Chapter Two

"What do you want from me?" The question that she had no idea how to answer. What did she want from her?

It had been two weeks since they had slept together and since then they had ignored each other, or tried too. They had had coffee once but it had been awkward and Arizona had felt like she was cheating on Callie all over again.

But now it had all blown up into this. Once again in an on call room together except that this time they weren't flirty and sexy they were upset and arguing.

After a week of them trying to avoid the obvious it had become too much and today they had been snapping at each other constantly and making it impossible to work together. Their co-workers were noticing something going on and it was making Arizona even more on edge.

"One minute you're all flirty and amazing and then we sleep together and you chose your wife. And I was fine with that. I am fine with that-…I mean I'm not fine with that I'd prefer you'd have chosen me but I understand."

"Then why did you stay!? Why put me through this? Why put you through this? I don't know how to act around you. We can't be friends. We can't be lovers. We can't be anything so why did you stay?"

"You!"

Everything comes to a standstill. There is static in the air you can feel it, breath it. Everything stands there waiting, on the edge of the tallest mountain waiting.

Suddenly Arizona finds herself flinging herself at the blond again with the same urgency within her as that first time. There is something about this woman. Something so compelling and it acts like as if they are two attracting magnets coming together. Hands are grasping, mouths are moving and they are breathing; in sync, together. In that one moment everything pressing down on her disappears again and all thanks to this woman once again. And in that moment when nothing else matters, when everything fades she realises. She's done for. She's so completely done for because no matter how hard she has tried, no matter how much she avoids her she is here. And Arizona wants her.

As soon as they were kissing they've stopped again this time Lauren putting a stop to it because if she hadn't Arizona has no doubts she wouldn't have stopped. She would have slept with this dishevelled woman in front of her for the second time.

"I stayed…" Lauren's voice breaks from the emotions swirling so clearly inside of her. "I stayed for you. I want you Arizona; more than anything I want you. But I can't…have you and I'm ok with that. Because I can wait, I will wait until you are ready because I want you." They stare into each other's eyes, and in the moment Arizona feels so connected to someone. Since the moment she laid eyes on Dr Lauren Boswell she knew her, she understood her and in return Lauren understood her. She called her brave, she made her feel brave. That static is back and it makes the hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stand up because what Lauren says next is said with such confidence and clarity and they both know that is it true.

"And you want me too."

Staring into the bottom of her white wine she drowns out all sounds from around her. She's vaguely aware of the interns playing pool together and frolicking in the corner. The liquid in her glass is her only comfort she feels so completely lost.

She loves Callie, her Calliope. She really does except there is a but to the end of that sentence. An unsaid and unacknowledged but that changes everything. The one constant truth in her life since the accident is that she is Callie's wife and Sofia's mother and she finds that all coming into question.

Since the accident they hadn't been the same. In those first couple of months she had wallowed, she had spent days and nights on her own being angry at everything around her. At Callie. At Mark. At Alex. At the whole damn world. Those first few months had been tough, on her and on Callie, but they had gotten through them. But she felt like she had lost a big chunk of who she was because of it. She felt rushed, and looking back she knew she was, she couldn't blame Callie or Bailey they wanted her back. But she hadn't been ready. She still wasn't ready to be the happy shiny Arizona Robbins they all knew.

To be honest she hadn't felt like that Arizona Robbins in forever, even before the plane crash. She wouldn't change anything about her life with Callie, except for Mark's death and the loss of her leg, but she had felt chunks be ripped out of her the last few years. Her career had taken a nose dive south. It's not like she had been demoted but when she met Callie her career halted. She hadn't progressed in forever, before Callie she was constantly winning awards and at the forefront of paediatric surgery. Not so much now, now they had to fly in Lauren Boswell. Now they needed more up to date specialists who knew more than her, who had more experience than her. That had been her. She used to be the one they flew in.

Malawi, she had worked so hard and for so long to create that project and now it was something she barely thought on and rarely oversaw. She only flew out there every three to six months now and it wasn't enough. It wasn't her project anymore.

Kids had been another chunk. She loved Sofia, she really did and nothing would ever change that but she hadn't been ready. She hadn't had a say in the pregnancy. That hadn't been how she had wanted to do it. Having to play the third wheel to Mark, knowing not only that he had been inside of her Calliope again but that it had been not long after she had left. They hadn't had the decency to wait.

She scoffed into her sixth glass realising the irony, she was freaking married and she hadn't waited. She hadn't given that a second thought.

But it had ruined her. Mark and Callie acting like excited expecting parents whilst she was drowning in herself and they didn't even notice. The closest two people to her in Seattle and they couldn't see she was losing herself. She was losing them. They hadn't made room for her in their life and Callie constantly kept her leaving for Africa over her head.

It didn't matter that she had come back, it didn't matter that she had given up everything for her. Her career, her Malawi and her opinions. She kept quiet about everything and Callie didn't even notice.

But that had been enough because she had Calliope and now she wasn't sure it was.

It was way past midnight as she crept into their apartment. She was meant to come home after just one drink but one had turned into six and then when she realised she was way too drunk and bitter to go home she stayed until she sobered up and had coffee. She couldn't come home to Callie in the frame of mind she was in earlier. It felt like there was a tornado causing havoc within her, attempting to burst out and tell Callie everything that was on her mind. The stuff that would surely destroy what they had left.

The lights flicked on and she shielded her eyes against the sudden brightness.

"Arizona! Where have you been you were meant to be home hours ago? I needed you to look after Sofia I wanted to go into work to work on my cartilage research."

Arizona bit her tongue to prevent herself from snapping. Here she was feeling guilty about missing out on a precious evening they could have spent together and her wife had never had any plans to spend it together.

"Sorry. I went to Joe's for a drink, busy day." She offered as an explanation. She knew before the crash that never would have sufficed as an excuse but she knew now Callie wouldn't question it. She never did.

"Great." Callie says with such attitude and resentment and Arizona can feel the tear between them getting bigger. They are falling away from each other and she doesn't know how to fix it. "I'm going bed." And with that Callie turns to go to the bedroom. Acting purely out of instinct Arizona grabs her arm and holds her in place.

"Stay out here with me? We can have a drink, catch up. I did this amazing new surgery." Arizona smiles at her wanting the old them back. The Callie and Arizona who would stay up all night: listening to old music, dancing, laughing and talking.

"I can't Arizona; I want to be up early."

Her hand that connects them drops limply next to her. She feels so insignificant. She feels ignored. She feels like a pest that has ruined everything as Callie walks away from her towards their bedroom. No invitation for her to join her. Nothing and just as she gets to the door the ugly truth blurts out of her. The tornado finally exploded.

"I slept with her."