Entry two:

Dear Baby,

In this world, you will learn that sometimes things aren't as wonderful as they seem. It pains me to think about you having to realize these things. As your granddaddy did for me, I was led to believe that everything was seemingly perfect. But that is not always the case. But know this, my little one. Even in the darkest hour, there is always hope. I never want you to forget that. It is one of the most important thoughts I carry with me always. What I remind those who have forgotten in the years passed. It never hurts to have a little faith in humanity, and I hope you will view that with the utmost importance as well.

Today your father was punished for an act that was done in my favor. He was trying to defend me. To defend you. Though I cannot justify the course he took in doing so, I by no means believe the punishment he received was fair. But the world has changed, baby. Things that would not pass then seem to get by now. I am thankful that your father is alive, though I know the pain he is in now makes him wish otherwise. But I'll take care of him and in time, his wounds will heal. Everything heals with time.

I had a dream about you last night, little one. I was back on the farm, back where I grew up. I was sitting in the field, watching the cows, and there you were in your father's arms. He was swinging you around, your little legs flailing as you laughed happily. And I laughed too.

It was such a happy dream and you were so beautiful. Dark eyes like his. Blond hair like mine. It curled on top of your head like the drying hay weed at the end of summer. I could just stare at you forever, never believing until that moment how perfect someone could be.

Right now I am sitting by your father's side as he sleeps in what I can only hope is peace. There is something comforting in the thought that you're inside of me. That you are always with me. That no matter what I am never alone. And until the moment you are born, I shall cherish that gift and so forth. You are the most precious thing to me in this world and though I have not known about you for long, I crave the thought of getting to hold you in my arms. Crave the moment when your father can feel you squirm around in my belly. The moment that we all realize that now we are family. We are family.

I'm growing tired, my love, and should turn in for the night. I will write again though, I promise. Until then, I hope you sleep well, little one, and may the happiest dreams of hope and fortune find you.

Your loving mama,

Beth