I would like to give a late—but still very deserved—kudos to whoever on the DTMG writing staff is in charge of all the bro-puns. Because I don't feel like I'm exaggerating when I say that they will surely be the cause of my destruction.

Chapter 5

The Cobra's Lair

"Well gee Brotonomy, I thought you wanted a little look-see around my pad. I was gonna give you a tour, but it doesn't really sound like you want the Cobra around." Billy pretended to start drifting away, hoping the teen would stop him.

"Wait, wait!" Spencer grabbed onto the ghost's leg. "Are you kidding? I'd love a tour!"

Billy tried to suppress his wide grin. "Then let's go dude!" Billy grabbed onto Spencer's hand and took off flying.

"AHHH! Wait!" Spencer shouted, being pulled at high speed in the air. "I'm not-" THUD.

Billy had flown and phased through one of the walls, but the non-spectral teen ended up taking a face-plant right into it. Spencer fell hard onto the ground and moaned in pain.

"…I can't go through walls." Spencer groaned, rubbing his face.

Billy's head popped out from the wall with a nervous smile. "Heh, whoops. My bad."

Spencer stumbled up, still sore. "I think I'll walk if that's cool with you. Besides, I wanna take my camera with me." Spencer walked over to his bed and grabbed his camcorder. He switched it on and set it to record. "Here we go. 'The Wright Family's Big Move—Day 2: Billy Joe Cobra's Official House Tour'."

Before Spencer could get the camera into focus, Billy flew over and began posing. "Hey Annie Liebrovitz, make sure you get the Cobra's good side." The ghost made a duck-face for the camera.

"Hmm." Spencer aimed his camcorder at Billy. The ghost was nowhere to be seen in the shot. "Sorry man, but the camera's not picking you up."

"Aw." Billy pouted. "You can't have a flick showing the Cobra's lair without the Cobra."

"Don't worry; I'll give you an Executive Producer credit."

"Hmmm. Make it Executive Broducer, and you got a deal my man!"

The two fist-bumped each other and then headed toward the elevator. They rode down to the foyer and Billy quickly flew out. "Okay, now where should we start…" The ghost tapped his head, trying to think. "Oh I know! I'll show you favorite room. C'mon." Billy gestured for Spencer to follow him as he began floating toward the hallway at the end of the foyer. He reached the end of the hallway and pushed open the large doors to the Hawaiian-themed room Spencer had seen yesterday.

"Oh, Mr. Cobr-"

Billy's head made a 180° turn and shot Spencer a glowing death glare.

"HAHA, I mean BILLY!" Spencer flinched, afraid of the ghost's sudden furious look. "I-I've already seen this room."

Billy's expression mellowed. "Pffft, sure you've seen it, but I bet you haven't experienced it—Billy Joe Cobra style." The ghost flew into the middle of the room and cleared his throat. "Okay, this is the Freaky Tiki Room." He flew over to a wall covered with dozens of exotic looking tiki masks. "These beauties were flown in straight from Maui."

Spencer zoomed in on them while Billy flew over to three huge tiki masks near the door. They were hung up in descending order and positioned above a large, empty basin. "Over here." Billy waved for the teen's attention.

Spencer turned the camera over to the three tiki heads. Billy flipped a switch and in an instant, water began gushing from the tikis' mouths. The three resulting waterfalls quickly filled the empty basin below, turning it into a beautiful plunge pool.

"Whoaaa." Spencer couldn't help but smile from behind the camera.

"Yeah I know. Pretty impressive right?" Billy dusted his green mid-drift jacket, basically patting himself on the back. "The Cobra's tastes were always so ahead of their time."

Spencer rolled his eyes and continued filming his low-angled shot of the falls.

"Fun fact: This just so happens to be the third largest indoor waterfall in all of the Heights." Billy grinned proudly.

"Huh, only the third?" Spencer joked. "I would've thought someone like you would spring for first place."

Billy frowned. "Well I tried, but apparently the zoning department also works for the anti-fun police. Those guys seriously lack vision."

Spencer laughed and lowered his camera. "Okay, I think I got enough here."

"Then on to the next room. C'mon!" Billy flew back out the door and into the hallway, with Spencer running to catch up.

In the hall, Billy opened a set of doors adjacent from the Tiki room's entrance. Spencer walked in and panned the camera around the room.

It was a large, spectacular looking recording room with electric-blue carpeting and walls. There were microphones, odd-looking instruments, and nearly a dozen mixing consoles and DAWs for sound editing. Memorabilia, like guitars, stage outfits, and platinum records, were encased and hung up all over the walls. In the center of the room was a large, circular, see-through floor panel that gave a direct aerial view of the mansion's pool below.

"This is my private studio. I recorded all my #1's in here."

"Dude, this room is amazing!" Spencer gawked, getting close shots of all the equipment and instruments.

