After the ham had been eaten and the fondue shared Zoey had managed to squeeze herself between her parents, Ellie had been ensconced in her father's arm and Liz had curled up next to her sister resting her head on Jed's thigh.

Sometime during dessert the evening had devolved into another combative round of Bartlett Family Trivia. When everyone seemingly ran out of random facts and lighthearted teasing the room had grown quiet. Jed was absently playing with a piece of Liz's hair and glanced over at Abbey to find her looking at him with an affectionate smile on her face. For the first time in weeks instead of pretending he didn't see her watching him he made eye contact and returned the smile. And she didn't glance away like each of them had done over the past few weeks whenever one had been caught staring at the other.

Liz's loud sigh broke the moment. "I guess I should go find my husband, huh?"

Jed shrugged, "You don't NEED too…"

"Dad!" she swatted at him but her tone was light as she slowly pulled herself upright.

Abbey tilted her head, "I didn't even ask, where is he?"

"He called a college friend of his who lives in Arlington. He's got to be back by now and probably still annoyed. I'm going to have to spend some time with him so we can all have a nice breakfast tomorrow."

Zoey chuckled and buried her face in her mother's side. "Who wants to put bets on how smooth breakfast will be tomorrow?"

Ellie smirked, "I don't think that's a fair bet."

Jed heaved a heavy sigh but the smile didn't leave his face, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're probably right. Still, this was an enjoyable escape from reality with you all."

Liz smiled fondly at her father, "It was, Dadd. I was just trying to remember the last time we had a night like this with all of us. It's been a really long time."

"Too long." Ellie agreed.

"Yeah…" murmured Zoey quietly before she suddenly moved to extricate herself from her position. "Okay. I'm heading to my room."

Ellie laughed, "Zoey, has anyone told you you're like a cat?"

Zoey looked at her sister quizzically as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

Ellie went on, "You're sitting there almost asleep one minute the next you're jumping up and moving with no impetus whatsoever. Like a cat."

Zoey shook her head, clearly unsatisfied with her sister's observation. "Okay, whatever. I'm going."

Ellie sighed and pushed herself away from her father's side. "Okay, I guess the party's breaking up and I should go too."

"You don't have too." Jed offered, giving her one final squeeze.

Ellie smiled softly as her eyes jumped between her parents. "No, it's okay. I have a few things I kind of wanted to type up and send over to Dr. Foy anyway."

"Okay." He smiled up at his daughters with open adoration and fatherly pride, "Breakfast, 8:30, right?"

They all murmured their agreement and filed out of the room tossing goodnights and "I love you" over their shoulders.

A few moments passed before Abbey shifted into the space Zoey had created and ducked herself under Jed's arm, settling against his chest.

He tightened his arm around her and rested his cheek on her hair. "Thank you Abbey. This may just be the best present I've ever received."

She smiled, "Really? Better than…"

"Yes." He cut her off.

She pushed herself back so she could mock glare at him, "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"I didn't need to. I changed my mind; this WAS the best present I ever received."

Abbey's glare softened as she smiled and sunk back into his side. "Good. I'm glad."

Jed stroked her arm and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

After a few moments he could feel her stiffen as her fingers found a loose thread on his robe and began fidgeting with it.

Jed grimaced as he sensed a sudden return of the tension which had been blissfully absent the past few hours. He decided he had enough of ignoring it, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't realize how broken we are."

Jed tilted his head, "hrm?"

She shifted so she could make eye contact without losing the physical contact. "We're still so broken. I didn't know. How could you have any doubt?"

Jed began stroking her hair, "What are you talking about?"

She closed her eyes, reliving the moment again, "How could we possibly have gotten to this place where you could possibly doubt that I would be there for you?"

Jed sighed suddenly recalling their earlier, strained conversation. Was it possible that was only a few hours ago? It had already been such an up and down day and he had so badly wanted to remain in the peaceful bubble from earlier. That was lost now so he sighed and resigned himself to the discussion he did not really want to have.

"Honestly?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes, "Of course."

"From the very beginning, back when we found out about the MS and learned what's ahead..whenever I've allowed myself to think about it I've always wondered about why the hell you would stick around through all that."

Abbey sat up so their eyes were level, "Babe, we've talked about this…"

He waved her off, "Yeah, I know. I do. And I believe and trust you but I've always been amazed by it and I just figured...after…everything…it just kind of made sense that you might not feel the same way anymore."

