I don't know how long I walked. It was a meadow similar to the one that Gale and I used to go to in district twelve, only this one was much larger. I looked in front of me for the ending, but it just went on and on until it joined the blue sky in the horizon. It was then I realized I was no longer in pain.
I could breath again, and when I looked down there was no longer blood covering my stomach. I was wearing the blue dress, the one from the reaping where I had volunteered for Prim. I was shoeless, but I couldn't feel the ground under my feet. I couldn't feel anything. The world around me was numb and empty. It was just me and the meadow. I looked to either side, but there were no trees or lakes or fences like in district twelve. The meadow stretched out in every way as far as I could see.
I didn't know where I was going, or even why I kept walking. I should probably stop. I should probably just sit down and stay here. There was no ending, no final destination. This walk was pointless, but for some reason I couldn't stop. Where was I after all? How had I gotten here? It didn't really matter. I was here now, and I was here to stay. I forced myself to look around. I looked down and saw the tall grass whipping at my calves, but I couldn't feel the familiar uncomfortable tickle it left there. I also couldn't feel the wind on my face, but I knew it was there because the grass was moving. I looked back off to the distance, and suddenly, a streak of fire appeared across the meadow.
It started on my left and ripped across the field. I watched in horror as it set the meadow ablaze. I couldn't feel anything else, but I felt the heat of it on my face. I was afraid of it. It burned so brightly it was hard to look at, but as I stared into the flames, I saw a figure in the middle of them. Someone was caught in the fire.
I started running towards them, yelling out that I was coming. Why weren't they moving? How could they stand it? Maybe because they were already dead. I thought as I finally made it to within ten yards of the giant wall of fire. Isn't that what I am now? Dead? I shuddered at the thought, and paused as I reached the giant wall of flames.
It was taller than I thought, towering at least ten feet above my head. I saw the shadowy figure begin to move through the flames, heading towards me. I wanted to go in and help them, but I was afraid, so I waited, and eventually they came to me. As the figure emerged from the fire, I realized in horror that it was my father.
"Dad?" I asked in a choked whisper. How was he here? His face was untouched from the last time I saw him. He was still in his mining uniform, clean shaven, just like when I had said my final goodbye to him, but it wasn't a final goodbye. Here he was, standing in front of me. "What are you doing here?"
"Katniss Everdeen, the Girl Who was on Fire. I hear that's what they're calling you now." He said with a smile. I ran to him and threw my arms around him. I felt his arms wrap around me. That was all I could feel. My father and the flames.
"I guess so." I said with a sobbing laugh. I was so happy he was here. "So I guess it's just the two of us now? I missed you dad, but now we get to spend…" I looked around at the flames and the meadow. What was the right word? "Eternity together. Waiting for the rest of them." The thought made me sad for some reason. I was so happy to be with my dad again, but I wasn't ready for this. I had so many things to do. Peeta. His name echoed in my mind, and suddenly I was crying for a different reason. I needed him here. I couldn't live here or anywhere without him.
"Woah woah." He said, pushing me back and holding me at arms length. "We aren't here together Katniss. You're not…where I am. You're not ready yet. I hear you have many things left to accomplish, and many…" he smiled with his next words, "people you have that still need you." So he knew about Peeta? Of course he knew about Peeta. If what he said was true, this was just a dream. A figment of my imagination, so he knew everything I knew.
"Well, I was walking that way." I said, pointing past the wall of flames. "I don't know why. I just…was." Maybe he knew how to get me…back. Even if I knew it was a dream, I didn't know how to get out of it.
"Well, that's the right way." He said, his face becoming serious. "You were just…lost for a while, but I guess the time has come." He took my hand. "I'll let you go. Just this once Katniss, but don't worry, someday you'll be back, but this time when you're ready, once it's all over." What did he mean let me go? This wasn't my real father. This was just my imagination. He smiled at me. "You'll understand eventually Katniss." He led me towards the wall of flames, but I dug my heels into the ground.
"Wait. I can't go in there. I'll burn." Fire scared me. It always had.
"What happened to the girl on fire?" He said with a hearty laugh. I loved his laugh. It was so familiar. "Don't be afraid Katniss. Never be afraid. Besides, where you're going, fire is the last thing you should be worrying about." Coin. Snow. The names were slowly returning to my head. "You've got work to do, so you better be going. Give them a fight they won't soon forget." He kissed me lightly on the forehead. I nodded. He was right. I had to go back. I had to leave him, but I knew he was right. I would be back. I would see him again.
