Note: Sorry this took so long. This is, in my opinion, one of the most important chapters, so it took me a while to figure out how I was going to make it. I hope you enjoy it! Review!
"Are you sure?" Peeta asked, pulling away from me and staring into my eyes. I paused for a moment, then kissed him, his soft lips parting to meet mine. I was nervous, I was scared, but I knew that I was ready. I couldn't wait anymore, because I didn't know if I would live to see another day, and I knew this is what I wanted. I wanted to be as close to Peeta as I possibly could, to give him every part of me because I needed him to know that I loved him and only him, and that I always had.
When the hovercraft had finally picked us up, everyone on the team was cheering. We had succeeded in our mission and destroyed the main supply line for the Capitol's weaponry. We had every reason to celebrate, but somehow I couldn't. All I could think about was how close I had come to death, how close I had come to never seeing Prim's face or Peeta's smile. I realized in that moment, with that pistol pointed at my head, that nothing is certain. Every time we went on a mission, it was possible that I wouldn't come back. After surviving the games, I thought I knew what it was like to face death, but even then I had never been so certain that I was about to die. I sat down in one of the chairs inside the craft and put my head in my hands. I could hear my squad members laughing and recounting our adventure, but they sounded so far away. It was as if a mute had been placed over the rest of the world, and when I looked around everything was blurry and there were black spots in front of my eyes.
I felt a familiar arm across my shoulders, and I looked up to see Peeta sitting next to me. He didn't say a word, just looked right into my eyes. In that moment I lost it, I collapsed into his arms and sobbed the entire ride back to thirteen while Peeta stroked my back and held me close to him. I could feel his arms locked around me, like he was never going to let me go. When we finally got back, I tried to force myself to move, but it was like my entire body was frozen. The shock and fear were finally sinking in, and I felt like I would never move again. Peeta must have realized this because he adjusted his grip and picked me up. I had finally stopped crying, so I just buried my head in his neck. "Katniss, can you stand?" He asked me gently.
I nodded my head, but when he set me down and started to pull away from me, I put my arm around his waist and tightened my grip. I could stand, but I needed his support. I would've let him carry me the whole way, but I didn't want the stares. I couldn't let them see me as weak. The world was slowly coming back into focus for me, and I noticed Finnick was saying my name. "Katniss…Katniss are you ok?"
I snapped my head up and muttered something to the effect of "Yeah, I'm fine." He hesitated like he wasn't going to accept my answer, but then I guess he decided to leave me be and turned to Peeta.
"We're gonna go celebrate our victory." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Do you guys wanna come?"
Peeta shook his head. "I just want to go back to the apartment." He said to Finnick. "I'm exhausted, plus you know I can't keep up with you when you party." His laugh was almost too fake, but I think Finnick bought it because he clapped Peeta on the back and gently touched my arm, then turned to follow the rest of the squad. Peeta and I walked back to our apartment silently. I couldn't read what was going through Peeta's head; I only knew that he was never this quiet. I briefly glanced at his face and saw that his brow was creased and he was frowning. He didn't return my glance, only stared straight ahead.
He opened the door for me and I walked past him. I turned around to ask him what was wrong. Why was he acting like this? Why would he shut me out? I opened my mouth, but before any words could come out, his lips were on mine. He kissed me with urgency, with a ferocity that he never had before. He was kissing me like he would never get the chance to again, and after what had happened today, there would always be a chance that he never would. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to me. I needed his warmth and his strength. All I wanted was Peeta. All I had ever wanted was Peeta. If I was going to die, I wanted to have him first, and I wanted him to have me, all of me.
I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. I was afraid, but when I looked at Peeta I knew everything was going to be ok. I knew that what I was about to do was right. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you today." He said, pressing his forehead against mine. "I tried so hard to save you. I fought against Finnick, but he wouldn't let me go. I never want to see you like that again. I can't bear to lose you Katniss. I love you. I've always loved you. I need you and I can't live without you, and if you leave me, I don't know what I'll do…" He shut his eyes, and I saw his jaw tense.
"Peeta…Peeta look at me." I put my hand on the side of his face. He opened his gorgeous blue eyes and stared intensely into mine. "I love you too. More than anything. What happened to me today made me rethink everything I had ever thought was important. I realized that the reason I wanted to live through that, the reason I wanted to get out of there alive was you. I wanted to do more with you, experience more. I didn't want to leave you because you mean everything to me." I kissed him softly on the mouth and grabbed his hand. I pulled him down the hallway towards his room. We walked in and I shut the door behind me. I was nervous, and I realized my hands were shaking. "Katniss…what're you…" I pulled myself into him and kissed him. I reached my arms around myself and pulled off my shirt. He started to stutter, but I could see him suppressing a small smile. I put my hands under his shirt, and he let me take it off over his head. I could feel the hard muscles in his chest and abs, and when he threw his shirt to the side, I had to smile myself. Peeta's body was amazing. He was fit from training, and I his hard muscles rippled every time he moved.
