Chapter Forty One

Bella

When Garrett came back his eyes were a darker mahogany and I knew he'd found dinner for himself. I was curious so as we headed to a club he knew of,

"It's so dark inside no one can see what you're doing so one glass can last all evening and we can enjoy the music."

I nodded, it sounded good to be doing something normal and human at last and when we walked inside I understood what he meant. The place was crowded with people all out to have a good time, drinking, dancing, or making out in dark corners.

"Would you like to dance Bella?"

I was about to refuse when I remembered I was no longer the left footed klutz so instead I smiled and held out my hand. I had no idea how I should be dancing but a few seconds watching everyone else told me it was a free for all and I soon got into it. Garrett was very good at this and a couple of girls were giving him admiring glances which were returned with good grace. If I liked Garrett so much why didn't I feel more jealous or possessive? I felt grateful yes because he'd saved my life but I was beginning to think that there wasn't anything else and when I thought about that dreadful night I had difficulty in placing Garrett in the woods. His face was clear enough in the cave, that I could remember but in the forest I couldn't get his face to clear and that made me wonder why.

"So Bella, a penny for them"

"Sorry? Oh I was just remembering...it doesn't matter, Now are you going to help me taste human blood or not? I'd like to see how different it is, especially if it quenches this burn in my throat. Its like having a constant nagging tooth ache. I don't know how the Cullens can put up with it like they do"

"Well we're all different and Carlisle hates the thought of killing humans while I see them like humans see cattle or pigs, as a food source. Its not easy at first, killing, but you become hardened to it after a while."

"I don't think I want to kill anyone, you said there was another way, blood banks? Why didn't Carlisle use those, he's in the ideal place to obtain blood."

"I can't answer that, you'd best ask Carlisle yourself."

"Would you consider using donated blood?"

He paused and I knew he was weighing his answer carefully before speaking.

"Bella, some of us are vampires and embrace our nature while others seek to be different, better, to deny what they really are. These days its harder to be a human hunter in some ways. When I was turned there was a war on, plenty of dead and dying to feed from, it wasn't really necessary to kill in order to feed but once you have the taste of human blood its impossible to turn away."

"So if I try human blood I wont be able to go back to animal blood?"

"Its unlikely but it will make you better, stronger, and faster than your Bambi blood drinking friends."

I was still unsure when Garrett took me from the bar to the hospital grounds and to a small window round the back where all the waste waited to be transported away. I could smell blood and other unidentifiable scents that had me wrinkling my nose.

"Don't worry, you can smell things destined for the incinerator. You wait here and I'll get you some blood. I know exactly where its kept."

"How?"

"I had a...dalliance with a nurse who worked here once, but that was some time ago. I don't suppose they've changed the lay out much though. I'll be as quick as I can."

Before I could tell him I'd changed my mind he was gone and I sat heavily on a low brick wall deep in the shadows. Was I doing the right thing? What if I liked the taste so much that I couldn't stop? Was I prepared to kill people to feed? I hated the very thought of it and a part of me hoped Garrett wouldn't find the blood bank but a few minutes later he returned holding two bags of ruby liquid and handed me one.

"I'm afraid its cold but I couldn't do anything about that."

He stood watching me as I lifted the bag to look into it,

"Well? Aren't you going to try it now I went to the trouble of getting it for you?"

"How do you choose who you kill Garrett?"

"I'm sorry?"

My question had thrown him,

"You once told me that there were those humans who deserved to die, like murderers, rapists and the like. How do you find them? What happens if you are thirsty and you can't find a human who deserves to die? Do you walk away and keep looking?"

His eyes shifted uneasily,

"I know the right places to look, dark alleys, abandoned buildings. The kind of place low life's hang out in."

"But what if it's an innocent man taking a short cut or a couple having an argument? How do you know?"

"Bella why all the questions? You aren't killing anyone to feed, this is donated blood."

"I know that but you haven't answered my question, how do you choose? How can you be absolutely sure?"

"You can't and I don't. If some innocent is in the wrong place at the wrong time then that's not my fault. When I feel thirsty I hunt a human, usually one I decide isn't worthy of living but sometimes innocents get hurt, just like in war.

"But we aren't at war and I don't want to choose between human beings, its like playing God."

Garrett scowled and his once handsome face took on a sinister look,

"Are you going to try that or continue criticizing the way I choose to live? You are beginning to sound like Carlisle only worse, he doesn't judge me like you are. I'm a vampire, I didn't ask to become one, I had no choice. Vampires live on the blood of other living creatures be it man or animal. Carlisle kills deer or bears to survive, I kill humans. Are you going to criticize us for our choices? What makes killing innocent animals any more right than killing bad humans?"

I stepped back as his voice became cold with anger,

"Don't you dare judge me Bella Swan".

"I wasn't judging you, I was just trying to get things clear in my own mind that's all."

"And have you? Am I the monster or is Carlisle? You need to choose Bella, you can't sit on the fence for ever and don't forget I saved you from the wolves, wolves who might even now be hunting us. You need me to protect you again and as a human hunter I'm much better at it than the Cullens. Just remember that when you look down on me from your lofty perch."

He turned and threw the blood bag he had been holding against the brick wall where it split sending blood dripping down its face to the grass below. I thought the scent might call to me so I tried not to breathe in but I could still smell it. It smelled of salt and iron and made my stomach roll, I couldn't drink that! He saw my nose wrinkle and laughed bitterly,

"Such disdain without even trying it Bella. Don't be so bloody judgemental, here"

He grabbed the bag I was still holding and ripped the top off handing it back

"Try it, you might find its better than you imagined"

I shook my head holding the bag away from me suddenly scared that if I tried it I might like it far too much. He snatched it back and squirted it on my face,

"Embrace your nature Bella"

The stench of the human blood made me feel sick and thirsty at the same time and as I wiped it from my face I couldn't help tasting it. This was far better than any animal blood even though it was cold but I couldn't forget what it was and what I might become if I allowed myself to drink and enjoy.