Review Responses: I usually do these through PMs, but wanted to try it out in-fic for a change.
He23t: I am glad! It took a few edits, but I like the end product too.
thisisagoodname: Yeah, I love FP, but she can come off as bland. Most of her intrigue comes off from her raw destructive ability/naivety, though I think the plotline with her potentially being evil could lead to some interesting stuff. I don't think I wrote her too well, but she isn't really a factor in the story so I'm not too sad in that regard.
mukyuuuu: Your kind words made me try to get this update done early! I usually write romance as a focus, but in some cases I felt like doing so negatively affected my writing… so here it's not! If it's underrated as a result, I don't mind. I'm having more fun writing this than I have had in awhile, and am immensely happy others enjoy it as well!
Zephyrphym: Thank you! I plan on finishing it, and I think the places the story ends up going will be very cool. Hopefully.
Chapter 5: Murmurs Of War
Per usual, Finn remembered every item he had forgotten to bring at precisely the moment he had ran far enough that going back wasn't a reasonable option. Highlights included a tent or some covering, a backscratcher, and a method of transportation that wasn't him running. The latter sucked the most dragon nips because he had also conveniently ignored the fact that he had just gotten discharged from the hospital yesterday. He was a little achy as such, but thankfully years of adventuring, a (though not exactly healthy) nutrition laced diet, bun punching exercises and lots of Pilates and Yoga with Peebles had built him into an endurance machine.
"…Mmmm, Pilates with PB… yogurt pants…" Finn murmured, immediately realizing his error and smacking himself across the face. He was pretty harsh about being monogamous in all essences. Which was difficult because he spent most of his time saving princesses. But still, fidelity was a number-one hero rule. Right up there with no double-dipping and handcrafting all birthday cards.
Getting back to the task at hand, Finn sat down on a rock within the forest he had been traveling through, and reached into his bag to pull out the weird instrument Bubblegum had given him to find Marceline; he had donned it the Marcy-Polo, after the game he and Jake had played growing up. Though the name was a horrible, horrible pun, it was better that than constantly referring to it by its physical features.
"Okay, Marcy-Polo, am I goin' an m'kay way?" He said, twisting the magnet like object around until the whooshing sound became prominent. "Hmmm… right near… aww, stale pastries, not the City Of—"
"THE CITY OF THIEVES!" The hag finished on cue, suddenly rocketing out of the ground and straight into Finn's lower half. He landed with a plop, groaning and reaching for his more delicate regions. "Ooooh. Hit in the Boingloings," She muttered, giggling a little as she realized where she had struck him.
Finn, with a growl (and his hand cupping his banana and trail mix), leapt up and shouted, "DANG IT LADY! You scare me like that one more time, I dare you! My girlfriend's made of fire, bro! She'll mess you up!"
"UGH, you're dating a Fire Elemental? Not only are you stupid, you have bad taste… see ya!" The hag replied before running off, cackling. Finn shook his head, tenderly rubbing his assaulted privates. He hadn't even gotten to the city yet and he had already gotten his Boingloings smacked around. And if he WAS going to go into the city, he would need to hide… well… everything.
He frowned, biting his lip, until an idea clicked into his mind. Quickly, he began to search for old leaves on the ground, and when he had gathered a good amount he pulled out his old sewing kit. Things were about to get very, very fresh. And natural.
Meanwhile, in the Candy Kingdom, an ill omen approached Bonnibel Bubblegum. The messenger himself being a very odd creature, prone to alternative gardening and death metal drumming, unknowingly about to run into an old acquaintance.
Peppermint Butler hadn't really expected any funny business when he had answered the castle door that night; it was a fairly routine operation, after all. Perhaps some other royalty, or a candy citizen, or Finn and Jake would waltz in, say hi, and be off on their business. No one unusual doing anything out of the ordinary. However, as he opened up the door, he found himself staring into a familiar serene white skull, and quickly felt his body lift off the ground and be pulled into a tight squeeze.
"Pepper-mutha-lumpin'-mint Butler! This is where you're working now you crazy little man?!" Death exclaimed as he hugged the candy-servant, who quickly returned the embrace with a chortle.
