(A/N: Hello Hey Arnold fans, here's the continuation to the previous chapter Revelation. I hope you enjoy the read and please review.
Note: this page contains a slightly dark subject matter. Discretion is advised.
It tore at Arnold seeing her like this. He was to blame.
She said so herself.
This could have been prevented had he the courage to face her long ago. Looking to her, he tried to come up with something to say, but he couldn't. What could he have said to make it better? Nothing!
But he tried anyway.. "Helga, I...don't know what else to say, but that... I'm sorry...for everything."
Helga just sat there unmoved by his apology so Arnold spoke further. "Can we...can we ever get past this?" He asked with hope evident in his voice.
Helga merely sighed solemnly, "I...don't know, Arnold."
Arnold nodded to himself in understanding. He knew that these things took time. Although, he could not change the past, Arnold intended to fix the situation to keep Helga from further hurt and misery. He was determined to get answers as to why she was detained at Hillview Asylum.
With concern in his voice, Arnold questioned, "Helga...you said you would've never been there... if it wasn't for me." He paused. "Where were you exactly? Did you witness something happen?"
At his spoken words, Helga swiftly turned around away from him.
"He can never know. Not now, not ever!" She thought to herself. She berated herself for divulging too much. Ultimately, she knew Arnold would try and push the subject further, adding salt to the wound.
Presently, her mind was racing trying to debate the possible prospects of an escape from his unrelenting inquiries. Though, none of those potential plans would result in a successful outcome. That Football-headed man was too clever and persistent to let her get away that easily. He knew her well enough to.
Coming alongside her, Arnold glanced in her direction as he knelt down on the floor, sitting close to her. She quickly turned her face away from him again. Seeing her reluctance to speak made him question if she had done something to herself or...to another?
He frowned at the last notion. "What am I saying? She would never do that!" He thought.
But…he had to know!
Remembering the dream from the previous day, he questioned further, taking a chance on a hunch. He scooted closer to her and spoke gently trying to ease into his inquiry, "The place you were at...was it... your house?"
Looking at her wide-eyed expression, he knew he hit a nerve. Her fists clenched and shook, but not in anger, in fear. She bit her lip and got up hastily from her position, dragging herself across the room to a corner.
She whispered, "Don't Arnold, please"
Her eyes pleaded with him before she removed it to stare back at his wall. Arnold walked over to her and stood behind her. He reached out and touched her softly on her shoulders. Helga visibly shuddered, closing her eyes tightly, trying to resist him and the effect he had on her. His grasp on her shoulders grew firm and yet still tender as they both stood there.
She knew he wouldn't yield, but it was just too much for her to relive.
"Please no...don't make say-" she spouted out as she choked on a sob. Arnold sensed the fear in her, but he insisted.
"Helga, what happened in that house?" he softly inquired, worry and fear crossing his gentle green eyes.
She turned around facing him, painstakingly shaking her head, "I can't Arnold, you'll...hate me."
In desperation, Helga grabbed his shirt by the collar and pleaded with him.
"Please Arnold, stop your inquiries, it'll just make things worse... please" she begged.
Arnold felt like he was at a crossroad unable to tell which direction he should to take. He knew he was at risk in losing her completely if he made her do this, but his curiosity wouldn't allow the look in his eyes Helga knew that hers was a losing battle. She let go of his shirt with a slight push and turned away. She was lost, she wanted him to let things be. As she sat down on the floor, she huddled herself and rocked back and forth, never stopping, never changing.
Unable to comprehend her actions; Arnold just stood there perplexed. He heard her whisper. He listened in and soon realized what she was saying. She was reciting her old poems. Just like in his dream.
It seemed that that was the only thing that comforted her. He realized it was her safety net.
Feeling helpless, Arnold approached her again and tried to softly bring her out of her trance. He didn't want to see her like that, ever!
So he spoke urgently, "Helga...Helga let me help you?"
He whispered,his emerald green-eyes desperately begging her for a response. "Please...please tell me what happened?"
Despite her resistance, to this day, she still could not say 'No' to him.
