I arrive at my next training venue with Maura trailing a few feet behind me.

She calls to me, but I ignore her and keep moving. I don't look back as I begin walking toward a locker room sign. I can't take the hurt that I know is in her eyes...hurt that I caused...pain that is my fault.

She doesn't follow me as I enter the changing area to get into a fresh set of workout clothes.

I find myself alone in the room and my thoughts begin to ricochet off the walls.

I realize that I need to face what's happening. I need to deal with the emotions that have been festering for so long. And that scares me...because in order to deal with them, I have to allow myself to feel them.

As I pull clothes out of my gym bag and put them on, I begin to search for the place inside of me that I have banished all of my feelings to.

They have to be in me somewhere, right? After all, if they weren't, I wouldn't be having these issues.

And then, I find it...my emotional reservoir.

A sob rips through my chest and I nearly fall to my knees.

It's like coming to stand at the gates of Hell. Every painful memory...every heartbreaking moment...every violent and evil act committed by others, have all been preserved in a Godforsaken quarantine. It is an iron prison that has been wrapped repeatedly in chains and barbed wire.

The demons of my past reach for me through symbolic bars with bloodied and deformed hands and claws. They begin to snarl, ravenously. Their teeth are like rows of jagged razor blades and their eyes burn with blood lust.

They want to devour me.

And I have to let them try.

I am standing at the gates of my own personal hell...and I have to open them.

I have to do this...because, amongst the mangled and rotting bodies of the devilish beings, I see an apparition of myself being tortured. She is my hope...my faith...my humanity...and beasts are swarming around her, violating her, ripping her limb from limb.

Suddenly, I am kneeling in front of a locker room toilet...puking my guts up. The force behind my hurling causes my head to pound, ears to ring, and eyes to water uncontrollably.

When I finish emptying the contents of my stomach and give a few dry heaves for good measure, I stand up, flush, and stumble over to a row of sinks.

I turn on the faucet, take a few handfuls of water into my mouth, and swish the liquid around before spitting it back out. Then, I lean over into the porcelain basin and close my eyes as I splash the cool substance over my face and around the back of my neck.

It's refreshing...calming. It helps me get some kind of a grip on my rampant state of mind.

I lift my head and allow my lids to flutter open. I lock gazes with a reflection in the mirror that is hanging in front of me.

The person staring back looks terrified. She is pleading with her eyes for me to not do this...begging me to just bury everything back down, throw a few more locks and chains onto the cage, and forget about it all.

Before I lose the infinitesimal amount of courage I managed to gather, I look away from her and head out of the locker room to begin my afternoon training session.

I come out into the main area and immediately work my way to the ring where my trainer is putting on protective gear.

I climb through the ropes and he turns to greet me. His face falls as he appraises my current state and he asks me if I'm alright.

I saw my reflection. I know I look like death.

I do my best to reassure him and I begin to put on my own padding.

He doesn't argue with me and we remain silent as we finish suiting up. When our bodies have been sufficiently covered he comes over and wraps my hands, then helps me get my gloves on.

I can feel Maura's eyes on me...but I can't look at her. I don't want her to see the severity behind my internal struggle.

My instructor puts on his own gloves. He says that we'll be doing contact sparring, but tells me that I will dictate the level of intensity. I nod my head in response...and we begin.

At first, I am out of sync with myself. We dance around each other and he throws a few light punches that make solid contact. They don't really hurt, but they don't exactly tickle either. I try to build a rhythm and simply allow my body to do what it knows how to do...but I'm distracted.

I feel my demons claw at me from inside. It's like...now that I have acknowledged them, looked into their eyes...they will no longer be ignored.

So, I do the only thing that I can think of. I let one out.

It manifests before my very eyes. The face of my trainer distorts...his gloved hands become disfigured.

In a matter of a few seconds, I am standing in the ring with a monster.

It's Lacy's father...it's Charles Hoyt...it is an embodiment of so many evil things from my past. Its face is in constant flux; morphing into some of the most evil people I have ever encountered in my life.

Fear spreads through me like wildfire. It takes almost all of my strength to keep from jumping off of the platform and running for my life.

But then...something changes.

The creature steps forward and delivers a blow, square to my nose. If I had moved, just a fraction...rolled with the punch the tiniest bit...I wouldn't have blood running down and dripping from my chin.

The impact jump starts me. Flight gives way to fight and fear gives way to anger as I begin a brutal assault on my enemy.

I can hardly feel my body moving as I switch back and forth between dodging and striking, retreating and advancing. I throw as many combination moves as I know, with as much force as I can produce.

I'm getting hit in return...I can feel it happening. However, I ignore the physical pain...there's too much emotional anguish to deal with at the moment.

