I climbed the stairs of the smokehouse and headed into the empty room and put down my rucksack, the bottles clinked inside and I was glad I decided to come here for privacy – this place wasn't due to be used again for a few weeks and I would probably need a couple of days to camp out here. I slid down the wall and stretched my feet; it had been a really long walk and I am sure I added at least four miles to it after getting disorientated when I tripped over a tree stump and rolled down a ravine. I grabbed the bottle of vodka from my bag and had a long drink from it – it had been years since I had even had a beer and the alcohol burned all the way down into my stomach. I knew this wasn't going to be fun for me, emotional trauma was always the worst for PTS sufferers and dealing with the workload and everything else that had happened in recent months was just getting on top of me. I rolled out my bag and wrapped myself up in it as I kept on drinking to numb out the pain.
Sam and Wordy had joined the others at the 'Barn' and left Jules to stay with Marina and Dean at the hospital; they all had noticed differences in me over the last couple of weeks and when they all told each other of what they had seen – it all clicked into place.
"So this isn't a PTS thing?" Wordy asked as he watched Spike pace.
"No, it's related to PTS but considering the amount of traumatic events she has been involved in during her lifetime and then her thinking she got the boss shot – her brain is shutting itself down to try and cope with the raw emotions she is feeling. This is the flipside of her medications, it's rare and her shrink warned me and Greg about its symptoms – we just assumed that because she had been symptom free for a year – she would never experience this trauma." Ed replied.
Spike had grabbed his laptop and started typing up a programme quickly; everyone looked at him surprised when he whooped for joy, he spun the screen round to everyone and showed the red dot on the map.
"Is that a GPS location marker – Mac?" Sam asked.
"Yeah – I made it for her in the event she was in trouble and needed time alone – it's just so I knew she was alright. She must have known something was wrong when she started to run and activated it; she is at the old smokehouse – we need to get up there quickly before the weather sets in!" he replied.
All four of the men scrambled out of their seats and grabbed some gear and blankets they knew they would need due to the severe weather change that was happening in the country. They jumped into the SUV and Sam hit the accelerator with venom and they screamed down the interstate trying to make up as much time as they could since it would take over half an hour to get there at top speed on the roads.
I was curled up on the floor crying – I had got my boss and friend shot because I wasn't quick enough to help him, I wasn't experienced or trained enough to support him. I was stupid going for this assignment – I am a nurse! A pathetic weak nurse who should have stayed in the UK and not interfered in the lives of these people I love as family. I had gone through both bottles of vodka in really quick time and was on my third – I hadn't slept properly in weeks since I heard from the MOD that Toth was being assigned to Toronto permanently and would have direct access to the SRU Psych Evaluations on a yearly basis.
My life on the SRU top team would be over soon – he would ensure that after hearing about this case. I had brought my firearm and medication with me – I left Spike a note in his locker – everything in my head was just spinning and I was so tired and dizzy after that fall. I didn't know what to do, what to think – how to feel without wanting to scream. The storm started and I watched as the thunder and lightning started seconds before the rain broke; I got up and slid out the top window and landed on my side in the mud pile – maybe it was quicker just to go through hypothermia?
The SUV slammed around a corner and onto the dirt track that led to the old training range up the small hill; Spike had told them that I was on the move and it was clear where I was going. Sam sped up and slammed on his breaks once he hit the furthest gate from the house, grabbing his gear he turned to Spike who was putting in the details for the GPS and jumped out the SUV followed by everyone else.
"She's maybe 500 meters in front of us in the woods and she is all over the place – take her down whatever way is necessary!" Ed shouted over the rain.
"This is her tranquilizer, upper arm or hip and she will be out within a couple of minutes – make no mistake she will fight you – but hopefully she is aware enough to know that we are there to help and caught on to the issue."
They all nodded and started to run up the small ramp in the direction I had walked earlier on; they knew this was going to be bad – but after everything I had been through recently and the progress I had made in the team – they were sure as hell not losing me to something well out with my control – something a stupid chemical imbalance creates!