"Totally." Billy grinned, putting his hands behind his head proudly. "Yep, got a lot of good memories in here."

Spencer did another track around the room and spotted a gleaming red Gibson Flying V guitar leaning against an amp.

"Whoa, cool axe." Spencer walked toward it and focused his camera on the instrument.

Billy quickly flew over and snatched the guitar out of Spencer's shot.

"A 'cool axe'?" Billy echoed, clearly miffed." This isn't just a 'cool axe' Napoleon Bronaparte. This was the Cobra's musical mayhem machine." Billy began playing a repeating power chord. "Me and this thing went everywhere together. Night after night, I'd blow the roof off my concerts with its sick sound. All my platinum hits were made with this."

"Sorry, I didn't know." Spencer re-aimed the camera at the guitar, which now appeared to be floating in the shot.

Billy set the guitar back down against the amp and floated over to a large, tube-like, tunnel looking thing fixed into the room's left wall.

"What's this?" Spencer walked over and looked into the dark tunnel with his camera.

Billy remained silent for a few seconds, before grinning behind Spencer's back. "…Oh that? That's just my-Whoops!" Billy ACCIDENTALLY bumped Spencer forward. The teen fell into the tunnel on his stomach and began sliding down, quickly gaining speed.

"AHHHHHH!" Spencer screamed, struggling to hold onto his camera as he slid through the tubular tunnel. After a few seconds, water jets inside the tube kicked in, spraying Spencer and allowing his body to slide even faster. The tube made a series of crazy turns—left, right, up, down, spirals, loops, upside-down, right-side round—before finally dumping him outside, right into the mansion's pool.

Spencer quickly swam to the pool's surface and coughed up the water he had swallowed. His first instinct was to check his camcorder. "Oh man, oh man; please still be working."

The camera was able to turn on and record normally, much to Spencer's relief.

Billy came flying down from the studio, toward the soaking wet teen, and started laughing."Hahahaha oh man Brofish, you should've seen your face! You were all like 'AHHHHHHH!'" Billy was holding his gut laughing.

"You're lucky my camera isn't busted dude." Spencer waded toward the edge of the pool and got out. He set his camera down on the pool's patio table and began wringing out his soaked clothes.

"Hurry up Spence; Tour Master Billy's still got one more stop on the Cobra express."

"I can't wait." Spencer edged out a reply, dripping in sarcasm.

"This way dude!" Billy flew back into the house. Spencer grabbed his camera and ran after him. The two ended up in the foyer where Billy glided over to the elevator. The ghost pressed the button and the lattice doors opened. He then floated inside, pulling Spencer along with him. "Going down."

Billy pressed a button and the elevator began descending. It finally stopped and the doors opened. Spencer and Billy exited into a huge garage with dozens of low-hanging ceiling lamps. It was mostly filled with odd-looking instruments and junk, but one thing in particular stood out. A dazzling, retro-looking, electric-blue stretch limousine with white trim was parked right in the middle of the spacious room. It even had a golden hood ornament in the shape of Billy's head.

"This right here is the Cobra's personal limo."

"It's incredible." Spencer admired the luxury-sine while walking around and filming it.

"The outside isn't even the best part." Billy phased inside the car and unlocked it. "Behold the glory of the Cobra-mobile!"

Spencer opened the car door and got inside. The limo's interior was even more impressive. It sported plush red carpeting, dozens of speakers, a black table decorated with several glowing orange stars, a large white-and-burgundy leather sofa with black fur trim and diamonds embedded in the cushions, and a built-in DJ booth equipped with an electric guitar shaped TV monitor. Hanging from the ceiling of the luxury car was a giant golden microphone statue, surrounded by a few embedded golden records.

"I can't believe it." Spencer voiced, trying to capture all of the aforementioned glory of the limo on video.

"Believe it." The specter grinned proudly. "And guess what master designer crafted this Hot-Rod-Made-In-Heaven? That's right, yours truly."

"I have to say, this whole place is majorly insane." Spencer smiled from behind the camcorder.

"See, I knew it. All you needed was a patented BJC 'Haunted House Tour'." Billy smiled.

Ding.

Spencer and Billy heard the elevator from inside the car. Spencer stepped out of the limo and saw his mother, who looked relieved to see him.

"Oh Spencer honey, there you are." Jane strode over to the teen and hugged him. "You never came for breakfast and nobody had seen you all day. I was looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry Mom. I've, um, been busy with the movie." Spencer blushed in Jane's arms. He could hear Billy giggling behind his back over being hugged by his mother.

"Well you're not missing dinner. Let's go; everyone's waiting." Jane began walking back to the elevator.

The ghost's face lit up at the mention of the word 'dinner'. "Righteous! I've got a serious case of the munchies." Billy flew past Spencer and entered the elevator. "C'mon Spence!"

Spencer sighed and walked into the elevator. Jane pressed the button and the elevator began to ascend.