Sam kissed Gabe.

But Gabriel did not kiss Sam back.

"Sam," Gabe said, "Don't do that."

Why the hell had he kissed Gabe? What the hell was wrong with him? Sam got up off his bed quickly and back up.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, "I don't know why-"

"It's okay. It's just-Can you come back over here?" Gabe said.

Sam obliged slowly. He could feel the heat in his face as he sat down. Gabriel looked at Sam. He took a moment to say anything, so Sam waited, trying to drain the blush from his face. He couldn't believe he kissed him. Why the fuck did he do that?

"I'm sorry, Sam," Gabe said, "I didn't mean to-Don't rebound with me."

"That's not what I-you wouldn't be a-"

"Do you really have feelings for me?" Gabe asked.

Sam nodded slowly. No point in lying now.

"Hell, Sam. I'm sorry. I didn't think—I don't...I think we should probably just stay friends," Gabe said.

Sam nodded again. He knew that was coming, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt like hell. So, now he knew. Gabriel did not reciprocate his feelings. Great.

"I do still want to be friends, Sam," he said. Sam smiled, "I do, too. I'm...I'm sorry, I...I'd like that. I probably don't have the energy for more than friends anyway."

Gabe nodded, "Probably true."

Well, at least now Gabe knew. There was so much he didn't know, there was so much Sam wanted to tell him, but now that Sam knew there was no chance for anything between them, he figured divulging much more of his feelings could wind up being very awkward.

"Is it alright if I still hang out?" Gabe asked.

Sam answered, "Of course. You're always welcome here. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure? I don't want things to get awkward."

Sam forced a smile. "Things will only be awkward if we let them be," he said.

Gabe nodded, "Okay. Good." Silence

"You want to go see what Dean and Cas are doing?" Sam said.

When Gabe shot him a skeptical look, he added, "I'm pretty sure they're not in their bedroom anymore."

"Okay, as long as they have their clothes on," Gabriel said. Sam really hoped they were clothed. They ventured out to the living room where Dean rushed up off the couch and shoved them back down the hall.

"Save yourselves. Stay back here," Dean said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed and looked over his shoulder at Cas. He said, "He's watching Doctor Who. Except he wanted to watch 'Love and Monsters'. I told him not to, but he wouldn't listen."

Sam nodded and turned back towards his room. Gabe asked, "What's 'Love and Monsters'?"

Sam sighed, "The episode of Doctor Who with Moaning Myrtle."

Gabe's eyes widened, "I hate that episode."

"Everyone does," Sam said.

Dean followed them over to Sam's room.

"I can't watch the end of that episode again," Dean said, "What're you guys up to?"

"Dunno yet," Sam said.

Dean looked between Sam and Gabe.

"So...are you guys okay?" Dean asked. Sam nodded, fixing Dean with a stare to not press any further.

"Yeah," Sam said, "We're friends."

Dean slightly raised an eyebrow at Sam, but he didn't say anything else.

"Dean, it's almost over!" Cas called.

Dean grinned, "Well, have fun. I'll let you know when we start figuring out dinner." Dean quickly joined Cas back at the tv.

Sam turned to Gabe. His friend sat on the bed and cracked his knuckles. There was so much he wished he could tell him. Like how beautiful he was. There were a lot of little things that he was never going to get to say. But there were big things. He owed Gabriel his life. He loved him in ways he couldn't express. He was grateful for him in ways he'd never be able to repay. And those things ripped at Sam. He wanted to tell Gabriel everything. He wanted...he wanted a lot of things that weren't ever going to happen.

Sam asked, "Do you want to play a game?"

Gabe grinned widely, like it was the best idea he'd ever heard. "What kind of game? I'm partial to Candyland myself, but games are great. I'll play whatever," he said.

Sam shrugged, "The only game I have in here is Uno."

"Okay," Gabe said, "I'll kick your ass in Uno. Sounds good."

Sam grabbed the deck from his bookcase, shuffled, and dealt. Silence stretched between them. As they played cards, Sam tried to think of things to talk about, but everything was too raw. He couldn't very well talk about his feelings or Gabe's feelings or Gabe's family or Luci or his physical injuries or any of the other things that were running through his mind. So, the silence continued. He won the first game with a smile on his face.

Gabriel broke the silence by asking, "Again?"

"Sure," Sam said. After the first game, he was feeling a little cocky. After making Gabe draw four cards within the first five turns, Sam felt himself relax. By the fifth game, Gabe and Sam were comfortably teasing each other. Maybe being friends could work.

He proceeded to completely own Gabriel by going seven rounds undefeated. Gabe was a remarkably good loser, but that was probably out of consideration for Sam's feelings.

By the time Sam had one card left in the eighth rematch, Gabriel rolled his eyes and said, "Fine. I give. You win. What do you want to do now?"

Before Sam could say anything, Charlie shouted, "We come bearing pizza and good news!"

