Chapter 15
-Bella's POV-
After Edward bolted from the room in tears, Jasper and Alice continued laughing. Even Rosalie was somewhat snickering. Only Emmett was quiet. Me? I was fucking pissed. PISSED.
I stormed over to where Jasper was, gave him the Bella death stare, and snatched the journal away from him. I wanted to punch him in the gonads so hard, but my first concern was Edward; I immediately went up to his room.
Unfortunately, he wouldn't let me in. I waited, hoping he'd change his mind, but when he didn't I left him alone. Poor guy had been through enough; I wasn't going to force him to talk to me.
When I returned to the living room, that shit-fuck Jasper still had a smirk on his face. I sauntered right up, and clocked him square in the jaw. I've gotta say, seeing his knees buckle and then him topple over was awesome.
"You, Jasper Cullen, are the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life. You're a bully and a douchebag. Wait! You're worse than a douchebag, you're a flaming douche nozzle." Jasper staggered to his feet, his hand rubbed against his jaw where I'd punched him.
"Alice – you think this is funny? Would you like me to tell Jasper about how you peed your pants in the eighth grade while you were sitting on Mike Newton's lap, sucking his face off?" Alice's mouth fell open. "Oops, sorry. I guess he knows now."
I glared at Rosalie next but addressed Emmett. "Hey, Em. Did you know that Rosalie also keeps a diary? There are some very interesting things in there. Hmm… I could also forward certain text messages your way that you may find interesting."
That shut her up.
"You know, I keep a diary. Do you guys want to read it and make fun of me next? Use it for your own amusement? Nice friends." I shook my head in disgust.
Everyone fell silent. Alice went to the kitchen and returned with a bag of frozen peas for Jasper's face. The mere fact that he needed ice made me smile. Emmett slipped out to talk to Edward; I doubted he'd have much luck. But it didn't matter. I wasn't done lecturing.
"What you did tonight, Jasper, was unforgivable. You violated Edward's privacy. You're his brother – his only brother. You're someone he should look up to. I can't believe you would stoop so low. And FYI, those poems were sweet as fuck, and totally romantic. You could take some lessons from him in the romance department, buddy. And from what I've heard from Alice, in other areas, as well." I quirked my eyebrow. Yeah, I was bluffing but Alice blushed something fierce so perhaps I wasn't too far off base.
Emmett walked back in and took a seat next to Rosalie on the couch as I continued my rant.
"Each of you should be ashamed of yourselves but especially you two, Alice and Jasper. Disgusting!"
Right about then is when Dr. and Mrs. Cullen and Jake came back home. I'm sure it was a sight to see. Me, with my hands on my hips lecturing my friends, one of whom was holding an ice pack – well, ice peas – to his face.
"Jasper? Are you alright? Why do you have peas on your face?" Mrs. Cullen immediately went to his side. "And where's Edward? What's going on here?"
"Just a little misunderstanding, Mrs. C. Nothing that a beatdown didn't fix, right, Bella?" Emmett answered on our behalf and winked at me.
Mrs. Cullen put her hands on her hips. "Jasper Leslie Cullen – what have you done this time?"
"Leslie? That's a girl's name!" Alice giggled while Emmett and I both snickered not so quietly.
Jasper cheeks flamed. It was awesome. You can bet your ass I'd be making a comment on his Facebook page about that one later.
"Apparently we need to have a family meeting with the older kids. Jake, please go to your room."
"But Dad!"
"No buts. Go."
"Man! I always miss out on the good stuff!" Jake was adorable as he pouted and stomped his foot. If that kid were a few years older I'd probably have a mad crush on him. Before he got to the stairs, Jake turned around.
"Hey, Emmett – did Bella really beat down Jasper?"
Emmett grinned in a proud papa sort of way. "To the ground, little buddy."
"Wow. Where'd you learn to fight like that?" Jake wondered, his eyes wide.
I shrugged. "My dad."
No one needed to know that he actually taught me when Edward and I first started dating in case I needed to defend myself if my new boyfriend got too 'handsy', as he called it. At the time I'd thought it was stupid, but I was sure glad to have the knowledge now.
"Jasper and Rosalie, wait here. We're going to talk to Edward. Alice, Emmett, Bella – I think you should make your way home." Doctor Cullen suggested.
"I…um… I'd really like to speak to Edward privately, when you're done. Would that be okay?"
Dr. Cullen smiled at me. "Of course, Bella. Let us have a few minutes alone with him then he's all yours."
I bit my cheek so I wouldn't smirk, but I sure liked the idea of him being all mine.
You see, to be completely honest, I really liked Edward. Like, a lot. Okay, perhaps it bordered on obsession, but I couldn't help it. He's friggin' hot, and sweet, and hilarious. He's not an 'I'm all that and a bag of chips' kind of guy. What you see is what you get; I love that with him there aren't any games or bullshit.
