I walked around the 'first' round of Zoro and Sanji's stupid contest. Well, I guess I should drop these pomegranates off at Merry before I do anything else. I jogged back to the ship, stopping only briefly when I heard strange noises.

"Laughing?" I paused, "Dorry... Hm.. Why did that name come to mind?" I stared up at the sky, "Huu.. I better hurry, that bad feeling is beginning to come back." I jogged, yet slowed to a walk not long after. "I'm worried..." I glanced back, "Something big is beginning to happen..." I frowned, "Really big."

I ran back to the ship, climbing on board and depositing all the pomegranates in the kitchen. I sighed, the volcano erupted. "Ah, there's the end of Zoro and Sanji's competition. Now I just gotta wait for them to get back." I popped into the girl's room and poured myself a glass of wine for the wait.

The wine didn't put me at ease like it was meant too. I frowned as the volcano erupted again, and shivered. "This feeling..." I muttered, "Loss... but... why?" I stared at the wine glass, not really in the mood for wine anymore.

I walked up to the deck, wine still in my hand. I heard something approaching the ship, "Who's there?" I called.

"Leanah!"

Sanji. "Hey!" He came into view dragging a larger dinosaur than before. "Have you seen anyone else? No one's returned yet! Not even Nami and Usopp!"

Sanji pulled the dead prehistoric creature along parallel to Merry, "No. but I'm sure they'll be back soon."

"You sure?"

"Don't worry, if anything nasty comes along I'll protect you from it." He smiled a charming smile at me.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT!" I shouted.

Sanji climbed the ladder up onto the ship, "So what have you been doing? I haven't seen you since Zoro and I split up the first time."

I frowned, I was standing between you two idiots when you decided there would be a second time! Still I pointed towards the kitchen, "I found a whole bunch of pomegranates."

Sanji lit a cigarette, "Ah, that's good, do you want me to make you something?"

I shook my head, "Nah." I walked into the kitchen and washed out my wine glass. "I'll be fine... I'm honestly worried about everyone else..."

"They'll be fine. I'm sure they'll be back any minute now."

We waited for about 10 more minutes.

"This is getting weird... It's been a long time... and no one else has come back..." He frowned, "I wonder what's going on?"

I shrugged.

"This island is crazy."

"You're just realizing this now?"

"Anything could have happened to Nami, Vivi and the others..."

I put my hands on my hips, "Well, let's hold off on the dinosaur for a while and see if we can't find out what happened."

The chef nodded. "Right."

We disembarked the ship together and trekked into the woods. We both called out for our crew members.

"ZOOORRRROOOO, WHERE ARE YOU?" I shouted, "LUFFY? USOPP? GUYS CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"NNNAAAAMMMII, DEAR? VIVI? IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST SAY SOMETHING!"

After a while of walking our shouts got softer due to not wanting to over exert our voices.

"Nami! Vivi! Where are you?" Sanji called.

I cupped my hands around my mouth, "Usopp! Carue?! Luffy! Guys!"

We didn't receive a human answer, but a panther lunged at us, I drew my swords, staring the beast down.

Sanji slid between me and the panther, "Don't worry, I'll keep you safe."

I almost wanted to hit him, but I knew that wouldn't get my point across at all. I sheathed my swords.

The panther jumped at Sanji, he ducked, kicking the cat in its throat, it slumped, but stayed on the prowl, Sanji smirked.

"Alright... you look strong enough to carry two people..." He whirled around, bringing his heel down on the poor thing's head. A large lump formed and Sanji stood by it, "After you, my dear."

I raised my eye brows and walked over, he helped me get on to the panther's back, then climbed on in front of me. He lightly kicked the beast and it slowly began walking. I feel a little bad for the poor thing... I thought as I resumed my search of the area around us.

We continued calling for the rest of the crew, but to no avail.

"Zoro! Luffy! Where are you guys?!"

"Nami! Vivi! Hey beautiful ladies! If you can hear me please just say something!" He looked around and was about to start another round of calls when something caught his attention.

"What is it?" I asked turning to see why he had stopped, I blinked, hopping off the panther after him.

"That's strange..." He said looking at what appeared to be a wax building in front of us. "What's this?"

"A... house?" I ventured a guess.

"Looks that way..."

"Should we go inside?"

"I don't see why not."

We both walked up to the wax building, Sanji, ever the gentleman, held the door for me as I entered. It was very nicely decorated. There was a table with an orange crisscross pattern table cloth and a very ornate tea set, and wax chairs around it.

Sanji smiled, walking over to the tea pot, he felt it with the back of his hand. "It's still warm." He politely ushered me to a seat and I sat down, he poured two cups of tea, placing one in front of himself, and the other in front of me.

I picked up the tea cup, slowly sipping it. Earl grey...

"Ah, Earl Grey is a perfect compliment to the afternoon..." Sanji said after having sipped his own tea.

We sat there, completely relaxed for a second.

"Ah!" Sanji exclaimed, "Hold on! What are we doing? We shouldn't be sitting here all relaxed!"

I set my cup down, "You're right. The others might need our help."

Sanji stood up, "I am still curious about one thing though.." I got up and followed as he began walking towards the door, "What is a nice relaxing place like this doing smack in the middle of an ancient, creepy jungle?"

"I have no-" I was interrupted by a noise.

Purupurupurupuru

We both turned, "What the-?

My eyes settled on a box I hadn't noticed before. Sanji gently pushed past me and opened the box, "Huh?" He reached in and picked up what was inside.

Purupurupurupurupuru

"What is it?"

"... A transponder snail..."

Purupurupurupurupurupuru

Sanji picked up the receiver, sitting down as he spoke, "Yeah, hello. You've reached The Crap Cafe, can I take your order?"

There was a long moment of silence, then a gruff voice replied, "You can quit fooling around now, jackass." I blinked at Sanji, he blinked back at me. "Now then, your report's a little bit late, don't you think?"

"Huh? My report you say?" Sanji shrugged at me, I shrugged back. He looked back at the snail, "And to who exactly am I speaking, please?"

"Me." The sand-paper voice replied, "Mr. 0."

We both glared at the transponder snail, Crocodile.

Author's Note:

Ah, The Crap Cafe. Probably my favorite canon side plot. I actually had to look up the noise a Den den mushi/transponder snail makes because I always thought it was more of a barabarabara noise (haven't seen a ringing den den mushi in the manga, I be slow when readin'). Turns out though it's a purupurupuru noise like a cellphone, apparently even though all the other things I've seen have a cellphone noise as pirupipirupipirupi (or pidipipidipipidipi). But anyway, thank you for reading my rant on noises, don't forget I love review, and if you spot an error or think you know a way I can improve my story, don't be shy, tell me about it.

Your ever willing author,
Kari910