helpless when she smiles - backstreet boys
(or how Stiles started as helpless when Lydia smiled to helpless when Jackson smiled)
God knows if he could pinpoint when exactly it happened. It wasn't an overnight thing. It was a gradual accumulation of the many times Stiles saw Jackson actually smile. He doesn't even know when he started focusing more on Jackson than Lydia. It just hit him one day, out of the blue, that he had recently been staring at Jackson more than he had been staring at Lydia (he was staring at him when the realisation struck). Almost immediately, he felt like he wanted to puke, to spew his guts out everywhere (not because he had a crush on a boy; more because he had a crush on Jackson of all people).
He used to be helpless whenever Lydia smiled. His brain would turn to mush and he would lose any coherent thought that he may have had. And that wasn't even when she was smiling at him. He's had a crush on Lydia for as long as he can remember. He told his mum, on his first day at school, that he was going to marry her when they were older. His mum had smiled. Like she knew that it wasn't going to happen. Maybe she did.
He didn't even notice it when he began to fall out of love with her. Maybe it wasn't love. More of an infatuation. She was untouchable. But then again, so is Jackson. So why Stiles has fallen for him, he doesn't know. Maybe he has a thing for untouchable people who he knows will break his heart. Maybe daydreaming is all he's going to be good for in the relationship department. Especially with the people he chooses. It's ridiculous really. He should be able to love someone who could love him back, but he can't. He doesn't know what it is about people like Jackson and Lydia. They just attract attention. And, in Stiles' case, that attention is in the form of a crush.
It's not even a childish infatuation. It's a full on heartbreaking crush. One he knows will never be fulfilled. One that he still jerks off to at night, pillow shoved in his mouth to stop the groans when he thinks about Jackson's lips... and stop. He gets hard just thinking about Jackson, full stop. Heck, he could get hard thinking about Jackson's eyes. His eyes which Stiles could clichédly drown in, and he wouldn't mind. His eyes... which are currently glaring at him, pressed up against the lockers. And really, this isn't a good situation for Stiles to be in right now, and mortifyingly, Jackson can probably smell it and feel it.
Except he's not glaring anymore. He looks hesitant (at least, that's how Stiles would describe him if he wasn't entirely certain that Jackson didn't do 'hesitant'). He swallows and Jackson's eyes follow his Adam's apple down and up.
Jackson kisses him.
It's gentle, and completely unlike how Stiles thought Jackson would kiss (and, yes, he's thought about it a lot). And Stiles sighs into Jackson's mouth and kisses back. And honestly? It's an infinite number of times better than he imagined it would be. Jackson pulls back and smiles. Really, truly smiles.
And Stiles' brain turns to mush.