"Why?"

He sighed and rolled his head back onto the sofa. "Because I'm not the man you married and now you know."

Abbey pulled his face down to look at her, "What are you talking about?"

"You fell in love with a boy so pious he wanted to enter the priesthood. You married a man so nerdy that he won the Nobel Prize in economics. Now I'm whoever the hell I've become; entwined in the shadows international intrigue and with blood on my hands."

She raised an eyebrow at him "I know you've always had a thing against James Bond but..."

He cut her off angrily, "I'm serious Abbey. I've killed men. May be I never actually fired a shot but it's been my words, my decisions which have done the deed. Military deaths are one thing, they bother me of course but we both knew that would be part of the job but what else I've done...You can't have ever anticipated being married to a man who would callously and purposefully orchestrate the death of another. I'm a killer and a hypocrite. Did you know I gave the order while at that Catholic Charity in New York? Right there, surrounded by all the cloth in the American Catholic Church I flagrantly ignored God's commandments. What kind of man am I? I put work and the country ahead of the safety of my family. I've killed, I've lied, I allowed my desire for the office to supersede my dedication to my wife..."

His jaw clenched and unclenched, his mouth was drawn into a thin, firm line. He took a deep breath and looked away before continuing in a sad voice, "I don't even know who I am anymore, Abbey. It wouldn't be fair to expect you to maintain vows and promises you made to someone who no longer even exists. I wouldn't blame you for anything you chose to do ; I betrayed us first. If we're broken, it's because of me."

She stilled against him, upset by his words and his description of himself. She was again stunned silent, bewildered by the depth of what she hadn't realized was afflicting her husband.

She wasn't even sure where to begin but she supposed it would have to be one truth at a time. "You think I'm upset because you gave the order to kill Sharif?"

"Angry, disgusted, disappointed...take your pick." He snorted derisively.

"...and that's why you didn't tell me? Because you were afraid of what I might think?"

He shrugged half heartedly and she sighed as the realizations slowly began to click into place.

She rolled her eyes and leaned against him again. "You're an idiot."

"What?" He couldn't stop the bewildered blink of his eyes; whatever he expected her to say it wasn't that.

She shook her head. "I was never angry about that. Shocked? Yes. Shaken? Maybe. If I was angry at all it was angry on your behalf; that you had to be put into that situation. To be backed into a corner and make that decision and give that order when I know you must have hated doing it."

His brow furrowed "Then..."

She sighed and ran a hand over his shoulder, "I'm upset at being kept out of the loop. It was a huge decision that you debated and agonized over and even when it was done it ate at you. I saw you bothered deeply by something for over a year but you refused to share it with me at all. You blocked me out when I asked what was on your mind. We're husband and wife Jed, we've always been able to talk about these things but suddenly when it was something this monumental you were all on your own, leaving me behind.

"Then in May when there were men missing and you feared possible retribution you didn't tell me that either because then you'd have to explain retribution for what. Had I known about Sharif, had I known why you think that Israeli plane was shot down, had I known about the sleeper agents… These past few months I just kept thinking that had I known there was so much possibly at play I would have been more hesitant about allowing her to go to France or agreeing to the wide radius protection.

"If I had known I could have had a better idea as to what threats possibly existed against our family and maybe nothing would have been different but I would have known. You've felt out of control; That's how I felt too and yes I blamed you because in that time we weren't equals. You knew so much more of what was going on and left me in the dark to feel like a fool. One minute everything is fine the next Zoey is gone and we're at war in the middle east and some irrational part of my brain just kept saying that you knew this was all a possibility and did nothing.

"Had you just talked to me, had I just known what was going on I wouldn't have been so blindsided, so upended. I just wanted you to tell me and when I realized how much you had kept from me it felt like betrayal, like you no longer trusted me. I didn't know why you kept it from me when it was such a big part of your life, of OUR life."

She snorted, "And now you tell me that you kept that mouth of yours shut not because of some bull about national security but because you were ashamed. That you didn't want me judging you for what you had to do. Great plan there Einstein. Talk about the mother of all backfires. I love you Jed, but sometimes you amaze me how you can be so smart and so foolish at the same time."

Jed stayed silent, his fingers still where they rested on Abbey's arm.

