wide awake - joe mcelderry
Stiles can hear Jackson moving about, getting ready to leave. Normally, he would be asleep at this point. He'd wake up and find Jackson gone, but he would never lie in bed and listen to him leave.
It hurts.
It's like a stabbing pain in his chest to think that Jackson does this every time they're together overnight. He's just a fuckbuddy to Jackson, another toy to be discarded whenever he sees fit. He squeezes his eyes tight shut and tries not to cry. Tries to squeeze the stray tears back into his tear ducts. Doesn't work.
There are burning wet trails snaking down his cheeks. Jackson's still here, he thinks, and holds his breath to stop any sobs forcing their way from his mouth. I am not weak, he thinks, and takes as deep a breath as he dares.
He tries to get back to sleep, because when he's asleep Jackson's still lying next to him, still breathing quietly and shallowly. And he can remember the first time they did this, all sloppy kisses and straying hands, messy highs and hard angles. Different.
He hears the rustle of Jackson's shirt as he puts it on and has to bite his bottom lip to stop the sobs that threaten to spill out and over into the silence. He hears Jackson stop and walk over to the bed, and holds onto his breath even more tightly.
He feels Jackson sit down on the edge of the bed and he can hear his sigh fill the silent room. He breathes shallowly. "I know you're asleep," he hears from Jackson. "I know you're asleep, but I just needed to say this." He pauses. "I can't do this anymore." Stiles clenches his fists and squeezes his arms around his body. "I don't want to just fuck. I want it to be more." Stiles moves to press his hands hard against his mouth, to muffle any sounds. Jackson sighs again. "I don't know why I'm bothering to say this," he laughs, sourly. "You're fucking asleep."
He gets up, and walks around to Stiles' side of the bed. Stiles hastily closes his eyes. And then has to fight to keep them closed when he feels Jackson drop a kiss on his forehead.
He manages this until he hears the door click shut. Then, his eyes fly open and his hand travels up to his forehead, and rubs gently the warm patch that Jackson's lips left.