A/N: I used this song in the trilogy and loved it so much that I had to use it again.
The talk! A double POV for this one.
Obviously you convinced me to continue.
Good for you chicas!
Longest chapter...yep...you're very welcome.
Enjoy!
Sight of the Sun (Fun.)
Quinn's POV
She surprised me.
Every single time that I was completely convinced that she would snap at me or explode...she proved me wrong.
And it was a good sign.
Things were just going so well for us, which is why I was so nervous for this date to end.
But it had to.
I was still hurting.
Yes...I had fucked up but so had she.
There was no way that I wanted to compare who was hurting more because I have learned from experience that line of thinking, fixed absolutely nothing.
So I just kissed her.
Ending the perfect date with the perfect bit of sweetness.
When we pulled up to the beach house, she put her hand on my leg and smiled at me.
"Do you mind if we head straight down to the beach, Q?"
"Okay."
Her lips curved up and she nodded.
"Good."
I could practically hear the wheels spinning in her head.
That should have worried me.
I should have a plan...but I had learned my lesson.
No more planned conversations.
Off the cuff or not at all...
All or nothing.
It was practically Santana's motto and I understood it better than anyone.
Baby or no baby...
College or no college...
Santana or...
See that's where I get stuck because there is no other option for me anymore.
She is all that I wanted.
San held my hand from the moment that our bare feet hit the sand.
It was yet another good sign.
She gave me hope with every gesture.
"I love you, Quinn."
Her words caught me off guard but that was a good thing.
Love.
Not only is love blind but it blindsides you.
Like right now.
I smiled as I looked over at her.
She was the biggest sign of all.
It was like she was a beacon and God was showing me that I was finally at home with her.
Finally able to let down my guard and just open up to her.
I watched her.
And I was mesmerized by everything.
Like how the setting sun made her skin glow or how the light breeze made her hair swirl behind her.
My heart was racing and my lips hurt from the intense grin that I was currently sporting.
This was the effect that she had on me.
She was the best distraction from my manipulations.
I didn't need them with her.
She was here...and completely open to me.
Wanky, right?
"I love you the most, Santana,"
Santana's POV
The most.
Unlike me, Quinn has this huge family, a baby out there and well her first love, herself...but she loves me...the most.
No pressure...right?
Even if there was...I could take it.
She was worth it.
At the end of the day...Quinn would always be worth it.
Nothing could change that.
I knew that I was blushing as I brought us to the shoreline.
The water was slowly rising and it was just cold enough to keep my mind in the present.
"I..."
We had continued to walk along the water with our hands clasped as I tried to find the words.
But many times, I find that Quinn knows me better than I realize.
"We are both sorry..." She said before I could allow an apology to cross my lips.
"We are." I answered.
"I want us to be better than who we used to be, San. I don't want to define who you are and I don't want to be defined...not anymore."
"Yea." I muttered lamely...those were my words...out of context, but my words nonetheless. "I was stupid to tell you that."
"What do you mean?" She said with her face all worried and her poor lip trapped between her teeth.
"You should want to be defined...at least, for the better...that's what a relationship is all about, Q...allowing definitions to happen...girlfriend, lover, best friend, hero, savior...sex God."
She smiled and nodded.
"I see what you mean."
"Right...it's good to be defined sometimes."
"Is now one of those times?"
I took a moment to honestly think about that.
Did I want her to define me...define this thing?
"Absolutely."
She looked skeptical.
"So you want to be defined...so that...what...so we know where we stand."
"Exactly...we had the title but things weren't really clear between us. And I think that's where we went wrong."
"Yea, I agree. I think that I realized that. It's why I wanted to take you on a date. To try and make things better...to make them...right."
"I know."
"I was insecure and pushed you past a limit. I don't entirely understand what made you lose control like that...and I probably never will but I knew, deep down that I was triggering something. And it was wrong. You may have scars...just know that, I do too. I'm damaged goods too...and I forget my worth. I can get ahead of myself...and often times I have both sides of the conversation in my head before it even happens. I thought you would leave me for someone purer...cleaner. Unblemished."
"And yet...that doesn't scare me away. Knowing all of that...just makes me want you even more. Britt isn't unblemished. She has her own darkness...she just chooses to embrace the light...something that you and I are trying to figure out...she does naturally. That doesn't mean that I want to leave your heaviness for her light. That part of my life is over. I don't want to go back..."
"No?" She stopped in place and turned to me.
And I just smiled and rested my hands on her waist.
Her green eyes were intense as she stared at me with her full attention.
She wanted answers and I would try my best to make my intentions clear.
"No, Q...you didn't scare me away."
