"We should go out."
Dean only afforded Sam a grunt, his eyes never leaving the television screen.
A sigh and a rustling noise reached Dean's ears before the TV turned off with a snick. Dean still didn't turn away, just continued to look at his reflection in the blank screen. He could see Sam behind the couch, holding the remote control.
"It's been three months. You need to get out of the house. All you do is go to work and come home. Let's go to the Roadhouse, I know Ellen and Jo would love to see you."
Dean ran a hand over his face. "Just go without me. I'm going to bed." he said tiredly, not wanting to get into another debate with his brother.
Ever since the break-up, it seemed as if the roles that Dean and Sam had unconsciously set up for each other had been reversed. Now it was Sam that had become the over protective brother, the mother hen. It was driving Dean insane.
Benny was just as bad at being over protective. While Sam had reacted in confusion over hearing about the break up, stating it made no sense and that it didn't sound like Castiel, Benny was responded with cold anger.
His easy going, teddy bear of a best friend became frightening grizzly when he heard what happened and wanted to storm over Castiel's apartment to give him a good "ass kicking". It took both Sam and Gabriel to physically stop him while Dean jumped in front of Benny, trying to reason with him.
Dean hadn't told anybody what had happened, only simply stated they had broken up. He didn't want to see the pity in their eyes if he told them what Castiel had said.
"There's somebody else out there better for you. Somebody that is going to give you the love you deserve. Unfortunately, that person isn't me."
Dean knew it was Castiel's way of saying that he didn't love Dean anymore.
He still doesn't remember how he made it home that night, especially without wrecking. When he got home, he sat on the couch in the dark, staring at nothing. His phone was beside him, going off with voicemails and text messages, mostly from Sam, but he couldn't find the energy to pick up.
He didn't know how long he sat there until Sam and Gabriel showed up, their concerned faces taking him in, Sam trying to talk to him, but his voice sounded like it was in a tunnel.
They both stayed with him that weekend, Sam and Gabriel slept in Sam's old room. Dean knew they were waiting for him to do something. Yell, break something, cry, show some sort of reaction but he never did, at least not in front of other people. He was heading to the kitchen two days later and overheard Sam and Gabriel talking. Sam didn't like that Dean wasn't talking about it, he was burying his feelings. Dean peeked around the corner to see Gabriel sitting on the counter, legs spread with Sam between them. Gabriel had his arms wrapped around the larger man, running his hands down Sam's back, giving him a chaste kiss. Concern over Dean evident on Sam's face.
Dean left the house and went on a drive. He was happy his brother finally found someone that loved and cared for him, but at the same time, seeing that intimacy, it was too painful. It only reminded him of what he had with Castiel.
He drove until he was in the countryside. He stopped at a lake, belatedly realizing it was the same lake he had taken Castiel to just the month before. They had planned to have a picnic, but they ended up skinny dipping, chasing each other in the water, glimpses of strong, tanned arms sluicing through the water, slick skin sliding against his once he caught Castiel. Blue eyes glinted up at him as the water sparkled around them in the fading sunlight.
They ended up not eating, but making love on the blanket, slow and sweet until they were gasping into each other mouths, Dean covering Castiel's body with his own, warding off the chill.
Dean was out of the car and at the lake shore before he even realized what he had done. A guttural scream ripped out of him as he sank to his knees, the lake water saturating his jeans. He just kept screaming until his throat was hurt and raw, like his heart.
He fought desperately for control of his feelings. That day at the lake, he had very carefully and systematically tied what little emotions he had left until they were tightly bound, settling heavily in his chest.
Now he was just numb. It was better that way. It helped him make it day to day.
Sam had settled down on the couch next to Dean and nudged his shoulder. "Come on, don't go to bed, it's still early. Have a drink with me and Gabe."
Dean looked into the earnest face of his little brother and saw the worry etched into his face. Dean felt a deep seated sense of discomfort to realize that the break up had affected Sam as well. Castiel wasn't just his boyfriend, but Sam's friend. The two of them had developed their own special relationship, one of brothers.
Dean shot Sam a small smirk, a shadow of what it used to be, but it was still there. "Sure Sammy, let's go. I could use a drink."
Dean breathed a sigh of relief when he finally got a moment to himself. He worked his jaw to relieve the pain from the fake smile he had been wearing all night. He had a couple of drinks, laughed at Benny's jokes, teased Jo, put up with Ellen's mothering and even danced with Gabriel.
Now he was just ready to have one last drink and head home alone. Jo had been relieved of bartending by a new guy who thankfully, quickly and quietly brought him his drink and promptly left him alone.
Dean watched people from the mirror behind the bar as he slowly sipped on his beer. The scenes kind of blurred, not realizing he had zoned out until he heard somebody settle in the stool beside him.
He looked over to see the profile of a blonde man, older than himself wearing a v-neck and jeans, detecting a British accent as he gave his drink order to the bartender. Feeling eyes on him, pale blue eyes turned toward him, gave him an appraising look and smiled.
"Well hello, gorgeous."
Dean whipped his head back around, but he could hear the blonde chuckling. The man then gently knocked his elbow to Dean's.
"I'm Sebastian." he said holding out his hand.
"Dean." he shook Sebastian's hand and gave him a small smile.
They drank in companionable silence for a few moments but it was clear that Sebastian wanted to talk by the way he kept giving him sidelong looks.
"So, never seen you here before." Dean stated, finally giving the man an opening.
"I'm only passing through." Sebastian tapped his fingers idly on his glass before continuing. "You know, I'm very intrigued by you."
Dean gave him a sardonic look. "Oh, yeah? How could I possibly have intrigued you when we've barely exchanged a handful of words?"
Sebastian let out a low laugh. "Not to come across as creepy, but I've been watching you all night. I see how you are with your friends. It's all an act. I'm just curious as to why. What's the story?"