I started walking with him towards the flames. They grew brighter and stronger with each step, but I wasn't afraid. I had to face it. I couldn't run anymore. I had to face it head on. I gritted my teeth as I took my first step into the flames. I felt my father's hand slip out of mine. I saw his shadowy figure disappear into the distance, and I kept walking. I kept moving, knowing that this time I would reach a destination.
It was the pain that brought me back to consciousness. Not the pain of the flames, but an aching, ripping pain in my stomach. I didn't open my eyes. I didn't know where I was, and I wanted to make sure it was safe, after all, I had a lot to be afraid of.
"I don't know when she'll wake up sir." I heard a foreign female voice say as I regained consciousness. "It's been five days and she's been totally unresponsive. I can't tell you what's happening, only that her body is taking time to heal."
"Can't you do something?" Peeta. He was alive. He was awake. I needed to see him, needed to open my eyes, but I waited. "If she's in pain can't you give her some sort of medicine to make her heal faster?" I could hear the anger in his voice. I knew it well. It was the same frustration I had when it was him laying on the hospital bed.
"She'll be alright Peeta." Haymitch. He had figured it out. He had saved Peeta. I reminded myself to hug him. "You were out for a long time, and you had worse head injuries. She'll wake up, just give her time."
"I can't…I just want to know she's ok. I can't wait." I could hear the anguish in his voice. Peeta and Haymitch were here. It was safe now. It was ok to wake up. It was time to start fighting back.
My eyes fluttered open, and it took a few seconds for the room to come into focus. I stared at a grey ceiling. I could hear the faint blips of the heart monitor. The steady drip of the morphine. I tried to sit up, but as soon as I did, a burning pain blew through my ribs, and I remembered they were broken. Not a good first move.
"Katniss!" I heard Peeta yell. "You're awake. You're ok." I looked up at his face and saw the broadest, brightest smile spread across his lips. I had missed that smile so much. Peeta was ok. He was finally ok, and so was I, or at least I would be. I didn't care about the pain in my ribs or my stomach. I couldn't feel any of it. All I felt in that instant was a burning fire in my heart. I sat up and kissed him. I had missed the softness and fullness of his lips against mine, but most of all I had missed this feeling, this need I had for him. I wanted him to be closer to me. I wanted to hold him and never let him go again. Never let him leave me again.
"Ah!" I couldn't help but cry out. I broke away from him and layed back against the bed, gripping my stomach. The pain was unbearable. I felt tears stinging my eyes. I tried to breath in, but I couldn't.
"Are you ok?" He asked with concern. "I didn't mean to…did I hurt you?"
I looked back at him and smiled through gritted teeth. Even with all of the pain, I couldn't help but smile at Peeta. His blonde hair fell carelessly over his eyes, and he was dressed and shorts and a plain white t-shirt, but he couldn't have ever been more handsome.
"Maybe you should take it easy for a while. Try to contain your…excitement…until you're better, sweetheart." Haymitch said, stepping up behind Peeta.
"I'll call the doctor. He'll need to check on you." She exited the room and closed the door behind her. I laid my head back and let go of my stomach.
"So…who was my guardian angel this time?" I asked with a wry smile. It was all coming back to me. The alley. The guards. The soldier with his gun aimed at my head. Holding Craig while she took her last breath. You are. I would never shake those words. I could hear her voice like she was right next to me. I remembered looking towards the sky, but then nothing.
I looked to Haymitch and then Peeta, waiting for one of them to give me an answer. Peeta's face had darkened. His smile had gone away and his face was serious. "Gale." He said shortly.
"Of course it was Gale." I will never stop protecting you. I heard him say. "He was the only one who knew where I was. I guess they sent out Craig, and when she…she…didn't come back, Gale went looking for us." I couldn't think about it. It hurt too much to think about her sacrifice, to think about how she had died for me.
"I see you…figured it out." I said to Haymitch, nodding towards Peeta. "Thank you." I could tell Peeta was upset, and I wanted to change the subject.
"They were poisoning him." Haymitch said angrily. "If you hadn't been suspicious…he probably would have been dead by the time you got back." Poison? So it was Coin. She definitely wanted Peeta dead, and she had almost gotten her way.
