worse. "Okay," he acquiesced, "But do this one thing for me; don't ever forget that I love ya Jed. I really do. Everything else is temporary."
Jed didn't move so Leo nodded once more and left the room.