Sam and Gabe joined the others at the table.

"Hey, Gabe!" Charlie said, surprised, "I didn't know you were-anyway! Pizza. Take slices. All three pizzas are plain cheese. Dig in." Gabe handed Sam a slice of pizza. Sam accepted it when Gabe averted his eyes awkwardly and grabbed his own piece.

As they started devouring the pizzas, Charlie raised a plastic cup of soda and said, "There is a clinic down the street that accepts the school's insurance, we went down there, and they've already prescribed medication for Dorothy."

"That's great!" Cas said.

Dean said, "Fucking finally."

Sam left his seat and hugged Dorothy. "I'm glad you're gonna be okay," he said quietly.

Dorothy smiled at Sam, "Me too."

"How many clinics did you guys try?" Gabe asked.

Charlie took a large gulp of Pepsi, which Sam thought might be spiked with something.

She said, "After the school hospital. Nine. Nine fucking clinics."

"Holy shit," Gabe said.

Charlie grinned, "You have no idea."

Dorothy rubbed her back and said, "You didn't tell them the best part."

Charlie took a bite of pizza, so Dorothy told them, "My doctor was a former volunteer for Jane."

"Really?" Cas asked, sounding excited. Sam had no idea who Jane was or what they were talking about.

Dean sighed when he saw Sam's confused expression. "Jane was an underground abortion service in Chicago back before Roe v. Wade made abortion legal," he explained.

Dean turned to Charlie, "I hate you for making me take that class."

Cas laughed and smiled at him. Charlie grinned impishly around her pizza slice. Sam smirked at his feminist brother.

Dean had sworn Sam and Cas to secrecy, but they knew Dean had signed up to take a gender and sexuality course as a result of his women's history class. Cas was really proud of him. Sam was also proud, but he couldn't help but laugh at Dean when he found out.

Dinner started to get awkward. Everyone else was fine. They were busy sharing clinic and insurance horror stories, talking about when Cas gets his stitches out, what they were planning to do for Christmas, and all manner of other things. Sam quietly ate his pizza and listened to his family enjoy each other's company. Gabriel also sat uncharacteristically quiet. He kept looking over at Sam, and fidgeting with his pizza crust. He looked as uncomfortable as Sam felt.

After dinner, Sam and Gabe returned to Sam's room. They stood in his room awkwardly. Sam looked around to see if he had any games they could play or movies they could watch.

"Well, I guess I should probably go," Gabe said, "It's kind of late." Sam wanted to invite him to stay the night, but after the kiss...he didn't want to risk it. As Sam opened his mouth to say something, Gabriel got a text. He flipped his phone open.

"So..." Gabe said, "I probably shouldn't leave yet. Mike says Dad just stormed out."

Sam shrugged, "You could spend the night if you want."

His friend smiled, "Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it." They played a few more rounds of Uno. Gabe nearly screamed when he actually won a hand.

Sam asked, "Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

Gabe looked at Sam's small tv. "On that or out with everyone else?" he asked.

Sam said, "Either way. Charlie's Xbox has Netflix. I've got VHS in here. Your pick."

"You have a VCR?" Gabe asked, thoroughly shocked.

Sam nodded and pointed to his VCR. It was old, but it still worked.

Gabe yawned, "I'm actually kind of tired."

"We could sleep if you want," Sam said.

Gabe nodded, "That'd be nice."

Sam asked, "How do you want to sleep?"

"How would you like to sleep?" Gabriel countered.

"Well, I just want to make sure you're comfortable with-"

"I'll be fine with whatever you're comfortable-"

Sam laid back on his bed and said, "Sleep however you want."

Gabe laid down next to Sam and pulled the blanket over them. Sam flicked the light switch off, which was just within his reach from the bed. When the lights turned off, they sat in silence for a bit.

Sam figured he'd try to sleep, but shortly after he actually decided to sleep, Gabe reached for his hand in the dark. Slowly, Gabe curled closer to Sam and laid his head on Sam's shoulder.

"Uhh...Gabe?" Sam said.

Gabe said quietly, "Sorry. Can I sleep like this? It...I'm just sorta used to cuddling with you. If it's too much, I can-"

"No, it's fine," Sam said, "As long as you're comfortable." The last thing he wanted was for Gabe to feel weird about touching Sam. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Honestly, if he had any chance of getting over Gabriel, the touching would probably need to stop. But he didn't say anything.

Sam fell asleep quickly after that. A few hours later, Sam woke up, heart racing, alone in the dark.

"Gabe?" he whispered. Gabe was clearly not in the room. It was still early morning, definitely no later than 4am. He probably got up to go the bathroom or something.

Suddenly, he heard Gabe's voice.

"I can't," Gabe was saying quietly.

Dean said, "I just want to know why you're lying to my brother."

Gabe replied, "I have to. It's complicated."

And just like that, Sam's heart shattered.