Dean scoffed. "There's no story, mister."
Sebastian took a small sip of his drink. "Liar."
"Dude, you don't know me." Dean was starting to get annoyed by the stranger especially when he gave him a knowing look.
"Maybe I don't, but I'd love to find out." Sebastian reached over to take hold of Dean's forearm. Dean watched as the man's eyes briefly flashed electric blue before settling back to normal. He shook his head; obviously a trick of the light but it didn't explain what happened next.
A warm tingle went up his arm that felt disturbingly familiar and before he knew it, he was telling Sebastian everything about that happened with Castiel.
"I just don't understand. I was so sure, you know? That he loved me and then all of a sudden, I'm fucking cut off, just like that. As if I was nothing." Dean slammed his glass down so hard on the counter; it was a surprise it didn't shatter.
Sebastian tsked sympathetically. "That must have been horrible for you, Dean but I can't help to wonder something as you told me your story."
"What's that?" Dean asked, sullenly.
"How you described him…this Cas, it appears he loved you very much. It makes me wonder if the issue isn't really you, but him. He kept repeating there is somebody better out there for you. Makes me think he doesn't think he's good enough for you. That he truly believes that he is not a good match for you. Maybe he loved you so much; he felt he had to let you go. The question now is…what are you going to do to make him believe that he is your best match? You should show him that what the two of you have is worth fighting for."
Dean felt an uncertainty well up inside him at Sebastian's words. Was it possible that all of this was because of some misguided beliefs that Castiel might have. That he actually did love him?
He shook his head. "Nah, if anything, I'm not good enough for Cas."
The blonde gave a frustrated growl and mumbled something under his breath that Dean couldn't understand. "Just think about what I said. I hate for this love story to have an unhappy ending over a miscommunication."
Dean started to speak, but suddenly he had a lapful of drunk Sam.
"God, get off me, you weigh a ton." Dean groaned in pain as he shoved Sam off.
Sam pouted. "Why you over here?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "I was just getting a drink and started talking to Sebastian over here-" Dean turned to introduce Sam to Sebastian, but the stool next to him was empty.
"Huh, must have slipped out." Dean muttered as he let Sam drag him back to their table. Sebastian's words though stayed with him a long time after the man had left.
A few days later, Dean received a frantic call at work from Charlie.
"Dean, I'm so sorry to call you, but there's been an accident."
Dean's blood froze, worst case scenarios popping in his head. "Is it Cas? Is he okay?"
There was a beat of silence on the other end and then a stream of frenzied apologies flowed down the line.
"Oh my god Dean, I'm so sorry. No, Cas is fine. I'm actually in need of your services. You see, somehow, a pipe burst and flooded my kitchen. There's some damage in both apartments. I wouldn't have called you because of what happened between you and Cas, but every single place I called are booked up. I just want to get it fixed before Cas comes back from that musical competition he went off to with the kids…"
"Charlie, breathe. It's okay, I'll do it. I can be there in an hour."
"Thanks Dean, I don't know why I'm having such a terrible time around here lately. Everything keeps just falling apart around the house. It's enough to make me want to sell it."
"Don't worry about it, I'll be there soon." Dean assured her and got what he needed ready.
A little later Dean was under Charlie's sink, baffled. "Your pipe didn't bust, it was cut. Has somebody been in your apartment?"
He could hear a squeak from Charlie. "What? You think somebody broke in just to cut my pipes?"
Dean got out from underneath the sink and wiped his hands off with a towel that Charlie offered him. "I don't know what's going on, but somebody definitely cut it. The cut is so clean, it was like it was done with a laser."
"I-I don't understand. All the windows are locked; doors didn't look tampered with when I came home. As far as I know, nothing has been taken."
"You might want to file a report just in case. I'll also check out the pipe itself to see if it had a weak spot and see if it's even possible for a break to look like that."
Charlie nodded distractedly as Dean took note of the rest of the damage before moving down to Castiel's apartment. The damage to his kitchen was minimal, just some patchwork to the ceiling that wouldn't take long.
Dean gave Charlie the estimate and told her he would be back first thing in the morning and he should be done by the end of the day or early the day after.
As Dean started to make his way out of Castiel's apartment, trying hard not to look around too much or breathe for that matter since everything smelled like Cas when he couldn't help to noticed something missing.
"Charlie, where's Cas' piano?"
"Ummm…he got rid of it." Charlie avoided Dean's stare.
"What do you mean, he got rid of it? That was his grandmother's piano."
Charlie sighed and turned sad eyes toward Dean. "He had to get rid of it, Dean. He destroyed it."
"Destroyed it? What happened?" he demanded.
"You know he'll kill me for telling you."
"I don't care. Tell me."
"The night you two split, after you left, he took a baseball bat to it. I found him on the floor with pieces of it all around him. I stayed with him and he-ah-he cried for you all night. Damn it Dean, I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but Cas is miserable. He's not the same person he used to be. It's like my friend is a fucking stranger."
Dean sat down on the couch and just stared at the floor as Charlie's words sank in. Dean knew that piano was precious to him…one of the last pieces he had left of his family.
The anger and despair had to be great for him to do such a thing. Maybe Sebastian was right. What if Castiel really believed what he was telling Dean?
That meant that Castiel really never stopped loving him.
"That stupid bastard." he muttered as hope blossomed in his chest and plans whirled in his head.
For the first time, Dean was going to fight for what he truly wanted.
Cas.
Hey, another chapter and it didn't take me over a month! As it stands, it seems like there might only be two or three chapters left to this story.
If you want to keep me motivated or want to talk/praise/curse with me about Supernatural, you can find me on tumblr under maybaby34. :)
Thanks to everybody that's still reading this story. It means so much to me!