"Death! You should have told me you were heading over! Oh, we could have had dinner somewhere nice… or just chewed on something anywhere really, I guess, this being the Candy Kingdom," Peppermint replied as Death gingerly lowered him to the ground.
"Nah, I'm here on strict business; no reapings though, so don't worry," Death replied, staring up at one of the castle's towers, that with a small sense of unease Peppermint realized was the Princess's. "Just need to discuss some matters with the Princess. But I might take you up on that offer for dinner after. I like getting some mortal food every once in awhile, even if it does go right through me." He stuck his hand where his non-existent stomach would be to drill in the joke.
Peppermint burst into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. "Whoo, you haven't lost a step. Deadzone running well?"
"Skeletons are a pain in my boney butt to talk to, seeing as all they talk about is fudgin' flesh," The powerful entity muttered as they began to walk through the castle, attracting many stares and inducing more than a few explosions, each causing the butler to wince. "But hey, I run my own business and have free time galore, so I can't complain. Also, I've been seeing this cute number from the mortal plane."
He held up a picture of Skeleton Princess dressed in a one piece bathing suit, bent over in what Peppermint assumed was supposed to be a seductive pose, Death shaking his head in glee as he looked over her curves, or, perhaps more accurately, jutting angles.
"You should see her in her birthday suit, so thin," The skeleton continued, putting the picture back in his pocket. "I can see her ribs and it turns me AWN! We're bonin' too. Good stuff."
"Righteous, righteous," Peppermint replied, shaking his head in fondness as he remembered all the long nights escorting dames to Death's chambers. There were some real characters to choose from when you had every female who had ever died to woo. He distinctly remembered the night Death had asked all the wives of this really old king (Henry the 8th, Peppermint believed) to have a slumber party, and though he could never quite weasel WHY out of Death, somehow all the women had possessed detachable heads and had gotten into a fight with them. So, a pillow-fight. But with the heads of the participants. Radical. "It's been too long, sir," Peppermint said wistfully.
"It has man, you were the best," Death replied, patting the mint's back. "Now that I know you work here, I'll come up to this plane whenever I have to discuss something with Bonnibel rather than have her come down. I haven't found a secretary half as good as you, by the way, since you left to help Abadeer repair his relationship with Marceline. Heh, speaking of cute undead babes, MarceLINE. She still tense 'bout the fries?"
"Eh, it was a deeper issue than that, really," The candy-man muttered, years of trying to reason with father and daughter flowing back to him vividly. "But they were in a better place when I left them, and I think they've gotten even better since. When the Candy King and Queen passed on, I felt obligated to help raise the Princess. Hunson agreed, knowing all too well how important child-development is. Poor guy. Ironically, Marceline and the Princess have had a few…" He paused and looked around cautiously. "A few flings. Keep that on the down low though, partner."
"Doesn't surprise me. Marcy always has had good taste," Death replied, taking the secret in stride and smirking at his friend's revelation; even after three hundred years, they were still open as could be. "I loved jamming with her, and she brought back a nice babe once in awhile. Crappy taste in men, though, which probably explains why I could never wax my charms on her. I'm waiting till that smug prick Ash gets axed and gets his butt sent down to my realm. He's stolen so many chicks from me with necromancy. What a tool."
"I've had a few run-ins with him myself. Definitely not my favorite wizard," Peppermint added. "He turned my red stripes blue once."
"Yeah, he does crap like that all the time, but at least he's no Malus." Death spat out the name with venom, and Peppermint's faced darkened heavily at the mere mention of the deceased Vampire King. "I've had to reinforce the Dead-Zone he's in at least 15 times. 15! I have no idea how Marceline took him down, let alone what she saw in him, but thank goodness she did. Er, thank goodness she took him down. Heck, might still be some humans left besides that one noob if Malus had never reigned. Fresh off the Mushroom War, you think I would get a break, but noooo." The skeleton shook his head, the memories obviously getting to him.