She sighed in surrender. He would always be her beloved, her despair. She looked to him for a moment, her eyes intensely fixed on him. Helga slowly reached up her hand and softly caressed his cheek with her loosely curled fingers. Arnold closed his eyes gently, relishing in the overwhelming feeling of her touch, he subtly released a shaky breath.
The warmth of his breath hit her skin so smoothly, so soft, like a warm summer breeze. The feel of it took her back...back to a place where she felt safe and...in his arms. She gracefully lowered her hand along with her eyes and cleared her throat. Arnold softly opened his eyes when he heard her speak.
"It...it was about a year and a half ago on an afternoon I believe...I'm not sure what day it was exactly. I was sitting on the bed, writing the last chapter for my new book. And...I haven't been out of the house for weeks, because I didn't want to interrupt the flow of my writing. I guess in the process I...um...fell asleep. It seems a few hours had passed, because it was dark when I woke up. You see...what woke me up was... I felt... pressure...on my body."
Her eyes welled with unshed tears. "My eyes were so blurry from sleeping that I couldn't see correctly for a few seconds, and I also...couldn't move. I was so dazed from the nap that I couldn't really grasp what was going on, but I knew something... felt wrong." Taking a moment to continue she took a deep breath. "As I woke up completely and attempted to move, I noticed that I still couldn't. Someone... wouldn't let me."
Arnold's eyes widened.
She spoke further, "Whoever it was... held me down. He was.. really strong and powerful. I told him, "Please stop, let me go, but he wouldn't." Helga began to tremble as she continued and her voice grew louder as she became absorbed in her tale. "So I kicked... and I punched... and I screamed my head off, but still he was just too strong." Helga quickly caught a glimpse of Arnold's stunned face and lowered her gaze to the floor.
"I struggled to break free and tried to reach for the phone, but he pulled the telephone cord from the jack and knocked the phone down, breaking it into pieces." Helga tensed up as she continued to recall her traumatic experience.
With tears falling down on her face, she uttered. "He... felt me up and k-kissed m-me everywhere. I… insisted that he let me go, but all he did was m-moan and g-grunt. So I continued to fight, and I almost managed to push him off of me; But, he slapped me hard in the face and p-punched me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me."
Helga tried to remain strong by attempting to hold back the next wave of tears from coming, but the effort proved to be futile. The tears relentlessly came in torrents and Arnold could only watch her, horrified by the atrocious details she was divulging.
He was crushed.
Arnold felt so much pain at what she experienced that he tried hard to keep at bay the surge of anger trying to surface.
She sobbed continuing, "At that moment, he unzipped his p-pants, and lifted up my s-skirt." Helga's respiration began to increase rapidly. With panic still in her eyes she pressed on, "Then...he lowered my underwear and he...he...he-"
With shock on his face, Arnold answered in a whisper, "He...raped you."
At that point, Helga nodded unable to hold back her emotions any longer. She uncontrollably sobbed as Arnold pulled her to him in an embrace. He tried to be strong for her, but with Helga in his arms crying of all things while desperately clinging to him, he couldn't help the escape of a single tear out of his eye. "Shh, shh, oh Helga! I am so...sorry"
Arnold's anger began to boil within him. He felt like finding that sorry excuse of a man who did this to her and tear him apart. Although, he knew violence was never the answer, the rage he felt was just too much to hold back.
What kind of monster would do this to a woman? He thought as he softly caressed her back, trying to soothe the broken woman.
Feeling compelled to continue Helga slightly pulled back from Arnold's embrace. Her eyes were filled with shame and disgrace as she said, "Through it all Arnold, through it all I cried out for you...I screamed your name in hope that you would come bursting through the door and save me, but... you never came."
She sighed. "Throughout ours years together, you've always been there. Whether I liked it or not Arnold... you were there for me. But this time... you weren't. When I needed you, you didn't come. You didn't... even... come." She finished, sobbing into her hands.
