Wake up. Please, wake up. That's all he wanted. He just wanted to see Sam open those big hazel eyes. Gabriel didn't need to see him smile, though it would be nice. He didn't need to hear Sam's voice even though it would let him breathe again. He just needed Sam to open his eyes and wake up.

So, Gabe waited. He sat in the chair by Sam's hospital bed and waited. He reached forward and grabbed Sam's hand. It was enough to calm him, to keep him from throwing a chair across the room. He was so angry, he could barely contain it. How could Sam do this? But he was more scared than anything.

There was a small part of Gabe's brain that wished he had never walked down that alley, that he had never met Sam, but he knew that was stupid. If his dad hadn't tried to throw him across a whole damn room, he would've never gone out that night. He would've never met Sam the way he did. But what would that have solved? He would've met Sam through Cas. They just wouldn't have talked about Luci. Sam might still be together with Luci, and that might not be much better than the situation at hand.

After Sam's vitals had gone crazy, they were able to stabilize him, but he hadn't woken up in nearly a day and a half. The doctors had started talking about the potential for brain damage due to how long it had taken to get Sam breathing again. But Gabe didn't want to hear it. Sam had looked straight at Dean. He'd said his name. His brain was fine. He just needed to wake up.

This couldn't be happening. This whole thing was impossible. God, if Gabriel had just told Sam sooner...no. There had been no right way to handle that. Gabe hadn't thought Sam had feelings for him. When he started to get the idea that Sam may reciprocate some sort of affection, he knew he couldn't tell him how he felt. Sam needed time after splitting with Luci. The last thing Gabe wanted was Sam to rebound with him. And that's what it would be. Then, Sam told him how badly Gabe's actions were betraying his feelings and confusing Sam more, he couldn't keep him in the dark. He never said that he didn't feel for Sam, but he should've guessed that's how Sam took his wanting to be friends. He just didn't want to hurt Sam. If he let Sam rebound with him, that's exactly what would happen. He knew he loved Sam. He knew they could be great together, but jumping into it too fast could be just as disastrous and never trying at all. Just some time. He just needed some time. And now there wasn't any.

And it was all his fault.

No.

He could blame himself all he wanted, but he didn't do this. No one did this. Luci broke Sam's head. Sam broke Gabe's heart. And someone must have hurt Luci in some unspeakable way to make him the way he was. This wasn't anyone's fault. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sam was the best. And this thing that couldn't possibly be happening was the worst.

He wasn't going to cry again. There was no time for that.

Sam looked like he could open his eyes at any moment. And if that wasn't the most frustrating thing...Sam could wake up any time and he didn't. What Gabriel wouldn't give to see Sam's eyes smiling at him. He wanted to go back to watching Lord of the Rings with Sam on his futon and that amazing week. If Sam woke up, Gabe would do whatever he wanted to do. He'd go skating if he had to. Anything.

Gabriel ran his thumb across the back of Sam's hand.

"Wake up, Sam," he muttered. But he didn't. Every time Gabe begged him to wake up over these agonizing hours, he never did.

He kept seeing Sam collapsing in his apartment. Cas had come over but without Dean. Something about Cassie. Gabe didn't quite care, because Sam was missing. He knew what was going on in Sam's head. He told Cas about Sam wanting to be dead, and they had rushed straight back to the apartment. Had they gotten there a little sooner, maybe the situation may not have been so dire. Cas opened the apartment, and Gabriel had been the first to find Sam. And that note. It was burning in his pocket, but he refused to take it out. He knew what it said. No one else knew it existed, and he planned to keep it that way. Gabriel had rushed straight to Sam's room just in time to see Sam collapse to the floor. And now, Gabe couldn't close his eyes without seeing the man he loved crumpling beneath the weight of his own pain.

Gabe got up and brushed Sam's hair out of his face, not that his friend noticed.

"Wake up, baby. Please, open your eyes. Please," he whispered.

He wasn't lying when he said Sam was the best person he'd ever known. Sam was so selfless and sweet. He was selfless to a fault. To save Dean, he didn't tell him anything about Luci. To save Luci, he put up with pain and torture for months. To save Gabe, he took him in whenever he needed and tried to keep his distance even when he shouldn't have. And Sam would do anything for Cas or Charlie or Dorothy or anyone who asked anything of him. For whatever reason, he couldn't see it.

Gabriel would spend as much time as he needed trying to get Sam to see him for the miracle he was.

If he ever woke up. Sam had to wake up. Gabe sat down. Sam had to wake up. He had to. Gabe didn't know what he'd do without him. The guy had given him purpose for the first time in a long time. Before Sam, it was all he could do to get up and go to work. He would avoid his dad and his drunken fits by hiding in the lower flat. It wasn't until Sam that he'd even had the guts to confront his dad and really move into his lower level refuge. Before all this, he'd been aimlessly living one day to the next just sleeping through life trying to avoid his father and keep doing what he was doing which was nothing. Then, he aimlessly avoided his father and brothers, wandered down an alley, and woke up. Sam saved him from himself. And he didn't know.

He was going to tell him, but it was never the right time. Now, there was no time left. There was so much he needed to tell Sam. How he'd saved Gabriel from his father's wrath time and time again. How he'd given Cas a home and a family after his dad had up and left him. How much he was loved. How much he meant to everyone. How much he mattered. How much he had changed Gabriel's life. How he'd given Gabriel a reason to be. He desperately needed Sam to wake up. He needed to tell him all of that and so much more. And now, he might not get the chance.

Wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Gabe just wanted to see Sam's eyes. It'd been so long since he'd seen Sam's real smile or hear that wonderful laugh, he couldn't even begin to hope for that. At least Sam's vitals were stable. Please, wake up. Gabriel choked back a few tears and cleared his throat. He could hold it together. He could.

"Sam," he said quietly, "I don't know if you can hear me right now, but I need you to know something. You're beautiful, Sam. You absolutely take my breath away with your stunning eyes and your beautiful heart. And I'm not just being nice, Sam. I'm not. It's just..."

He paused and tried not to let his voice crack. Slowly, he collected himself and continued talking to his unconscious friend, "I love you, and I can't have you...like this without saying it to you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, because you would've never done this. Wake up. Please."

He sighed and kept watching Sam. He needed to wake up. He needed to be okay. If Sam woke up and hated him, fine. If Sam wanted nothing to do with him, fine. He just needed one miracle. One thing, just for him. He needed Sam to wake up and stop this. That's it. Don't be...dead. Please. Please, don't be dead.