CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I sucked in a seriously sharp breath. So sharp, it probably could have cut the inside of my throat. What the F had I done? Blurt out my biggest secret as if death was no big thing. I knew it was a massive thing, but Zach—I risked a glance at his face and wished I hadn't.

There was nothing worse than seeing understanding and compassion when you least deserve it. And when they really had no idea what you had actually done.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have—forget it—"

Zach's hand zapped out and gently grabbed my arm. "Stop, Cammie. Okay? I asked. Don't—don't feel like you can't trust me. Never apologise for being honest."

"There's such a thing as being too honest." I grabbed my bag and turned to the door. Click. The lock on the door was pulled down. I frowned at Zach. "So much for just wanting to talk. Do you do this to all the people who don't wanna talk to you?" I spat, glowering.

Zach studied my face and I had a hard time not squirming under the pressure. I knew what I was doing because I was so damn good at it. And I may or may not have had been the bullseye for it. No matter how many times I told myself 'words will never hurt me', I knew firsthand how full of bat stuff that rhyme was. Meant to make you strong and turn your back on the bullies, it didn't work. I could dish it better than I could take it. But I had a feeling that was a universal thing.

"Gallagher," he spoke softly. His tone reminded me of a forest—where I could go away from civilization and just be by myself. Be one with nature and all that zen advice. I blinked and drew back—unaware that I had leaned closer to his green eyes. Damn the green forest.

"What?"

Click. The doors unlocked. "I'll always be here. Know that alright?"

I swallowed. 'Here' emotionally or 'here' as in satisfying my crazy hormones? I decided asking that wouldn't be appropriate and settled for, "Are you sure about that? You don't know everything."

He grabbed my hand. "Cameron. I'm about to go all corny and in-touch with my feelings, so bare with me. I'm your friend. Friends are there for each other. If you want to tell me what really happened, you can. In your own time. The only thing that matters to me right now is getting you home all in one-mental piece." He pushed my hair behind my ear and I knew that if I didn't back off I'd sexually attack him as I had promised to last night.

I didn't move back.

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to his and breathed. Just breathed, enjoying the presence of Zach and knowing that for once I really had somebody I could depend on. Somebody who would confront me and be there for me. I squeezed his hand tighter. "Thank you."

I opened my eyes and his were right there.

"No problem."

I chewed on my lip. "Would it be horrible if I asked for one more favour?"

"No. What is it?"

"Will you drop me off at Joe's? There's somebody I need to speak to."

"Can I ask of a favour of my own?" he asked.

"Sure." The least I could do.

"Don't ever repeat that little speech I made. The guys would kill me if they heard I thought that, let alone actually said it."

I laughed and it felt like the greatest relief off my shoulders in a very long time.

BREAK

I used the spare key Joe gave me to get in when nobody answered the door. There was no way to know for certain if she was still even here—the lack of answer may have made me doubt, but I knew my mother. She was her best when she was a fly on the wall.

"Hello?" I called out, dumping my school bag in the doorway. I turned to look out the door and watched the last of Zach's car disappear. I didn't want any witnesses for this. Especially not after my breakdown. Two in one hour on one person? Even I wasn't that mean.

I was mean enough to dump it on my absent mother though.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" I sung, wandering through to the kitchen.

"There's no need to yell, Cameron," my mother said. She sat at the small circle table in the empty space in front of the kitchen bench. For a single guy who didn't cook, Joe had a chef's home-kitchen dream.

"You didn't seem to think that when you were yelling at Joe yesterday."

She stared at me evenly. "How do you know about that?"

I pointed to my chest and said, "Spy." And then felt badass and guilty. Badass because mum wouldn't have a response and guilty because I kind of stole Zach's catchphrase. Oh well. It was for a good cause. "Why are you in town?"

"I'm just visiting."

"I gathered since you hadn't rolled out the 'home sweet home' mat. But why are you visiting?"

"Because I can."

"You don't have a school to run?"

"Cammie," she sighed. "For once, stop back-chatting and just accept it."

I snorted. "Isn't back-chatting how a conversation works? You talk back and forth?"

Rachel took a sip of her drink. "Want me to make you some? It's tea."

I scrunched my nose. "No."

"Are you going to sit?"

"No. I'll stand. I sat down all six hours at this school you shipped me off to when you decided you couldn't handle having a daughter." You should have used a condom then, I thought. I was tempted to say it aloud. But since I didn't have a death wish at this very moment, I decided against it.

"Cameron." Her voice grew sharper. I'd hit a soft spot. Good. I leaned against the archway, looking down at my nails. I needed to file them back a little if I didn't want to scratch someone's face off in PE. Sneaking a glance at mum, I considered the possibility. No. As much as I disliked her at the moment, she was still a Morgan.

She'd go dobbing to Grant's parents.

