Entry four:
Dear Baby,
You grow bigger and bigger with each passing day. And though I cannot feel you yet, and though you are still very small, I know you're there. My belly has grown too, not by much, but people are starting to be able to tell that I'm pregnant without me having said so. It's very exciting, knowing you're there, growing stronger by the day. I cannot wait until I can feel you moving about. I promise, even when you kick my kidneys until their battered and bruised, I will love every minute of it. As long as you are healthy, nothing else matters to me.
I know it may sound insane, but you are my world now. Every waking minute, at least partly, my mind is on you. Is this what motherhood starts out like? I'm too embarrassed to ask Donna and Jenny. Maybe your Aunt Sasha would know.
Yesterday Adam came over to visit. You'll like him, he's just a few years older than you. We played with some blocks his father, your Uncle Bob, made for him. He kept laughing and knocking them over whenever I stacked them up. I thought about what your daddy could make for you. He's very talented, whether he likes to admit so. As long as he doesn't go about trying to teach you to use his crossbow as a baby, I think I could manage most anything else.
I've been thinking about names a lot lately for you. I think maybe Wyatt if you're a boy. Your Uncle Shawn's middle name was Wyatt. I wish you could've known him, he was a good brother when he wasn't teasing me. We used to play a lot when we were little. One time, he tied me to our German Sheppard though and went around to the back of the house and called her for her dinner. Tore my knees up real bad when she drug be across the yard. Your Granddaddy gave him quite the spanking after that. He didn't do that again, let me tell you. Learned his lesson right then and there.
I thought about Rosie if you're a girl. Not Rose, but Rosie. Rosie Dixon. I don't know why, but it has a nice ring to it. It sounds happy, hopeful. Everyone needs a little reminder that there's still hope in this world. I know it every day when I remember that I created you. And I'm hoping the moment your daddy holds you in his arms, he'l finally realize it too.
Well, my little one, I must turn in for the night. I have to be up early to help Jenny with the rations and your daddy needs his sleep. I love you dearly, more than I'll ever be able to express in words. Goodnight, my lovely.
Hugs and Sweet Kisses,
Mama