A/N: The upcoming lullaby is 'Sleep' which is a choral composition by Eric Whitacre. The text was written by Charles Anthony Silvestri. If you've never heard the piece, I recommend getting on youtube and giving it a listen. Now, I know Maura is not capable of singing the song's polyphony all by her lonesome. Let's just say she sticks to the main melody line (even though it moves between the voices) the entire time, shall we? The piece's ethereal quality and lyrics are the main reasons for my use of it. I'll see you on the other side.
We reached our final destination this morning. Well...our final destination in Thailand anyway.
I haven't talked with Jane about what will happen after our time in this country comes to an end. More than likely, she assumes we will simply return to Boston.
I have a few other plans.
But for the time being, our travels have brought us to Koh Samui.
Koh Samui is an island located in the Gulf of Thailand and is close to the mainland town of Surat Thani. It is also Thailand's third largest island. It was once an isolated community, but has grown into a popular tourist destination. In the center of the land mass is a mountainous jungle which eventually gives way to white sandy beaches as the land descends to the surrounding sea.
I first discovered this place while reading a magazine that featured up and coming hotels and resorts. The island's booming tourist industry gave rise to the need for lavish accommodations. When the situation with Jane came about, I made reservations at one of these top facilities.
A short car trip brought us from the airport to the grounds of our home for the next several days.
The establishment itself is decently spaced out. The individual buildings are a fair distance from each other and strategically placed trees and shrubs provide plenty of privacy.
We were both in awe when we arrived at our dwelling.
The villa I chose has two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small but fully furnished kitchen, and an inside living area. One of the best features is a deck that actually connects to the living room through a sliding glass wall and extends outside and over our own small, but private pool. Beyond the pool is a downward slope with a sea view in the distance.
We took our time admiring our surroundings and getting settled in our rooms. Once we were finished, I made a call to the resources desk and scheduled some spa time to help us relax after all the traveling we had done.
As we made our way to our appointment, we walked hand in hand and explored the resort grounds.
Something seems different about the contact between us. In the past, it has always been out of a need for comfort. A hug here, a shoulder rub there, it was to offer support in response to a difficult situation. But now, we seem to be seeking each other's touch simply because we want it. I can feel this change in Jane as much as I can in myself.
I like it. It makes me hopeful.
I wanted to keep our spa trip simple so I requested facials and massages. We were only there for a few hours and then set off to the main lodge to grab a bite to eat. After dinner, we stopped by a nearby market to pick up a few groceries.
It's fairly late when Jane and I eventually return to our villa. We are relaxed and happy, but both quite tired.
We walk in our residence and store our food in the kitchen. When our task is complete, we turn to face each other. I want to suggest that we take a dip in our pool, but I'm exhausted and I can see that my friend is too.
The air between us is suddenly filled with tension and I'm not entirely sure why. My friend is giving me the most curious look. The bruising on her face from her fight is at the height of its discoloration. It does nothing to detract from her beauty, but adds an almost intimidating factor to her expressions.
I speak in an attempt to relax the atmosphere around us.
"Goodnight, Jane."
She continues to look at me like there's something crucial she needs to say. Her brow is furrowed in either frustration or concentration...I'm not sure which. I'm captured by the intensity of her gaze and watch it rapidly flicker to my lips, then back up.
Her eyes darken and I stop breathing.
Eventually, she rasps a response.
"Sure. Night, Maur."
We both seem to hesitate before eventually turning and heading toward our separate rooms.
Jane and I showered, separately of course, at the spa after our massages. This means I'm able to simply change into my sleepwear and climb into bed. I hope to fall right asleep; I'm tired enough that I should be able to. Instead, I stare blankly at nothing in particular as my mind spins a tangled web of confusion, frustration, and longing. I'm not sure how much time goes by as I contemplate my relationship with my best friend.
That look Jane gave me...I can't get it out of my mind. I see it every time I close my eyes. She was looking at me like a starving person would eye a meal...like a guardian would watch over their charge...she was looking at me like...
I hear a tentative voice whisper to me from my doorway.
"Maura?"
