Chapter 20: Lunch

"Red bean paste, pasta, eggs, jelly beans, garlic cloves, raisins, dumplings, sugar cubes, and soda!"

Orihime's friends all turned green, looking down at what they thought had to be one of her grossest creations yet. The mass of mismatched food was piled into her bento, slimy with the heat, and the orange haired girl was looking down at it like it was manna from heaven.

Of course, none of them had the heart to tell her it was repulsing.

"Woman, that is absolutely repulsing."

Okay, so one of them did.

Orihime looked over at Ulquiorra, who was seated in the desk next to her, a slight pout rising to her features. "Ulquiorra-kun! That's not nice."

"I did not intend for it to be."

"I bet you would like it if you tried it."

"I highly doubt that."

She sighed. "Well, what did you bring for lunch?"

"… I was unaware that there was a specific feeding time which I needed to prepare for prior to vacating my living quarters."

"You didn't bring a lunch?"

"That is what I said."

Orihime's group of friends was confused to say the least. Each girl who had tried to befriend the new student had been given a look that could have frozen all hell over, and more or less received a request to not speak to him. They had all quickly decided he was a heartless jerk that no one would like, as he liked no one, and that no one would be able to talk to him.

So it was a bit surprising to see him so patient and talkative with Orihime – the polar opposite of his own personality.

"Well, here Ulquiorra. You can share mine."

"I would prefer to keep my intestines."

"Oh, come on. Please?"

The girls all winced. She was giving him the Bambi eyes. There was no man, or woman, alive who could withstand the look. It seemed that the poor man was about to have his taste buds subjected to eternal horror that was known as Orihime Inoue's cooking.

"No."

A collective gasp was shared by the females. Who was this guy?

Strangely enough, Orihime didn't seem surprised. "Aw, but why?"

"That combination would surely poison me."

She smiled, pulling something more wicked than any girl thought Orihime capable of. "So you're saying that I, a human, can eat something that would kill you, Ulquiorra? I thought you were-"

So fast everyone was left blinking in surprise, the man's hand shot out and snatched the chopsticks from Orihime's hand. She wasn't shocked by his speed too, apparently.

Everyone watched in bewilderment as he took a large helping of the noodles from Orihime's lunch and deposited them into his mouth. He quickly chewed, swallowed, and put the chopsticks back in Orihime's hands.

No one said a word.

His expression hadn't changed a bit.

"So how was it?" Orihime asked, breaking the silence.

"I've endured worse."

Of course, that left everyone wondering; just what has this guy eaten before?!

"Yay! Do you want some more?"

Ulquiorra blinked. "No."

"Please?"

"Are you deaf, woman? I said no."

"Fine. But you're going to get hungry later today."

"I am sure that I will survive."

She sighed. "Fine, fine." With that, she brought another mouthful of food to her lips and licked the chopsticks clean.

Chizuru, though she was scared witless of the tear streaked man, couldn't hold herself back. "Indirect kiss!" She screeched, pointing wildly at Orihime. "That bastard kissed Orihime!"

Orihime blushed. "Uh, Chizuru, that's not really-"

"How dare he?! He will pay! He will-"

"Woman." Ulquiorra interrupted.

"Yes?"

"You are not cooking again. From this moment on, I will see to it that you are properly fed."

She sighed. "Ulquiorra, I like my food this way."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Besides," She said with a bit of a smile. "You fed me enough in Los Noches."

"That is true."

"Ready for next class?"

"Do not ask pointless questions."

"Wait," Chizuru roared. "I'm not done with you yet!"

The last thing Ulquiorra thought as he followed Orihime away was that he had successfully retained the ability to keep his face expressionless all throughout lunch. Because in reality, he had been fighting down the urge to throw up.

He repressed a shudder just thinking about it.

The Onna's cooking was truly terrible.