the only hope for me is you - my chemical romance
The only thing that keeps Jackson going while he is the kanima is thinking about Stiles. Contrary to what everyone thinks, Jackson as the kanima does retain some control over his mind. Not enough to stop himself, though. It's like some great cosmic joke. Let's make him able to watch himself kill these innocent people, but unable to do anything to stop himself. Real funny. Jackson makes an unconscious decision to switch off at these moments and think of something else. That something else tends to be Stiles.
Jackson can't begin to describe Stiles. He's genuinely witty. Jackson sometimes finds himself smirking after Stiles has unleashed his wit. Jackson used to be on the end of it a lot of the time, but not so much anymore.
He's forgiving. After every time the kanima takes over, Jackson finds his way to Stiles' house and climbs in through the window. Stiles immediately knows what has happened. He forgives Jackson, even when Jackson can't forgive himself. 'It's not your fault,' he says. Jackson shakes his head at this, every time. And every time, he replies, 'If I hadn't...' Stiles never lets him finish the sentence. This normally involves kissing him to shut him up. Jackson is thankful that Stiles can forgive him, even though no one else seems able to.
He is beautiful. Stiles would kill Jackson if he knew that Jackson described him like this, but it's true. Stiles can't see it: who can blame him, surrounded by the male company he keeps, the only human. But Jackson is working on it. He's working on convincing Stiles that he is beautiful. Jackson always looks at him in awe. How is it that he'd never been kissed before Jackson? How is it that no one would go out with him? How is it that no one asked him to go out with them?
He puts up with Jackson. In Jackson's eyes, only someone with the patience of a saint could do that. He's moody, broody and usually capricious. Yet Stiles is still with him. He still comforts Jackson when he's feeling especially down. He still kisses him, even when he's being horrible.
He loves Jackson for who he is. Unlike Lydia, who always said that he had to be in first line, he had to win, because she didn't date losers. Stiles accepts that Jackson is insecure. He accepts that Jackson needs to know that he is wanted. And he shows this to Jackson on a regular basis.
He doesn't pity Jackson. When he found out that Jackson was adopted, he didn't react like everyone else Jackson has told did. He didn't pull an apologetic face. He just shrugged. And Jackson fell in love just a little bit more. Jackson hates the pitying looks he gets from the pack, especially since they know he's the kanima. But he doesn't get them from Stiles, for which he is eternally grateful. He doesn't know if he could stand it.
Jackson has told Stiles about the little piece of humanity which he keeps when he becomes the kanima. He has told Stiles about the people he killed. How he can't get them out of his head. How he closes his eyes and sees them, screaming in terror as the kanima bears down on them. And Stiles does his best to help Jackson forget, even if it doesn't work for long. Jackson knows he's going to have to die to finish off the kanima. But Stiles loves him and that's enough for him.