Peeta was staring at the ground, clearly still dwelling on Gale. "Peeta….it's ok. You're ok now. I'm ok. We're gonna be—"
"No its not Katniss." He walked away from me and rested his head against the wall. "I should have been there in district seven. I shouldn't have taken Gale on like I did. I should have been smart enough. I shouldn't have been so cocky. If I hadn't made him so angry, I would've been on that mission. I would've saved you." He punched the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. "If I had lost you…I never would have forgiven myself." He walked back over to me with tears in his eyes. "That will never happen again. I won't be that stupid. I promise…I promise."
I sat up carefully, watching to not ignite the burning in my stomach, and wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me back, gripping me tightly. "It's ok Peeta. I know you would never knowingly put me in danger." I pulled back and smiled at him, planting a small kiss on his lips.
"Unfortunately." Haymitch said, interrupting us. "We have other problems to deal with now that you two are ok. Coin is angry. She talked about putting you on trial for trying to usurp her. Of course the soldier you got into the argument with came back and told her everything. How you had tried to get him to defy her. How you said she was wrong for ordering the death of the Capitol soldiers. She was ranting and raving like you wouldn't believe. Fortunately you have a lot of people on your side, which of course only makes her more angry."
I looked at him quizzically. What did he mean I had people on my side? "They love you." Peeta said, sensing my confusion. "The people of thirteen. Hell the people of Panem. You're still their hero, now more than ever. They saw you fearlessly go out onto the front lines, and take a bullet for the cause. You're more than just a symbol now. You're a warrior."
"But wouldn't that be good for Coin? She thinks she has me in her pocket."
Haymitch snorted. "She knows you despise her Katniss, and you know what the best part is?" He whispered, moving closer to me. "She's afraid of you."
Coin afraid of me? That was an interesting turn of events. Why would the president of the rebellion be afraid of me? Then I remembered my conversation with Craig. She said I had the people on my side. She had said I could be president because they loved me. I had the power to take away Coin's hold over all of Panem given we won this war. That thought made me smile slightly, but I knew it wasn't that simple. I couldn't divide our army. Not now. And when the time came, I had to be careful about how I went about taking her down.
"So what's the plan?" I asked him.
"There…isn't one. Not just yet. Luckily, this war with the Capitol is almost over. Our successful mission in district seven basically secured our victory. Now all that's left is invading the Capitol."
"And when will we do that?" It had to be soon.
"Well, considering squad 451 is going to lead the charge, we have to wait for you to get better. Now that you're awake, the healing should go faster. We've been very…hesitant to let them give you any medication." He said. "After what happened to Peeta, we didn't want to risk anything. Now that you're up though, it should be fine." Just then the door opened, and all of squad 451 burst through it into the room.
I smiled at my team members. "Katniss! You're ok!" Johanna said, running over to me and pulling me into a hug. Peeta got up from my bedside, and I panicked for a moment. I didn't want him to be away from me, but I had to welcome my team. I was glad to see they were all ok.
Finnick was in a sling. Apparently he had his elbow broken in a fist fight with a Captiol soldier. Furman had a deep scar above his left eye, but besides that he was ok. Jacobs was untouched of course. He was like a bull. I wouldn't be surprised if bullets didn't just bounce off of him. Johanna looked fine, but she said she was recovering from a concussion she had gotten from the rubble of the falling tower. Seeing them all brought back the memory. I had to face it now. I had to face the fact that there were only seven of us instead of eight.
Jacobs came up and sat on the edge of my bed. I knew it was coming. "Katniss…I know you're still recovering, but we have to know what happened to her. No one else was there, so you're the only one that can tell us."
He was being gentle. That was unusual for Jacobs. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to relive her death, but I knew I had to. They deserved to know how their teammate died. They would hate me. I knew they would. Craig was a better soldier. It would've been better for the whole squad if it had been me who had died out there.
"She…she died for me." I said quietly. "After I was shot by the thirteen soldier, I tried to make my way to the extraction point. I was struggling, and I didn't notice that there was a Capitol guard following me. He fired his gun at me, but Craig pushed me out of the way and took the bullet, then he shot her three more times. He turned his gun on me again, but she…she shot him. She saved my life. It should have been me. I should have died out there. I don't know why she would save me."
