i'm sorry that i haven't updated this or wonderful life in ages, but i've been really busy. i promise that i will update wonderful life soon.
helpless - backstreet boys ft. pitbull
Jackson's lying awake in bed one night when the epiphany comes to him. As far as epiphanies go, it's not hugely life changing. Or maybe it is to Jackson, but not really to anyone else.
He can't sleep; it's the full moon and there's an insatiable itch at the back of his throat. Stiles is asleep, dead to the world for all intents and purposes, lying peacefully next to him. And when Jackson looks at Stiles, Stiles who is curling into Jackson's side, seeking body warmth, he feels a pang in his chest, and his breath catches in his throat.
Because, and he doesn't know how to explain it, Stiles has become the most precious person in his life. He's waltzed in and usurped the position previously held by Lydia or Danny. And Jackson never even thought about stopping him.
When he looks at Stiles, he feels weak. Weak but also strong. Like Stiles is the only one holding him upright. It scares him, this dependence on Stiles. It scares him, this vulnerability because he hates being vulnerable. He's Jackson Whittemore, he's supposed to be the strong one, the one who will never break. But in reality, he knows they are each just as broken as the other, and the only way that they can be fixed is to be fix one another.
Sometimes, he looks at Stiles and his heart skips a beat and he hates how vulnerable, how human, he feels. And other times, he sees him, and his heart threatens to break out of his chest. Because, he thinks, how the fuck did someone like him - a douchebag, a jerk, an arsehole - manage to end up with someone so wonderfully brilliantly amazing as Stiles. He doesn't deserve him, hasn't ever deserved him. And yet, here he is, lying in Jackson's bed, curled up against Jackson's side, fast asleep.
It used to be that Jackson hated how vulnerable being with Stiles made him, but instances like this are less common now. Instead, he revels in how fucking alive he feels with Stiles. And, for once, he doesn't mind being helpless.