Chapter 4

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, life's just been really crazy. School, field hockey, writing, I feel like my head's going to explode. Anyway this chapter is kinda boring because it's setting up for a better next couple chapters, so bare with me. You know the drill, review, review, review!

I look out upon the stars suspended beautifully in the sky. Each twinkling light a fiery ball of energy, begging to be explored. I feel the gravitational pull of space inviting me to join the dark, star studded sky. The TARDIS spins in a slow circle, hanging in the middle of Earth and Venus while everyone sleeps. Well, everyone except me. I finger the gold, diamond ring, turning it over and over in my palm. I'm in denial. I can't be engaged. What would I tell Nathaniel? I'm sorry, I just realized that I'm too young to marry you. Impossible. His heart will break in two. He loves me so, but I don't love him. I can't love him. Not after Jack.

"What are you doing up this late," a voice asks. It breaks into my thoughts and I shake my head, clearing away the shattered ideas.

"Couldn't sleep," I reply. I lean back against the door frame of the TARDIS.

"Neither can I. Thought I could do some work on her while everyone slept. Nathaniel is still unconscious, but he'll be fine," the Doctor states. I nod. "May I?" He inquires, motioning to sit down next to me.

"Go ahead." He takes a place right next to me, and looks out the open door into space.

"Pretty magnificent isn't it?"

"Yeah. I thought it might help me clear my thoughts," I confess, following his gaze.

"Oh, about…?" He trails off, awkwardly clearing his throat.

"Yeah. I don't know what do to," I murmur. He still stares toward the stars and shakes his head.

"Neither do I."

"Well, tell me something helpful. I'm freaking engaged!" I exclaim.

"What do you want me to say? I. Don't. Know," the Doctor snaps.

"Mom would," I whisper bitterly. He rubs his face. "But I'm stuck with you."

"Ava, I'm trying," he defends.

"Yeah, well you're not trying hard enough."

"You don't think I miss her too?" I open my mouth to shoot back a biting remark, but I pause, looking down at the ring clenched in my fist.

"It's not the same, though. I'm technically not yours, and you know it too. I'm no one's. I belong nowhere. I fit nowhere," I mutter. He sighs.

"Everything belongs somewhere. It's only logical."

"Screw logic. Face it, we don't belong anywhere. All we do is run away. Run away from all the problems that follow our tread throughout time. It will never stop. No one wants us. No one appreciates us. Mom would know what to do. She always knew the right things," I state bluntly. He snaps his head away, and looks toward the console of the TARDIS.

"No, everything in this universe belongs somewhere. It's like a puzzle; each piece has to fit somewhere. Everything has a cause. Everything has an explanation. Everything has to make sense," he rebuttals. The Doctor looks down at his uncontrollably fidgeting fingers. "Everything has to make sense…" he whispers to himself over and over. God, he sounds like a broken record. "Her death has to make sense." My hard facial expressions soften to pity.

"Everything has to die," I answer. The Doctor looks over at me, his face firm with years of war and bloodshed.

"Not like that. Never like that. I should have been there…I could have saved her. She could have been alive…" The Doctor reminisces that painful night. With each word and syllable his tone grows colder, and more hateful. It's usually calm, low resonation is overtaken with a sharp, vindictive tone. A tone seeking revenge.

"It wasn't your fault," I insist in a soft, cautious voice. He springs up from the floor, and stalks off toward his room.

"Everything is my fault," the Doctor mumbles, his voice on the edge of irate tears. After he is gone, I pull at my messy, auburn hair and give a muffled shriek. Why do I do everything wrong? Why am I so quick to blame others for my own mistakes? I am just so confused. I can't think, I can't sleep, I can't eat, all I can think about is this engagement. And now I'm taking all my frustrations out on the man that has stuck by my side since the beginning. I'm blaming him for all my screw ups, and throwing his back in his face like I'm a saint. I need a muzzle. And the best part is I'm still hopelessly confused.

"This-this is mad, ludicrous! This cannot be real! You are all completely insane!" Nathaniel exclaims, pacing the high-tech infirmary. I shove my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, and meander slowly over to him.

"I know, I know, but you've got to believe us. It's all very complicated and very confusing, but you'll understand in time," I calm. He runs his fingers through his wavy, dark brown hair, dark circles hanging heavy below his eyes. His blue button-down shirt is severely wrinkled, and the first three buttons remain undone, contrary to his usually conservative look. His old-fashioned suspenders dangle against his brown trousers, and the youth and excitement in his brown eyes has fled. His eyes now only show confusion and fright.

"And you. What are you wearing, Felicity?" He questions with repulsion. A sudden realization comes over me, and I wince at the thought of telling him the truth. I exhale, and rake my fingers through the messy waves in reluctance.

"About that…my name is Avani, but you can call me A-"

"Felicity's not you real name? But why wou-"

"No, it's a long story. I really long complicated story that I don't feel like explaining right now. I'll tell you later, but like as I was saying you can call me Ava or whatever you like really," I continue. He shakes his head.

"No, I want the whole truth now. You owe me at least that," Nathaniel refuses. I lick my lips and nod. He is right. After all this the one thing he deserves is the right to have the truth laid out before him. To decide if he would like to follow the love of his life, or return to the home that he had loved so dearly.

"This is the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space, yes that means it is a spaceship. John Smith here is the Doctor, and no he is just the Doctor. I'm Avani Genevieve, and he and I are not human. We are Time Lords from the planet Gallifrey. We are the last of our kind. Our species were wiped out in The Last Great Time War with the Daleks, another alien race. We are the only survivors. Our planet was destroyed in the war, and we can never go back to save our planet and people. It's impossible. Anyway the TARDIS travels throughout time and space. It can reach the farthest galaxies, and can travel from the beginning of the earth to billions of years beyond its destruction. The Doctor, Rose, and I travel the stars, keeping order and balance between all races. We are the protectors of the universe. While you sleep soundly in your bed, we are out saving the earth from total demolition. Now it is up to you, we can take you back to Boston 1773 or you can travel the stars with us. It's up to you," I clarify, crossing my arms. His eyes widen in shock, and he sucks in a deep breath.

"Travel the stars, battle alien species, save the universe?"

"All day every day," I answer with a smile. He smirks, arching one eyebrow.

"Then how could I refuse?"