As embarrassing as it was for him to have his private poems read aloud, inside I melted. I mean 'I want her forever'? Come on – tell me you didn't melt at that!
And through the whole experience I learned that Edward and I are more alike than I thought. You see, not only do I keep a journal, I also write poems – about Edward. Not that I'll be sharing mine any time soon. Besides, it's very well hidden because I know Chief's a snoop. I think it means Edward and I are pretty much made for each other. Some might even say we're a rhyming couplet. Get it? Ha!
I waited outside Edward's room while his parents talked with him, hoping he'd let me in. He did. Thankfully, things between us weren't weird after what had gone down. Okay, the 'used' socks on his floor were weird, but I could look past that.
Besides, I forgot all about them while I was 'consoling' Edward.
Best.
Day.
Ever.
Dear Diary:
Tonight started out really bad
To be an only child I was very glad
Jasper was a total dick
So his ass I did kick
And then I got to console my Edward
The dry humping sure got him hard
Moving back and forth; to and fro
Easily gave me the big O!
And then Edward came in his jeans
I guess that's what happens when you're fifteen
After he cleaned up in the bathroom
Together we plotted his brother's doom
It'll be epic and Jasper will learn
You fuck with us and you will burn
...
...
...
-Edward's POV-
After our dry humping session, and can I say again how awesome humping is, Bella and I plotted revenge. Though not as fun as humping, it was quite enjoyable planning Jasper's demise. Heh, heh. I just realized I said 'humping' three - now four - times in a row. That just goes to show you how awesome it is. It's clearly my new favorite word and activity.
Anyway, the following day I got down to business. I dubbed it 'Operation Fuck You, Jasper'.
Get this – I think you're going to love it:
I opened up an account on gay matchmaker . com – in Jasper's name. His real name, albeit modified to read as J-Ass-Per. Heh, heh. I also used his real cell phone number, and added his email as well. I debated using a pen name for him; 'Jizz-My-Pants Jasper' did have a nice ring to it but, ultimately, using his real name was crueler- and that was exactly what I was going for.
Did I mention I used one of his bare-chest-and-duck-face photos from his Facebook account as his profile picture? His six-pack abs would definitely assure him some action. I had to hack into his email to click on the verification for the account. Thankfully, his password wasn't hard to guess (his name and birth date).
Just to top it off, I downloaded a bunch of gay porn jpegs and put them in a folder on the shared family computer. I'd be sure to 'find' them later and show Dad.
Move over 'Awkward', because 'Evil' is my new middle name. Bwahahahah. Yeah, I've gotta work on my evil laugh.
Writing Jasper's bio was hard (that's what she said.) Ha! I crack myself up, and I toyed with several variations, but I finally came up with something I thought was epic. Jasper made fun of my poems so I wrote one especially for him. I called his poem 'Hey, Jasper, fuck you fucker'. That has a nice ring to it, no? It went something like this:
My name is J-Ass-Per and I'm twenty-one
Unfortunately, I have an extremely small gun
I've never done something like this before
As in take one in the back door
I'm not sure if I like dick or pussy
I need a man to show me what I'm missing
I'm hot and ready for you
Who's going to be my first screw?
Call my cell at 555-6251
I'm ready to take it in my bum.
Go ahead - call me a genius. And I know he's only 16, but legal age to be on those websites is 18 so I had to fudge it a bit. Heh, heh, fudge it. Even so, I thought it was a pretty awesome write up.
I hit the confirmation button then sat back and waited for the calls to come in. There was only one problem. Jasper had his phone privileges revoked so he wasn't getting bombarded with all the phone calls. I was bummed about that.
But sometimes things work out better than you could ever anticipate.
Turned out, Jazz not having his phone was a good thing. You see, Mom had it in her possession. I happened to be in the kitchen when the calls started coming. I chewed my apple thoughtfully while I listened to first call and her one-sided conversation.
"Hello?...I'm sorry, Jasper is grounded. Who is this? 'Slick Dick'? …I think you have the wrong number….You got his number from where?...Pardon me? You want to do what with my son?"
Mom's eyes went wide. She hung up the phone then looked at like it was tainted.
"Oh my God! Where's your father? Carlisle? Carlisle!"
As she ran from the kitchen the phone rang again. I wasn't going to miss anything so I followed close behind. Mom barged into Dad's office and closed the door. That didn't stop me; I pressed my ear to the door and listened intently. Their conversation was interrupted several times by the ringing phone. Awesome. Mom was crying and Dad was reassuring her that there was some kind of misunderstanding. Jasper had a girlfriend, after all.
