Not sure how many more chapters i am going to do but there is not many, thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and favorited. It means a lot.

Chapter Nine.

Stephens POV.

"What do ya mean he is gone Cheryl?"

I knew exactly what she meant, he had gone, he had run away like he did when things got hard, he was too ashamed to admit what he really was, he couldn't stand his dad knowing he was gay, I get that but surly he would have the decency to tell me to my face that he didn't want to see me anymore, after everything I had done for this man and now he has given up and walked away. I left my husband for him, now I could be in America with Doug, I could have learnt to love him how I did Brendan, I could have learnt how to be truly happy but no I had to go with my heart and I choose Brendan and now look, he was gone.

"He left this for ye, said I had to give it ye."

I looked down and she had her hand reached out passing me a letter, her hand was shaking. I put out my hand and reached for the letter as I held it I stared at the words "Stephen" on the front. I flipped it over and pulled out the letter;

Dear Stephen,

I know that if you are reading this it means you know I have gone, it will probably also mean you hate me right now, probably regretting everything you did, but please let me explain.
Earlier on today when dad stopped by at the Deli and said he knew about us I panicked, but not because he knew that surprisingly felt like a relief, I panicked because you said he wasn't going to get away with it if you had anything to do with it. I can't tell Chez what happened, it would break her heart and then there is also the possibility that she won't believe me and if that happens I will never see her again, and I can't live with that. This means I can't go to the police either. Dublin was the happiest I have ever been, me and you together out in the open, I know you used to practically beg me to come out and I wouldn't but now I realise I should have, it was hard for me but everyone else accepted it, well everyone but dad but he wasn't around to bother me, but when we got back from Dublin and he knocked on that door I think even then I knew this wasn't going to work out with him around. Right now I can imagine you are in the kitchen reading this thinking it is all your fault and that I am ashamed of you? But I want you to know it is not your fault and I a defiantly NOT ashamed of you, I am so proud of you, you are so brave you gave up what could have been a happy life to take a chance on me, you believed in me you. You have never turned your back on me, apart from maybe when I came out of prison. But that's not the point, and now that I am going I just want you to know how sorry I am for every ounce of pain I have ever caused you, for every bruise I placed on your body, I am truly sorry, it wasn't your fault and I hope to god you never think it is, it was because I thought me doing that would mean I was in control, and it worked you was scared of me so you kept us a secret, you never pushed it too far, but truth is Stephen you will always be in control even then I think you was, you managed to stay away from me, you tried to move on but I couldn't I kept coming back because I couldn't leave you.
I know you have said you have forgiven me, but I don't think I can forgive myself so how have you forgiven me?
I am sorry for pushing you away when I needed you most. I am sorry I can't be the person you need, I can't be the one to stick around, not because I don't love you, because trust me I love you more than anyone, but because trouble always seems to find me, and every time it will be a threat to you because you are my weakness, Danny, Warren and Walker have all proved that and I can't risk my dad hurting you because of me, that's why I have left to set you free and to protect you, if I am not around he won't have a reason to hurt you will he? I will always love you Stephen Hay and I hope you find someone who can look after you and treat you better than I ever could. It pains me to say this but I hope one day you fall in love again and you have a happy life cause at the moment I can imagine its pretty shitty. Me hiding us away cause of dad and constantly being on edge.
I hope you know that I was choosing the easy way out, because it is not this, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, the easy way out would be staying there and hoping for the best, but I would be being selfish and putting you, Leah and Lucas at risk and I can't do that. I would have bought the letter myself but I know that if I did I wouldn't be able to leave because just the sight of you would have pulled me in. I could keep writing this forever telling you how much you mean to me, how sorry I am but I have to go before Chez gets home and tries to stop me.
I know it's a bit much to ask, but please can you watch Chez for me? Make sure she is ok? It will give me a little comfort at the thought of you two together.
I truly am so sorry Stephen. My heart will always belong to you.

I love you.

B x

P.S Just to help you out.

Just to help you out? What did that mean? But then I looked in the envelope and there was a thin sheet of paper, it was a cheque for £10,000! But now I did not care about the money, I felt the anger slowly ebbing away and it was replaced with sadness that Brendan thought he had to leave here to protect me and the kids, did he not realise I could stand up for myself?
I could hear small sobs from the front room where Cheryl was sitting, I wanted to go in and comfort her but I couldn't move, I just kept re-reading the letter. All of a sudden the anger was back but not at Brendan at Seamus, who did he think he is? Turning up here after not seeing Brendan in years and ruining everything we had built together? I was probably never going to see him again all because of that vile sick man, he ruined my happy ending! Brendan doesn't realise but he has just made things ten times worse, when he was here I had him to hold me back from doing something stupid but now that he is gone there is no one to stop me. Seamus Brady was not getting away with this!