Sending love to my girls: MapleStyle, Lolo84, Capricorn75. I couldn't do this without them xo. And thank you, dear readers, for your kind reviews and hilarious comments.

Chapter 5

The morning after the spunky sport socks shenanigans, Mom called Rosalie, Jasper, and me down to the laundry room for what she called an important announcement.

"From now on, everyone in this household does their own laundry."

Apparently she knew I didn't have cancer, phlegm, or athlete's foot. Awesome.

"Why isn't Jacob here, then?" Rosalie huffed impatiently so Mom clarified.

"Correction. Everyone over the age of 14 does their own laundry."

I hated to be the one to break it to her, but if she was hoping to avoid nasty socks, she was going to need to lower her age requirement to at least 13, maybe even 12.

Mom's cell phone rang and she told us to stay put while she took the call. As soon as she was out of the room, Jasper smacked the back of my head, hard.

"Ow! What was that for?" I would have punched him back but I was rubbing the sore spot.

"This is your fault, douche. I heard Dad telling Mom about your saucy socks. And now, because of you, we all have to do our own laundry."

Rosalie looked confused. "What are 'saucy socks'? Do I want to know?"

I shook my head no but, of course, Jasper enlightened her.

"When Easy E here jerks off, he's too lazy to clean up so he jizzes into a sock."

Rose gagged. "Your own socks, right? It's bad enough you use my lotion."

"Yes, I use my own socks. God. I'm not alone in this, I'm sure Jasper does it too. It's a guy thing."

"Actually, I'm a shower splooger."

Friggin' Jasper and his OCD - I should have known. Before I could ask if he made up the word 'splooger' Mom was back.

"Okay, where was I? Right, teaching you three how to do your own laundry."

"Why can't you do it? You're a stay-at-home mom, aren't you? Doesn't that mean you kind of work for us?"

I shook my head, silently calling my brother a dumbass. Yes, we all thought that - but to tell Mom? No, just no. Idiot.

"No, Jasper, that does not mean I 'work for you'. I think it's high time you kids learned some basic life skills. Today is laundry. Next week I'm thinking your dad should give you cooking classes."

The three of us all rolled our eyes.

"If you prefer, I can skip cooking classes and go straight to how to thoroughly clean a bathroom. From toilets to shower stalls." She cocked an eyebrow at Jasper and me. Pretty sure Dad told her where else we jerked off.

"Laundry's fine." Jasper conceded and I agreed. I didn't mind cleaning up my own spunk but not my brother's. Fucking nasty.

Mom spent the next hour plus lecturing us on the ins and outs of laundry. She showed us how to sort dirty clothes into whites, darks, and colors, which settings to use, how much detergent, blah, blah, blah. To be honest, I stopped listening. I'm fairly certain she was just pissy about the crusty socks - I can't blame her - but I figured after a week, she'd be over it and back to doing our laundry.

Wrong. She was far more stubborn than I gave her credit for.

By the end of the second week I was running out of clothes to wear. I didn't mind wearing the same pair of jeans two days in a row, or the same shirt to bed and then to school. But even after turning my jockeys inside out to get another day's use out of them I was flat out of clean underwear; not to mention socks. What? Old habits die hard. Heh, heh. Hard.

Clutching an armload of clothes, I made my way down the two flights of stairs to the laundry room. Why the hell was the laundry in the basement – the furthest point from all the bedrooms, how stupid! I dropped crunchy socks and dirty underwear as I went. Laundry was a pain in the ass.

I'd like to tell you I listened to everything Mom had said, but you already know that's not true. I mean, I could have separated all my clothes into whites, darks, and colors but I obviously didn't. That would have made for more loads of laundry. Why would I do multiple loads when I could do one? Yeah, sure, it was one big-ass load but whatever. Three scoops of detergent – one for whites, darks and colors - would surely compensate for that. Quite pleased with myself, I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich while my clothes washed. Mmmm, grilled cheese and peanut butter.

An hour later, I came back to one hell of a mess. The bubbles foaming out of the washing machine was just the beginning. Once I opened the door I figured out why Mom had suggested separating whites from colors. Anything white I owned was pink. Like really fucking pink. Including my tighty-whities.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

"What'd ya do, dipshit?"

"Shut up, Rosie." I threw the words over my shoulder, not bothering to turn about and glare at my sister.

"Mom told you to separate your clothes, loser. Good thing pink suits you."

"For the love of God I'm not gay!"