Arnold himself couldn't hold on to his tears any longer. He sat there quietly, feeling the magnitude of the moment. "I..I never realized-"
He was at a loss for words. His guilt began to overwhelm him again as he regretted ever leaving her in the first place. He wanted to stop all the hurt, the pain, the torment she felt. Helga had been miserable long enough. He was going to make it right... for her sake.
Arnold gathered himself and spoke, "I'm so sorry you went through this Helga, I'm...so..so..sorry" he pulled her to him tightly once more, but this time she turned her head away from him and looked to the floor. Her body felt limp against his.
Her voice cracked a bit when she uttered,"The next day, I went to the hospital and explained what happened to this nurse. I got checked by a doctor. Knowing I was...well they brought in two cops to speak with me, made me fill out some forms."
She took a deep breath and continued, "I gave them a description of the guy. I turned in some of my clothes and the nurse took pictures of my injuries. The cops informed me that they would look into my case and that I should wait a few days for the results. They said I should go home and wait but... I-I couldn't go back there, so... I decided to stay at a hotel for a while." Her tone was so somber then and lifeless that it unnerved Arnold.
But suddenly it trembled as she stated, "I felt so violated, so sick that...when I got in the room, I went straight for the toilet to puke. I couldn't get that picture of him out of my head. I still felt his... h-hands r-running all... over me. I could hear myself... screaming for help. I could hear his... grunting and moaning resounding over and over every time I closed my eyes.' She gasped.
"For a while, I couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I felt so...dirty and tainted that I would shower until my skin began to peel." she shakily exhaled looking downward to the ground. "When I-"
Unable to hear anymore Arnold interrupted, "Helga, I know you went through a lot, and... I want to make it right." He took a deep breath, and grasped both of her hands, "Do...do you know who did this to you? Do you know...what he looks like? "
Suddenly, Helga looked at him with a void of expression. She looked thoughtful before she murmured, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Arnold shook his head and grabbed her hands again. "No, you got it all wrong. I'll always believe you, Helga. You can trust me. Please, tell me... who did this to you?"
Helga looked Arnold in the eyes before she said firmly, "It was Gerald, Arnold...Gerald Johansen."
At the mention of his best friend's name, Arnold quickly dropped Helga's hands in shock. However, Helga took it as an offense to her.
Arnold was floored as he heard that name come out of Helga's mouth. He felt a rush of feelings starting to rise in him, anger, confusion, disbelief. He couldn't explain it, he felt like estranged in his own body.
He thought, "NO, no...it can't be?"
Arnold looked to Helga and asked calmly, "Are you sure, Helga? Because...you did say it was dark."
In turn, she looked stunned, "You...don't believe me?" Arnold felt a pressure rapidly mounting his head. This was too much, too much to take in.
"I'm not saying that Helga, but... this is a serious allegation here, I need to know if you're sure." he stressed.
Feeling hopeless, Helga stood up. She walked away from him to another corner of the room. She wrapped her arms around herself for comfort and looked up to the skylight staring at the stars.
"I knew you wouldn't believe me, no one ever believes...me. Humph, did you know... a few days after the rape I went to the police station and asked them about my case? They said to me flatly that no such case ever reached their desk! I was...shocked, so shock that I stood there for a half hour like a fool. I thought this could this be an oversight? I don't know! But I continued to insist that they look again for my file, or that I should form another complaint. And do you know what they did Arnold? THEY TREATED ME LIKE I WAS INSANE."
She humorously laughed, "Ha ha ha ha ha, Oh man, the irony!" she exclaimed as she held on to her stomach while laughing.
Arnold looked to her not amused and through gritted teeth, he said, "That's not funny, Helga!" Helga's laughter died down as she turned to see him.
She replied, "Of course it's not football-head. But you have to admit, it is a bit ironic, don't you think?"
Arnold crossed his arms over his chest and gave her his stoic expression.
She huffed, "Whatever! So, I tried talking to someone, anyone who could help me. No one Arnold, not a single soul believed what I was telling them. Even the psychiatrists I encountered at Hillview Asylum didn't believe me. You know what one told me? He said that my being raped was a figment of my imagination ….. that it didn't happen. And you know what I did? I kicked his ass." She giggled. "Yep that's right and I never saw THAT moron again." Arnold stayed attentive and smiled half-heatedly as she spoke. He knew that letting out was to her benefit.
