A month later
I ran steadily along the surface as I listened to my IPod; it was up as high as possible and I was alone in the gym with the others not arrived yet for the workout before shift. The music was a mix of rock, metal and other pieces I had found online.
'It's not safe here anymore, there's too much damage to ignore.
I've spun in circles, I'm confused. If no one wins, does no one lose?'
I hit the treadmill and it switched to the second incline to give my legs a workout after the month of medical downtime forced upon me after being released from hospital.
'We never learned to bend, so we break and break again.
And now we're broken in. Too many pieces to mend. Too many pieces to mend.'
I tried to compartmentalise everything going on. What had happened with the mental and emotional breakdown, the thought of suicide – drinking again with OTC drugs? I shuddered and hit the next incline and sped up.
'It was never my intent to be the Eve that makes you sin.
I fire temptation, you gave in.'
I thought of Spike; the love of my life and what he must have been going through these last 18 months – falling for the new girl and finding out she is a nutjob and the clinical shrink who nearly destroyed their team has a personal beef with her? I was surprised Spike didn't walk – I would not have blamed him if he had – it was a LOT to handle – but he was still there.
I took a small drink of water and sped up again, the sweat was pouring off me as I ran to a heavier song. It was what I needed at this moment and I just closed my eyes and went full out on the treadmill as I pulled the straps on my top to secure my chest and make sure my breasts weren't bouncing around the place too much.
A single figure came round the corner and greeted Winnie who was on duty overnight as dispatcher, since the other team was out on a call he thought he was the only one in really early – it was only 3.45am. He spotted that Winnie was keeping an eye on the gym; he went over to her and asked what was up.
"Mackenzie has been here since just after 1am – she has been running since twenty past one – she won't stop for me and she needs to take a break as she has already fallen off twice. She is alright as far as I can see – just very focused on something." She whispered.
He nodded and let her get back to what she was doing for the team on call; he headed over to the gym and watched from the free weight area. I had my eyes closed again and was running like my life depended on it. He noticed that I was no longer shy of showing off my back and that I had lost the added weight that being in hospital makes you put on and then some extra pounds as well. I was not a slim figure – full figured but fit and more than capable to kick ass when required. He dropped his bag on the floor and noticed that Ed had arrived too and was walking over to him – he went over and stopped him.
"What's up Greg?" he said as he saw his friends face.
He looked into the gym and saw me running with my eyes closed, I wasn't strictly due back until tomorrow but I was going nuts in the house and there was only so much baking, gardening and cleaning up I could do.
"She looks exhausted again boss – what she doing here early?"
"Winnie says she arrived at the back of one and has been running since – not sure if it's because Spike is working with Team two this week or something is going on in that head of hers – go get changed, I'll have a chat with her." Greg said.
He walked over to where I was running and leaned back against the other treadmill; he knew better than to startle someone who was in the zone while working out – it didn't lead to good things!
I knew someone was beside me and I opened my eyes and looked to my left; he stood there and smiled gently as I continued to run. I rolled my eyes and stared back at the wall and pulled out my earphones.
"Can I help with something boss?" I inquired.
"Stealing my lines now huh – that's normally Ed's job or Jules when she is annoyed at me for some reason." He quipped back grinning.
"I've been away for over a month and needed to get back to work, I won't go out on calls if you don't want me too – but I have a huge amount of paperwork to do – is that why you're talking to me right now – wondering why I am in early?" I inquired back.
He looked at me and then nodded to the treadmill controls.
"Think you can stop running for a while, your making me sweat just watching you work-out!" he asked calmly.
I looked at him and then started to slow down the programme and then jump onto the sides as the treadmill slowed to a stop; I jumped off and kept bouncing on my toes so the cramps wouldn't set in and I turned to him.
"Winnie told me you have been running solidly for over two hours – something on your mind that you want to talk about?" he asked as he passed me my water bottle.
I looked at him and shook my head as I took another swig of water, I was just trying to de-stress since Spike has been on nightshift all week with Team Two.
"Is there anything Mac; because you not talking to me freely after the recent events are causing me concern and with you coming back to work tomorrow – we need to know if there are any lingering issues."
"I'm fine boss, no need to worry your pretty little head – I'll meet everyone at the pool – I'm going to get some laps in to warm up!" I replied walking past him.
I headed past Winnie and glared at her as I shoved open the changing room doors; I grabbed my bag and headed down the side exit stairs and along the concealed corridor towards the SRU's purpose built swimming pool. I slammed open the changing room door and got changed quickly and tied my hair up tightly to keep it out the way.
We were due to underwater drills tomorrow due to finding out Sam was not the most water friendly member of our team and I needed the whole team to be at least proficient to Open Water Diver status. I climbed up the short stairs and walked along the middle board and stretched my spine to be ready to hit the water – I took a deep breath and jumped into the water and bounced off the bottom of the pool.
I started doing some lengths of the water and felt the stress going out my shoulders.