"…I've only heard stories," Peppermint whispered darkly. "Lord Abadeer was very, very uncomfortable with him, but eventually went along with Marceline being his queen as it was tearing such a rift in their relationship. Obviously she's never admitted it, but we both know who was right on that one."
"Yep," Death replied, shaking his head. "Malus was nearly as bad as the Lich. I think worse, actually. The Lich is pure evil; that's like his day job, as weird as it is to think of it like that, just like mine is to reap the dead and put 'em where they ought to go. Malus had a choice, and he went as bad as you can go. I've seen a lot, man, but dang. That was some messed up junk."
"…Did Marceline know?" Peppermint asked tentatively, voicing questions he had long wished to discuss with Hunson. "She can be difficult, but such a sweet girl…"
"The worst was over before they got together," Death replied softly, his beady eyes narrowing at the thought. "And he played her, hard. Took every angle, poor thing. Probably had a few spells going in his favor, too. Bastard knew damn well that his people could survive without human blood, but he wasn't going to stop the feast. Hunson wanted his girl to be evil, yeah, but not vicious. And that's all that turd ever was. I can still remember her face, the day after she vanquished him. I think it took her at least a century to move on."
Peppermint sighed softly, imagining the regret and terror. "But look at us! This should be a jolly time, two friends reconnecting. We need to stay in better touch, my brother," The candy butler said, trying to soften the mood, and Death nodded, though his gaze seemed far away.
"We do, we do. Sadly… I wouldn't call these jolly times…" He trailed off, frowning as if he had said too much.
Peppermint coughed, and bowed. "We're here, sir," He stated, hiding any of his concern as he did so. Death nodded, knocking on the door firmly.
"Keep watch. This shouldn't be overheard. If you do, no probz, cause you're the man, Pep. But this is big stuff," The skeleton whispered, turning back to the door as it opened.
Bonnibel Bubblegum, dressed in a pink, airy nightgown, immediately frowned at Death's presence. He never brought good news, and he also happened to be pretty pervy. Still, she knew he must have an important reason for appearing, especially considering he had never even come to her; he had always made her journey down to his realm, a trip she had much loathed every time she had taken it. "Death," She stated cordially, bowing ever so slightly.
Death simply grinned at her reaction, saying, "Princess Bonnibel," before walking into her chambers without permission. "It's funny; you mortals think I like coming here to bear bad news. As if I don't realize the moment someone sees me they feel nauseous, crippling fear. I come to try to help move lost souls to their rest, or provide pertinent information, and that's the reaction I get."
Bubblegum shared a concerned look with Peppermint Butler before motioning for him to close the door, the candy man doing so quickly. As she turned to Death, who was occupying her balcony, she spoke regally. "I apologize if I seemed unhappy at your presence. It is kind of you to give the higher powers of Ooo knowledge of future catastrophes. It's just…"
"No one likes to die?" He whispered mystically, the effect multiplied by him facing away from her. "It's not so bad, really. But I understand, I try to be lenient. Your friend; the last human. I gave him a pass the other day."
Bubblegum frowned at his words, turning away from him herself. "Thank you for not taking Finn. I appreciate it."
"Hypocrite," Death muttered, drawing a gasp from her. "If anything, I thought you would have detested me for making exceptions. But I liked the humans. It was only a few that ripped their world to shreds. Still, it was only because a certain Vampire Queen asked me to be… generous in any case of him finding mortal peril that I refrained."
Bubblegum felt her throat tightening at the mystical being's words; it was obvious he had a point to make, Death would not come to Ooo simply to lambast her. "…That was very kind of Marceline," She whispered after a few moments had passed, hoping Death would leave the subject and move onto another, and not answer the question lingering in the back of her large mind.
Nope.
