my bonnie bear is dead. and i'm not okay with that. but i'll move on because otherwise I'll be consumed in my not being okay and things will get bad again.

hannahkayxx

The next morning was grey with fog. It was Monday morning so I had to force myself out of bed to go to school which almost killed me. I crawled into my clothes and down to the kitchen to eat, really not feeling alive. I'd lost all hope honestly and I just was just trying to get by now. It was too much to think about the fact that I'd tried to bring Jer back but it hadn't worked. It was just too much.

So I shoved a spoon full of cereal down my throat, fingers throwing my hair into a messy ponytail when I heard the door bell. With a sigh, I strolled to the door, opening it slowly. On the other side was Matt, my ever loyal puppy dog. He's worried about me. I could see it in his eyes. The idea would make me smile if I wasn't spiraling into depression.

"Hey Bonnie." He greeted, smiling broadly in his Matt Donavan oversized football player sort of way.

"Morning Matt." I agreed, forcing a smile now and standing up a bit straighter.

"Ready to go to school?" He asked, picking up my backpack from beside the door.

I sighed quietly but nodded, stepping outside and taking my backpack back. "I'm okay, Matt." I lied, closing and locking the doors behind me before walking toward my car.

He nodded. "I know.. just thought I would come over just in case, you know?"

I shrugged, nodding as I opened her car door. "Yeah." I slipped silently into the car then.

He got in beside me and frowned. "Bonnie, how are you, really?"

I sighed. "Matt, I'm fine."

He nodded, holding up his hands in defense. "Okay, okay. I believe you."

I could tell it was a lie, but I just shook my head in response.

He bit his lip, looking out the window almost awkwardly as we drove. "It's going to be okay, Bonnie."

I shook my head. "Matt, just stop this. You and I both know things aren't going to be okay!"

He frowned suddenly. "Bonnie-"

"No, Matt, just stop trying to justify it. Jeremy is dead and there is nothing I can do about it. It's all over. So just stop. Nothing is going to make it better! Nothing!"I was yelling now, foot on the acceleration, going to fast but I didn't care. I was loosing control but oh well. I didn't care at this point. I just wanted to scream or cry or maybe both but there was no where to go but to my empty house.

"Bonnie pull over." Matt told me, frowning deeply across the car at me.

"What's the point Matt?" I hissed back, throwing on the breaks in the middle of the road, sob building in my chest. "What's the point?" I screamed at him, throwing on the break and hopping out of the car. I walked into the forest without another thought, rushing through the trees, chest heaving with heavy sobs.

"Bonnie!" Matt yelled after me, chasing me through the trees but I pushed faster before ultimately tumbling to the ground. "Bonnie!" He yelled, kneeling by me and gently helping me up.

My chest heaved angrily as I tried not to cry but he just pulled me in, wrapped his strong arm around my body and rubbed my back. "It hurts Matt." I sobbed into his chest and he nodded.

"I know, Bonnie." It was quiet in my ear as he held me, arms tight around my body as I tried to regain coherency.

"I don't know what to do now." I pleaded against his shirt and he let out a sigh, biting his bottom lip as he rocked me back and forth like a baby.

He didn't attempt to tell me everything was going to be okay after that, he merely held me, keeping me close. And it helped. Not perfectly, but it helped. My body ached a little less and my heart felt more whole. Not perfect, but better. That's all I could really ask for.