"Whatever. You're as fruity as a bag of Skittles."

"Can you give me a little help here?" That's me with wishful thinking.

"And touch your spunk socks? No thanks."

Rosalie cackled as she left me to figure things out for myself. Bitch.

"Can I help?"

I hadn't even known Bella was over until her quiet words of assistance were offered. Oh my God! She heard Rose mention spunk socks. Maybe Bella didn't know what that meant. I would just act normal and not mention it.

"I think I'm fine, thanks. You wouldn't want to touch my spunk...I mean, I'm okay."

Sadly, that was me acting normal.

Bella reached for the clothes that were in my hand.

"I don't mind."

Of course she grabbed at my Bart Simpson briefs. Why the hell didn't I wear boxers or something somewhat sexy - unless she found Bart sexy? Doubtful. I quickly tried to grab them from her but a smile broke out on her face.

"Edward, I've seen men's underwear before."

Huh. I'd assumed she was so innocent but, wow, I guess not.

"You – you have? I mean, yeah, of course you have."

Bella smacked my arm.

"Edward! Because I do my dad's laundry all the time."

"Oh." I was an idiot.

"Funny, I would have pegged you for more of a Sponge Bob Square Pants kind of guy."

"Pfffff. Sponge Bob has nothing on Bart Simpson. You know 'Eat my shorts' and 'Aye carumba'…classics."

Bella raised one eyebrow and gave me a funny look. It was then I realized how un-cool I must have sounded.

"So, uh, anyway…You really should have listened to your mom and separated your clothes first, you know. Maybe done a separate load of just socks in extra hot water." She winked as she teased me. I wanted to die! "Now, let's see if we can fix this."

Turns out 'we' meant her, because Bella quite literally pushed me aside and took over. I let her because I had no friggin' clue what I was doing. Working quickly, she separated the darks from the whites, re-washing the darks to get the abundance of soap out. Then, she put the whites into the sink, filled it with hot water, added some bleach and told me to let the clothes soak for a while.

"I'm afraid Bart Simpson is going to forever be tinged pink. And your khaki pants and this shirt aren't salvageable." Bella held up my once navy and white (now navy and pink) striped shirt.

"If those are my only casualties, I'm okay with that." I took the clothes from her intending on tossing them.

"Can…can I have that?" Bella asked, her voice soft and timid, as she held her hand out toward me.

"You want my old shirt?"

She nodded, her lower lip captured by her teeth. Fucking adorable.

"If you don't mind? I like to sleep in over-sized shirts."

Bella wanted to keep my shirt. And she was going to sleep in it. She would be wearing my shirt and nothing else. Holy shit. Instant wood. Aye carumba, indeed.

I cleared my throat and tried not to sound as excited as I felt when I handed it back to her. "Yeah, sure, whatev."

Bella smiled at me and held the shirt against her chest. Damn.

"Did you want to take my pants, too?"

"Wh-what?"

"My pants…Did you want to get in my pants…I mean… to sleep in…"

Oh my God.

"Uh, no thanks. The shirt's good."

I nodded and then said nothing. For, like, a really long time.

Right, I should probably say something instead of just staring at her.

"So, uh, thanks again for your help."

"No problem. Like I said, I've been doing my dad's laundry for years, so I'm sort of an expert."

As I stood there all awkward-like, I realized the opportunity I'd been waiting for was right in front of me. I could ask Bella out on the pretense of my gratitude. Perfect, right? I dragged my hands through my hair and took a deep breath before I spoke, praying I didn't sound like a moron. Fat chance.

"Maybe I could take you out for, uh, dinner, or drinks or something. Uh, not drink drinks because we're underage. I meant like a Starbucks, maybe? You know, to thank you properly for fixing my epic screw-up. You did touch my socks...not that there's anything wrong with that, they're fine. But I'd like to take you. Out I mean, if you want to. No pressure or anything. I, uh, just thought it would be a nice thing to do. We could–"

"Oh my God, you didn't just ask Bella out on a date did you?" Rosalie snorted, her laughter from the doorway interrupting my rambling.

I blushed, but thankfully Bella didn't laugh at me like my sister did.

"You're a freak. Come on, Bee, let's go back to my room."

Bella nodded and turned to follow Rose. My heart sank and I frowned slightly as the girl I had a mad crush on walked away from me, and my proposal. I should have known.

"Hey, Edward?"

I looked up to see Bella still standing in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"I'd love to go out with you. For dinner, or drinks, or whatever. I mean, if you still want to take me."