"Peeta, I know that I said I wanted to wait, but I can't. I want to do this with you because I realized that we can't wait. We might never get the chance, and I can't die without loving you…in every way." I kissed him again, this time much deeper. Our tongues twirled around each other and he moaned into my mouth. I realized I was aching for him. I needed Peeta, and I needed him now.
"Are you sure?" Peeta said, pulling away from me and staring into my eyes. I paused for a moment, and then kissed him, his soft lips parting to meet mine. I was nervous, I was scared, but I knew that I was ready. I couldn't wait anymore, because I didn't know if I would live to see another day, and I knew this is what I wanted. I wanted to be as close to Peeta as I possibly could, to give him every part of me because I needed him to know that I loved him and only him, and that I always had.
He stopped me and put his hands on my shoulders. "I need to know that we aren't just doing this because you want to do it with someone before you die. I want it to be meaningful…special…I want it to be because we want this with each other."
"Peeta…it is. It's only you. It's been that way ever since the cave in the first hunger games, maybe even since the bread outside of your doorstep. You've always been there saving me, and I know you'll always be there saving me. I love you. That's why I'm doing this." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He leaned in slowly and kissed me, and I knew there was no more stopping. This was a definite kiss, a starting kiss.
He reached down and unbuttoned then unzipped my pants, they slid down to my ankles, and I stepped out of them as I did the same to him. He shivered when I touched his hardness, gasping slightly. I smiled but didn't stop. I led him over to the bed and he lay down on top of me. His lips moved from my lips to my neck, and I moaned as he kissed the soft spot right above my collarbone. I could feel his smile as his hands reached behind my back and undid my bra strap. I shrugged my bra off of my shoulders and he stared at me for a second.
"What?" I asked. I was surprised I didn't blush because usually nakedness made me so uncomfortable, but I felt so natural with Peeta.
"You're…incredibly beautiful." He said breathlessly, looking back into my eyes. "And I am so lucky." I laughed and kissed him again. He pulled down my underwear, and I kicked it carelessly off the bed. Once I had done the same to him, we were exposed, both completely naked underneath his sheets.
"I love you Katniss." He said as he positioned himself over me.
"I love you Peeta." I took a deep breath, and he entered me. I gasped because I was surprised at the pain. Peeta pulled back and looked at me worriedly.
"Are you ok?" He asked, starting to pull out. I nodded at him. "Yeah, just keep going."
He pushed back into me, then pulled out slowly. After the first few thrusts the pain went away, and was replaced by unbelievable feelings of pleasure. "Peeta…" I moaned as he began to speed up. I couldn't think or breathe or hear anything besides him saying my name and his ragged breathing in my ear. I bit down on his collarbone as he thrusted harder and harder into me. His hands held my hips and my breasts and he kissed and bit my neck. I could feel the orgasm building inside of me. "Katniss…" he said, "I'm going to finish…I can't wait any longer." He moaned into my ear, and I kissed him hard on the lips. He sped up even more, and I felt my muscles tense and Peeta shuddered against me, then I felt a strange but wonderful sensation as he exploded inside of me. He collapsed on top of me, and we just laid there for a while in silence. This was the greatest night of my life. I had never felt this close to one human being. For my entire lifetime I had been alone. I had fended for myself, never relying on anyone else and never letting anyone close enough to see my true emotions, but in this moment, I had given everything to Peeta.I had been completely open with him, and I had let him break the barrier around my mind and my emotions.
He rolled onto his side, and I propped myself up on one elbow and looked at him. I couldn't stop smiling, and I realized that neither could he. He reached over and ran his hand up and down my side, making me shiver. "That was…incredible." He said finally, leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.
"You are incredible Peeta." I said quietly. He lay on his chest and pulled me down to lie on top of him. I drew circles in his chest, and I remembered something from what seemed like so long ago, before the Quarter Quell. I laughed at the memory, and how much it applied to me right now.
"What?" He asked, noticing my laugh.
"I was just thinking about that time before the Quell, when we were on the roof, and you said that you wished you could freeze that moment forever."
"What about it?" He seemed confused, but he laughed light-heartedly.
"Well this is my moment." I answered. "I wish I could freeze my life here, laying in your arms where nothing can hurt me. I want to stay here in this bed with you forever, and never face what's on the outside of that door."
"Me too." He sounded so serious now. I looked up, my chin resting on his chest. His blonde hair fell over his right eye, and he looked towards the ceiling. "Katniss Everdeen." He said, lifting himself up on his elbows to look down at me. "No one will ever love another person as much or as deeply as I love you. What we have is like nothing anyone has ever had. We've been through so much, and you're the only person I would ever want to share my life with."
"I feel the same way Peeta. You're my life now, and you always will be." I laid my head back on his chest. I felt sad all of a sudden. "Please don't ever leave me. I don't know what I would do without you here."
"If you're here, how could I possibly not be?" He laughed like I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world. He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. "Goodnight Katniss, I love you." I shook my head and tightened my arms around him.
"Goodnight Peeta, I love you too." I kissed his chest lightly. The sadness was gone. It was a brief, panicked moment where I was afraid Peeta would leave me, but he was here with his arms wrapped around me. I was safe now. I closed my eyes, and just as I drifted off to sleep, I heard the front door open and slam shut.