"She asked me to do the same for you, Bonnibel," He mused, finally turning to face her, she turning as well to match his gaze, her thoughts racing from the revelation. "Was quite helpful, and probably bought you those thirteen years after the Lich had possessed your body, rather than a little Dead-Zone to call your own. Isn't that sweet? I can tell from your face that she never told you. Always painting herself as the villain, that one…"
"Listen, Death, if you have business with me, then let me hear it," Bubblegum snapped, tired of being baited, and desperate to avoid any more mention of Marceline. "But if you're just going to stand here and—"
"I'm giving you advice, Princess," Death spat, his tone harsh and utterly devoid of anything resembling warmth or life. "Life is precious, and rather than sit in your lab and toy with it, maybe you should grow to appreciate what's in front of you more." She raised an eyebrow at his words before her jaw dropped in shock.
"H-How do you…?" She murmured, bringing a shaking hand to her forehead. Death simply shrugged.
"I'm Death, dude. I know mad ish," He replied casually, his voice returning to its usual nature. "Helps that I'm tight with her Dad, too. And though it's been fun watching you squirm, I didn't come here to give you relationship advice."
From outside the door, Peppermint smirked. Just like Death to help out in the most annoying and bitter way possible. He felt bad for his charge, but the Princess no doubt could use the skeleton's wise words, regardless of if she agreed with that notion.
"No, I came to warn you; the Lich is back in Ooo," Death stated bluntly, Bubblegum and Peppermint both immediately freezing in fear.
"…He… Glob dammit, how?" She asked quickly, knowing that time was of the essence whenever the Lich was involved.
"Eh, P-ris… that's Prismo, B-T-dubs," Death continued, clarifying as Bubblegum raised an eyebrow. "Got bored of having him trapped in his realm. Dude's got a point, not really his problem to solve, and the Lich just kind of stares at you when he has nothing to kill. It's flippin' creepy. Good news is that he separated Billy from the Lich before he sent them back; old fella's recuperating in his cave. You should probably give him a visit. Winkety wink wink."
Bubblegum nodded, well aware that Death was giving her much more information than he was entitled to by universal law. "Thank you for the information, hopefully we can stop him from wreaking havoc."
"Yeah, I hope so too," Death deadpanned (ZING). "I don't want to tell you how much paperwork and chaos that would be. And he's planning something pretty grizzly. You ever heard of any of the wars on Earth, before the Great Mushroom War?" Bubblegum nodded slowly, wondering where Death might be going with this. "Well, they had this one; The Great War, they called it. It was a mess. You know trench warfare? Brutal. Tons of dead. Long story short, they said it would be the end of war, that no one would ever be foolish enough to start something like that again. Fast-forward a few decades, and guess what happened? World War II."
Bonnibel felt herself shaking at Death's words, and it took her a minute to compose herself to the degree where she could respond. "You… you don't mean…"
"I've said more than enough, Princess," Death replied, beginning to walk toward the door. "Find the Lich and stop him. You don't have the defenses to circumvent what he's planning to launch at you." Without another word he slipped out the door, handing a small slip of paper with a time and restaurant listed to Peppermint as he closed it behind him.
The Princess simply sat in awe, wondering what on Ooo the Lich could be planning, as miles away a strange darkness crept through the grass-lands, visible only from the full moon's light. With a small hiss, it realized it was tantalizingly close to its target; an epic Tree-House, just visible on the horizon.
Surprise! I felt bad about the gap between the most recent update and the one before it, and I came up with a cool angle to work in a key part of the story, so early update! Even better news, I more or less have another chapter of about this length done, so that should get posted tomorrow (or today, depending on when this update registers). Huzzah! (YO, PUT THAT BAG BACK ON!)
Anywho, some important plot deets got dropped in this chapter. I really like to explore a fiction's canon and fill in blanks that intrigue me as I write within it, and there was a good deal of that going on in this chapter. Along with some grim foreshadowing.
Which was offset by the puns. Yogurt pants? UGH. And the boning line killed me. Heh. A pun within a pun. Sorry. I'd say I'll try to cut back, but honestly I make them without even realizing it half the time.
I really had fun writing Death in this chapter; despite his limited appearances, he's one of my favorite characters from the show, and I enjoyed bridging the gaps between him and Peppermint Butler. Wrote of my favorite moments so far in this fic; the Skeleton Princess bit and the Henry the 8th gag. If making yourself laugh is the sign of insanity, then I am waaaay gone. Thanks for reading!