What? No! Jasper was not getting off scot-free – fuck that shit. I had to up the ante somehow. I slunk back to the kitchen to think.
When Dad brought Mom back to the kitchen, and sat her down at the table with a glass of water, I side-eyed the laptop. It was the perfect opportunity to find the pictures.
"Don't mind me, I'm just going to do my homework."
They both ignored me.
"Esme, really, don't worry about it. I'm sure it was a wrong number."
"Thirty wrong numbers, Carlisle?"
Only thirty? I was disappointed. I thought he would have gotten more calls. I should have written a longer poem.
"I don't know, Sweetie. Wires obviously got crossed."
"Uh, Mom, Dad? Sorry to interrupt, but you have to see this!"
Mom waved me off.
"Not now, Edward."
"But you really need to see this."
"Not now."
Hhhmph. How rude.
"Okay – I just hope Jake doesn't see this picture of some bald dude masturbating. I'd hate for him to start asking questions."
Dad snatched the computer away from me.
"Edward! Where did you find this?" Dad scrolled through the pictures I'd stored on the computer.
"I was looking for my English assignment doc. I couldn't remember what I'd saved the folder as. I thought this one, named 'ass' was mine. You know, 'ass' for 'assignment'? When I opened it up there are all these pictures. I'm as shocked as you are."
I should get an Oscar. Best actor in an avenging role.
Hiding my smirk, I watched as Dad looked through the computer's history.
www . gay matchmaker . com
www. out . com
www. naked pork sword . com
www. homorazzi . com
Website after incriminating website. I'd done my research, folks.
"Carlisle, you should see Jasper's email account!" Mom held Jasper's phone out to Dad.
"He has 105 new emails! All from men hoping to show our son a good time! And a few for a threesome." She sobbed out the last word.
Damn, a threesome? It was better than I'd hoped.
Rosalie came into the kitchen and raised an eyebrow at Mom who was full-on crying. That was the only part I felt badly about.
"What's going on?"
Dad shook his head as he put his arm around Mom and led her back to his office so they could talk in private.
"What's up?" Rose asked, again.
I grinned. "Looks like Jasper has a dark side. Apparently he joined a gay dating web site and has been getting calls and emails all morning from guys who want to suck his tiny dick." Yeah - I added the word 'tiny' to make things that much more fun.
"Shut the fuck up!" She smacked my shoulder.
"Yep." Ow!
"You look happy about this."
I shrugged, mentally noting I'd have to work on my poker face.
"You wouldn't have anything to do with whatever's going on, would you?"
"Who me?" I pressed my hand to my chest. "That hurts, Rose."
Rosalie eyed me suspiciously but thankfully, left it at that.
"Hey, I wanted to apologize for, you know, laughing at you and your journal."
I stared at her incredulously.
"Say what?"
"Don't make me say it again," she huffed.
"Mom and Dad put you up to apologizing?"
Rose shook her head. "Let's just say Bella reminded me that she knows some things I wouldn't want anyone – Emmett, especially – to know about." She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but to have my sister apologize was huge. Rosalie didn't elaborate; took her diet Pepsi and went up to her room.
Score one for me.
…
…
…
After dinner, Dad told Jasper he wanted to have a word with him in his office. I tried my very best not to grin. I failed miserably.
"Come on, Dad. I've been lectured, had my phone and car privileges taken away, and I'm not allowed to see Alice outside of school for two weeks. Don't you think I've been through enough?"
"There's something serious we need to discuss."
"What now?" Jasper rolled his eyes, something Dad hated.
"Would you like me to discuss your homosexuality in front of your siblings?"
"My what?" God, I wished he would've choked on his own words.
"What's homosexuality?" Jake wondered.
I snorted as I explained.
"It means Jasper likes boys."
"I like boys, too."
"No, Jake. Like, he likes boys, and wants to kiss them." I made kissing noises to make my point for my little brother.
"Edward," Mom scolded.
"I want to kiss my friend Eric," Jake piped up. Mom and Dad exchanged looks, and I silently prayed he was too young for the anal sex talk. Poor kid.
"Kissing with tongue, Jake." As I explained Jake looked confused as he tried to figure that one out. Rosalie snorted.
"Shut up, Edward! I do not. I have a girlfriend, duh."
Dad ignored his statement and spoke up.
"Did you use the laptop today?"
Jasper looked confused. "Well, yeah. Only because I was working on my science project."
"So you weren't looking at gay porn?"
Jazz started coughing.
"What? No!"
"Really? Well the laptop history says otherwise." Dad shook his head in disappointment.
"I bet he set me up." Jasper pointed a finger in my direction.
"Me?" That time I perfected the innocent look.
Rosalie, of all people, came to my defense.
"Sorry, Jazz. We all know Edward isn't smart enough to pull off something like that. No offense, bro."