I hung my head and played idly with the sheets in front of me. I felt like crying, but I didn't want my team to see that. The next thing I knew, Jacobs had his arms around me. I had never seen the Commander show any emotion other than anger, so I was shocked. I knew in that moment that they would forgive me. It was my fault, but they would let it go.
"It's ok, Katniss." He said softly. "Craig thought you were worth it, and I haven't ever seen that woman make a mistake." He let me go and held me at arms length. "Don't let her sacrifice be in vain. She believed in you. We all do."
"We all know." Johanna said. "About Coin. What she did to Peeta and is trying to do to you. We have to take her down. After we destroy the Capitol, we've got a bigger fight on our hands."
"She won't hurt you." This time it was Finnick who spoke. "If she fights one of us, she fights all of us. We're a team, which means your battle is our battle. This is going to be harder. We can't fight with guns and swords. We have to win this one with words and alliances."
"We're all in." Peeta whispered. "All we need is you." He looked at me, and so did everyone else. I could feel their eyes boring into me. This was the moment I had been dreading. I didn't want to get into this fight with Coin. I didn't want to risk the lives of my family and my squad members. This was more dangerous than any mission, but I knew it had to be done. Coin had to be taken down, and I was the one who had to do it. I nodded and looked up at them.
"I'm in. All in. I won't let this rebellion turn into another dictatorship. It has to be done, and I'm the one that has to do it." I thought about that time in training when I had hesitated before shooting President Snow. I couldn't do that now. When the time came, I had to take Coin down.
My squad mates each gave me one last hug and said they'd see me in training. They left one by one until it was just Peeta and I. For the first time since the morning after our last mission we were alone together. He waited for the door to close behind Finnick, then walked over and sat down next to me. He just stared at me for a long time, and as I looked back into his deep blue eyes, all I wanted was to be with him forever. I had missed him so much. I had been suppressing all of the romantic and sexual feelings I had towards Peeta because it hurt too much to think about them when he was asleep, but they all came back to me now.
Finally he leaned down and kissed me, softly at first, but then hungrily. I could tell that he had missed me just as much as I had missed him. I could feel my heart screaming inside my chest. He put his hand on the back of my head and deepened the kiss. He tasted so good. Like cinnamon and freshly baked bread. I didn't want this to stop. I put my hand on his chest and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer into me. I wanted more. I didn't care where we were or how hurt I was. I wanted Peeta.
He pulled away from me, and I groaned, trying to pull him back towards me. He put his hand on mine and held it to his heart. I could feel it beating beneath his shirt. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were red. He smiled at me. "You're injured Katniss." He said with a laugh. "We'll have plenty of time for…that," he looked up and down my body playfully, "once you get better."
I relaxed back into the bed and closed my eyes. For the first time since the fight between Peeta and Gale I felt peaceful. I knew that I had two very powerful people who wanted me dead, but for some reason I wasn't afraid. With my team behind me and Peeta by my side, I felt something I hadn't in a long time: hope. I felt like I could win, like maybe there was a chance to make it out of this alive.
"You look happy." Peeta said. I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. "That's kind of odd under the circumstances." He ran his hand through my hair. "You should sleep now, Kat. You've still got a long way to go before you heal." I lifted my hand up to his and held it against my cheek.
"I love you, Peeta." Had it only been a week since I last said it? It felt like a lifetime ago that he had held me in his arms and I had told him that I loved him.
"I love you too, Katniss." He kissed my forehead. "And I always will. Now sleep." He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm.
"Don't leave me…please. You said you wouldn't."
"I'm just going to get a chair, Kat." He chuckled. "It'll be hard for me to sleep next to you without hurting you, but don't worry, I won't leave you." He pulled one of the puffy chair/couches up next to the bed and sat down. He held my hand and leaned his elbows in the bed. He stroked my arm and stared at me. I felt myself drifting off, and let sleep take me.
I woke up slowly. I hadn't had any dreams, or nightmares for that matter. Maybe it was the morphine, or maybe it was the peaceful feeling. I looked around the room. Something felt odd. I had a strange sense of dread. There was nothing out of place in the room. It was the same as it had been since I fell asleep. Peeta rested his head on the bed. He had fallen asleep too. I watched his chest rise and fall and heard him snore slightly. He was fine. So why was I so panicked? Then I heard the door creak open. I looked up with a start, and realized that my subconscious must have seen this coming, because the person leaning against the doorframe was none other than President Coin.