Much later in the afternoon I heard the tyres crunch on the gravel over the sound of my piano playing, I was feeling off and trying to cheer myself up with some music and had this tune in my head for weeks now – thankfully I found it online and printed the music off and just adapted it to my needs. I was just starting the chorus when the front door opened and in walked Spike looking exhausted, I could feel him at the back of me and he just started to sing softly behind me. I joined in and went through the second and third verse softly as he laid his hands on my shoulder and suddenly hugged me. I looked up at him and he was covered in bruises and had a gash on his head – I hadn't heard the news all day to being busy – I spun around in the chair and took his face in my hands and did a quick check of him.
"Are you alright – what happened?" I demanded sitting him down.
He smiled at me and grinned – his little lost boy charm came out in spades and I fell in love with the crinkled nose again as he kissed me. It must have been one hell of day but ended well as he was in a good mood.
"Three bomb callouts – everyone is safe and we are meeting up at the hospital in an hour – do you want to come?" he whispered kissing me.
I nodded and hugged him hard, three bomb calls in one week was bad enough, but three in one day was taxing as hell and he looked like he had been through the ringer. I got him upstairs to get a hot shower and a beer and I headed down and just got the rest of dinner made – twenty minutes later he was munching away at it with a massive smile on his face.
"You been talking to my aunt and mom again?" he asked cleaning his plate.
"Possibly – she is addicted to Skype and we have a couple of things in common!" I replied washing up his plate.
He got up and kissed me, I wiped off a smudge of sauce from the corner of his mouth and gave him a kiss as he helped me clean the table. A few minutes later I had grabbed the car keys and we headed to the hospital to meet everyone and find out how Parker was doing with his forced rest. I decided to drive to give Spike a rest and we made good time coming across the bridge since the traffic was light. Parking up in the multi-story we headed to the surgical department and I did a check on everyone – minor bumps and bruises on Sam and Wordy but nothing major to report which was good news. Parker was sitting up on his bed resting comfortably when we arrived and had a big smile across his face as we all came in and started to wind him up. Since he was on water only to ease his system back into food and liquids – we toasted him in squash and wished him a fast recovery.
"The best news we decided to keep till last – thanks to someone shoving their thumb into my artery, I will make a full recovery and should be back to full duty within two months!" Parker said as he smiled at me.
"Great news boss – enjoy the drugs now as the Physio for your wound will be a nightmare – and for the love of all things holy – don't do this to us again!" I replied.
"I'll do my best – I am so proud of you all – this was no-one's fault – just a random incident that went south – I blame no one and I thank everyone that I am still here." He whispered.
I had been thinking over the last 24 hours about what had happened, I realised that I was distracted recently and off centre – I didn't know why but it caused Parker to get shot – I was now a liability to these guys.
"It was my fault boss – your side-lined because of my mistake!" I said back.
"This was not your fault Mac, SIU cleared you and the boss – it was a random act of violence that the guy paid for with his life – you made sure of that!" Ed said back.
"One of the team should have been with us boss – someone with a lot more tactical training and experience – I'm just a nurse who has tactical training – I wasn't there to back you up when you needed me! I missed the signs of what was going to happen because I had other things on my mind for the last week – I am a liability right now…"
"Mac – without you on this team – I would be dead right now – you used your training and skills to save my life, and the life of your team everyday – that takes courage and a little bit of your soul. The boss would be dead if you hadn't been there – we need you on the team." Sam replied.
I turned to them all and shook my head – I was feeling more and more off centre and I didn't like it – maybe that had just rattled me as it was close to home and I just needed to get it out of my system but I was rattled badly and I had no idea why.
"Rest easy boss alright – see you in the morning!" I said heading out.
Everyone turned to Spike who was looking lost – he knew something was up and just thought I was rattled due to the incident but didn't know that I was seriously thinking of leaving the team due to the mistake.
"Spike, what's going on in her head – is she alright?" Ed demanded outside the room.
"I don't know what's going on; she was scared of what happened – what she thinks she caused because she missed the signs. Let me talk to her and we can have a brief with the team tomorrow alright – I think she is just tired and drained – you know how these events can hit everyone differently – she hasn't slept properly in a few days – maybe time for her to get checked out again."
Ed nodded and Spike headed in the direction I went through the doors but I was long gone; he kept looking for me within the hospital grounds and I didn't even take the car – he had no idea where I went.
I went out through the side entrance and grabbed my rucksack from the car that had some supplies I needed – I was heading for an emotional crash after what had happened in London and yesterday. I needed time to process things alone and I was not burdening people with the fallout so I had organised the rest of my holidays for the last year to be taken from tomorrow for ten days – that should give me time to get things dealt with. I needed peace and quiet and decided to make plans to go to the old gun house we practiced in during the renovations – it was a remote place, insulated and provided cover from the elements – I could easy start a fire if necessary for heat. It would take me about three hours to get there on foot so that was enough time for me to get some stress relief in isolation in the woods – plenty of fresh air.
Spike stopped at the top of the car park and pulled out his phone, hitting speed dial he got an answer within seconds and explained what had happened; agreeing to meet up with the other caller he jumped into his car and headed down the main ramp exit and round to the front of the hospital to pick up his passenger. He was livid at himself; he spotted the signs himself and just mistook them for tiredness.
"She hasn't been sleeping right for days – nearly for a month and her appetite is way below what it should be. She takes her meds and the tests have all come back clean; she doesn't drink, smoke or do any kind of painkillers – I knew she had a rough time of it in London at the MOD, but she has never talked about it." He hissed at himself.
"This isn't your fault Spike – with Toth gunning for her, the MOD breathing down her neck and now the Sarge being injured – her emotional state and rational thinking are all over the place. She has followed the rules to perfection – sometimes it's the smallest thing that can trigger you – it was a golf ball for me!" Ed replied thinking about the Scorpio shot gone wrong last year.
"Nearly a full year – a full year without any issues…she must be so disappointed in herself – we need to find her quickly before she disappears." He croaked, his voice stressed.