I should have been a little upset that no one disagreed, but I quite liked that I'd been underestimated. Instead, I grinned.
"Hey, none taken. And you know all those gay jokes he used to make about me? I wonder if he was trying to deflect from himself. It's sad really." I shook my head in the same manner as my father.
"Hey, Eddie?" Jasper jerked his chin at me from across the table. "Fuck you."
I was about to say "you wish" but Mom gasped at his choice of words.
"Jasper! Language!"
"My office. Now." Dad pointed the way.
…
…
…
I didn't see my brother until later that night. He was white as a ghost when he entered the living room in a daze.
"What's up?" My smile was as big as my…well, let's just say it was rather large.
He flopped down on the couch beside me.
"I'm going to need therapy."
"What happened?" I could only hope he'd been traumatized with the ass and dildo.
"I…I don't even know what to say. He had this….ass…and a dick…and he just kept talking. Words like pegging and anilingus. And don't use butter. Then he demoed 'object insertion'." He paused to shudder. "Dude, it was bad!"
He looked close to tears. Props and demonstration of ass sex will do that do a guy. I could only hope he puked, too – fair's fair.
"You know what, Edward? I'm not sure what was worse – the fact that he has those props, or that he seemed to be talking from experience."
I'd found that part disturbing, too. "I know, right? Sick fucker."
"Sick fucker." Jasper agreed.
I scratched my head. "Do you think he does those things with Mom? Their room's right next to yours — Ow! Why'd you punch me?"
"Don't! Don't go there! I can't even!"
Ha! I made him dry heave! Awesome. I may or may not have added in some inappropriate sex-like sounds to push him right over the edge.
"Oh, Carlisle. Harder. Yes, harder. In my ass, baby. Bow chicka bow wow!"
Bingo!
Jasper ran to the downstairs toilet and lost his supper. Awesome. Another point for me!
After he came back to the living room looking totally green, we sat in silence, me rubbing the sore spot on my arm, while we watched the game for bit.
"Hey, Edward, I was thinkin'."
"'Bout what?"
"Listen, why don't we call a truce?"
I stared at my brother with my mouth hanging open.
"Wait a sec. Are you admitting defeat? Did I take down Jasper Leslie Cullen?"
He narrowed his eyes at me. "First of all, you are never to call me by my full name ever again. And second, are you claiming you had something to do with what went down tonight?"
I help my hands up feigning innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jasper snorted. "Sure you don't. Wow. Pretty impressive, actually."
"Why, thank you. I mean, anyway, what's this truce you speak of?" Because I liked the sound of it.
"First of all, this is not me claiming defeat. I'm just sayin' I think we should stop the antics."
Antics, my ass – more like bullying, but whatever. The point was I'd won. I totally beat him at his own game. Fucker would never admit it, though. Still, it was enough to satisfy me. I stuck my hand out to him as a peace offering.
"Truce."
Jazz squeezed my hand harder than necessary, but I didn't care because that handshake was proof I'd won.
We went back to watching the game – me with a huge grin plastered on my face.
There was just one question I was dying to ask - something that had weighed on my mind for some time.
"Can I ask you a question, Jasper?"
"Yeah, what?" He kept his eyes on the screen.
"What's pegging?"
Jasper shrugged. "Fuck if I know. And I don't want to. Let's promise to never, ever Google it and find out!"
"Deal. Just one more thing - the butter part. Why can't you use it as a lubricant? Will it make the girl fat? Like somehow get absorbed into her system or something? I don't get it."
"Oh my God. Are you for real?" Jasper's hand hit his forehead. "Wait 'til the guys hear this one."
"But…but we called a truce!" I whined.
"That was before you were a clueless idiot."
I should have known it would be short-lived. Oh well, the satisfaction of having him experience the anal object insertion demo was totally worth it.
Operation 'Fuck You Jasper' is complete
It landed him in Dad's hot seat
Fuck with me; I fuck with you
Now my bro knows this to be true
Payback is a bitch they say
And now Jazz knows all about anal play
Complete with anal insertion demonstration
Not the way I want to do penetration
And Alice keeps calling him 'Leslie'
That alone is hysterical to me!
I find it odd that Dad knows so much
About pegging, anilingus and such
Disturbing that he talks about it all nice and calm
It's gross to know he may do that with Mom
Thank God Jasper's room is next to theirs
I don't want to hear their private affairs
For my revenge I should feel contrite
I don't, and hope Jasper has nightmares tonight
Thank you all so much for reading and loving this sweet, awkward boy. I appreciate all your kind reviews. Mwah!
As always, a big thank you to my pre-readers - MapleStyle and Lolo84 - and my beta - Capricorn75. Mistakes are still mine.