Hell yes, I did! Unfortunately for me, my imaginary fist pump wasn't imaginary. Way to play it cool, Cullen.

"Sure, yeah. I mean if you wanna." I shrugged.

Bella nodded. "You could tell me more about your tampon research."

"Sure, totally. And I have a new marketing idea. I'd call them Bloody—"

"Uh, Edward?"

"Huh?"

"I was teasing you."

"Oh. Yeah, I knew that." My face was burning.

Bella smiled at me. "Rose told me about the bet. You're a pretty nice brother to agree to go buy her tampons."

"Did she tell you she blackmailed … I mean, yeah, I'm nice like that."

Bella gestured toward the door. "I should go. You have my number. Or you can message me on Facebook, either way."

"Cool. I'll figure something out and let you know."

I grinned big time after Bella left. I had a date - with someone who wasn't my mom. And not only was it my first date with Bella, it was my very first date ever.

That realization made the panic set in. Where should I take her? How would we get there? What exactly did one do on a first date? Was I supposed to kiss her? Was she expecting that? I'd never even kissed a girl before. Fuck! I needed someone to talk to; someone who could advise me without making fun of me. Obviously, talking to Jasper and Rosalie was out of the question. And since Mom and Dad were out, that left one other person.

A half an hour later I was sitting with my confident, asking questions and praying for some sound advice. He sat quietly, listening intently as I rambled on and on.

"I don't know what I was thinking, asking her out. I have no idea how to act on a date or what to do. What if she's only going out with me to be polite? What if she wants more than dinner – like … you know…I'm so confused. What do you think?"

Jake looked and me and shrugged his shoulders.

"Dude, I'm seven. How would I know?"

DSI in hand, he hopped off his bed, leaving me alone with my thoughts. So much for bonding, little prick. He left me with no other option. With trepidation, I walked down the hall and knocked on Jasper's door.

Twenty minutes later I had all the information I needed for a successful first date. Why I'd been worried to speak to my older brother I had no idea. He really was a wealth of information.

Jasper reassured me that women actually didn't want a man to pay – woman's rights or equality or something like that – so I could expect her to pick up her share of the tab. Good to know because I was short on cash. Saying that, he assured me Bella would want me to order on her behalf, telling me girls found that take-charge attitude hot.

"How am I supposed to know what the heck she wants to eat?"

"That's easy, Eddie. She's a girl. No girl wants to look like a pig in front of a guy. Order her a salad and a diet Coke. She'll probably go home and eat Nutella straight from the jar with her finger but in front of you she'll want it to look like she's on a diet."

"Interesting."

"Most importantly, don't let her know you like her."

"Wh-what? Wasn't the point of asking her out to let her know I do like her?" I scratched my head. I wasn't following.

"Dude, you don't want to appear desperate."

"But I kinda am desperate."

Jasper laughed. "You may be but you don't want her to know that, obviously. Here's what you do, you make a comment about how she's like your little sister. Make yourself seem unattainable; play hard to get. She'll be lusting after you in no time."

"Are you sure? Calling her my little —"

"If you don't want my advice…"

"No, that's not it. It's just… well… are you sure?"

"Would I ever steer you wrong, little brother?"

I rolled my eyes at him. We both knew the answer to that.

"Okay, I would; but not in this. Trust me."

I really had no choice because I hadn't the faintest idea what I was doing when it came to girls. Let's face it, 'Awkward' is my middle name.

Although I was still hesitant, Jasper looked so genuine. Could it be possible my brother wasn't dicking me around for a change?

"Hey, don't forget to open doors and pull out her chair and stuff. Girls love that shit."

More great advice! I knew then my brother was sincere.

"Thanks, Bro. I appreciate your help."

"Yep. No prob. Can't wait to hear how it goes."

After I left Jasper's room, I sent Bella a text about what I had planned. Her happy face text back made me smile. On the way back to my room, I felt like I was on cloud nine, counting down the days until our memorable date. At last I had something positive to write in my journal.

In a week I'll go on my very first date

Finally my parents will think I'm straight!

Jasper gave me some great information

This alone is cause for celebration.

I will take his advice and play hard to get

I sure hope it's not something I regret.

I'll pull out her chair and order her food

And my true feelings I will elude.

I'd love to tell Bella I think I'm in serious like.

But I have a feeling she'd tell me to take a hike.

Hopefully things go well on this date

Fingers crossed she'll see me as a mate.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and review. Until next time!