Her expression turned serious as she gazed at the sparse stars above the skylight, "Well, I reached my breaking point when even my so-called friends turned their backs on me, so...I snapped."
From the corner of her eyes she saw Arnold listening attentively and looked back up. "And that's... what led me to the institution."
Shifting her weight as she stood she began to feel weak, but she refused to give in. She wanted him to know... everything. "You know.. long ago I probably I could have held it together, but then again too much crap has been going wrong in my life, and I was sick of it. So...I went back into that house and I went upstairs into that.. forsaken room where...it happened... and I lit it up in flames."
She closed her eyes a moment then reopened them. Arnold noticed the moon casting its reflection in her glistening sapphires; he inaudibly released a breath.
She gritted her teeth as she uttered, "I stood there, center room, staring at my bed while crying my eyes out. I cursed at it, and then I threw whatever breakable object I could find at it. I was...angry and I kept screaming at it, 'Why? Why?Why?' All these years I've been in that stinkin' house, I had to put up with a lot. And for me to get raped there...that...was the tip of the iceberg."
Helga had a look of disgust overwhelming her face. She spat out, "I despised that hellhole."
She tightly closed her eyes, trying to avoid another wave of tears from falling. "After my fit, I got so tired that I just...sat on the floor, amidst the flames waiting for it to engulf me and all my memories there with it. I was ready and waiting to die, but... it never came. Something in me must have refused it from claiming me."
She deviously grinned, "I blacked out. I guess...due to the smoke. Next thing I knew, I'm at a hospital strapped to a bed wondering how I got there. A few hours later, a woman came to me offering me the chance to make a phone call. I gave her the last number I could possibly want to call and she held the phone to my ear. I called my parents. Thinking about it now I wonder what was wrong with me! Of all the people I could call..." She rolled her eyes. "I don't know, I felt that they were all I had."
"Anyway, when Miriam answered, I begged her Arnold, begged her... to come and get me but... she and Big Bob never came. Figures! They were never concerned parents in the first place, but...I still hoped that somehow, someday...they would suddenly change. Hmph, boy was I wrong."
Catching her breath she uttered, "So then, I got so hysterical that I blacked out again. And a day later, when I came to, I found myself locked in a padded cell. And a year and a half later, here we are." She concluded candidly as she wiped the last of her tears.
Arnold tried to process the information and found it to be overwhelming. He looked to Helga and noticed that she was getting weary and unbalanced in her stance. He gently grabbed her hand and led her to his bed.
Concernedly, he uttered, "I think you should get some sleep, you...must be tired."
And without protest she obliged and lied down on it. He brought a chair and sat alongside the bed near her, he softly said, "We'll talk about this further in the morning, okay?"
Helga nodded in response while he stayed there until she dozed off. When she fell asleep, he leaned over and gently kissed her on her forehead. "Good-night Helga" he whispered and looked to her momentarily. His heart weakened in knowing what she endured for the past year and a half.
He got up and made his way to his desk, but before reached it, he heard her dulcet voice murmur, "I never stopped Arnold"
He turned around responding quizzically, "What?"
With emotion evident in her tone, she softly replied, "Loving you!"
And then she fell to sleep again. He smiled for a moment, green eyes gently gazing at her in slumber. He quietly walked to her once again, kneeling down by the bed while his hand tenderly brushed the crown of her hair.
He stared at her peaceful face and leaning forward slightly, he placed a delicate kiss on her cheek. He whispered, "Me too Helga, me too."
(A/N: This chapter was intense. My brain hurts! Okay, no it doesn't. Anywayz, I hope everyone stays tuned, there is much more to come...much, much more. Just thinking about it gives me a headache. Besides, someone has been poking me on the shoulder relentlessly "OW!" (You know who you are!XD), so I said...why not! I do want to really thank you for reading and I would graciously appreciate it if you would leave a review. Deuces ;)