Time means absolutely nothing. I have no idea how long this fearsome engagement lasts. The only thing I begin to notice is that my assailant is slowing down...it's getting tired.

I'm winning.

A few more well placed kicks and the creature goes down. I'm about to jump on it and pummel it into the ground, but its voice reaches my ears.

Odd...it sounds strangely human.

"Enough!"

I stare down at my fallen opponent. It has given up. I have won. I conjured this tormentor and then successfully eradicated it from my body.

I am less burdened. I feel lighter.

I feel...much better.

Slowly, the face of my instructor fazes back into place. He's looking up at me with a mixture of surprise, respect, and a hint of uncertainty.

I shake my head a few times and offer him my hand. He grabs hold and I pull him to his feet.

"Very good Miss Rizzoli. We should continue these sessions for your remaining time here. Do you agree?"

Do I agree? Yes. Yes I really, really do. I feel like I've just recovered possession of my human facilities...but I know this war is not over. My other demons are still caged within me...impatiently pacing, raking their claws against the bars of their cell, waiting for their opportunity. And I will give them their chance, but that will be a fight for another day.

I nod my head in affirmation to my teacher, then bow to him in respect. He returns the gesture and begins to clean up our ring.

I turn around and catch sight of Maura. She looks as tormented as I felt before the fight started. Her eyes glisten with tears that she doesn't allow to fall and her jaw is tightly clenched.

Despite her obvious distress, she is the most welcomed sight in the world.

She's like the first breath of fresh air after escaping an underground tunnel or the first gulp of pure, cool water after crossing a blazing desert. She is salvation that has been brought to life in the beautiful form of a strong, quirky, intelligent, and loving woman.

I slowly make my way to the ropes, climb down from the raised platform, and come to stand in front of the love of my life.

Her voice is shaky and desperate.

"Talk to me. Please...let me help. I can make this better. I can fix you."

I place my hands on her shoulders and give them a comforting squeeze, then offer a genuine smile. I place a kiss on her forehead, drop my lips to her ear, and whisper with as much assurance as I can.

"You already have helped me...more than you'll ever know. You can't fix me, Maura...but you've done something so much better. You've helped me find a way to fix myself. I'm okay."

I'm still trembling from what just transpired and the fact does not go unnoticed by her.

"No. You're not."

I chuckle lightly, but there's not much humor behind it.

"Well, maybe not yet. But, I will be."

She pulls her head back and searches my eyes. I'm not sure what she's looking for...whatever it is, I don't think she finds it.

Despite my sweat soaked body and the thin trail of dried blood that has stopped its decent midway down my throat, she wraps her arms around me. She lowers her head to my shoulder and nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck.

She doesn't believe my statement and I really can't blame her. I've dealt with my problems the same way for so many years, of course she's going to be skeptical.

I do have a long road ahead of me, filled with further struggle and heartache.

But right now, I am drained...depleted. I need a shower, maybe a little bit of food, and rest.

More than anything, I need to be wrapped in the warm and all-encompassing embrace of my lover. I just battled a devil...I could use a dose of heaven to help me recover.

I bring my nose to the side of her head and inhale the therapeutic fragrance that is so distinctly her.

"I love you so much. I need you so much."

And it's true. I may have found a way to manage my despair, but I will always need her in my life...she is my everything, my forever.

She lifts her head and meets my eyes. She brings a hand to my face and wipes away tears that I didn't realize I had shed.

I turn my cheek into her touch and she cups it in her palm. She gives me a soft kiss.

"Let's get you back to the hotel."

Her voice is like deliverance.

I don't bother with changing back into street clothes. I simply remove my sparring gear, pick up my gym bag, say a final farewell to my coach, and we head out. I'll get cleaned up when we get back to our room.

As we walk out of the enormous establishment and toward our waiting escort, I throw my arm around Maura's shoulders and she wraps her own around my waist. I turn my head and place a firm kiss to her crown.

She tucks her head into my shoulder and whispers.

"I love you, Jane."

I smile as a revitalizing sensation radiates from my chest and seeps into my extremities.

It will take time...and a lot of work...but, I'm going to be okay.

A/N: Alright...went a little darker with this one. It's partially due to Igor Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring. Nothing like the musical depiction of a sacrificial virgin, dancing herself to death, to put you in a dark kind of mood. Anyway, Jane has found a means of managing her torment. She still has a lot of work to do...but she knows how to go about it now. We've been building up to this point for the past several chapters and I hope you all enjoyed the release. As always, thank you so much for your support; it means the world to me. I may have a way with words (sometimes at least) but I can't seem to find any that adequately convey how much I appreciate every single one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. -SJR