She leaned forward, putting her hands on either side of his face, lifting him to look at her, "But I do love you. Yes, you've changed from that boy I met at Hampton Beach long ago. But that's a good thing. I'd be rather bored being married to a priest."

Jed couldn't prevent himself from sharing a small grin with his wife. Her face became serious once again, "We've all changed and it's okay, it's part of life and the important part is that we've changed together. The part of you that's the man I fell in love with, the part of you that I made those vows with on our wedding day, the part of you that matters? That hasn't changed. You're still you. Smart and strong, pig headed and proud, and humble, idealistic and pragmatic, hopeful and realist, and loving and devoted and convinced that you can solve every problem in front of you. You haven't changed, you're not a different person and I don't love you any less."

He smirked, "You realize you just listed a bunch of opposites?"

She shrugged, "What can I say, you're an enigma wrapped in a puzzle." She leaned back and began to run her hands through his hair. "These past few months being away have been difficult for me too you know. In all honestly Leo didn't need to try all that hard to get me back here, I wanted to see you, be with you. For better or for worse Babe. I love you, even when I'm mad as hell at you I love you so much it's beyond all understanding. Hell, part of the reason why I get so angry is because how much I love you. What feels like betrayal wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love you as much as I do. I don't like being away from you, even when I'm angry. That's not going to change. When things get tough, and you really need me, I'll be there then too. I'm always going to be there for you Jed; until death do us part."

At that point she couldn't contain her tears and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her head in the crook of his neck. She felt the wetness of his matching tears on her skin and tightened her hold.

After a long period of time the tears no longer came and his hands were rubbing gentle circles on her back. For a moment Abbey toyed with just letting herself fall asleep right there but she pushed back to look her husband in the face. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were rimmed red. She smirked, "Look at us."

He snorted, "Yeah, we're a mess."

She stroked his cheek, "Jed?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe me?"

He smiled softly at her, "Yeah."

She didn't return the smile, "I don't just mean the part about me being there. Do you believe the rest of it? That you haven't changed, that you're a good man?"

Jed broke eye contact, offering only a mute shrug in response.

Abbey sighed, "Would you do it again?"

He jerked his head up and looked at her with pain laced across his face "I once told Zoey I would."

Abbey couldn't stop the startled, pain laced expression that crossed her face but Jed held up a placating hand. "It was a year ago. The guilt had been eating at me last Christmas and she and I were chatting and she called me out on being distracted and I almost broke down and told her. I told her I had done something difficult but I was sure I was right and I would do it again and then I stopped myself. But now, after May…and this past 6 months I don't think I could. That's one of the things keeping me up at night; I keep trying to think of what else we could have done because if giving that order ate at me before...well let's just say it has now become the single greatest regret of my life."

He was no longer looking at her, all his focus internal. She shifted, straddling him and draping herself around him, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Talk to me Jed. Tell me about it, why you made the decision."

He stilled under her embrace but after a long moment he sighed and nodded. "Okay."

He started slowly, laying out the details, reminding her of the time he practically ordered her to fly to New Hampshire for security reasons. She tensed as she contemplated what her reality would have been had the White House really been the target as opposed to the Golden Gate Bridge and if the planned attack had been successful.

He outlined the evidence they had lined up, finally ready to call the justice department and then the last minute crushing realization that no court or law would enable the man to be dealt with judiciously. The crushing fear that there was a being out there dedicated to wrecking havoc on the American people and despite all the might of the presidency at his disposal Jed was powerless to stop him.

Then Fitz and Leo had offered a way. It felt dirty and scary and inherently wrong but wasn't it also inherently wrong to allow this inevitable danger to continue to exist? Fitz and Leo, two men in whom Jed placed all of his trust regarding the military told him this could be justified as an act of war. That Sharif was not a friendly diplomat but an enemy combatant and there were dark corners of the law which allowed him to order the assassination of an enemy combatant without trial or jury.

He told her how he warred with it, waiting until the very last minute when he finally gave the order. How his doubt had slowly erased as they continued to learn more and more of Sharif's involvement with the Ba'ahi as time passed by but his guilt remained even as his doubt lessened.

She lay quietly against his chest, listening to the tale. She was still a long time after he finished until finally she squeezed him and nodded. "Yeah."