"Then what made you run scared like a..." She looked away and I chuckled.
"You can say it...like a little bitch...I ran away..."
She pursed her lips like Mami does when she is biting back her words and I smiled.
They say you end up with your mom and for me...that's an achievement...and I never saw that in B...but right now...I was seeing it.
And it made me proud...
"Just tell me why, San."
"It wasn't the way that you are that scared me away, Q."
"Then what was it?"
Admitting my faults has always been hard for me.
Even when I know that I'm wrong or that I might be judged for it.
But for her...I had to be honest.
I couldn't expect her to give me full disclosure and be sincere, if I wasn't.
"Me. I scared me away." She looked surprised while I had thought it was obvious. Just goes to show how relative perceptions can be. I sighed and tried to say things right. "Slapping you wasn't me treating you like my frenemy. That was me hitting you...my girlfriend...and resisting the urge to do it over and over. It was wrong. I was wrong and I fucking scared myself. I can't go from hurting myself to hurting you. I don't want to be that person. I can't...I love you, Q...and that's not love."
"Things just got out of hand." She said with a slight irritation. "I'm no battered woman, San."
"That's what they all say and I just couldn't take that chance. I needed to step back before I lost you and myself. I get that you were joking now and you were right...I wasn't...ready for her to be here. I still love her and I didn't want to take my frustration for loving her out on you. If I didn't stop myself then...who knows how bad it could have been. Does that make sense?"
"I didn't know...it was that bad."
"I always will love, B and it was just too soon to be making those kinds of jokes for me...and I exploded in a very bad way. You pushed...not realizing how bad I was...and I should have communicated that to you instead of hitting you...instead of just leaving. Even if you make jokes...that can't be how I react. I don't care how angry I get."
"You're right...I pushed and it was like poking a bruise...I get it. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize...we just have to communicate and I have to continue therapy...maybe even you can go with me."
"I'd like that."
"Yea?"
"Yea."
We were walking back towards the house in silence and I kept replaying the conversation.
And something stuck out.
I stopped our walking and turned to her again.
She raised her eyebrow and I smiled really huge.
"What?"
I couldn't hold back my smile because without knowing it...she gave herself away.
"You talked to Brittany."
Her eyebrows shot up and she rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"Since I've been gone...you talked to B."
She was sputtering now and I was just smirking at her.
Of course, she had called her...
I should have known.
"How did you know?"
"The poking bruise thing...she told me that once...the night after I performed Nutbush she called me and told me that she wanted me to let her go and to give her space...that me being around was like poking a healing bruise."
She blushed and I couldn't hold myself back...I saw it now.
I wasn't ready to joke around with her and B together...but that didn't mean that she and Q weren't still friends.
Their friendship was still there and someday, I would appreciate that even if right now it was still too soon.
Relationships were about give and take.
And we were both takers...that had to change.
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around Q.
"What happens now...should I not talk to her?" She mumbled against my shoulder.
"She just can't be in the middle...we can't go running to her anymore, Q. Not right now."
"I know."
"So how do you want to do this...how can we be together...like for realz." I said with a wink.
"Just like this...put everything out on the table...and no poking bruises."
She winked at me and I smiled back.
It felt like we had turned a page.
We talked long into the night.
And we figured out a lot about each other.
We both wanted the same things...and we both wanted to give this a fair shot.
And so together we decided to take it one day at a time.
Because while we may have jumped into sex and then a relationship and moving in together...we really need to ease into being a couple.
She couldn't be the girl that I was willing to cut down all the time just so that I could make it to the top of the pyramid...and I couldn't be her rival.
We couldn't have a completely fresh start and that was okay with me.
Quinn's POV
My point of reference for relationships is my parents.
They hate each other...they manipulate each other.
She drinks and submits...he punches and manipulates.
With Finn...I became just like my father.
With Puck and Sam...I became just like my mother.
And with Santana...I had become something worse...my sister.
Willing to take shit just because I loved her.
That's not how it's going to be now.
The sun flickered into the room as I stared down at her sleeping face.
I had missed holding her.
As I stared at her, watching her cuddle against my side, I realized that I could probably wake up like this for the rest of my life.
Right then, I knew that someday...I would marry her.
And when marriage is your endgame...you start to look at your relationship differently.
"What is it?" She mumbled, as she turned onto her stomach and peeked open one eyelid.
"Someday...when the time is right...I want to be your wife." I said, feeling no regrets as I put myself out there. She didn't even flinch as her lips curved up into a small smile. "What?"
She opened both her eyes and just looked at me.
I could see the light in her eyes and then she nodded to herself.
"You know, Q...when the time is right...all you have to do is ask."
A/N: ;)