I sit up to see Jane standing in a tank top and shorts. She is illuminated by the glow of the moon shining through the floor to ceiling window in my bedroom.
She looks guilty, like she feels ashamed that she is here.
"Are you alright?"
She presses her hands together then starts to worry the scars on her palms.
"Yea, it's just..."
Words fail her.
She doesn't have to say it, though. I feel it too. We haven't been apart for more than a few minutes over the past several days. We've had our own beds in the hotels we've stayed in, but they've been in the same room. Our current separation, however insignificant it may be, is uncomfortable to say the least.
I don't speak; simply shift over to one side of the mattress and pull back the sheets for her to climb in on the other.
She silently pads over and gently slides in.
We each lay on our backs and stare up at the bed's canopy.
"Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?"
I expect her to laugh at my reenactment, but the only response I receive is silence. I turn my head to look at her.
"Jane?"
She keeps her gaze up.
"I can't sleep."
"Yes, I can see that. Do you want to talk about it?"
She takes a breath and I see a wistful smile appear on her face.
"When I used to have trouble sleeping as a kid, my ma would sing me a lullaby. It always made me relax and I'd end up drifting off in only a few minutes. I miss how easy it used to be to feel comforted."
There's something incredible about the way she shares such a simple childhood memory with me. This is her way of stripping off her armor. With this statement, she has laid herself bare to my scrutiny.
I return my gaze forward and devise a course of action.
I sang in choir throughout my earlier educational career. It began as a way to further build my resume, but I ended up really enjoying it as a hobby. I was skilled and was always placed in the top ensembles at the schools I attended. Once I started college, I just kind of stopped. All of my efforts were put toward my academic studies.
I don't sing much anymore, and most certainly not in front of an audience. But Jane has made herself vulnerable. The least I can do is put us on even ground.
I heard a song at a charity function once and was quite captivated by it. It is now one of my favorite things to listen too after a particularly trying day. The lyrics take shape in my mind as my soprano voice gives life to its melody.
The evening hangs beneath the moon
A silver thread on darkened dune
With closing eyes and resting head
I know that sleep is coming soon
I feel the bed dip as Jane turns on her side to face me. I'm tempted to look over at her, but I'm afraid of losing my concentration; so I don't
Upon my pillow, safe in bed,
A thousand pictures fill my head,
I cannot sleep, my mind's aflight,
And yet my limbs seem made of lead
She moves close to me and settles her head on my shoulder. She sighs and the warm breath of her exhale on my neck almost causes me to forget the words. Her hands are folded against her own chest but she relaxes into our new position.
I somehow manage to continue my serenade.
If there are noises in the night,
A frightening shadow, flickering light...
Then I surrender unto sleep,
Where clouds of dreams give second sight
She snuggles in a little closer and I work my arm around her. I bring my hand to the back of her head and allow my fingers to glide through her raven locks.
What dreams may come, both dark and deep
Of flying wings and soaring leap
As I surrender unto sleep
As I surrender unto sleep
As I surrender unto sleep
Sleep...sleep...sleep...
I let my voice drift away and chance a peek at the woman resting against me. Her eyes are closed, her breathing is even, and her face is the image of peaceful slumber.
I want this every night. I want more than this every night. I want her. I'm almost positive that she wants me too. I may be unskilled in the social graces, but her mannerisms toward me the past few days have been quite blatant.
However, something is holding her back...it's keeping her from me. I don't like it. I would free her from it in an instant if only I knew how.
But, I am a scientist; a very accomplished one at that. It is my job to find answers to questions and solutions to problems. Jane is an enigma wrapped in layers of questions and problems.
I will find the answers. I will discover the solutions.
For now, I'll pretend. I'll make believe that Jane is sleeping against me because I have exhausted her with the physical expression of my love.
With those thoughts in my mind and the love of my life pressed against my side, I close my eyes and surrender unto sleep.
A/N: Well, our ladies are getting awfully close. If you enjoyed the song, you may want to explore some of Whitacre's other works. I apologize for any logistical/factual inaccuracies. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate your time! -SJR