He hooked a finger under her chin so he could see her face..

She sighed, "You're right. You had to do it. And if the same scenario were to happen tomorrow then you'd have to do the same thing. You weren't wrong, it was the right thing to do."

Jed froze. Slowly he nodded. "Okay."

She sat up again and looked him the face. "Yeah, it's okay. And so is all that other stuff."

He frowned at her quizzically and she shrugged in response, "This is a sucky-ass job you've got Josiah. That's why it's called 'serving'. Despite everything there is noone else on the planet that I trust to make those terrible decisions more than you. I'm just sad that it costs you so much. The only reason I can restrain myself from begging you to stop is the knowledge that you've got a couple more years to keep doing what you're doing and then those decisions will be someone else's to wrestle with; you'll be free and I'll have you all to myself. And I'll be there but you need to be there too. All I ask of you is to promise that you'll make it through the next 3 years." He moved to protest but she stopped him, "I'm not half as worried about an assassin as I am about you beating yourself up or working yourself into an early grave."

His eyes widened a fraction but he nodded solemnly, "Okay."

She settled onto his chest again and they lay still for a long while.

"Abbey..." He cursed himself for breaking the peace, but he needed to know, "What about you?"

She straightened again and tilted her head in question, "What about me?"

He shrugged, "While I'm being the president for the next three years, what are you going to be doing?"

She sat and seriously contemplated the question, unconsciously drawing shapes on her husband's chest while she thought. "That's a good question Josiah. I don't know. I think it's something we'll need to talk about. I think I need a project of my own, outside the scope of 'First Lady Abigail Bartlett' because I'm not as strong as you, I don't think I can survive having her run my life for the next 3 years... I just don't know what I'm going to do...but we can talk about that."

He nodded thoughtfully, wisely restraining his objection to her self-deprecating comment. She looked him in the eye and planted both hands firmly on his shoulders, "I'll tell you what I do know. I know that I'm going to spend the holiday break with my husband, focusing on mending what we've done to one another these past 6 months. I'm going to continue to be an overprotective mother to my daughter, but I'll do it while living here, with you. At the same time I'm going to take a page out of the Josiah Bartlett playbook; I'm not going to be pushed around anymore. I'm going to be talked to and to be made involved. I'm going to be there for my husband not just in his personal life but professionally as well. I'm going to be supportive and an advisor, I'm going to go with my gut and help you do what you know to be right. How's that sound to you?"

A genuine smile slowly spread across his face, "Sounds good. I think it sounds more than good. I think that's going to be how I'll have any hope of getting through the next 3 years with what's left of my sanity."

She tossed her head back and laughed, "Oh Pumpkin...you lost all that remained of your sanity ages ago. How the heck do you think you ended up taking this job?"

They smiled at warmly at one another and she leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, this time it was without the desperation of earlier, it was just love.

She pushed herself to stand, "Come on Gumdrop. I've had enough of the floor, let's go to bed."

Jed shifted but made no real effort to stand, "I uh, don't think so."

She put her hands on her hips, "What do you mean you don't think so?"

He smirked sheepishly up at her, "I don't think my back is going to let me stand up. I think the floor has vanquished me. I need to stay here forever."

She rolled her eyes and offered her hands to help him up, "I don't think so Mr. President. Come on."

Slowly using her help and leveraging himself on the sofa he managed to fight against his aching muscles and get off the floor. "Man, getting old sucks." He groused.

"Yeah, so does being a stubborn fool. Come on," Abbey reached out, grabbing his hand, "You can take a pill before bed and you'll be fine by morning."

He pouted, "I don't want to take a back pill. Those things make me woozy."

She laughed, "So? Why do you care if you're woozy once you're in bed?"

He shrugged, "I was kind of thinking that it would be nice if maybe we didn't go to sleep for a while after we got in bed."

He threw her an impish grin to which she rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air. "You are incorrigible, you know that?"

He smirked, "Yeah, but you love me for it."

She stopped walking and pushed herself close to him, "Yes I do. God help me, I really do." She smiled and planted a small kiss on his lips before turning and continuing to saunter to the bedroom, an exaggerated swing to her hips, "Come along Jethro. We're smart people; a sore back and being woozy on Percocet are easy obstacles to overcome if we put our minds to it."

Jed smiled and followed eagerly after; his wife was home.