"If you're only here to visit, and you're only visiting because you can, is that why you haven't come to see me?"

She stared me in the eye. "You look better."

"Is that why you haven't come to see me?" My throat started to choke up.

"I checked your grades. You're doing a lot better here. Got the lead in the musical."

"Is that why you're here?" Try a different tactic. Rachel stood and placed her cup in the sink. She turned to face me, took two steps before I straightened from the wall and moved away from her. I didn't want her near me. "Just tell me, okay? I'm over this whole guess-and-lose game."

"We aren't playing a game, Cammie. People's lives are not games."

I sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like I'd just been punched in the stomach by an entire team of grid iron players. It hurt. Tears blurred my vision now. "I didn't make him do anything. He chose that."

"He chose that because of you."

I clenched my hands by my side. "Is that why you're here? To ridicule me and make me feel more guilty than I already do? As if I could get worse. Oh, wait. No. I can. You'ved proved that more times that I have fingers to count." Spinning on my heel, I marched to the door. I grabbed my bag with my left hand, my right still clenched so tightly my fingers dug into my palm.

"Cameron, come back here—" She grabbed my arm, squeezing tightly and I did the most stupidest thing I had done since I got here.

I punched her.

BREAK

"She's fine," Grant told me, walking into my room without knocking. "Her shoulder isn't even red anymore. You must have been too angry to aim as well as you hoped."

I wrapped my arms around my legs, resting my chin between my knees. I breathed in and breath out deeply. I focused my thoughts on things that wouldn't get me angry. Singing, dancing, moving. I didn't think about how to do all those things you had to be living. I couldn't delve into the James situation. I'd just proved to myself that I wasn't ready to forgive her—or myself.

"Cammie?"

"Leave me alone, Grant," I whispered.

My rocking chair rocked back and forth. I gripped the blanket I had wrapped around my legs tighter.

"Are you alright?" Grant asked, moving to sit on my bed.

"I'm fine. Now leave." I didn't speak with anger—I couldn't bring myself too.

Grant snorted. "Do you know what Rachel's saying down there? That you need to go to counselling. And get back on the meds."

I clenched my eyes shut. I had already guessed as much. "The only prescription I need is get-Rachel-out-of-my-life stuff."

"Cam, that doesn't even make sense."

"It does to me."

This time, his snort sounded like laughter. I turned my head into my knees, angling my face away from his, allowing myself to smile.

"How long is she staying for?" I whispered.

Grant patted down my hair and my eyes fell shut. It reminded me of being a kid again. How I missed that so, so much. There were no complications, nothing adult and nothing serious. The majority of my time as a kid was spent wishing I was older. I was such an idiot.

There was nothing great about being responsible for someone's death.

There was nothing great about punching your mother.

And there was definitely nothing great about going back on the crazy meds.

"I don't know, Cams. I'm guessing she might stay for a while now."

I pretended not to hear that, but I sucked at pretending. I lifted my head. "Tell them I want her gone, okay? Tell them that when she's here all I want to do is scream and cry at the same time. I can't be around her, Grant. Not when she abandoned me when I needed her most."

"She didn't—"

"She shipped me away!" I almost shouted. "What part of being shipped away without even a goodbye says 'I love you so much'?" I stood. "It doesn't. I want her gone. And if nobody will tell her that then I will." I shoved past him and marched downstairs. "Rachel!" I called out.

"Cammie, no!" Grant.

"Rachel, I want you gone. Now." I walked around to the living and stopped short. There sitting on the couch was my counsellor and psychiatrist sitting with Grant's parents and my mum and even Joe. They—David and Kim—stood.

I lowered my voice. "What are they doing here?"

"Hello, Cammie." Kim smiled. The counsellor. "How have you been?"

David spoke without giving me the chance. "We've heard you need our help again."

Tears flowed down my cheeks and when I stepped back to escape them, Grant held me still. He whispered in my ear, "I'm so sorry, Cam" and I knew.

I was going back on the meds.

Whoa. So I have no idea where this chapter came from. It kind of just wrote itself that way, I guess. For those who write, I guess you know what I'm talking about in a way. But it definitely fits into the background building and builds character, so despite much debate on my half, I've decided to keep it.

And thank you guys so much for sticking around. It really amazes me how much you guys love this story and I will finish it! I have over 400 reviews on this story and I just love the enthusiasm you guys give for it. It really does motivate me, even if it might not seem like it at times.

Also, last chapter I mentioned a little steamy scene for whoever was closest to what Cammie's big secret was and I thought I'd let you know that that ship has sailed. I should have mentioned that it was only for that chapter, but there was a close-ish answer. And no I won't tell you who it was ;P

Also, don't forget to review for a teaser from the next chapter. It is done and dusted and I'm just finishing chapter fifteen soon, so look out people!

Ellen.