I was sitting on a fallen tree trunk overlooking the river that was swelling to nearly double its size, I was in and out of lucidity and my stomach was protesting the horrible burning feeling the alcohol had left. I knew what I needed – Spike – where was he? Did he get my note that explained what I was feeling, how screwed up I felt after letting the boss get shot – he hopefully figured it out. I thought I could hear everyone's voices in the woods – Spike didn't like the woods, his 'people' didn't have good luck in them – I showed him how 'lucky' he could get in the woods back in Scotland – that changed his attitude and still brought a grin to every sweep we had to do in the woods now.

I could hear him now over the sounds of the water and rain; he was calling my name over and over like when we were playing hide and seek – I felt tears burn my eyes and sent a prayer up for him and the team that this wouldn't be to traumatic for them.

A shadow stopped at the edge of the river and clicked his comms unit; he spotted a lone figure sitting on a tree trunk crying in the rain and leaning to one side as if she was hurt.

"Guys, I've got her and I'm going for the shot!"

He moved quickly behind the figure and the shape turned round suddenly and gasped – looking down she saw the needle in her arm and he wrapped his arms around her as she fought.

"NO, leave me alone!" I screamed.

I was slammed into the floor and held against the man's chest as I fought for every ounce of strength I could gather – it wasn't enough and I banged my clenched hand against his chest feebly. I looked up at him and he was crying himself – Wordy – always the strong one never cried.

"Mackenzie – don't you dare do this again!" he whispered as he rolled me to the side and checked my vitals.

I lay on my side and gasped air through my tears and burning stomach; I could see the shapes of three others coming out from the woods and felt the soft fabric of a compression dressing going onto my shoulder. The others knelt beside and wrapped me up in the thermal blankets before picking me up and racing through the woods with me towards the smokehouse; it was a short walk from here, maybe five minutes, but with every bump along the way I wanted to be sick and scream. I was put into the back of the car between the two other men and wrapped up in dry blankets and slowly heated back up with aid of the heating system. I looked at myself in the middle mirror and saw my eyes roll back and blackness.

I could hear voices in the distance and they were talking about me. How they knew something was wrong but didn't say anything about the signs; how they now blamed themselves for not stepping in and asking for guidance on what they saw – it was a literal landmine situation and I was the cause of it. I tried to focus in on a single voice but I couldn't hear him, I wanted to know if Spike was there or he had decided to leave – I was confused and sore.

I felt a strange numbness go through my arm, the slight burn of a powerful painkiller being introduced into my body – why did I need a painkiller? I tried to wake up fully, to latch onto one voice – it was still useless and I felt the darkness draw me back in.

More voices this time, they were concerned about me – my recovery to wake was taking longer than they liked and all the scans showed was normal with no damage – the other voice was familiar but I couldn't catch the owners rhythm.

I tried to move my fingers – pain and then darkness.

"Why is she taking so long to wake up – she shouldn't be taking this long?" a voice demanded.

"Spike, her brain is processing everything that has happened, she has a massive emotional trauma to work through and the best thing her body can do for her is let her sleep. This is no-one's fault; we were warned about this and the signs were there clear as day, but since she had been A-symptomatic for months – we didn't act quickly enough. She has everyone's support son – that is the least we can do for our family." The voice replied.

It was Parker and Spike – the voices I longed to hear and see them again – darkness called and then flashes of memories interrupted the peaceful place I was in.

Blood, pain and destruction – lost friends and family; helping friends during calls and treating their injuries after workout and drills. I knew my body couldn't move on the bed but inside I was screaming and clawing my way through every memory I had and fighting for my sanity. I could hear Spike whisper in my ear to be strong, to fight for us both and to remember that I am loved and wanted. I screamed in my head and went full out in my dreams.

I saw bright lights as I opened my eyes slowly, it must have been during the day as the corridor outside was busy with nurses and other patients wandering about. I took a deep breath and then suddenly gasped as I sat upright and let out a strangled cry and burst out into tears. I dragged my knees to my chest and rolled onto my side as I cried in pain and exhaustion – I knew now that the dreams were artificial – they must have induced a medical coma to keep my functions intact after the head wound I got from the ravine fall. I heard the slide doors open and a nurse came running in at the sound of the monitor alarms going crazy; she tried to soothe me and hit the button for the doctor to come in. He did a few quick checks and kneeled down beside me.

"Mackenzie – I know this is really difficult to deal with and it must be incredibly scary – do you want something to sedate you?" he whispered.

I shook my head and groaned as I moved my shoulder; he did a quick check and ordered some more painkillers to ease off the spasms going through my body. He got the nurse to put it through the IV line and I felt the drugs hit my system; they had put in a small amount of sedative to ease off the wild emotions I was caught in and I felt more relaxed as they eased me on my back and reattached the monitor lines and pulled the blankets back up. He made a few quick notes and gave the nurse orders to contact my next of kin and alert them to that fact that I was awake.

He looked back at me and smiled as he squeezed my hand and I closed my eyes.