New chapter!

I hope you like it my beautiful, amazing readers! :)

I think it's sad chapter.

You can share your opinions with me through private message or reviews and on tumblr.

I'm very worried that there's a chance that I could lose the rights over my child. This is so unfair! But that wasn't fair to Sian to cheat on her. But still she can't do that to me. That little girl or boy is our not mine or hers, ours. It doesn't matter how much pain I caused her she can't make me pay for it this way. This is a way to cruel. I never thought that Sian would be able to something like that. But she hates me now and she has every reason to do it. I hope my mom talks sense into her. I really need that now. If I could turn back time I really don't know how would I decide. If I never met Maddie then I would be still in a happy marriage with Sian. But I love Maddie and Sian too but I love Maddie more. At least I think it that way. That's why I choose her over Sian.

That my mom came over and told me how terrible Sian feels because of me. But my mother could convince her taking my baby away from me is not the solution. I'm so happy about it. Probably I'm going to get the new divorce paper which I can sign. I don't know whether I should talk to Sian or not. And I don't know when I can come over to her. How much time she needs to heal the pain I caused? How will my life be without her? Everything's so new and I feel that I lost a very important part of me. This part is Sian. It hurts that our every memory destroyed by a divorce. But I can't be the one who regrets this. I was the one who wanted this in the first place.

I seriously think I'm such a disaster. I never can think straight. Now that I don't have Sian anymore I miss her more than I can imagine but my feeling for Maddie are still there too. My life is a serious mess now and the only happy think I can think about is my child. I think I did the right choice with leaving Sian but I feel so guilty and I don't now how to get rid of it. If this feeling doesn't go away I might never could be happy even if I'm with Maddie. But things with Maddie are still not sure. I hope she loves me and we'll be together. Maybe on her side I can get rid of this guilty feeling and find happiness again.

In a few days I get the new divorce papers which Sian have already signed and I sign them too. I don't if should feel happy or sad about it. I mean I wanted this but still it's hard to let go. I lean back on the sofa drinking a glass of whiskey thinking about what I've just lost in these moments and a tear comes down on my face. It's over, completely over with Sian. Now the only thing that connects me to her is our child.

After two weeks I still didn't have enough bravery to visit or call Sian about our child. I don't want to show up at her doorstep pretending that I'm not an awful person.

My hand is healing. When I move my fingers it doesn't hurt so much. But I don't really care about my pain. The only pain I can think about is the one that I caused to Sian. Time passing and I still can't move on from thinking about Sian.

Also Maddie is avoiding me. When I got back to work she went on holiday so she wouldn't meet me. I don't know that divorcing from Sian did worth anything or not.

The other night when I was drinking myself to sleep Maddie called me and told me to meet her as soon as possible. I came over to her.

Sophie: Hi Maddie. Why did you call me?

Maddie: I've been thinking and you were right all the time I'm in love with you and now that you're not married I think we should get a chance to ourselves.

I kissed her with passion. Finally something good happens in my miserable life.